*I don't own Tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge*
I've been feeling something strange lately, something I never felt it's making me restless. I'm not exactly sure what it is, I'm not even sure how to describe it, but if I was to choose words, I would say bubbly, dreamy and slightly painful sometimes, but it's pleasant, as pleasant as taking a nap under a shadow of a tree in the afternoon.(I'm not a masochist that's for sure. For quite obvious reasons: I don't like pain.) Since I'm not the most motivated individual, and that putting it slightly, people would just say "Aren't you just being yourself Tanaka? Lazy?"but since I used to being lazy my entire life, I can tell that there is a difference. A huge one that is. I don't get this feeling everytime or every day. Although it was a bit tiring and took a lot of effort and my time of enjoying my favorite hobbies such as sleeping and resting, I tried to solve the mystery of this feeling of what I found out after some days of observation and analyze is: I got this feeling only when I'm at school and a certain condition is satisfied. And, believe it or not, it wasn't when I'm taking a nap. But when I was near something, or to be more precise, when I'm near someone. No not Oota (This even surprised me.), someone of the opposite sex, someone who is quite the opposite of me.
Our class representative, Shiraishi-san.
Now that I know that I basically have a crush on Shiraishi-san, I felt a kind of a relief that it wasn't some kind of illness or something. And since I'm too lazy to do anything about it or talk to anyone about it, well maybe I can tell Oota or Rino but that's not the point, I decided to stop thinking about the whole thing altogether. It should be easy since my chances Shiraishi-san reciprocate my feelings are pretty much none-existent, since someone as hardworking as Shiraishi-san having feelings for someone with no motivation like myself is almost unbelievable.
Or so I thought.
With each passing day, what was once just a feeling when I was near her, became something much more. At first just being in the same room as her was enough for me. But then I found myself looking for more, I was thinking about Shiraishi-san when I'm not at school, wanting to see her cute face, her beautiful smile, her brown eyes, her crescent shaped eyebrows and her silky strawberry red hair, yearning to hear her voice. Even though we don't speak much, her talking with her friends or answering the teachers was what I needed. Her kindness and thoughtful personality are something to look up for. I even have dreams about her sometimes. To summarize in one sentence, I found myself looking up at pretty much everything about her.
It was morning at school. I was sitting on my desk while thinking.*sigh* 'I should do something about this crush of mine, It's so tiring' I said to myself while changing the hand which my chin was resting on since it's numb right now, and it's quite painful. *sigh* I sighted again while averting my eyes on the main subject of my thoughts, ' what I'm going to do with you, you troublesome girl. Maybe i should just tell her.'I was cut off my inner thoughts when the teacher entered the classroom for the first class of the day.
After 4 hours of boring Japanese History of The Edo era, it's finally lunch break.I noticed from the corner of my eyes, Shiraishi-san and her friends going somewhere for lunch. I sighted and decided to think about my struggle later, now it's time to eat. Today i decided to have some Yakisoba Pan with some green tea, Oota unsurprisingly decided for a sweet option as always, Melon Pan with his favourite strawberry milk. 'Strawberry milk, huh. Her hair color is strawberry red as well' , and again I found myself thinking about that girl. *sigh*
"Is there a problem Tanaka? You've been sighing a lot lately. " Said Oota. I could feel concern in his voice. I swallowed what was in my mouth and said."It's nothing important, don't worry about it."Oota was looking unconvinced and said.
"Well, if you need to talk to someone about it, I'm available. A problem of you is a problem of mine, and we can solve it together"
I managed a small sincere smile and said.
"I wouldn't call it a problem, though. I will take your word for it, though."
Oota also managed a smile of his own, and we resumed our launch in peace as always. But I couldn't help but thought to myself,' Should I just tell Oota about it? … maybe I'll tell him after school.'
"Oota" I called him after swallowing my last bite of my Pan,
"Hmm?" replied Oota while drinking his milk.
"I think I have something to tell you after school," I said to Oota looking serious. He noticed my serious demeanor and became serious as well.
"What is it? So you really have a problem," said Oota seriously.
"No no, nothing of the sort. It's just … Can you just wait after school, and I will tell you about? I said while waving my hands from side to side while feeling my cheeks heat up a little. I don't know if Oota noticed my slightly embarrassed face but he just replied with a quick "Understood" .
And just like that, we finished eating, and the bell rang for the afternoon classes…
After another 4 long hours, it was time for the talk with Oota. We decided to go to Wcdonlads to eat and talk at the same time. After arriving and ordering our food, Oota said.
"Sooo Tanaka, what is bothering you?" I sighted at his straightforward question, not that I mind, it's just this subject is new to me and it's kinda awkward to talk , I decided to be straightforward as well.
"Oota, I'm in love," I said to him with a straight face. Oota was looking at me funny and said.
"Is it a new kotatsu you bought or something? or was it a new extra fluffy blanket with a heating feature? " asked Oota while tilting his head was understandable that he was like that, because I never expressed my interest in the opposite sex.
"No Oota, I'm in love as in with a girl," I said trying to hide my blush under a serious face.
"A GIRL?" shouted Oota in surprise while standing. And then he noticed people looking at our table, and then quickly apologized and sat down.
"Yes, a girl. And she is in Our class too. I can pretty much say you already know whom I'm talking about right now. " I said to Oota after he had calmed down a little bit and he nodded.
"When?How? To be honest with you Tanaka, I'm quite surprised. I almost can't believe it," Said Oota while still looking surprised.
"Yes, I even surprised myself. But yes it is what is, and that's why I decided to tell you because I can't seem to take this subject out of my mind, and it's driving me crazy. I can't even focus on anything else anymore. "
Oota seemed to be even more surprised after my long sentence.
" You know what Tanaka ? I'm as inexperienced as you are in heart matters, So I don't know exactly what to inform the best thing I can tell you is you should tell Shiraishi-san,"
Said Oota while making a sage face.
"Tell her you said? As in confess to her? " I said to Oota just to be sure.
"Yes " replied Oota without hesitation.
"Confession, huh. Easy said than done. " We fell silence after that. As Oota let me have some time to think about it.' Confessing doesn't seem like a bad idea. The worst-case scenario is rejection which is going to be painful as they say. But hey, it's better than bottling up ones feeling.'
Oota seemed to notice my determination and said « So have you made your decision? »
"Yes, I guess," I told him while looking as determined as I can be.
"Good luck Tanaka, I'm rooting for you," Said Oota while patting my shoulder.
"Thanks," I said while smiling at my friend and decided to call it a day.
The next day, I went to school as always and sat down on my desk looking bored. On the outside I look just as always, on the inside I was nervous. Today was the day I'll confess to my crush.
I couldn't help but to think on what would her reaction would be. ' Will she just reject me? Or will she laugh at me? ' I shuddered at the last thought.' can we still be friends after her rejection? Or will she be mad at me that she wouldn't want to talk to me again? Or it could be worst,she will hate me after i confess '*sigh*' I don't think Shiraishi-san is cruel to do that, though. Maybe I'm just overthinking things' I held my head in my hands in frustration and sighted again.
"Good morning Tanaka-kun " said my crush in greeting «are you okay? You seem to sigh a lot lately." 'Well it's because of you troublesome girl. I can't even laze in peace while you're literally living in my head… wait a minute; this is my chance ' I mustered up my courage and blurted out a quick greeting and said,
"Say Shiraishi-san. Do you have some time at lunch break today? I have something important to tell you. "
Shiraishi-san seemed surprised for a moment and said stuttering.
"Y-yes Tanaka-kun, I can save some time"
"Great, see you later then."I replied feeling relieved a little bit.
"Okay see you Tanaka-kun," said Shiraishi-san while i noticed that her cheeks had a rosy tint on them. 'Yosh, first step completed, now for the final and hard step,' I gulped while greeting Oota who just arrived.
After some time, the bell rang and the classroom started.
And finally, The bell rang. After 4 hours that felt like 40, it's lunch break. I looked at Oota and mouthed to him 'Wish me luck' which he nodded and gave me a thumb up.
I mentioned to Shiraishi-san who was beside me to follow me to the rooftop, which she complied without question. With each step to our destination, I could feel my heart pound loudly on my chest.'I'm so nervous, Calm down Tanaka you can do it' I tried to calm down myself a little bit.
After 5 minutes of walking, we finally arrived to the rooftop.
Shiraishi-san was looking at me expectedly and said,
"S-so Tanaka-kun, what did you want to t-tell me? "
'No need to cry over spilled milk now, all I have to say is I love you and everything will be okay… perhaps.' I took a deep breath and mustered up every ounce of courage I could find within me and said while trying to calm my beating heart.
"This may come as a surprise, considering someone as laid back as me …I don't why or how, but I've come to realize that I've developed feelings for you Shiraishi-san"
'Whoaaaa I said it.' She was looking at me with wide eyes and her cheeks was crimson red.I couldn't even imagine what she is thinking right now. But I noticed that she didn't say anything and I began to panic and said.
"I-I just C-couldn't keep my feelings for you hidden inside, so i just wanted you to know that I love you. You don't have to say anything, though. I know someone like me is not worthy your time and-"
"C-can you repeat that please" Interrupted me Shiraishi-san while stuttering. I looked at her and said.
"I know someone like me is not worthy your time?"
"No before that," said Shiraishi-san while not looking at me.
'Whooa she looks mad, I really screwed up,' " I said, I-I love you," I said while blushing myself.
Shiraichi-san didn't seem to move for a minute not looking at me 'I really screwed up. I knew it, someone like her had high standards' .and the moment I wanted to say something she looked up and I noted her blushing and crying face. I panicked, And I wanted to apologize but I stopped at the last moment because she gave the most beautiful smile I ever saw and said.
"You know what Tanaka-kun, I've been dreaming for the day where you would say those word to me"
I looked at her wide eyed and she continued while maintaining her beautiful smile.
"I was waiting this day to come for so long that i couldn't speak for a moment."
"So does that mean- " I said not sure if I heard her right.
"Yes Tanaka-kun, I love you too, I always did"
She Told me while blushing.I was stunned, I never thought in my wildest dreams that Shiraishi-san would say those words to me. I was so stunned that I couldn't utter a single word.
We stayed like that for a moment until the silence became awkward and I decided to say something " I'm really inexperienced in those stuff but… Will you? Will you go out with me? " ' uwhaaa I said it'
Shiraishi-san's face was even more flushed when I said those words, and she managed to say a small.
"Yes, Tanaka-kun, I'm inexperienced myself, but we will overcome it together okay?"
"Yes, I'll be in your care," I said while smiling and blushing a little bit.
"Me too."
Hello everyone, Soooo what do you think of my first ever Fanfic ? I'm quite proud of it let me know in the review? Ja ne