HELLO. Welcome to Only For a Moment, the sequel to Show Me, Don't Tell Me.
If you are new here, hey! This is a story about an original character and her relationship with Steve and Bucky, which was established in the story before this. Yes, this is a polyamorous relationship! There is the possibility that this story can stand on it's own two feet but I think you'll understand and enjoy it more if you read SMDTM before this one. If you're here after reading that, welcome back and buckle up! I've missed you alllllll :)
This is all happening very post Endgame, but in a world where Steve does not stay in the past after returning the stones. This is not entirely MCU canon compliant, especially after WandaVision and Falcon and the Winter Soldier have come out. All that to say, there may be references to those shows so this cannot be considered spoiler free!
Big shoutout and thank you to my friend EirlysLavellan for the story banner! Here to drop yet another plug for her OC/Bucky story 'As The Sky May Fall' - you may see a cameo or two from her OC Alice in my story along the way ;)
Anyway, that's all! Here we goooooo.
Content warning: angst, some references to PTSD.
Some people say a relationship is like a business transaction. For Avery Felix, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers - they're in the business of teamwork. When someone falls, the other two pick them back up. When everyone starts to fall, things get a lot more complicated. But where you invest your love, you invest your life.
"Bucky, you're in our home with me and Steve. We're in Brooklyn. It's September. It's just us. You're safe. You're safe."
There was more than one moment of Avery Felix's life that she considered a turning point.
When she was ten, she found an old copy of a plant guidebook at a secondhand store. That opened her eyes to science and nature and sparked an early interest in botany.
During her second year of college, she'd never forget the sound of her father's voice cracking over the phone, telling her the news that her brother Jeremy had died overseas. She considered that a pivot for her, emotionally.
Then, of course, there was the day she unvanished - returning her and half of the Earth's population back into existence once more. That set Avery on the most unexpected path - straying from everything she had known and planned for herself. It had taken her a long time to sort her feelings out and finally move on from her anger. Then, of course, by some sort of intervention of the universe, she met Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers and everything changed.
It was nearly 18 months since their first Independence Day weekend at the lake - when they crossed the line to a fully committed relationship of three and they hadn't looked back. Never in her wildest imagination did Avery think this is what her life might be: one part of a triad, sharing everything with two men. It was a lot of work - trying to read and understand the emotions and nuances of two people. But it also meant double the amount of support and love and cuddles and affection. Sure, it certainly had not been smooth sailing and there was still a lot of growth and energy being put into building upon the foundations of their relationship, but they had each other.
(Right? At least they had each other.)
Even if things had been especially delicate since The Incident. That terrible chain of events that had happened only a few months ago had been a true test of their relationship. They had survived - but it wasn't fixed. Things were not back to normal yet. Whatever normal was supposed to mean now.
Avery forced a smile as she gazed into the bright vanity mirror of their ensuite bathroom, bringing up her index finger to brush away a leftover smudge of golden eyeshadow from her brow line. Admittedly, this was the most effort she had put into her appearance over the holiday break - actually, maybe over the last four months - but she figured New Years Eve was occasion enough to dress up a bit. Even if all they were doing was meeting up with some of Steve's old friends at the apartment complex.
Though Steve had initially felt a bit on edge with the open schedule of a fully retired person, it had taken less than a year to fill his calendar up again. With terribly productive, fulfilling things, just as anyone might expect from Steve Rogers. Between leading therapeutic art lessons at the VA and talking about teaching a few classes for the History Department at NYU, Steve also squeezed in supporting Habit for Humanity on some renovations in the city and he had recently invested in an apartment complex with Clint.
An apartment building they were in the middle of renovating, too. The decision had been made to do it themselves, mostly - save for some support from a few contractors. Considering Clint was still splitting his time between the city and the farm, Steve was doing a lot of the work on his own. The best thing was - he loved it. With his strength, most of the renovations came very easy and there was something very satisfying about learning and executing a new skill. They had started at the top and although the entire building was to be rented to low income families, the top floor loft units were very currently available for a New Years party. And they doubly served as a place for their off-world guests to crash.
As Avery's eyes scanned over her final hair and makeup look, a flash of white fur landed on the bathroom counter. Before she could even extend a hand to give the small cat a handful of scratches behind the ear, one of Avery's makeup brushes was being knocked off the counter and stolen away.
"Alpine, hey! Stop!" Avery called out after the cat, taking a few steps to follow it's path out but giving up when the white furball squeezed her body under their tall dresser. Avery sighed and crouched down, trying to reach her hand underneath the piece of furniture. Instead of retrieving the makeup brush, she was greeted by a tiny swat. "You really are your father's child, aren't you?"
With another sigh, Avery stood again and glanced around their bedroom. Clearly Steve and Bucky had already finished getting ready, indicated by the new pile of clothes in the hamper and the discarded dress shirt laid on the chair near the window. Bucky must have done an outfit change halfway through. She reached for the stray shirt and clutched it as she headed into their walk-in closet, locating a hanger for it to hang on again. Her fingers ran against a series of shirts, indulging in the soft fabric and drinking in this shared space.
Their shared space.
It was hard to believe that last year Avery and Bucky were still in his old apartment, swapping time between there and Steve's apartment in the village. Now, they shared a real home together, smack in the heart of Brooklyn. When Steve had started house hunting last spring, none of them expected it to be such a process. While the housing market had bounced back hard after the unvanishing, their options narrowed down due to their big list of wants and needs.
Above anything else, Steve didn't want to compromise on their home. When their realtor found this brownstone, recently remodelled with lots of charm on a quiet street, it was like everything perfectly fell into place. Although Avery did have more than one panic attack over finances and the price tag.
(Steve was also very transparent when he explained to her that the US Army had owed him decades worth of backpay when he came out of the ice. Between that and his and Bucky's incredibly low cost of living as superheroes - paired with salaries, high compound interest rates and a financial Thank You For Saving The Universe gift from the Stark Foundation - they had paid cash for the house.)
It had a garden level that was to be converted into an apartment - Avery hoped Bea and Ray could move in by the summer. The main parlor level had bay windows in the front living space, a working fireplace, a large dining table and a big, clean kitchen with a door to the backyard patio. The second floor housed a big office and two smaller rooms - one currently being used as storage and the other with a spare bed. Then the top floor, though, was their sanctuary. The back bedroom housed their oversized bed and a swath of plants, extending into a walk-in closet and a generous ensuite. It was everything Avery dreamed of and more.
Most importantly, it was what Steve had envisioned - in good shape with some projects for himself, enough space for them to grow into, a quiet street, some classic Brooklyn charm. It was their home.
Avery pulled on the only NYE worthy item from her section of the closet - a tight, shimmery gold tank top. She tucked it into a pair of dark black jeans and grabbed her black leather blazer, feeling like she was put together enough. Before exiting their bedroom, she flicked on the bedside lamps and pulled the curtains closed. Even if they were on the fourth floor of the house - the top level - and had no neighbours directly in the line of their windows, it was an added sense of security. She also pulled back the top of the comforter, leaving a longing glance at their expansive California king bed. It had been months now since the three of them slept there together and while she wasn't going to get her hopes up, she fluffed all three sets of pillows before leaving.
"SEAN, what time is it?" Their not-so-sentient security system had been moved into their new home, too. It was mainly as a peace of mind but Avery had gotten used to having the built-in voice answering her questions when she needed it.
A smooth Australian voice replied: "It's 8:43. Steve and Bucky are in the living room."
"Thanks, pal."
When she got to the main floor, she hung her jacket near the door and listened for Steve and Bucky. Slowly, she moved towards the living room, peaking just her head in first. The lights of their Christmas tree, which was nearly ready to be deposited at a recycling spot, cast a warm glow across the room. A heavy ache sat in her heart when she saw them sitting on the couch together, Steve's right arm draped over Bucky's shoulders. Rocky was resting at their feet, his head leaned directly onto the top of Steve's foot.
Bucky's left hand was tracing circles onto Steve's knee and the intimacy of it all nearly made Avery cry. It had been so long since Bucky had touched her like that, if at all. Save for an occasional hand on the back or acceptance of a kiss on the cheek from Avery. Ever since Bucky came home, his wall had been miles high.
It made Avery want to scream.
But instead of doing that, she took a long deep breath. She counted to ten more than once and did some mental math about the timing of her medication, if she could squeeze in an emergency CBD treat to keep her tingles of anxiety at bay. Instead of interrupting their moment in the living room, Avery shook her head and headed towards the kitchen instead. The patter of her feet stirred Rocky awake and soon enough he was heading towards her, quickly bypassing their dining room table and meeting her near the kitchen island.
Steve must have followed their rescue boxer because he appeared in the kitchen too, leaning up against the island and watching as Avery poured a glass of water. "You look sparkly. Ready to go?"
Avery nodded, flashing him a small smile. "Yes, just about." She reached into one of the cupboards and took out her stash of medical gummies, tossing one in her mouth. She turned to Steve and brushed off his concerned glance. "I'm fine. Just.. you know, impending crowds and such."
"We could just stay in," Steve offered.
Avery shook her head, motioning to her outfit then to Bucky, who was still sitting on the couch. "We're all dressed up. I don't think we should waste it. What do you say, Buck?" She leaned slightly and sent him a warm smile, happily accepting a metal thumbs up. "Plus, with you two and Rocky by my side, the night will be perfectly enjoyable." She bent down and scratched the dog behind his ears, earning a full body wiggle of appreciation.
Their plan had always been to get a dog, although they had intended to wait until the upcoming summer. But Rocky's addition to their life was mostly good timing. At the end of July, the trio made a trip to the Brooklyn Humane Society hoping to adopt a kitten. They figured a cat was the easiest way to start. But fate had other plans. It was Steve who wandered off towards the hallway of dog kennels and it was also Steve who went weak at the knees for the lonely, brown boxer at the end of the row. So, they unpacked their new house together and became a family of five overnight.
Without even realizing it, Rocky had become not only an important member of their family, but an unofficial therapy dog. He was quick to become protective of Avery, somehow finding a way to appear beside her whenever she had a stir of anxiety. And similarly, over the last month with Bucky, especially with his long days spent at home, Rocky had been displaying an unexplained loyalty and uncharacteristic calm when he got worked up.
Since Bucky had been staying in one of the spare bedrooms lately, Rocky spent most nights in bed with him, too.
As they were heading towards the door, pulling on their coats, Avery paused. This was her life - though it felt absolutely broken lately - and she was grateful. For their health and happiness and their home. And with the New Year on the horizon, things were going to fall into place again. They just had to.
Avery took a deep breath, burying herself further against his chest. "Why hasn't he called, Steve?" She tried to hide the tears but this time, it was like a dam breaking. "Doesn't he want to know if I'm okay?" Steve didn't have an answer for her. He wished he did. Instead of saying anything, he ignored the aching in his heart and he just let her cry and cry and cry.
"Rocky Road!"
It didn't surprise Avery that Sam was excitedly greeting their dog before saying his hellos to the three of them. Sam's girlfriend Kasey was trailing a few feet behind him, tucking her phone into the pocket of her coat. She had a wide grin on her face, pulling Avery into a hug.
"Merry New Year, cousin," Kasey said, overflowing with unexplained joy. With a shake of her head, bright red hair bouncing on her shoulders, she let out a happy sigh. "Ready to start again?"
Avery laughed and grabbed Kasey's hand, following Steve, Sam, Bucky and the dog into the building. "More than you know."
Kasey offered her a subdued smile, pausing her steps and dropping her voice. They lingered behind. "Any progress?"
Avery just shook her head, retaining a smile that she was certain didn't reach her eyes. "Hardly. Bucky did finally unpack his emergency bag he was leaving near the door so I don't think he'll disappear again."
"That's good?" Kasey paused. "Hey, Lora texted me earlier. Are you two not talking right now? What happened over Christmas?"
Avery let out a long breath. "Uh, it's complicated and disappointing. Definitely not a New Years Eve story." She raised her right hand and held it up into a fist, rotating it slowly. "I may have put my hand through some drywall. I'm sure my physical therapist is not going to be happy with me."
Kasey raised an eyebrow. "That feels like a move your brother would make, not you." She squeezed her hand before letting go and finding a spot beside Sam in the elevator. A casual discussion filled the space, reflecting on the last few days of the holidays and some work plans for January.
The top floor of the apartment building was eventually going to house a few oversized loft apartments but until that was finalized and completed, the units were largely empty with open concept living spaces and big kitchen areas. The unit on the east side of the building was mostly put together and when the group finally made it upstairs, the party had already started.
Party was a generous term. As they walked in, they found about a dozen people spread out in the space. Some sat sprawled on couches, some were standing at the makeshift kitchen bar and a few were outside on the wrap around patio. There was a clear theme occurring and it was a bit surprising. It looked like a very stereotypical New Years Eve party - from silly banners and sparkling decorations to party hats and noisemakers.
"Did the boys tell you who was going to be here?" Kasey asked Avery quietly, eyes wide as they glanced around the space. Bucky, Sam and Steve had moved further in. Steve let Rocky off his leash and gave the girls a comforting smile. Before he could say anything, a booming voice sounded out across the room.
"Steve! Old friend, it's been so long!"
Avery's eyes grew wide as she felt Kasey swatting her arms excitedly. "Is that Thor?"
"They said their friends were from off-world so.."
"I can't. I can't meet Thor right now. I need a drink first." Kasey laughed and tore away towards the kitchen. Avery was going to follow her then she heard Steve calling her name. She smiled as he waved her over.
During the course of their relationship, Avery had met a lot of people from Bucky and Steve's Avenger life. Last summer, she had spent most of her time working in the lab with Bruce and met Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster. During Memorial Day weekend, she and the boys attended a ceremony at a nearby Air Force base and Avery met Colonel Rhodes. A lot of the others she saw more frequently, like Clint and Peter and Wanda and Alice.
But Thor was Thor and for some reason, Avery felt a flutter of excited nerves when she approached him and Steve. She wasn't sure what to expect - but even dressed in plain clothes like jeans and a basic long sleeve button up - Thor was a lot to take in. His smile was warm and bright, greeting Avery with a hug before Steve even got the introductions out of the way.
"This is our girlfriend Avery," Steve said with a laugh as they pulled out of their hug, happily letting Avery slot herself underneath his arm.
"You're Thor!" Avery shook her head quickly, trying to collect her thoughts. "Our family dog is named after you. He's a golden retriever and honestly the cutest thing. There is a strange resemblance actually - beautiful blonde hair and.. Not that your hair is beautiful. I mean, it is! You are beautiful actually and -" She cut herself off, turning to bury herself into Steve's shoulder. "I mean, it's nice to meet you."
If there was ever a time Avery wanted the floor to open and swallow her whole, it was then and there. Steve squeezed her waist.
Thor offered her a big grin, waving his hand. "Thor sounds like a valiant steed. Must be a strong creature." Avery knew she was blushing but she did her best to move on and forget that she just compared a real life Norse God to a dog.
"You said our? Yes, that's right. It's you two and.." Thor paused, looking over his shoulder towards a group of people gathered further into the room. Near the balcony doors was a pile of couches crowded with people. Bucky was sitting with Clint, Alice and some others Avery didn't recognize. "James.. Or Bucky, is it? I did not think it was common for three people to be in a relationship here on Earth but it is quite normal for us born of Asgard." He turned his head back to look at Steve and Avery. "Really, I am just delighted to see this one settled down and relaxing, finally."
"Relaxing? I don't think that's exactly what Steve is up to lately," Avery added in with a smirk.
"I'm not the one travelling around the universe with a band of merry friends still," Steve replied to Thor, raising an eyebrow.
"I've been spending more time on Earth than you think," Thor said with a smile. "I follow Jane mostly - she's around here somewhere - but we did find a summer home in New Asgard as well."
After a few more minutes of conversation, Avery peeled away and headed toward the kitchen area. She was overjoyed to see Darcy there, searching through bottles and acting as a bartender. It was always a touch more comforting to talk to someone she already sort of knew. Despite her peaks of anxiety, Avery approached the woman with a pleasant smile.
"Hey, it's Darcy, right? We met over the summer when you borrowed Bruce's lab for a few days?"
"Yes. Avery! I remember you. You're the one who gets wrapped up in a supersoldier sandwich every night, right?" Avery nodded before Darcy continued. "Where is the big green guy anyway? I was hoping he'd be here tonight."
"Apparently Dr. Hulk prefers Christmas in warm climates," Avery answered her with a shrug. "He was finishing off a fellowship research project in the Falkland Islands and decided to find a beach in Peru before coming home."
Darcy grabbed a bottle from the back of the counter with an ah ha! And turned to face Avery. "Can I make you a drink? I have mastered the Darcy special." She paused to adjust her glasses, raising one shoulder into a shrug. "Full disclosure: It's just a vodka soda with a fancy cocktail umbrella."
Avery laughed and shook her head. "I am just here for some tonic water and lime. The delicate balance of my brain chemicals does not do well with alcohol anymore, unfortunately." She leaned against the counter once she had her drink, looking out towards the rest of the group. The two girls remained in the kitchen, mostly keeping a distance from everything else happening in the rest of the large space.
There was music playing and someone had started to play some video games in front of a big screen in the corner. As Avery scanned the room, her gaze finally landed on something that made her jaw drop open. Actually, a few things.
"Wait. Is Bucky talking to a.." She trailed off, pushing off of the counter and moving a few steps forward.
"You aren't seeing things," Darcy said with a friendly sigh. "That is a racoon. And did you notice the tree?" She nudged Avery with her elbow, eyebrows raised as they looked towards the crowd.
Avery nearly dropped her drink because yes, that was a tree creature having a conversation with the racoon and Bucky, too?
"Okay, I was certain I took the gummy that wasn't supposed to get me high," Avery mumbled out, shaking her head and blinking hard a few times.
"Aliens are just like us," Darcy said to her with a laugh. "I know, the first time can be a lot."
That was a bit of an understatement. Avery stayed in the kitchen with Darcy a little while longer, where they were also joined by Jane, enjoying the conversation more than confronting her anxiety over approaching Bucky and the strangers she wasn't familiar with. Not that she had any reason to dislike them - there was just a sudden nervousness meeting new people.
Though, despite the nerves, she took comfort in knowing Steve and Bucky had people, too. Even if their people were other worldly, this was their strange extended family - they had shared experiences and trauma and were perhaps also looking for their place in this world.
"Please know I mean this in the most constructive way: I really like Bucky and Steve but there's likely only so much they will put up with, Ave." Lora reached her hand out to grab her sister's shoulder. "I think you need to really figure your shit out before they change their minds."
It's not that Bucky didn't like parties. He just had to be in a particular mood to really enjoy them. And the company had to be important to him, too.
He was excited to catch up with a lot of these people - Bucky was fascinated by the life of the Guardians and how they travelled through space. The overarching problem was his general terrible mood. It has been hanging over him like a continuous storm since he had returned to the city.
No, that wasn't true.
Between the grief and The Incident, it had been weighing on him for a long time. But coming home and not immediately solving his problems had left him feeling entirely exhausted and closed off. Avery hardly exchanged words with him, though sometimes it seemed like she was trying harder. He knew he had to try, too. But it was just easier to push it off for another day.
And the minute the tiny raccoon creature saddled up beside Bucky offering some sort of golden ale, Bucky realized pushing off feelings for another day was easier if he could get drunk.
"Listen, pal. I'm not sure how your advanced human cell system works but this can inebriate the best of them. One sip sends Quill to the floor but you look like the type who can handle it," Rocket nudged Bucky's knee before leaning forward and pouring a short glass of the shimmering liquid. "How many drinks do you think it'll take to convince you to take that arm off?"
Bucky raised his eyebrows at the creature then huffed a short laugh. "A lot." He grabbed the drink and paused, twisting to look for Steve and Avery. They were standing up against the bar across the room. "Stevie!" He waved his hand and motioned for them to come over towards the couches.
Both Avery and Steve walked towards him. It wasn't lost on Bucky that Avery was so attached to his hip - that had been the other new normal since he'd been home. He knew he couldn't be mad about that. Bucky had left for nearly three months - what did he expect to happen?
Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat and tipped his head. "When's the last time you felt a real buzz, punk?"
A curious smile grew on Steve's face for a second, eyeing the glass Rocket was pouring for him. Steve hesitated though, glancing at Avery.
"Give me your keys," she said with a smile, holding her hand out flat as Steve reached into his pockets. "You've both humoured my drunk alter ego enough. I suppose I owe you."
Avery perched on the side of the couch as Steve slid to sit, accepting the glass and clinking along with the other two.
"Avery.." Bucky started slowly. "Did you.." He tipped his head up to draw her attention to the large anthropomorphic tree creature across the room. He was watching Clint throw darts with Alice - which seemed like an unfair game for everyone involved.
Avery just returned a small smile. Yes, of course she noticed the living, walking tree on the other side of the room. She was trying to talk herself into actually going over and greeting the thing.
"So, where's the rest of the team?" Steve asked as his eyes darted around the room. Thor had walked over and joined them in the seating area and he started to snicker.
"Well, Drax, Mantis and Nebula are orbiting the Zaal area, some number of light years beyond Saturn. Something about a 500 year spectral display, I'm not sure." Thor answered. "Though Quill was the one who suggested we all partake in this New Year celebration on Earth, he and Gamora ventured to Times Square for the annual ball drop? Whatever that is."
Avery laughed. "Wow, that's a real tourist activity. How fitting."
"This whole new year narrative seems so trivial," Rocket moved to stand on the couch, waving his arms around. "Terra is a baby, garbage planet. What's there to celebrate?" He launched into a tirade about how much he didn't like Earth and Avery took the opportunity to slip away, not before running her fingers against the back of Steve's neck.
Bucky sighed. It was his own internal battle and he knew he didn't have to go it alone. But how was he supposed to get through to that voice in his head? The one telling him he's dangerous and uncontrollable. God, all he wanted was to hold Avery in his arms. He craved the touch of her skin, the taste of her tongue, the way she came undone for him. He so badly wanted to just feel her again.
But he came back with his wall up and she responded by doing the same thing. So, what was he going to do? He didn't want to keep pushing her away and yet..
He watched as Rocket topped off his drink. Bucky wasn't going to do anything about it. Instead, he was going to try and maybe not feel anything at all.
"Buck, she's not scared of you." Steve put down the utensil in his hand and reached to grab Bucky's shoulder. "You've been gone for a while. You can't expect her to just.." Steve wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.
The apartment building that Clint and Steve had invested in was in the heart of Williamsburg. It was an old, pre-war unit with seven floors and original brickwork still intact. But most importantly, the top units had nice patio spaces with a view looking towards Manhattan.
So, Avery had taken to hiding outside as much as possible. Considering it was the end of December, it wasn't exactly balmy weather. But the crisp air was refreshing, at least. Sam and Kasey joined her on the balcony and they caught up about their holidays in more detail.
"Let's just say I won over both of Sam's nephews," Kasey sang out, leaning into Sam's shoulder as he nursed a beer and laughed.
"Just because you, for some reason, have a strange skill set when it comes to Fortnite dances," Sam replied, raising a confused eyebrow. "Not sure how you find the time for that."
Avery couldn't help but smile as she watched the two of them. Setting Sam up with her cousin had been a bit of a risk but the two had hit it off. Though they were slow to start, Kasey meeting his family seemed like a big deal.
"What about you?" Kasey prodded her cousin. "Did Nash bring his secret girlfriend to the homestead for Christmas?"
Avery sighed. "He did not." Luckily, before they had to get into unpacking any more feelings Avery was dealing with regarding her family, someone else was joining them out on the patio.
"There you are." Steve was very quick to pull Avery into his arms, pressing a kiss against the top of her head and taking in a long breath of fresh air.
"Never thought I'd see the day that Steve Rogers gets even a little bit tipsy," Sam said with a laugh, reaching out and slapping Steve's shoulder. "How you doin, pal?"
"Buck and I were just doing the math," Steve replied earnestly. "I don't think I've been even close to drunk since 1941. Alice reckons with my cellular recovery.. This feeling might not last very long if I cut m'self off."
"Oh, she reckons that, grandpa?" Avery turned in Steve's arms, looking up toward the dopey smile on his face. "You okay?" Instead of replying with some snarky statement, Steve tipped his head down and found her lips. She was taken aback - Steve wasn't usually the type for displays of PDA in front of their friends and family - though it was very warm and very welcome.
By the time they paused to come up for air, they were alone on the patio. Clearly their display had been enough to excuse Sam and Kasey to head back inside.
"Cold out here," Steve murmured into her neck, pausing to breathe though something in him encouraged the desire to be as close to her as possible.
"I'm warmer now," Avery replied, snaking her hands underneath his jacket. "Are you having a fun night?"
Steve shrugged, finally pulling back. He brought a hand up and brushed it against her cheek. "Sure. Think I'd prefer a night at home with you and Buck though."
Avery nodded, humming to agree. "How's he doing?"
Steve adjusted, pulling Avery to his side as he guided them back into the apartment. Across the room near the dining room, a crowd had gathered around a large table. Rocket was walking across the top, spouting out something about following the rules of some game he called Zagwahl, while Bucky, Thor, Darcy, and Clint seemed to be waiting for something. Their hands were hovering above the cups in front of them.
"Why does it feel like I've been transported back to some college party?" Avery asked, tilting her head with curiosity. They approached slowly, though kept their distance before the action started.
"Because Rocket is somehow the embodiment of a frat guy, packed into two and a half feet of raccoon," Alice answered Avery, sliding up beside her and Steve as they watched the game unfold at the table. Without warning, a small gold ball appeared in Rocket's palm and everyone standing around the table was rushing to drink whatever was in their cups. Then, in a frenzy, they all rushed around to try and catch the ball in their now empty cups.
"How do you think a super soldier will handle a hangover?" Avery asked Alice, eyes wide as she watched Bucky and Clint fight over capturing that tiny golden ball.
Alice, who was nursing what looked like a pint of mead, huffed out a dry laugh. She raised a finger to point at Bucky. "I would argue a hangover would be nearly impossible because of their recovery period but the way Bucky is going tonight, he might have a rough morning."
The game seemed to carry on - Sam joined in too and suddenly it became a very competitive team sport. Avery kept her distance, taking up residence on the couch with Jane, Alice and Steve instead of participating. By the time it was nearing midnight, someone had set up a visual of Times Square and the dramatic countdown clock. Avery was standing in the kitchen area with Darcy again.
"How does it work? Who do you kiss at midnight?" Darcy was clearly walking the line between sober and inebriated, having lost many rounds of that game. She pointed across the room to where Steve and Bucky were standing with Thor and Jane.
Avery sighed, placing down her plastic cup and following Darcy's gaze. "Last year, they each tried to kiss me at the same time. It was a bit of a mess."
She wasn't sure why such a small thing was causing such a stir of anxiety within her. So far she had combatted the nerves of dealing with a room full of strangers - she even happily met a tree? - yet the idea of this weird annual tradition approaching was setting her mind into rapid drive. She had time to escape to the bathroom or balcony still, Avery knew that.
She watched as Darcy bounded away, on the hunt for Clint so she could plant one on his forehead at the stroke of midnight. Avery stood alone in the kitchen.
The next few minutes went by quickly. Steve caught Avery's eye and waved her over. She smiled back and moved to stand with them. She played along and joined in on the countdown, though her throat seemed to close up as they approached midnight. As the room cheered, Avery turned towards Steve and Bucky. She wondered if they were having the same uncertainties about the silly kiss situation too.
Steve turned and reached his hand over to cradle Avery's cheek, crashing his lips into hers just after midnight. It was short lived though. Bucky's hand found Steve's shoulder, pulling him away from Avery enough to embrace him. Then Bucky was pressed up against Steve's lips, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other held the small of his back.
At first, Avery was overjoyed to see their moment of affection. Especially because there had been a lot of growth in Steve and Bucky's intimacy over the course of their relationship. She loved seeing them express how they felt - sometimes with her, sometimes without. But this time, being on the outside was unusually painful. Bucky would hardly touch her but he had no issues sticking his tongue down Steve's throat in the middle of the crowd.
Instead of letting out the guttural scream that was sitting at the back of her throat, Avery took a deep breath. She spotted Rocky weaving through Sam's legs and the dog hurried over to Avery when she called his name. "I'm just gonna take him downstairs for some air."
She clipped on Rocky's leash and headed to the door. By the time she made it to the hallway to wait for the elevator, she noticed she wasn't alone.
"You alright, cupcake?" Sam slipped into the elevator with her, leaning against the side. With his arms crossed, he quietly said her name.
Avery had crouched down to pet Rocky but Sam's soft ask finally set her off. No, she was not alright. She stayed down low, pushing her head towards her chest as a few tears finally escaped down her cheeks. "I'm not okay, Sam. And I don't know what to do anymore."
"I think you are looking for an answer you won't find here," Shuri started slowly, turning them towards a path that led down towards the water. It was nearly nightfall and the setting yellow sun cast a remarkable glow throughout the space. "Your brain is still healing. There are a lot of things science cannot explain when it comes to emotional response."
Avery could feel her frustration bottling up again as they headed home. Well, admittedly her heart to heart with Sam had been very cathartic and helpful. She and Steve were not the only ones angry with Bucky.
Yet whenever she thought about coming home and Bucky hiding out in the spare room instead of trying, she got worked up all over again. After the awkward New Years kiss situation, she kept her distance from both Steve and Bucky. Even coming down from his drunk state, Steve was a chatterbox and kept the car ride from being awkwardly quiet. Instead, he rambled about anything and everything.
Avery nearly screamed at him when he started giving her play by play commentary about her parallel parking skills in front of their house. She resisted slamming the door when getting out of the Jeep and when Bucky failed to get out of the backseat on his own, she sighed.
"Stevie - can you take Rocky out to the back while I get Bucky inside?"
Steve happily did as instructed, stage whispering for Rocky to follow him as Avery opened the back door. The pup left with Steve while Avery extended her hand out towards Bucky. He was slumped against the seat, eyes squeezed shut.
"C'mon Bucky," she said with a sigh, reaching for his right hand with her left. "It'll be a lot nicer to sleep in a warm bed then out here in the cold."
Bucky tipped his head forward and hastily undid his seatbelt. "I don't deserve a warm bed.."
"Stop that," Avery replied, slowly easing him out the door and onto the sidewalk. "Let's go." She linked her arm with his and they climbed the stairs to the front door. Once their shoes were discarded inside, they tackled the next set of stairs. Bucky leaned most of his weight onto her and though it may not have been intentional, Avery was ashamed of how much she enjoyed the close contact. When they reached the first landing, Avery turned and continued to steer them up towards their bedroom.
Bucky resisted. "No, I can't.."
"Yes, you just climbed all those stairs. You can do ten more."
"No," he repeated, pulling his arm away from her and leaning onto the closest wall. "Not that bed.."
Avery closed her eyes very tightly, turning on her heel to face him. "Buck, please come to bed with us. I can't do this anymore.."
"Ave, I can't. If I.." When Avery's eyes snapped open to look at him again, his mouth was opening and closing again and again. As if he couldn't find the words.
Count to ten, Avery. Use your words. Take a deep breath. Be reasonable, be rational. Although she was trying really, really hard to contain the fire that was crawling up her throat, Avery tried to remain level headed. Following a long exhale, she scrubbed her hand across her jaw. "What do we do now, Bucky? What is this? Why did you even come home if you're just going to keep this distance between us?"
Bucky tensed at her words. Every muscle in his jaw seemed to tighten as he considered his answer. Though his brain was certainly feeling wild and free because of that alien ale, that same mantra was echoing over and over and over: dangerous. He's a danger. He's a risk.
He closed his eyes. "You and Steve are better off.. You're safer without me, alright?"
"No." Avery crossed her arms, head shaking back and forth. "You don't get to decide that, Bucky. What happened that night, I know it wasn't you and -
"But it still happened!" Bucky's voice came out like a roar. "And it could happen again."
"I don't care!" Avery matched his volume, though the sound of the back patio door sliding open and Rocky's pattering footsteps on the hardwood stopped her from continuing. She tried, once more, to collect her thoughts. "How do we get past it, Buck? Because we can't live like this. It's not fair to any of us. Me and Steve -"
"You two were perfectly fine without me," Bucky spit out, finally opening his eyes again. His gaze fell to Steve who was climbing the stairs to meet them, eyebrows locked into a concerned gaze. "I lifted right out and.. It's better this way."
"Is that really what you think?" Steve asked when he finally reached the top of the stairs, hand gripping the railing to keep himself steady. "Do you know what these last few months were like?"
Bucky just shook his head. "I can't.. We can't do this right now."
"Stevie and I survived without you.. but that's it. Survived. We are supposed to be a team, damnit. And you left!" Avery couldn't stop herself this time. It was another breaking dam, an overflow of everything that had been swallowed down. "You know what hurts more than everything about that night? That you ran away. You hid from me instead of saying anything. And now it's just the same. You can make out with Steve in the middle of your friends but you can't even hug me in our house." Her voice cracked, taking steps away from both of them as they lingered between the stairs. "That is what really hurts, Bucky."
"It's not about you, Avery." Bucky's response was barely audible as he leaned against the wall again. "It's not."
"Well, then why does it feel like it is? And why does it hurt so badly?" She pointed her finger directly at him. "And why won't you fucking do anything about it?" There was a heavy beat of silence. "I'm done with this. Happy New Year." Turning on her heel she hurried upstairs towards their bedroom, ignoring Steve and Bucky both calling her name.
Steve blinked, trying to go over exactly what happened. He took a few steps towards Bucky but was met with a raised hand to stop him.
"I.." Bucky rolled his tongue against his lips and pushed off the wall, walking backwards toward the spare room. "I need to be alone, Stevie. And you need to be with Avery tonight - you two.." A long exhale flattened out Bucky's chest. "I know it doesn't seem like it but I love her. And you. Both of you, so much. But I need to be alone."
Steve didn't even have a chance to reply before Bucky was closing the bedroom door and leaving him alone in the hallway. His heavy feet and heavier heart led him upstairs to the bedroom where Avery was sitting at the end of the bed, crestfallen and staring out towards the window.
"I don't want to be angry anymore, Stevie," she said quietly as he approached. She fell back onto the bed with a groan. "But that's all I seem to be feeling lately."
Steve joined her on the bed, laying flat on his back at her side. "I know." It was everything he didn't say that settled Avery - of course Steve knew. He was angry, too. "He's acting this way because he loves you."
Avery just choked out a laugh, eyes closed tight. "Right." Everything felt so heavy suddenly - the air, her eyelids, her heart. "It's been a long time since someone has tried to convince me that love means shutting someone out."
"You know that's not what I'm trying to say, sweetheart."
Avery sighed, turning onto her side to drape her arm over Steve's chest. "I know. I'm sorry - you have been dealing with my rude responses a lot and none of it is your fault. You don't deserve that."
Steve reached for her hand and brought it up towards his lips. He brushed a kiss against her knuckles then rested their tangled hands over his heart.
"It used to be us three against the world and now there is this huge divide. Bucky is one floor down from us but it still feels like he's a million miles away." Avery closed her eyes again. She didn't want to cry anymore. "Something's gotta give, Stevie."
Steve wasn't sure if he had anything left to say about the situation. Between the leftover alien alcohol disappearing from his bloodstream and the late hour, he just felt so tired. So, instead of placating Avery with anymore empty promises and encouraging words, he held her close. He kissed the top of her head. He urged her to change into something to sleep in and did the same.
Steve held Avery in his arms and for what felt like the hundredth time, he soothed her as she cried. Although this wasn't the most uplifting or positive way to start the new year, there was a tiny glimmer of hope for him. The two people he loved the most were safe at home with him. At the end of the day, after so many moments of uncertainty in their past, that was more than enough for him.
Tomorrow, they would all try again.
Coming up: what exactly happened over the last few months?