"You wanted to see me?" Florian took his usual place in front of Ray's desk but there was no smile, no teasing banter. Ray didn't even look up.
The silence grew uncomfortable, but Florian waited, standing tall with his shoulders back, a formal pose he'd rarely had to use in this house. He'd never liked silence and often felt completed to fill it with mild pleasantries. Today he bit back his words and waited.
"Are you packed for Berlin?" Ray asked when he finally set down his pen and looked up. He'd been writing checks and making entries in his ledger, which typically meant Florian would be spending the next morning preparing bills for the post and updating the household accounts.
"I am."
"One suitcase?"
"As you recommended," Florian replied. Ray's expression remained neutral, so Florian did not relax. Given the events of the day, Florian had reason to be wary.
"Make sure it's not too heavy to carry."
"I will," Florian assured him. He fell silent again, waiting, although he desperately wanted to apologize. Again. Not that words would be enough to undo the harm he'd done. He'd been foolish, even reckless before, but his actions had never caused someone to be injured. The image of Laila, prone and bleeding, would be revisiting him in nightmares.
Ray was still watching, assessing him. Florian had never been so uncomfortable in the presence of the man he loved. Ray's hands were folded, resting on the desk and he was uncharacteristically still. After a very long wait, Ray took a deep breath and let it out.
"You will not be traveling with me to Berlin. When I return next month on the twentieth, I expect that you will have found lodging elsewhere." Ray picked up a check from the top of the pile and held it out to Florian, who took it numbly without looking at it.
"That will cover your expenses for the month – rent, food, and sundries. If you spend it all before the month is out, you will have to find another way to feed yourself. The same amount will be deposited into your bank account on the first of each month."
"Ray…." Tears spilled silently down his face, but Florian couldn't make another sound. He felt as if the floor had suddenly vanished.
"I only allow people I trust to remain in this house. I've given you more chances than anyone else and you still refuse to learn. Laila was injured because of your actions today. Until you will listen to reason and stop acting on your foolish impulses you will not be allowed to return."
"You're sending me away?" Florian's voice sounded small and far away to his own ears. He clutched the edge of the desk to keep himself upright.
"Yes," Ray's voice had never been so cold and unforgiving, at least not when talking to Florian, but he had been forced into this decision and would not relent. "This isn't the first time you've brought someone into my home and ignored my orders. My home has been broken into, I've been forced to deal with intruders and repairs, and I've had to rescue you from the messes you've made. I am responsible for the safety of everyone in this house. Your refusal to obey my orders puts us all in danger. We were lucky today and Laila's injury was superficial. If she hadn't seen the girl's knife she could have been seriously hurt." Ray pushed back from the desk and stood but he didn't soften.
"I've told you repeatedly that I do not keep anyone I can't trust. Your actions today prove that you can't be trusted."
Finally Ray allowed himself to move to Florian's side. The man had gone chalk white and was trembling, but Ray didn't coddle him as he usually would.
"It's not forever," Ray told him. "Think of it as an opportunity. You've never lived on your own. You may decide you like it. Solomon does alright for himself."
"He does," Florian managed to say, desperately searching for something to cling to as his world shattered again.
"I've asked him to help you find lodging. It won't be luxurious but with your allowance, you should be able to find a room in a decent neighborhood. Just remember that you'll have to make that amount last the entire month. Don't give it all away to orphans and strays or you'll be begging along with them."
"How soon do I need to leave?"
"By the end of the month. If you haven't found something by then Jacques has orders to put you and your suitcase out on the doorstep. He'll ask for your key when you move out."
"I understand," Florian's tears had stopped but there was a quaver in his voice even as he visibly steeled himself. "If you'll excuse me?" Ray stepped back to let him pass but Florian hesitated. "I am sorry. I just wanted to help. I never meant for anyone to get hurt."
"I know."
Florian left without another word, navigating the path to his room by rote. He was only aware of the people he passed, by the weight of their stares. For once, he was too numb to care.
XXXXXXXXXX
"I didn't think you'd want to see me tonight." Ray said as he motioned for Florian to join him.
"I'm going to miss you," Florian replied, dropping his robe and climbing into bed beside his lover. "This is our last night for a while. I don't want to waste it."
They made love tenderly but with an edge of desperation that had them clinging to each other even when they rested. Florian tried to imprint every moment on his memory in preparation for the lonely months ahead. He didn't know that Ray was doing the same.
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