School: Ilvermorny
Year: 2
Topic: Kinship address and Compound Words
WC:580 words
The Joke's On You
"I have found what I want to do," Sirius announced as he sat down with a thump on the rickety bench that lined the Gryffindor table. The rest of the boys paused in their conversation, knowing that whatever was going to come out of his mouth next was going to be either genius or terrifying.
"Should we start panicking now?" Remus asked quietly, taking another bite out of his toast with butter-stained lips.
"No. This one will work," Sirius said, starting to pile his plate with scrambled eggs and toast. He threw a crispy piece of bacon into his mouth, crunching down on it loudly. "I'm going to write a book."
The reaction was immediate; Remus choked on his mouthful of toast, and James spat out on his pumpkin juice, drenching poor Peter in the sticky, orange liquid.
"You... are going to write a book?" Remus sputtered, turning to face Sirius.
"Yes," Sirius confirmed. "I have my looks, but it was pointed out that they wouldn't last me forever, so I should find something to do."
"So your long-term plan–you who has never picked up a book in their life–is to write books?" Remus questioned, his toast finally dropping from his loose grip, clattering onto his plate.
"Yes. I mean, not boring books like you read but interesting books," Sirius said through a mouthful of eggs.
"Interesting books?"
"Yes. Joke books," Sirius announced, waving his hands, the fork tossing a lump of eggs towards a disgruntled first year.
"Joke books?" Remus asked, completely forgetting about his breakfast - something Peter noticed as he stole Remus's other buttered slice of toast.
"Yes," Sirius said.
"But you're not funny," James dead-panned.
"I am too," Sirius said, his eyes narrowing at James.
"Prove it," James challenged.
"Okay. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?" he paused, examining the bored looks of his friends. "Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron, and the world revolves around him." He drummed his hands on the table before lifting them with a flourish.
"I cannot believe Mum likes you more than her own son," James grumbled, shaking his head. "I blame it on her affection for strays."
"Wait, I have another one. Why is Herbology a Slytherin student's favourite class?" He tried again.
"Why?" Remus sighed.
"Because it's in the greenhouse," Sirius finished. The rest of the Marauders sighed loudly.
"I think Remus's why was more of a 'why, why are we friends with you?'" James said dramatically, causing Remus to snort.
"See, now that was funny," Remus said, pointing his finger at James.
"You just can't appreciate good jokes," Sirius said, glaring at his so-called friends. Suddenly, his eyes lit up.
"Minnie," he exclaimed.
"It's Professor McGonagall to you," the professor responded to him as she made her way past the table, pausing when she reached the group.
"My friends don't appreciate my humour, so I have a joke for you," Sirius said, standing up to face her.
"Oh, I cannot wait," she sighed loudly.
"Which side of a centaur has more hair?" he started before waiting for a beat. "The outside." He did jazz hands at the ending.
There was a moment of silence as Professor McGonagall stared at him in disappointment.
"Perhaps, Mr Black, it's time we focused on our studies," Professor McGonagall sighed, patting him lightly on the shoulder and walked out of the room, the group behind her erupting into laughter as Sirius's face dropped.