AN: Oh man, the H&A writers really put the boot in with Colby, huh? I'm glad though, from a story-telling POV, that they didn't pull the punches. Good on them. Anyway, here is some Dean/Colby schmoopiness just because I miss Senior Constable Thorne. Enjoy...
It's Colby's last night before court. Bella is a mess, but Colby's calm. Disconcertingly so. After all the craziness of the last few weeks it's like he's finally gotten tired of fighting. Dean hopes he's just being strong for his little sister and hasn't really given up already.
Colby and Bella are sitting on the couch together, spending every second they can with each other, and Dean figures he should give them some space, everything Colby's sacrificed has been for her.
"I'm going to bed," he says, throwing Colby a look, silently telling him that he'll be right here if Colby needs him. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Colby says, looking over his shoulder, as irresistible as Dean ever remembers him being. And he hears the meaning in Colby's tone; I'll see you in a bit.
Dean goes through his nighttime routine, knowing he has the time before Bella finally releases her grip on her big brother, and then he climbs into bed and waits.
He tries so hard to tell himself that everything will be alright, but deep down he knows it won't. When has the world ever been kind to them? He thought maybe when Jai came along things would be different, but he lost Zig and then he lost Jai too. He should have known better than to get his hopes up.
When he hears the door creak open, he does his best to push all that down, because tonight isn't about him, it's about Colby, and giving him whatever he needs to get through this.
Colby doesn't say anything, just slips into the bed beside him, and all the crap that's ever been between them melts away. Dean knows now, all he cares about is having Colby by his side.
They are at the point of no return now, and all the walls are coming down. He doesn't have to hold Colby together anymore, and he realises Colby's calmness makes sense. They've done all they can, it's out of their control now, the chips will fall where they may.
But this, being together, this will always matter.
They are looking into each other eyes, and there are million things they might say, there is a lifelong history behind them, good times, bad ones, horrible mistakes, and comfort that no one else has ever come close to providing.
They could say what they've been saying these last few weeks and months, that it'll be alright, but in that look they both come to the realisation that lies and empty assurances are behind them too. Time is too precious now.
With no cause to hold back, no point in pretending, he reaches out and touches Colby's face, gazes into those sad green eyes, and makes sure there can be no mistake.
"I meant it, Colby. What I said before. I have loved you my whole life, and I know now that I always will."
Then he kisses Colby on the mouth, a slow, sad thing that he couldn't let Colby go without having tried once.
"Dean..." Colby breathes. "Are you sure?"
He knows what Colby's asking, do they really wanna start something that could all be ripped out from under them tomorrow? But the thing is, whether Colby is here or not, Dean is going to love him.
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I am."
Colby takes him at his word because there is no more time to question it or second guess themselves. He rolls Dean onto his back and climbs over him, then leans down and catches his mouth in a hard kiss.
And he's thinking it should feel amazing or strange, but really it feels natural, like something that they should have been doing all along. And when he reaches for Colby, to hold him close, to keep this going, his hands just seem to know where to go, in fact his whole body and Colby's just fit.
And even though they've never done this before, exploring Colby's body doesn't reveal much that's new, mostly it just gives him a chance to spend one last moment with all the things he already loves.
He lets Colby have him, just the way he wants, because that is how it's always been. It hurts, having Colby inside him, but to not have it would be even more painful, so he bears down and sees it through.
When it's done, when they've taken each other to that highest high, crossed the last boundary, and given each other everything, Dean feels wrung out, yet alive and whole. It's tough, loving someone like Colby, but it's moments like these, when he feels their bond as a tangible thing, an unbreakable connection, that it's worth it. Most people never get to share this kind of closeness with someone.
Sometimes when life is really hard and everything around him is going to hell, especially when Colby himself is being a total boofhead, he forgets this miracle right here, the way they complete each other.
"I don't know how I got so lucky. Having you."
"I'm the lucky one, Dean. The things you've been through, things I've put you through, and you still look at me like that."
"You're my hero, Colby. You have been since I was four years old."
"I'm scared I'm about to let you down. In a way we can't come back from."
"Aren't you listening? I'm telling you, you can't. I will always love you no matter what. Haven't I forgiven you enough to prove that?"
There are tears in Colby's eyes now, but they're happy ones he thinks. He pulls Colby into his arms.
"Keep it together, Colby. Please. One more day. And this, us, it will be amazing."
Colby nods against his shoulder, head moving too fast to really sell it, but Dean lets himself buy it anyway because the alternative, letting Colby go, just doesn't bear thinking about.
xxx
He's a cop. He knows how this story goes, how it ends. It isn't going to be a fairy-tale.
Waking up next to Dean, he's a mess of emotions, because last night was incredible, and Dean is so precious, but they could have been doing this all along if they'd just stopped being so damn stubborn.
Dean stirs awake, looking over at him with those big, green eyes, and for a few moments, there's nothing but contentment on his face.
Colby returns the smile, and leans in to press a kiss to Dean's mouth. There's no point wallowing in what-ifs now.
"Let's go for a surf."
They grab their boards and head down to the beach, standing side by side, morning sun warming their tattooed skin, listening to the sound of the ocean, but looking at each other.
He doesn't touch Dean, not here in the light, not where the outside world might tarnish it, but he can't keep the smile off his face, can't stop himself drinking in the sight of Dean for every second that he can.
Dean gives him a look, mouth quirking up, eyes sparkling, those same eyes that pierced his soul twenty-something years ago.
"What?" Dean says.
"Just soaking it all in. What a view..."
He means it as a compliment, but the light in Dean's eyes dims a little because he realises that Colby is making what could very well be a last memory.
"Come on," he says, heading for the water, knowing Dean will follow like he always has, not matter the risk or the cost. That's part of why he loves him.
And he knows now, that he'd like that future with Dean, the one where they're happy together, but he's not stupid enough to get his hopes up and believe in it. Still, at least if it does turn out bad, if he does go away, this will be a much better goodbye than last time.