Pulse Point
By Karen Hart
Disclaimer: The Xenosaga series is the property of Monolith Software, Inc. and Namco Bandai. I write these fanfictions for love of the game(s) and make no profit off of them.
None of them were quite sure what they were looking at.
It loomed in the forward window of the Elsa's bridge, an imperfect arch of rock. Its surface seemed to bend and quake but the most unsettling thing was the golden fluid (or was it light?) that rippled within the boundary of the arch.
To Shion Uzuki, who had been summoned by the ship's captain the moment he'd seen the thing, there was something unsettling about that rippling. Something familiar, but only on the fringe of consciousness.
"So what is this supposed to be?" Captain Matthews demanded.
There wasn't any answer she could give him that wouldn't boil down to I don't know so Shion kept her mouth shut. She felt an urge to approach that golden substance, and kept herself in check.
To the right of her sat Shelley Godwin, in the bridge station that had once belonged to chaos. Shelley confirmed what they'd all suspected, that the arch was immune to any sensor scans. Behind her, Shelley's sister Mary expressed disbelief.
More people were beginning to file onto the bridge. Shion ignored them.
Allen Ridgeley came in first, her old professional colleague and emotional shadow. He stopped to confer with the ship's navigator, Hammer. They spoke in low voices.
Not far behind him was Jr., who drifted to a spot somewhere between Shion and the Godwin Sisters. He whistled long and low. "That's not something you see every day."
"So does anyone at all know what we're looking at?" Captain Matthews tried again. There was a chorus of denials.
Shion's eyelids drooped. She caught a whiff of wet masonry, the scent of wet grass trampled underfoot.
"There was a grave," she muttered to herself, but someone heard her.
"A grave?" Jr. piped up, his voice louder than she'd have preferred. He'd grown since their voyage had started, no longer looking like a twelve-year-old. He hadn't yet outgrown some of childish habits, unfortunately. "Like on that floating landmass? But we never saw anything like this, there."
Haksheen White, eccentric roboticist, slipped in with his assistant, Scott. They stood near the door.
Shion rubbed her temples. "No, not there. Something in a dream. There was fog, and the grass was wet against my feet—" She scrunched her eyes shut. "No, there's nothing else."
It took her awhile to realize that nine other people were staring at her.
Captain Matthews sighed. "This is some more of that U-DO-Michtam bullshit from three years ago, isn't it?" He leaned forward from his perch on the raised captain's chair. "Tony!" That was the pilot. "Can we just go around this thing?"
Tony swiveled about on his seat. "It doesn't look like it. Hammer and I have been making minor course adjustments but that big half circle always stays centered. I'm not even sure if reversing course would help."
Her head was buzzing. Shion walked—stumbled—ahead, towards the forward window. She pressed her hands against the clear substance. In her mind the gold liquid-light seemed to quiver. It was pleased.
And lonely.
"We have to fly through it," Shion said.
"Nope." The word was out of the Captain's mouth before Shion had finished her suggestion.
Three years of constant travel had taken its toll on the Elsa. The little passenger-freighter was still reliable, but with dwindling resources they were reluctant to do anything that might risk her getting damaged.
It was getting harder for Shion to hold herself upright; her limbs were beginning to feel numb. She leaned her whole body against the window. "I don't think we have much choice."
What was this? The lethargy she was feeling was different from the sickness she'd experienced more than three years before. It seemed inviting. Now her eyes felt heavy.
A moment ago she'd thought that the golden substance was lonesome. She tried to analyze that impression, why it seemed to want her—no, them—to approach.
Connections.
The word resounded in her mind as her body began to slide to the floor. Images of the friends she'd left behind blurred in her vision. MOMO, Ziggy. Miyuki and Togashi. Juli Mizrahi.
KOS-MOS and chaos. Though those last two had been parted from her earlier than the others.
And Jin, but it hurt to think of her brother, so she didn't.
They were separated only by distance, but they were still connected.
Colors began to smear and fade, then everything went dark.
The grass was sparse here, growing in patches in the sand. Most of it was weeds. Some of the weeds had little barbs. One learned to wear sandals to keep from getting poked.
Shion looked over the edge of the small cliff at the thin strip of sand and the blue water beyond. Stunted trees clung to the cliff face. They were beautiful, in their way. Seabirds wheeled over the water.
This had always been one of Shion's favorite places.
The sun was getting lower, casting out yellow rays that gilded everything its light touched. She'd need to head back soon. Preparing supper was her responsibility.
After they ate, Mary would want her help in setting up the morning prayers. The company was insistent on following protocol. She'd been suspended without pay once, for going behind the priest's back.
She turned away from the shore and began walking to the road, careful where she placed her steps. She'd fallen once, tumbling all the way down. Dealing with the insurance had been a nightmare.
Something was wrong.
Shion slowed to a stop, and turned in a full circle. Then once more.
No, this place was as it should be.
She looked down at herself.
She wore homespun wool, like usual. The beads on her belt were polished wood, bleached nearly to cloud whiteness. Her dark arms were folded against her middle.
Dark arms? She was sure it'd been a long time since she'd taken a tan. Before she'd joined—
—Vector—
Right. Right. This wasn't somewhere she'd been before, though she'd been somewhere like it in her dreams. Not in this life. She was getting confused.
She'd died back then, because Mary (not Shelley's sister, someone else, someone precious) had been forced to make a terrible choice. She'd been reborn just before the Recurrence, though it hadn't happened.
Which was why they were voyaging.
She'd helped to build Mary's new vessel, though she hadn't known at the time that's what she'd been making. And it wasn't "it," but "she," and she was KOS-MOS. Shion had never seen KOS-MOS as anything other than herself, not even when Mary's consciousness had awakened inside her.
Shion hardly noticed as she sank to the ground. Her limbs were pale and she wore synthetics. "This isn't a real place." Her mouth was dry.
"It's as real as thought and will," said a voice behind her.
Shion twisted around, almost wrenching her left foot in her haste. She lost her balance and sprawled on the ground in front of KOS-MOS.
It was KOS-MOS as Shion had left her, red-eyed and immaculate, but not quite the same. This KOS-MOS was limned in red, turning her long blue hair purple at the edges.
"What's going on?" Shion's voice cracked. "Is any of this actually happening? Where are we?"
KOS-MOS dropped to the ground, her legs outstretched. "This is real. This place might not truly exist, but it is real."
"I don't like being confused."
KOS-MOS smiled, KOS-MOS smiled. "I know you don't." She twisted a piece of grass and managed not to tear it from the ground. She had that much control now. "It's been so long since we sat here, last."
Shion's heart beat erratically. "You sound like . . . like when we parted ways. You are KOS-MOS, right? My KOS-MOS?" She had a hard time keeping her voice and chin steady.
"I am KOS-MOS. Your KOS-MOS."
That was all it took. Shion launched herself at KOS-MOS, buried her face in the android's shoulder and sobbed. "We've been travelling for so long and I don't know where we're supposed to go—I mean I do know but I don't know how to get there and I'm tired and I've tried to be optimistic but I just keep thinking I'll never see you again."
One gloved hand stroked her hair. "You don't have much farther to go. The web is almost remade."
Shion sniffled. "You sound like Nephilim."
"I suppose so." KOS-MOS paused, considering something. "We might be considered sisters, now."
"What do you mean?"
"After you fled Michtam, Mary turned her power as Animus over to Nephilim. Her will remains in me."
Shion looked frantic. "Then does that mean she'll—" Shion had had a special bond with Mary. But she couldn't bear the thought of losing KOS-MOS again, even if it meant that Mary would be restored to her forever.
"No." KOS-MOS shook her head. "No. She sleeps, right here." She pressed a hand to her chest. "She's welcome here. She doesn't want to wake up. She's so tired." KOS-MOS's voice ended on a sigh.
Shion's tremors abated, and she just leaned against KOS-MOS for a while. When she felt steadier she straightened up.
"What did you mean when you said we don't have much farther to go? It'll be years before we reach the next star system."
KOS-MOS gently extricated herself from Shion's grasp, and stood up. "The Unus Mundus Network collapsed when the Chaos rings of both the Compass of Order and Chaos, and Zarathustra, were activated. But it wasn't destroyed. It was like a jigsaw puzzle that had slid off a table and crashed on the floor. The pieces are still there. MOMO has found a way to reassemble them."
Shion mulled that over. She'd learned that the UMN was somehow based on connecting human consciousness with one another. And she knew that those consciousnesses returned to the Collective Unconscious upon death.
What had happened when the Network collapsed? Had the Collective also fractured? Or were all those wills still bound together, just waiting to be heard? It would be so lonely to have someone so close, only to think they couldn't hear you.
"Captain Matthews doesn't think we should go near the arch," Shion said.
"Tell him you'll need to. It needs a spark. To feel other minds and wills, to know it's not alone." KOS-MOS looked at the lowering sun. "Then it can extend itself."
Now Shion stood. "I see. I see. It's a column point, isn't it? That's what we've found. And it leads to Earth?"
"Affirmative."
Shion laughed and laughed at that one word, until she began to doubt her sanity. "Of all the ways you could have said that—affirmative!" She grew serious again. "Will I see you there? Are you there already?"
"No, I'm not there yet. I'm still drifting. But I will get there eventually." She reached over and laced her fingertips through Shion's. "Convince Captain Matthews. I want to stand here again, on the real Earth, with you." Her grip tightened, just slightly. "I miss you, Shion."
The sun reached the horizon. The light was strangely fluid. Everything Shion could see seemed to glow.
No. It was too quick. She wanted more time.
"I want to stay here, please let me stay." Tears dripped off her chin.
The sun dropped lower. KOS-MOS stood in its light, golden and beautiful. "You can't live in a dream world. I won't allow it."
"But—"
The gold filled her, now.
The sun went down.
Shion woke up.