Dragon Ball Zedux - The Saiyan Saga

by DragonBallZedux

Beginning with Raditz' arrival on Earth, this saga begins with a fateful confrontation between Bardock and his son, and ends with the consequences of the titanic battle between Goku and Vegeta, as well as Nappa and our beloved Z fighters. This installment also adds a direly needed ingredient in the Dragon Ball universe: kaiju battles.

[As Goku, Gohan, and Chi-chi rush around the house while getting ready to visit Master Roshi, Bardock stands paralyzed in fear by Raditz' energy.]

Bardock (Internally): Well, no use denying it, that's him alright. Damn it, Kakarot isn't ready yet! If Raditz finds him now, he'll be crushed! Unfortunately I'm not doing too much better at a power level of only 1200. Raditz is at 1500, so I think I could at least hold it together long enough for Kakarot to gather his friends to fight. But if they're all humans, I doubt they'll be of much help. Shit, this isn't good…

Goku: Hey Dad, ready to head to Master Roshi's?

Bardock: Actually, you two go on ahead, I'll catch up. I've gotta hit the bathroom, and you know how long that could take an old man like me!

Goku: That's gross, dad.

Bardock: I know.

Goku: Well anyway, guess we'll see ya there!

[Goku and Chi-chi are seen running outside. Goku flies off with Chi-chi clinging to his waist, presumably screaming in terror.]

Bardock: Okay, now to figure out how to actually go about this. I'm going to have to be careful, Raditz is one of the most ruthless Saiyans in the universe.

[Raditz is in his pod, and Earth is seen is his window.]

Computer: We are approaching Planet Earth. Approximate time to landing, 15 minutes.

Raditz: Finally, my sweat's been sticking me to the back of my pod for the last week! Seriously, why were these pods only designed to accommodate the bodies of babies? Ugh, can't wait until I have one of those cushy pods like the Ginyu Force does. Guess flattery does get you somewhere, at least in the Freeza Force.

[15 minutes later, Raditz' pod lands on Earth. He lands in a field with dense wildlife and vegetation, with a sprawling mountain range in the background. I know you've seen the scene before, but I just like setting the scene. A farmer notices the pod and continues to investigate.]

Farmer: Hey you! What the hell do you think you're doin' crashin' your incredibly advanced technology on private property?

Raditz: I'm sorry sir, but it seems my navigation system is on the fritz a bit. This is Earth, right?

Farmer: No sir, this is Texas!

Raditz: Texas, huh? I thought everything would be… bigger.

Farmer: Well where you from, city boy?

Raditz: I'm from space. I'm an alien.

Farmer: Alien? Figures. Bet y'all are thinking you're gonna get in while ya can before Trump builds the wall.

Raditz: I don't think you can build a wall around space.

Farmer: Maybe you can't, ya millennial! But us MAGA boys can!

Raditz: Okay… and have you ever heard of a man named Kakarot?

Farmer: Can't say I have.

Raditz: Then you are no longer needed.

Farmer: What?

[Raditz blasts the farmer through the chest, instantly killing him.]

Raditz: I don't know what this MAGA is, but it sounds stupid. Now, to find my brother…

[Bardock lands a good distance behind Raditz so that he can't yet be seen.]

Bardock: Hey! Looking for someone?

Raditz: Oh great, another Earthli-

[Raditz stares into the eyes of his father, a look of shock and confusion on his face. After the initial recoil, his face turns to a look of anger.]

Raditz: Father?! What the hell are you doing here? Why hasn't this planet been purged yet? Is this where you've been all this time? I thought you were dead!

Bardock: Son, I can explain everything in due time, just please, sit down with me and let's talk.

Raditz: You'd better start talking, because you've quite a bit to explain, father.

Bardock: I will, just let me talk for awhile, and just listen until I finish. When Planet Vegeta was destroyed, you were offworld. I had to make sure Kakarot got off the planet in time, and then I followed him. I lost him after I landed on Earth, and decided to wait until he was a man to try and find him again. I would have tried to find you, son, but I didn't even know where they shipped you off to with Prince Vegeta, much less where you were years later.

Raditz: So Kakarot is here?

Bardock: Yes.

Raditz: And has he grown into a Saiyan warrior?

Bardock: No. He was raised by humans, and I believe he sustained a head injury as an infant.

Raditz: Damn. What of my mother, is she safe?

Bardock: I'm sorry, son. She died on Vegeta. There wasn't enough time to get us both out.

Raditz: Figures. She wasn't much of a Saiyan anyways, best to leave her behind. But as far as Kakarot is concerned, I'm disappointed in you, father. Honestly, letting him be raised by these backwater Earthlings? And tolerating their existence on this planet? Where is your Saiyan tenacity? Or have you become soft with age?

Bardock: There was no reason for me to destroy this planet. I don't work for Freeza anymore.

Raditz: Oh, and why is that?

Bardock: What do you mean? He tried to kill us all!

Raditz: You might have hit your head as well, old man. Vegeta was destroyed by a meteorite. What does that have to do with Freeza?

Bardock: Is that what he told you? Have you been working for him all these years?

Raditz: Yes. Vegeta, Nappa, and I have been part of the Freeza Force for years. Are you suggesting the destruction of our planet was Freeza's doing?

Bardock: Raditz, I saw him do it. When I was on Kanassa, one of their warriors passed on the ability to see visions of the future.

Raditz: Oh God, did you start talking like a moron as well?

Bardock: Listen! One of the visions I saw was of Freeza destroying the planet. He cackled as our people were turned into stardust!

Raditz: Okay, so perhaps Freeza DID destroy Vegeta. So what? There were never many of us anyway, and that planet was stolen by us first! At the end of the day, a job is a job, even if I do hate Freeza personally. And besides, it's not like I can beat Freeza right now, nor will I be able to anytime soon, so I might as well benefit from it.

Bardock: Wow, and I thought I was the one who'd lost touch with my Saiyan roots.

Raditz: And what exactly is that supposed to mean?

Bardock: Freeza has deceived you for decades, and didn't tell you that HE was the one who killed your planet and race. Doesn't that burn you up inside? Make you want revenge? But no, instead you've decided to stay in Freeza's lap, like a spoiled puppy.

[Raditz performs an Afterimage technique, and jumps behind Bardock, punching him in the square of the back. Bardock is knocked to the ground, and screams in agony.]

Raditz: You know nothing about me. I have traveled the stars for years, bringing glory to the Saiyan race by right of conquest. What have you done? Bummed around like a drunk hermit. You and Kakarot are a disgrace to our race. I should kill you now, but I think you'll come to your senses once you see the difference between Kakarot and I. Why don't you think about it while I go find him? Although, once I do set eyes on Kakarot, it probably won't take me long to do what needs to be done.

[Raditz flies off, leaving Bardock on the ground. At first he is grimacing, but then his face breaks out in a wide grin.]

Bardock: Hahaha, oh Raditz, ever the coward I see. Although I must admit, that afterimage technique was pretty clever. Damn, I think my back is broken. It's all up to you now, Kakarot. Let's hope you do me proud.

[At Kame House, Goku and Krillin are reminiscing on old memories, as well as discussing Gohan, who is now 4 years old. Gohan is playing with Turtle, who is amusing him by balancing a ball on his nose and standing on his hind fins. Bulma and Chi-chi are discussing Bulma's newest innovations, while Master Roshi rather conspicuously sits across from them wearing tinted sunglasses so they can't see where he's looking. Suddenly, Goku senses Raditz.]

Goku: Hey Krillin, you sense that, right?

Krillin: Yep, and I am totally ignoring it. I've been killed once already, and whatever THAT is would probably kill me for the last time.

Goku: But it's heading this direction, and fast! Krillin, I need you to stay with Gohan. If anything happens to me, take him far away from here.

Krillin: Alright Goku, you can count on me! (whispering to self) Well, there goes my "hide in the bathroom until this all blows over" plan.

Goku: I'm going out there. I think whoever's coming has business with me.

Roshi: Be careful, Goku. That power is bigger than anything you've ever faced. It could be Piccolo Junior coming back for a rematch.

Goku: Nah, it's too strong to be Piccolo. Besides, I've fought guys tougher than me before. I'll figure something out.

Turtle: Maybe you all are worried over nothing, maybe it's a nice guy who just happens to be the strongest person on Earth.

Goku: No, there's definitely something evil in that energy. So evil in fact, that evil isn't even the right word. More like… More like…

Gohan: Nefarious?

Goku: Yeah, ne-fabulous. That's it.

[Goku steps outside. Everyone is staring at Gohan in shock. Chi-chi beams with pride.]

Roshi: There's no way that kid is half Goku.

Bulma: Yeah, I think he got that from his mom here.

Chi-chi: Thank you, Bulma, that is flattering coming from you. Yes, I am raising my son to be the height of intelligence so that he might grow into a productive member of society, unlike his father.

Krillin: Hasn't Goku saved the world, like, four times?

Chi-chi: Yes, but apparently being the world's hero and the World Martial Arts Champion doesn't come with a paycheck.

[Goku steps outside, and after a moment of waiting, Raditz lands in front of him.]

Raditz: So, you're Kakarot. Why are you dressed in pajamas?

Goku: Why are you dressed like an alien?

Raditz: Because I am an alien.

Goku: Oh yeah? Then why aren't you green?

Raditz: Not all aliens are green.

Goku: Well Piccolo is green.

Raditz: Who?

Piccolo (out of frame): Me.

[Piccolo is standing on the beach in his weighted clothes, glaring at both Saiyans.]

Piccolo: And if you're here to kill him, you're going to have to go through me.

Goku: Oh cool, thanks Piccolo!

Piccolo: Because he's my kill.

Goku: Oh.

Piccolo: Also, just for the record, I'm not an alien, I'm a badass demon born from the spawn of God. So kind of like the Anti-christ, but more evil.

Raditz: I didn't know Namekians lived on this planet. You must be the third high power level I sensed earlier.

Piccolo: The hell's a Namekian?

Raditz: I don't have time to explain to you, but if you ever find out you're going to be real disappointed. Anywho, Kakarot, I am Raditz, and I have come to kill you.

Goku: Oh, you're Raditz? Cool! Good to finally meet you, big bro!

Raditz: Wait, so you know who I am?

Goku: Yuh-huh. Dad told me everything.

Raditz: Then why did you question me being an alien? You're an alien too.

Goku: I am? Oh, that's right, I am!

Piccolo: You are?

Raditz: I haven't even been here for five minutes and I am already thoroughly annoyed. SO, now it's time to kill you both and then kill everyone on this shitty planet.

[Through the window, Raditz spots Gohan]

Raditz: Oh, well what do we have here? That boy has a tail. Is he a Saiyan child?

Goku: Oh yeah, that's my kid, Gohan.

Raditz: Really?! Alright, change of plans. This boy has given me an idea. I am going to take your son for 24 hours, Kakarot. If within that time you do not kill every person on this planet, I will kill you and keep your son as my protege. Or, you can fulfill my demands, come to your senses as a Saiyan, and join me.

Goku: Well if you want Gohan, you're going to have to take Krillin down first.

Krillin: I heard that! Don't involve me in this!

[With one swift motion, Raditz punts Krillin into the ocean and grabs Gohan by the tail.]

Raditz: You have 24 hours, Kakarot. Don't disappoint me.

[Before Goku can respond, Raditz flies away, Gohan screaming for his dad.]

Goku: Oh no, Gohan! Quick Piccolo, before he gets away!

Piccolo: And what makes you think I'm going to help you?

Goku: Isn't that what you came here to do?

Piccolo: I came here to kill you, but then I had to come show that Thrash metal wannabe who's boss.

Goku: C'mon, Piccolo, we both know that guy is stronger than us. If he wins, he'll kill everyone, including you. How do you plan to rule this planet after you die?

Piccolo: Alright then, Goku, you've made your point. Now how do YOU plan on beating him?

Goku: Dunno. Guess I'll figure it out. It's a two on one fight regardless.

Piccolo: Of course that's how you're handling this, dumbass. Luckily, I have a new ability that can give us the edge. It's called the Makankosappo, and it can kill a person instantly.

Goku: The makuhaku what?

Piccolo: The Makankosappo. If it's too hard, just call it the Special Beam Cannon. It's an attack that I can charge, and if I manage to pull it off, it should be able to rip right through that guy's ribcage. As long as his ribcage isn't as strong as the rocks I practiced it on, anyway.

Goku: Oh wow, how'd you figure that one out?

Piccolo: Lots of trial and error. Now are we going, or…

Goku: Oh, yeah, my kid. Right.

[Goku and Piccolo fly off]

Chi-Chi (Running outside): GOKU! IF YOU DON'T COME BACK WITH GOHAN, DON'T COME BACK AT ALL!

Roshi: This probably ain't the best time, but wasn't Goku's dad supposed to be here by now?

Chi-chi: Oh God, you're right! I completely forgot about him!

Bulma: Want me to go look for him? I have a jet car waiting outside.

Chi-chi: No, flying will be faster.

[Chi-chi flies in Bardock's direction]

Roshi: Welp, this is looking to be a pretty stressful day, so I'm gonna go get smoked out. You comin'?

Bulma: I don't know how Chi-chi will feel about that…

Roshi: My house, my weed, my rules, bitch!

Bulma: Well then as long as you're offering…

[Cut to Bardock lying on a rock]

Bardock: Well it seems Goku and someone else have finally taken off after Raditz. Good, it seems like they have a smaller, but still decent power level. Raditz will probably have a bit of trouble wiping the floor with them. But who knows, maybe I'll be surprised by how this turns out.

[Bardock looks surprised, and starts looking around for someone.]

Bardock: Is that… Chi-chi? Is she looking for me? Well either way she's my only ticket out of here. I need to project my energy so she can sense me. Tensing up my broken back is probably going to hurt like hell, but here goes. RRRRAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!

[Bardock's screams turn from anger to agony, and as his power rises, Chi-chi notices him.]

Chi-chi: Bardock! Hold on!

[Chi-chi lands next to Bardock]

Chi-chi: Bardock, are you okay?

Bardock: Well, moving hurts like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the back, but other than that I'm alright. What's the situation like?

Chi-chi: Bad. Raditz took Gohan, Goku and Piccolo went after him.

Bardock: Piccolo? How 'bout that.

Chi-chi: I'm gonna get you back to Kame House so we can get you some medical attention, or at least do something besides leaving you here to die.

Bardock: Thanks, I appreciate that. My old running crew probably would have left me for dead. Paralyzed Saiyans can't conquer much, after all.

Chi-chi: Oh, well that's Human hospitality I suppose.

[Goku and Piccolo arrive at Raditz' crash site. Raditz is sitting on top of his pod, seemingly meditating. Gohan's cries can be heard from the inside.]

Goku: Hey, Raditz! Give me back my son!

Raditz: Oh, hello there brother! I assume this means you're refusing my offer then? And I see our little green friend has decided to join us.

Piccolo: "Little green friend"? I think you just invented a new type of racism.

Raditz: Oh, are you going to call me out on Space Twitter? Can't wait to be canceled by a bunch of evil henchmen.

Goku: Can we stop talking about Twitter and fight now?

Raditz: Sure, just come at me whenever you two are ready.

Piccolo: Actually, Goku, why don't you go first? He's your brother after all.

Goku: Okay, but what are you gonna do?

Piccolo (Not very subtly): I'm gonna stay here and take FIVE MINUTES to reCHARGE.

Goku (Having forgotten what Piccolo's plan was but not wanting to look stupid): Oh, okay, I gotchu. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Piccolo: ...rrrriiiight…..

Raditz: Heads up!

[Raditz elbows Goku in the back of the head]

Goku: Ow, not fair!

[Goku rushes at Raditz, performing rapid strikes which are easily blocked by Raditz. Raditz goes on the offensive by palming Goku's chest, sending him flying back. Raditz then flies behind Goku, and kicks him into the ground.]

Raditz: Say, green man, sure you don't want to jump in? It seems like your friend here could use a hand.

[Raditz steps on Goku's hand, breaking it. Goku screams in agony, causing Gohan to become angry. Raditz notices as his power level spikes, and Goku and Piccolo follow suit, staring at Raditz' pod. After several seconds, the pod bursts open and Gohan jumps out, landing on the ground, staring angrily.]

Gohan: Stop hurting my dad!

Raditz: Oh, has the brat woken up from his nap?

Piccolo: Wait, why are you so calm, he's stronger than you!

Raditz: Nice bluff, Namekian, but a child could never surpass a Saiyan Elite,

Piccolo: Wait, you mean you can't feel his energy? Also, I still don't know what a Namekian is.

[Gohan abruptly headbutts Raditz in the side.]

Raditz: God… DAMN IT! That hurt like a bitch! Seems my brother hasn't disciplined you properly, boy. I'll have to do it myself!

[Raditz slaps Gohan into a nearby rock formation.]

Goku: Gohan! Are you okay?

Gohan:...

Goku: I'm sure he's fine.

Raditz: Right, now that that little business is over with, let's continue where we left off, Kakarot.

[Raditz looks at the spot where Goku was just lying, only to find him missing.]

Raditz: Kakarot? Hm. Seems he's run off. Which means it's just you and me, Namekian. So whatever attack you've been charging, I hope it's about ready.

Piccolo: Damn it, I hope Goku's just hiding somewhere and hasn't actually run off. I'm gonna need him to-

Goku: FULL NELSON!

Raditz:... What?

Piccolo: That, I need him to do that. MAKANKOSAPPO!

[The Makankosappo fires.]

Raditz: So this was your plan, eh? Hold me in place while your little alien friend charges an attack to kill me? Well, that could have worked, if you didn't try to full nelson me with a broken hand!

[Raditz grabs Goku's good hand, throwing him directly into the beam. Goku is pierced directly through the chest. Raditz attempts to dodge, but is hit on the side, although not in any vital areas. Raditz kneels on the ground, bleeding.]

Raditz: Damn you, piece of shit alien! You actually managed to clip me! Fuck, I'll actually have to retreat from this one. But before I do, you should know something. Throughout this entire battle, my scouter has been activated. Part of my scouter is a microphone, which has been transmitting directly to my partners, who upon learning of my defeat, will be coming to my aid!

Vegeta: No, we won't. Frankly, Raditz, you are a weak, pathetic fool, and we have no interest in saving you.

Nappa: Yeah. Plus, you're kind of annoying. And smelly. And your hair is too long. Bye, Raditz!

Raditz: Damn it! Those traitorous pissants!

Piccolo: Ha! And you know what the best part is? Even though you just killed Goku, we can bring him right back with the Dragon Balls.

Raditz: The Dragon Balls?

Piccolo: Yeah, our planet has seven wish granting orbs that when gathered together, can grant virtually any wish, including resurrection. And now that you know that…

[Piccolo blasts Raditz in the face, knocking off his scouter.]

Raditz: Heh, if you want to finish me off, you'll need to do better than that.

[Raditz eye-blasts Piccolo in the eyes, temporarily blinding him. He then flees.]

Vegeta: Wish granting orbs, eh? Sounds interesting.

Nappa: So we are going to save Raditz?

Vegeta: What? No! We're going to get those damn balls and wish for immortality!

Nappa: Oh yeah, right! Invulnerability!

Vegeta: No, immortality!

Nappa: What's the difference?

Vegeta: Immortality is when you can't ever die, and invulnerability means nothing can kill you.

Nappa: Those sound the same to me, Vegeta.

Vegeta: Ugh, I'll explain on the way, you dullard.

Nappa: Hey, I have a college degree!

[Cut back to Earth]

Piccolo: Agh, cheap shot!

[Piccolo collapses to the ground in pain. Meanwhile, Raditz flies as far into the sky as he can, searching for a nearby city.]

Raditz: Alright, well this is a pretty backwater planet, but surely they must have hospitals! Ah, there's a city. I'll try there.

[Raditz flies toward the city, stopping to read its name.]

Raditz: West City, huh? West relative to what? Ugh, that's almost as bad as the way Freeza does it.

[Raditz flies into the nearest hospital.]

Raditz: Humans! Let me use your healing pod! Immediately!

Doctor: Nurse, sedate him. He's clearly delusional.

[Raditz is sedated and put into a hospital bed. Meanwhile, a Capsule Corp airship arrives carrying the rest of Goku's friends, with Bulma driving. While the ship is still in the air, Chi-chi leaps out of the ship and onto the ground. She dashes toward Gohan, picking him up.]

Chi-chi: Oh, I'm so glad my baby is okay!

[Goku sputters, coughing up blood.]

Chi-chi: I was so sure they had killed him! This is such a relief!

[Goku coughs louder, coating nearly his entire face in blood.]

Roshi: Jesus, Krillin, give him a sense bean!

Krillin: Right! Senzu bean!

[Krillin flies over to Goku, giving him a bean.]

Goku: Krillin… that isn't going to be enough…

Krillin: What? Why?

Goku: Piccolo blew out my stomach with his attack.

Krillin: I knew it! Piccolo's on their side!

Piccolo: No, dumbass, he sacrificed himself. Although, I must admit, this result isn't exactly undesirable. But regardless, the fact remains that Raditz is still alive, and none of us can beat him.

Bardock (emerging from the airship): Yeah, and there's one more thing. If you managed to do any serious damage, then when he comes back, he's going to come back stronger. Saiyans have what's called a Zenkai Boost, which means that each time a Saiyan recovers from an injury, their power increases to match its severity.

Piccolo: Damn it, and I ripped off a whole chunk of his side.

Bardock: Then he's probably going to come back stronger than me. Luckily, he doesn't have Senzu beans, so we have some time. We need to take that time to train.

Krillin: Wait, why don't we just attack him now? Ya know, while he's injured?

Bardock: Sure, if we can find him. I mean, have you felt him since we left Kame House?

Krillin: No…

Bardock: So unless Piccolo saw where he went…

Piccolo: Nope. He blinded me before I could.

Bardock: Well then, training it is.

Piccolo: Yep, and I'm taking Gohan.

Chi-chi: OH NO, YOU ARE NOT!

Bardock: Actually, Chi-chi, we're going to need him. Don't worry, I will go with them to make sure our friend here doesn't step out of line.

Piccolo: Hey, I find that insulting!

Bardock: That I don't trust you?

Piccolo: No, implying that we're friends. Even sarcastically, it's an insult to my rivalry with Goku.

Bardock: Ha, you're still not over that? My son kicked your ass, fair and square.

Piccolo: That fight ended in a draw!

Krillin: Well, technically you did get ringed out...

Piccolo: Oh, hey Krillin, how's that Tambourine wound?

Krillin: Sorry, Mr. Piccolo!

Piccolo: Huh. Like the sound of that. Anyway, how about we go get lesson 1 started?

Bardock: What did you have in mind?

Piccolo: Eh, I was mainly gonna throw him at a rock and see if he got mad again.

Bardock: That… is the shittiest training regimen I have ever heard.

Piccolo: Damn, well sorry I haven't exactly been focused on perfecting my training methods over the last 5 years of solitude.

Chi-chi: So… are any of you going to try and get my son back?

Krillin, Tenshinhan, and Yamcha in unison: No!

Chi-chi: Is it because they're both stronger than you?

Group: Yeah.

[Cut to plains where Piccolo and Bardock are training Gohan.]

Piccolo: So, Bardock. I appreciate that you're not as pathetic as your son, but why did you agree to help me train Gohan? You know I'm going to use him to conquer your planet, right?

Bardock: No, you're not, because you know just as well as I do that we're going to need all the help we can get if we wanna defeat those Saiyans.

Piccolo: What? But you heard those two, they're not coming.

Bardock: Well, that would have been the case, if you hadn't mentioned the Dragon Balls into both Raditz' mic, and mine, which Bulma was carrying.

Piccolo: Oh… shit…

Bardock: Oh yeah, and which son were you referring to? The one that kicked your ass in a one-on-one, or the one that did it in a two-on-one?

Piccolo: Hey, Goku and I fought to a draw, then he rang me out. That doesn't count.

Bardock: Oh? So why didn't you ring him out?

[Piccolo launches at Bardock, who then counterattacks, leading to a fight that lasts the rest of the afternoon. Gohan wants to ask where his dad is, but can't get between the two men.]

[Cut to Krillin, Tenshinhan, Yamcha, and Chiaotzu, all flying away from the battle together.]

Krillin: So, when do you guys wanna start training again?

Yamcha: Excuse me? Why would we do that? We're basically irrelevant at this point. The best thing to do is lay low and hope Raditz never comes back for us.

Tenshinhan: Wow, you are a massive coward.

Yamcha: Look, I'm just being realistic!

Chiaotzu: Nope, you're a coward.

Yamcha: C'mon, I thought you would at least agree!

Krillin: Yamcha, look. The fact is, Raditz is bound to come back from his injuries eventually. And besides, did you realize that Raditz' scouter wasn't destroyed until AFTER Piccolo explained the Dragon Balls?

Yamcha: Oh…

Krillin: Yeah. And not only that, but we need to stop relying on Goku, bad.

Tenshinhan: Agreed. If Goku ever dies.. Permanently… the Earth is gonna need protectors, and that responsibility is gonna fall onto us.

Yamcha: Wait, but what about Piccolo? Isn't he on our side now?

Tenshinhan: Yeah, who knows how long that will last?

Krillin: And did you forget that he JUST killed Goku? No, the only ones that can be relied on to protect Earth are us. And that's why we're about to climb to Kami's Lookout and train like hell.

Yamcha: Wow Krillin, that was really moving. You're right, I am being a coward, but you're right. We need to be the ones to protect this planet. But I gotta ask, where'd all this newfound confidence come from?

Krillin: Oh no, I'm terrified. I'm just making this shit up off the top of my head to calm myself down.

Yamcha: ...oh. Well, thanks for the pep talk anyway.

Krillin: No problem, now let's get as far away from Raditz as possible RIGHT NOW.

[Krillin, Tenshinhan, Yamcha, and Chiaotzu fly towards the Lookout. Meanwhile, Goku arrives in the Other World, where Kami is waiting for him.]

Kami: Good God Goku, what happened down there?

Goku: Well, first Piccolo tried to kill this bad guy with his Special new attack, but then the bad guy threw me off and Piccolo just killed me.

Kami: No, Goku, I know WHAT happened, I'm asking how you LET IT happen. I mean seriously, do you know how much of a mess this is going to cause? Right now, the strongest beings on Earth are two murderous Saiyans and my Evil half! King Kai is going to give me hell for this! Literally!

Goku: Well I'm sorry Kami, I didn't mean to die. I just got outsmarted is all.

Kami: It's okay, Goku, because you're going to pay me back, after I do you a favor. I'm going to get you a chance to train with the Kai of this galaxy, King Kai. Then, once he teaches you his techniques, you're going to get rid of those Saiyans, permanently.

Goku: You got it, Kami, but what if they turn out to be good guys?

Kami: ...What?

Goku: Well what if they're sorry for what they did and wanna be good? Do I have to kill them then?

Kami: Goku, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You're talking about a species that murders for fun, you know that, right?

Goku: But, I'm a Saiyan too and I'm not like them.

Kami: Yes, but this is the Prince of the Saiyans, Vegeta, the very embodiment of the warrior-species ethos. His tenacity and pure battle instinct are unmatched in all the galaxy. If you hold back, or God forbid spare him, he will destroy everything you love. Do you understand, Goku?

Goku: Yeah, you're right, I guess not everyone can just become good. Especially not someone like that.

Kami: Precisely. Now let's get you to King Yemma's before your soul is lost in the Great Ethereal Void and I'm out of a job.

Goku: Okay!

[Goku and Kami arrive at King Yemma's palace, where there is a line of trillions of lifeforms, which Kami easily escorts Goku beyond, straight to the front of the line.]

Goku: Hey Kami, how come we get to cut to the front?

Kami: Because I'm with you, meaning that you are and urgent individual guided by your Guardian. This way, King Yemma will see us as soon as possible, rather than sometime in the next aeon.

Goku: Wow, I would hate to stand in line for that long. *gasp* and what about food? What do they eat down there while they wait?

Kami: You don't eat after you die, Goku.

Goku: WHAT?! I WANT OUT OF THIS AFTERLIFE RIGHT NOW!

Kami: Well, you CAN eat, Goku, but there's hardly any point. You never get hungry because you don't have a body. Well, I mean, some people do, but even theirs aren't real. If you think about it...

Goku: Bored now. And we're here.

Kami: Oh, right. My apologies.

Yemma: So, a Guardian escort, Kami? This had better be important. I do this shit alphabetically, and it's been 3,000,000,000 years since the last group, and I'm still not in the Bs.

Kami: ...Right, I just need you to approve this man to train with King Kai. You see, his planet is under imminent threat by three Saiyans, and he desperately needs to become much, much stronger. Like, wow,

Goku: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Kami: Shhh, Goku, I'm speaking for you.

Yemma: And why should I care for one measly planet, Kami? I judge millions of souls a day, and what is Earth, 6 billion? Barely a drop in the bucket at this point. And how do I know him and these Saiyans won't kill as many as he'd be saving anyway?

Kami: Okay, first of all, that's ridiculous, why would I bring a murderer here? Oh, and just wait until King Kai knew you were KNOWINGLY letting his planets be destroyed… he might even have to report it to the Supreme Kai…

Yemma: Isn't that guy, like, just a myth?

Kami: Huh, an atheist God, eh? I wouldn't take the risk if I were you, I mean I'm sure some folks on your naughty list didn't believe in you either.

Yemma: Ugh, fine. He can cross Snake Way. Who knows, maybe he'll fall off, that'd at least be funny.

Goku: Snake Way?

Snake Way Assistant: Snake Way is the only passage to King Kai's Planet. It is a path 100 miles long, and if you fall off, you will be sent to Hell, never to return.

Goku: Woah, really?

Assistant: Well, no one's ever fallen before, but best not to chance it.

Goku: Okay, well it's just a straight line, right? How hard could it be?

Assistant: Well yeah, but 100 miles of straight line gets pretty nauseating after a while. That's why only a handful have ever crossed.

Goku: What? But I can run 30 miles in an hour without even breaking a sweat!

Assistant: Excuse me, what?

[Goku runs off at a speed of 30 mph, leaving the assistant astonished]

Goku: Bye, mister assistant guy! Thanks for the help!

Assistant: Huh. All of snake way in a little over 3 hours. That's Otherworld for you. Weird shit happens.

[Back on Earth, Raditz wakes up after an operation.]

Doctor: Good morning, sir. You underwent a pretty intensive surgery, we had to transplant some tissue to fill that hole. How do you feel?

Raditz: I feel fine, people of my race are strengthened by significant injuries.

Doctor: People of your… race, sir?

Raditz: Yes, I'm a Saiyan. You know, like an alien?

Doctor: Right, yes, your delusions. Well since you still believe you're an alien, I believe I'll need to transfer you to a mental healthcare facility. But on your way out, pick up those antipsychotics on the table. That'll be 200 dollars, but I'm sure your insurance will cover it. What insurance company are you with, by the way?

Raditz: What the hell are you talking about, human? I have to pay for you deciding not to let me die? What kind of racket are you running here? Geez, the Freeza empire is evil, but at least they don't make you pay to have your flesh reattached! Whatever, I'll be leaving.

Doctor: Well hold on sir, we still need to discuss some financial-

[Raditz blows a hole in a nearby wall, flying away.]

Doctor: Good God, how did he do that?! That's several 10s of thousands of dollars at least! Which is still less than his medical bill, but still!

[Raditz stops in a field as the sun is setting, emerald grass topping the oppressively large, tan rock formations. Raditz looks down at his armor, seeing the contrast between it and his surroundings, and decides to take his armor off.]

Raditz: Well, my old friends have left me for dead, and my own father would probably kill me if he saw me now. Overall, not my best day. I have no idea what to do.

[Raditz lies on his back, his head in his hands, looking at the sky, which is slowly filling with stars as opposed to the multi-colored lights present earlier.]

Raditz: Well, if Vegeta and Nappa find out that I'm still alive, they'll probably either ignore me, or kill me. The Earthlings know I'm alive, but probably can't kill me yet. Which means I have a grace period, but only until those two show up. The obvious strategic choice is to join the Earthlings, but is that too low of a bar? And will they even be useful against those two?

[Raditz looks up at the moon, and quickly averts his eyes, seeing that it is a full moon.]

Raditz: Agh, damn, now would be a bad time to transform…

[Just then, Raditz hears a monstrous roar, and looks in that direction to see a massive ape rampaging through the wasteland. Two people are attempting to subdue the ape.]

Raditz: The moon! Gohan! By God, he could kill us all!

[Earlier in the evening, Bardock and Piccolo were giving Gohan an extra-long training session.]

Bardock: Piccolo, I think he's done those drills enough today, if he doesn't sleep soon he'll be completely exhausted tomorrow.

Piccolo: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were training for an alien invasion! If he can't deal with some insomnia, how's he going to fight Saiyans 3 times our strength?

Bardock: Those two things are completely unrelated, but alright. Whatever you think is best. I'm thinking about getting some sparring done, you in?

Piccolo: Sure, but you should probably keep an eye on the kid at least somewhat.

Bardock: Yeah, and be distracted so you can low-blow me? Not a chance.

Piccolo: Alright, fine. But don't blame me when he gets into trouble.

Bardock: What do you care? You're not his dad.

Piccolo: I am the closest thing to that at the moment.

Bardock: Are you now? Because you know I'm his grandfather, right?

Piccolo: Yeah, so?

Bardock: Oh, it's on, Namekian.

Piccolo: What- (Bardock punches Piccolo in the mouth, beginning a lengthy fight between the two)

[Bardock and Piccolo clash in high-speed close combat until Bardock shoots a Ki blast into the ground, launching himself upwards and knocking Piccolo back. As the fighting continues, Gohan is seen staring at the full moon, his heart beating harder with each palpitation. Bardock and Piccolo fight more intensely, slamming each other into nearby rock formations. Meanwhile, Gohan begins to grow larger, his clothes tearing and his body becoming hairy and ape-like. By the time Piccolo and Bardock notice, Gohan has grown to his full size and is beginning to destroy the wasteland.]

Piccolo: Okay, let me just start by saying that I kind of called this, so you can't get mad at me.

Bardock: I DON'T FUCKING CARE, LET'S STOP MY GRANDSON FROM KILLING US!

Piccolo (covering his ears): Okay, Christ, you don't have to yell!

[Piccolo and Bardock first try to knock Gohan over, which utterly fails. Then they shoot Ki blasts at his feet. Which is meant to make him trip, but only angers him. Raditz approaches the battlefield.]

Raditz: HEY! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE! YOU CAN'T BEAT HIM!

Bardock: Raditz? What the hell are you doing here?!

Raditz: I'm trying to save you and your friend here, father. Now come with me so we discuss an actual strategy instead of whatever Three Stooges shit you just pulled.

Piccolo: How do you…

Bardock and Raditz in unison: Space Hulu.

[Raditz, Bardock, and Piccolo fly behind a nearby rock.]

Piccolo: Okay, so, first question, what the hell is happening?

Raditz: Gohan has transformed into a giant gorilla, gotten 10 times stronger, and lost his mind.

Piccolo: I can see that, I want to know why!

Bardock: The full moon reacted with his tail when he looked at it. I should've known better than to leave him alone. Him being outside isn't usually a problem. He's usually asleep.

Piccolo: Okay, so what do we need to do?

Raditz: Well, if we could cut off his tail… no, it's too risky.

Piccolo: Well what's the alternative?

Bardock: We wait it out. Once sunrise comes, he'll go back to normal.

Piccolo: And what's your plan in the short term? What if he crushes us?

Raditz: We need to keep moving.

Piccolo: For the next 8 hours?! Hell no! If you can hold him off for five minutes, I can blast his tail off.

Bardock: It's worth a shot. Worst case scenario, we waste five minutes.

Raditz: It is most certainly not "worth a shot"! Are you insane, father?

Bardock (smirking): Kakarot would do it.

Raditz: Just for that, fuck you. I'm cutting that tail myself.

Bardock: Wait for me!

Piccolo: Alright, time to get started on the makankosappo I guess.

[As Piccolo charges his attack, Raditz and Bardock attack Gohan. Raditz tries to shoot Gohan in the eyes with Ki blasts while Bardock attempts to grab Gohan's tail. At first, both succeed in accomplishing their goals, but Gohan begins fighting back, swinging his tail at his grandfather and biting at his uncle. Raditz escapes first, shooting a Ki blast at Gohan's tail which is deflected towards Bardock, forcing him to dodge the blast. Piccolo finishes charging, but his aim is slightly off and the Makankosappo begins to drift towards Bardock. Realizing this, Bardock uses one hand to hit the beam as hard as he can, deflecting it towards Gohan's tail and cleanly slicing through it. Gohan returns to normal size, and Bardock picks him up and puts him to sleep, and Raditz lays a small suit of Saiyan armor next to him. He then promptly destroys the moon.]

Raditz: What the hell was that for?

Bardock: If Nappa and Vegeta used that to become Oozarus, we'd be exactly ten times as fucked.

Raditz: Good point. I'm glad we didn't miss that.

Bardock: You still haven't convinced me that we can trust you. Who's to say you won't just run back to Nappa and Vegeta as soon as they get back?

Raditz: Oh, come on, father! I just helped you defeat an Oozaru, and this is the thanks I get? Besides, didn't you hear those two over the scouter? They think I'm trash! If they see me here, they'll probably just end up killing me anyway.

[Raditz begins to tear up.]

Bardock: Raditz, I…

Raditz: Save it father, I know I'm a worthless Saiyan, and I know you prefer Kakarot. If you don't want my help, fine. I'll find my own way off of this rock and you'll never see me again.

Bardock: Raditz, don't be that way! Listen, what you said isn't true! Don't you think I would have looked for you if I could? Don't you think I would have been happy to see you if I didn't know you were going to try and kill me? Look, deep down, I do love you. But you've been kind of an asshole lately and I want to know for sure that you've turned a new leaf before I put my grandson in danger. Is that so wrong?

Raditz: … I suppose you're right, father. I can't blame you for feeling that way. It's just that, all my life I felt like I had to prove something, like I wasn't the runt of the litter. I didn't think I could ever make you proud, so I sucked up to Vegeta instead. As long as I didn't act weak around him, I knew he'd think I was worth keeping around. But now I see how idiotic that was. Vegeta was never proud of me, and neither were you, nor should you be.

Bardock: There's still time to change that, Raditz. Help us fight those bastards, and redeem yourself. And most of all, keep my grandson safe.

Raditz: I won't let you down. Thank you for the opportunity.

Piccolo: Okay, I didn't want to interrupt your moment, but I have a lot of questions. First of all, what's an Oozaru?

Raditz: When a Saiyan sees a full moon, the lunar energy gathers in their tail and transforms them into a massive ape, just like Gohan.

Piccolo: Them? Them who?

Raditz: Singular they, like you know, could be any gender.

Piccolo: Oh. They don't do that on this planet. I mean, I don't have any genitals but people still call me "he".

Raditz: Then what do you call the ones who aren't male or female?

Piccolo: I don't think they do that here either.

Raditz: Ugh, I knew this planet was backwater.

Bardock: Hey, it's not all bad. Bartender at the place I used to get drinks at was transgender. A lotta them liked to go there, especially the homeless ones who'd get free drinks. They exist, just not everyone's on board yet.

Raditz: Whatever, you just have a soft spot for them. In my experience with them so far, they're nothing but sniveling cowards and fools.

Piccolo: None of this matters, right now we need to focus on training Gohan.

Bardock: Focus on him? Why? He's just a kid, I figured we'd at least go a bit easier on him.

Piccolo: Are you kidding? You weren't there, but when Gohan attacked his uncle, his energy skyrocketed, above any power I've ever felt before. It only lasted a couple seconds, but it was enough to know he was capable of it, and that he could probably do it again. We need to draw that power out so we can use it at will.

Bardock: I see your point, but trying to harness a Saiyan's anger is a fool's errand. Saiyan rage is like fire, all it does is destroy everything it comes into contact with.

Raditz: This planet really has made you soft, father.

Bardock: Hey, you may be on our side now, but you're still on thin ice until you can prove yourself.

Raditz: Right, sorry. What I meant to say was, anger is a natural part of Saiyan growth, and I think that being half human intensifies that part of Gohan. If we manage to make Gohan strong enough, we can use the fire of his fury as a weapon, we'd just have to point Gohan in the right direction.

Bardock: I still think it's too risky.

Piccolo: Well, you're outvoted, and it's not like we have much choice. We need to get stronger fast, and unless you have some amazing training regimen, random bursts of anger are going to be our best shot at taking these Saiyans down. Speaking of which,exactly how strong are these guys, Raditz?

Raditz: Well, remember when I mentioned feeling like the runt of the litter? That's because as far as that group went, I really was. Nappa's power level is about 4,000…

Piccolo: Doesn't sound too bad, we could probably all get close to that in a year.

Raditz:... And Vegeta's power level is around 18,000.

Piccolo: Oh.

Raditz: And allow me to remind you that your power level is 408, Kakarot's power level was 1,000, my father is at 1,300, and I am at 1,500.

Piccolo: Damn, I can't believe we have to face an enemy like that. With that kind of power, I can only imagine what kind of havoc they're making across the galaxy…

[Cut to Nappa and Vegeta in space]

Nappa: Hey Vegeta, do you think my undersuit makes my butt look big?

Vegeta: Nappa, it has been my policy for the last 20 years of my life to think about your butt as little as I possibly can.

Nappa: Oh come on Vegeta, I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of the Earthlings!

Vegeta: What do you care, aren't we going to kill them all anyway?

Nappa: Well yeah, but I want their last thoughts to be how much they fear the great conqueror Nappa, not how big my butt is.

Vegeta: Conqueror! That's a big word for you! What, did you read it off of a calendar?

Nappa: I bet everything is big to you, pint-size.

Vegeta: I think we both know the only size that matters here.

Nappa:...

Vegeta: Our power levels.

Nappa: Right…

Vegeta: What?

Nappa: Nothing, oh look! Something exciting is happening on that planet below! Let's check it out!

Vegeta: Yeah right, way to change the subject.

[Vegeta looks to see that a planet nearby engaging in a war so large that it can be seen from space]

Vegeta: Oh, huh. Would you look at that! A civil conflict! Outside parties interfering in those always goes well. And if it doesn't, it'll at least make for something more interesting than this conversation.

Nappa: Yeah, you were never a great conversationalist.

Vegeta: Well you haven't exactly been much to talk to either.

[Vegeta and Nappa continue to argue as their pods descend onto the planet below.]

Nappa: Well the first thing we need to do is get to know both sides of this delicate internal conflict.

Vegeta: Yeah, and then we're gonna pick the funnier one and help them.

Nappa: Yep.

[Suddenly, a group of Arlian cavalry units riding large Twitter-like creatures approaches the duo]

Arlian: You there! Art thou friend or foe of the Arlian Democratic Army?

Vegeta: We haven't decided yet.

Arlian: Then we shall take you to our leader and have you questioned.

Vegeta: Ha! Do you not know who I am? I am Vegeta, Prince of All-

Nappa: Wait, Vegeta, this could be fun. Just let them take us.

Vegeta: Fine, but this had better be worth it.

Nappa: Sorry about that, my friend here was just bluffing! We are but humble foreign dignitaries aiming to resolve this conflict peacefully, by providing arms to whichever side we support.

Arlian: Why didn't you say so? We shall provide you safe passage to our headquarters.

Nappa: That would be greatly appreciated.

Vegeta: This had better be worth it, you blithering oaf.

Nappa: Oh trust me, it will be.

[The cavalry, escorting the two mass murderers, arrive at the headquarters shortly, an oddly new and untouched structure amidst the blighted hellscape. Soon, they are led into a large room where and important looking Arlian sits in a chair.]

Arlian: Introducing Kurikuto, leader of the Arlian Democratic Army.

Kurikuto: Good day gentlemen, I understand that you are foreign dignitaries here to help end this conflict?

Nappa: Yes, I am the great war-chief of Unitopia known as Field Marshal. This is my ward and sidekick, as well as personal secretary, Private!

[Vegeta appears to be smiling at the Arlian, but is typing something into his scouter under the desk in front of them. Nappa receives a text message from Vegeta which reads "I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU YOU GIANT LUMBERING PIECE OF SHIT. I WILL USE YOUR INTESTINES AS PARTY STREAMERS, AND THE PARTY WILL BE CELEBRATING YOUR DEATH, WHICH WILL HAPPEN AT THE PARTY, AS I BLOW OUT THE CANDLES THROUGH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY FIST GOING THROUGH YOUR BRAIN. Nappa stifles his laughter as the conversation continues.]

Kurikuto: That sounds great, I'm sure you're here to learn all about our organization and its goals. You see, we are a group of religious fundamentalists seeking to overthrow the President of Arlia, Mantissu, who has secularized the government and nationalized our industries. He has also committed the heinous crime of being the son of the last president and having the gall to be directly elected by a popular vote.

Vegeta: Wait, I thought you were a Democratic Army. What does that have to do with religion?

Kurikuto: Well, private, you may not understand the nuances of international warfare, but our dictator of a president has revoked our democratic right to enforce reactionary religious laws!

Vegeta:...

Nappa: Come on, Private, don't speak out of turn. What makes them democratic is that "democratic" is in their name. And as people who also have been given the word democracy to describe them for no particular reason, we must support them. Now, for the real question, if we give you arms, will you give us the rights to drill for oil on this planet?

Kurikuto: Oh of course! Anything for the rich- I mean righteous cause of democracy.

Nappa: Great! Now tell me the great and tragic tale of your struggle.

[After much explanation of geopolitical minutia followed by more shady deal making, the discussion ends after many hours. Nappa is bright and attentive, while Vegeta looks absolutely miserable with boredom.]

Nappa: Wow, I really feel enlightened with the facts of this terrible war. I can't believe Mantissu would use chemical weapons on his own people! For no reason! In a way that provides him no strategic advantage! I wonder what we should do… oh, look Vegeta! A fight is breaking out! We have to help!

Vegeta: OH MY GOD, P FINALLY I CAN FUCKING KILL SOMETHING!

[Nappa and Vegeta nobly fight alongside the freedom fighting extremists, ripping hundreds of thousands of soldiers limb from limb, and committing as many Space War Crimes as possible. After their decisive victory, the Arlian Democratic Army hold a ceremony to commemorate their victory and thank their Saiyan allies.]

Kurikuto: Thanks to our two brave heroes, our planet has been saved from tyranny. I will now present them with the Medal of Honor, Arlia's highest award, and allow these heroes to speak for you now. Please welcome, Nappa and Vegeta.

[Nappa and Vegeta emerge from behind a curtain to thunderous applause. Vegeta approaches the microphone.]

Vegeta: Thank you, everyone, for giving us this great honor. Although you do owe us your very lives, and would probably like to do us some favors, we must be leaving as soon as possible.

[Vegeta raises an open hand to the audience, including Kurikuto.]

Vegeta: Goodbye.

[Vegeta lets out a huge Ki blast, killing everyone. The entire planet is now dead.]

Nappa: That's always the best part, eh Vegeta?

Vegeta: Yes, but this still wasn't worth it.

[As Nappa and Vegeta fly back to their pods, Nappa tries in vain to reason with Vegeta while he remains silent. They continue their trek to Planet Earth, another wacky genocidal adventure behind them. Back on Earth, Krillin, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu train intensely under the eye of Kami and Mr. Popo.]

Kami: Alright, to showcase what you've learned so far, we're going to be pairing you into sparring partners. Krillin, you're sparring with Yamcha, and Chiaotzu, you're with Tenshinhan.

Krillin: Awesome! Just like old times, eh buddy?

Yamcha: Yeah, this is gonna be great! It's been years since we've trained like this!

Tenshinhan: Chiaotzu.

Chiaotzu: Yeah, Tenshinhan?

Tenshinhan: Try not to make them look too bad. Wouldn't want them getting discouraged.

[The sparring begins with Krillin flying backwards, Yamcha in hot pursuit. Chiaotzu starts by psychically moving the stone beneath Tenshinhan in order to trap him. However, when Chiaotzu approaches to attack, Tenshinhan catches his fist and counterattacks while stuck in place. Yamcha continues charging with a volley of ki blasts, all of which are deflected by Krillin. One of these blasts lands at Tenshinhan's feet, destroying one of his restraints. Tenshinhan kicks Chiaotzu with his free leg, freeing his other leg and following with a second kick in the same motion. Tenshinhan continues his barrage, with Chiaotzu deftly maneuvering through his legs until he finds an opportunity to hurl the remnants of the destroyed restraints into Tenshinhan's chest, knocking him to the ground. As Yamcha and Krillin begin flying faster, Krillin suddenly stops and kicks Yamcha in the face, using his momentum to increase the damage of the blow. Yamcha quickly recovers, firing a Ki blast at Krillin's back, which knocks him to his knees. Tenshinhan gets up, slowly at first, but as Chiaotzu approaches for another attack, Tenshinhan quickly snaps into position and punches Chiatozu in the stomach, sending him flying through the air. Tenshinhan follows up by flying towards Chiaotzu and chopping him in the neck, sending him hurtling into the ground. A dust cloud covers Chiaotzu, allowing him to charge a Dodon Ray unnoticed. Krillin is also charging a Kamehameha, unbeknownst to Yamcha, who thinks Krillin is still recovering. Chiaotzu fires the Dodon Ray, with Tenshinhan narrowly dodging, the Ray leaving only a scratch on his face. Krillin Fires his Kamehameha, and Yamcha has just enough time to fire on back before being hit. The beam struggle persists for a couple of seconds, but Krillin has the advantage, and Yamcha is nearly blown off the Lookout, but Mr. Popo appears behind him, knocking him back in before he falls off.]

Mister Popo: Watch out, maggots, don't want you killing each other before the Saiyans even get the chance.

Krillin: Right, sorry Mr. Popo!

Yamcha: Oh yeah, don't worry Krillin, I'm alright, no need to ask or anything.

[At this point, everyone on the Lookout notices a new person approaching the Lookout.]

Tenshinhan: Does anyone else feel that?

Krillin: Yeah, doesn't feel like anyone we know, but they don't seem like too much of a threat, if they're here looking for trouble.

[As the sound of flight acceleration reaches a peak, Chi-Chi is seen soaring above the Lookout and descending to meet the warriors.]

Krillin: Hey, Chi-Chi!

[Chi-chi lands on the Lookout.]

Krillin: I hardly recognized your energy, you been working out?

Chi-chi: I'm here to train with you.

Yamcha: What? Why? Don't you think this might be a little dangerous?

Chi-chi: What, you don't think I can do it? If you three could do it then why can't I?

Krillin: Well it's just, you haven't really expressed this interest before, and you don't have much experience…

Chi-chi: Oh please, Goku must have told you who I am. The princess of Fire Mountain? Daughter of the Ox King?

Krillin: Um…

Chi-chi: And what, you thought the Ox King never trained me in martial arts? That I entered the World Martial Arts Tournament JUST to get with Goku?

Tenshinhan: Didn't he beat you in one hit?

Chi-chi: Oh, and what exact disagreement do you have with me, Triclops?

Tenshinhan: Actually, it's Tenshinhan, and I'm all in favor of you joining our training. The more the merrier, after all, but I just wanna get the facts straight. These two are trying to keep you from getting hurt, but me, I couldn't care less. If you have what it takes, that'll help, and if you don't, it'll be fun to watch you land on your ass.

Chi-chi: Then how about I give you a demonstration of what exactly I'm capable of?

Tenshinhan: Bring it on, I can't wait.

Krillin: Tenshinhan, what are you doing?

Yamcha: Yeah, you're gonna get Goku's wife killed!

Krillin: Let's hope he's not starting to go Piccolo on us. I thought the ways of the Crane school were behind him, but maybe not.

Tenshinhan: Don't worry guys, it's all part of the plan.

[Chi-chi lunges forward, attempting to punch Tenshinhan's face. As soon as the blow is meant to make contact, it is blocked by Tenshinhan's wrist.]

Tenshinhan: Lesson One: You're gonna have to be a lot quicker than that.

[Chi-chi looks down to see Tenshinhan's open palm just before he launches her across the lookout with a Ki push.]

Tenshinhan: Lesson Two: Never lose track of your opponent.

[As Chi-chi stands, Tenshinhan quickly approaches, hand outstretched and aimed at Chi-chi's face.]

Tenshinhan: Lesson Three: Woah!

[Chi-chi sweeps Tenshinhan's legs out from under him.]

Chi-chi: Expect the unexpected. My father taught me that too.

Chiaotzu: Come to think of it, didn't Master Shen and the Ox King both train under Master Mutaito?

Chi-chi: Yes, I believe they did.

Tenshinhan: Seems like we have something in common. Sorry I kinda egged you on before, I was just making sure you could keep up. You're nowhere near us in terms of physical strength, buy your technique and fighting discipline are exceptional. With some effort you'll outmatch Krillin in a matter of weeks.

Krillin: Why me specifically?

Tenshinhan: Allow me to answer that question with a question; how many fights have you won?

Krillin: Well, there was Bacterian. And then uh…

Tenshinhan: Yeah. Don't get me wrong, you're a better fighter than 99% of the world, but your track record is less than stellar.

Yamcha: Hey, we've all lost our fair share of fights.

Tenshinhan: Oh, don't get me started on you.

Yamcha: Hey, I beat Goku!

Tenshinhan: So have I! It's not even an achievement at this point.

Chi-chi: I've never beaten Goku.

Tenshinhan: Then that will be the goal of our training. Yamcha, Krillin, Chiaotzu and I are training to fight the Saiyans, and you're training to beat Goku.

Chi-chi: Okay, but I'm still fighting the Saiyans. You know, the whole reason I came here… so I could protect my kid…

Tenshinhan: Right.

Chi-chi: Speaking of my kid, I wonder what kind of training he's being put through right now.

[Raditz, Piccolo, and Gohan are sitting on the ground. Bardock sits further away, observing but not participating.]

Raditz: You're a weakling.

Piccolo: You're short.

Raditz: You have weird hair.

Piccolo: Your Chinese doll look is really weird.

[Gohan is tearing up, but equally expressing more and more confusion.]

Bardock: This clearly isn't working! You're just making a 4 year old cry.

[Bardock protectively scoops up Gohan.]

Bardock: I didn't know what to expect from you, Raditz, but Piccolo, you're an Earthling. Aren't they supposed to be kind at heart?

Piccolo: Well as you may have noticed, I'm not exactly human.

Raditz: Yeah, he's a Namekian.

Piccolo: You said it again, that thing you called me earlier. What's a Namekian?

Raditz: A race of warriors and healers who created the original Dragon Balls and live on Planet Namek.

Piccolo: Huh. Well that reveal was anticlimactic.

Raditz: Hey, at least your planet's still there.

Bardock: Are you two even listening? Your ridiculous methods aren't working, and it's time we started training Gohan properly. So get up, apologize to my grandson, and get started.

[Raditz and Piccolo stare, stunned at Bardock with no words on their tongues.]

Piccolo: You're right, I'm sorry.

Raditz: What? You're just conceding that easily?

Piccolo: Look, I may be a Namekian, but at heart, I'm a demon. I want to live, so that I can claim this Earth in the name of my father, Piccolo. Your methods have failed, and if he isn't strong enough, there'll be nothing left to conquer. I'll train him, as long as I can train him in the art of the Demon style.

Bardock: As long as you train him well, whatever style you choose is fine. Gohan, are you okay with training with Mr. Piccolo while Grandpa takes care of Uncle Raditz?

[Gohan looks deep into Piccolo's eyes, his young mind trying to assess his safety. He feels fear at the sight of Piccolo, but something inside tells him that he can be trusted. Without knowing exactly why, Gohan nods to his father.]

Bardock: Okay, I'll let him train you, but if you need help just yell for me, okay?

Gohan: Oh… okay grandpa...

Raditz: That's like the second time I've heard him talk.

Bardock: Raditz, come with me. Training begins now.

[Bardock flies into the distance. Raditz hesitates, knowing what he will likely be facing a lecture during his sparring, and follows his father. After they leave, Piccolo turns to face Gohan, and the boys stares up at him.]

Piccolo: Alright kid, your dad may think you deserve special treatment, but as far as I'm concerned your real training begins now. By the time we're done you'll by a true student of the Demon style, a ruthless warrior with no mercy!

Gohan: Okay Mr. Piccolo, thank you for being my teacher.

[Gohan bows towards Piccolo.]

Piccolo: What are you doing?

Gohan: I'm bowing. My mom taught me always to bow to my teachers.

Piccolo: …

[Piccolo kicks Gohan in the face, sending him flying into a nearby rock formation.]

Piccolo: Lesson number one: warriors have no regard for manners.

[On King Kai's planet, Goku loudly eats a large bowl of rice with his hands.]

Goku: Thanks for the grub King Kai, I was pretty famished from running across Snake Way!

King Kai: Yes, welcome to my planet, humble traveler. How did you get here so fast, by the way?

Goku: Um… I don't actually remember.

King Kai: Well I'm sure it wasn't important. What is important is who the hell are you, and why are you here? I kinda live on a floating rock in the middle of literal nowhere for a reason you know.

Goku: Oh great King Kai, my planet is under attack by the Saiyans. I need you to train me so I can defend my friends and family.

King Kai: Holy crap, you fought a Saiyan one on one? And he killed you?

Goku: Actually, it was a demon who got me. Also, I think I am a Saiyan.

King Kai: You are either completely insane or completely screwed. Either way, this should be fun to watch. I'll train you.

Goku: Woohoo, thanks King Kai! Would've been awfully inconvenient for me to come all the way here just for you to say no.

King Kai: Yeah, well hopefully you never have to make the trip again after you leave. What planet did you say you were from again?

Goku: Earth, born and raised. Well, not born, but definitely raised.

King Kai: Ah, a Saiyan raised on Earth, huh? That explains your behavior, and love for rice.

Goku: Yeah, I'm so glad you have Earth food here!

King Kai: Well get used to it, because as far as universe six goes, it hardly gets much better than earth food. Your first lesson will begin after your meal.

Goku: Did you say universe six?

King Kai: It's complicated god stuff, and trust me, a mortal like you will never have to be involved with it, nor should you want to be.

Goku: Okay then, I guess.

[Later, King Kai and Goku are training in the art of the King Kai-Ken.]

King Kai: So, what you basically want to do is just tense your muscles like this, and imagine your energy increasing by half of what it is now. Once you do that, it should look like this.

[King Kai tenses up, and his body is surrounded by a crimson aura and his body pulsates, increasing his weight and muscle mass.]

King Kai: Wooh, I'm too out of shape to be doing this. Why don't you give it a shot?

Goku: Alright, you mean like this?

[Goku tenses and charges his ki, causing energy to swirl around his body. At first, the energy goes from blue to red, before slowly transitioning to white, and Goku falls to his knees, unconscious. Before long, Goku wakes up in an all white room, feeling his muscles ache. He slowly opens his eyes, adjusting to the light and the pain at the same time. Goku looks across the room, seeing someone standing there. They had no shirt, with red tribal tattoos running down their back, which appear to be glowing. The mysterious figure where's white godly robes with prayer beads in their waist, with large metal boots. Finally, Goku notices the final detail of the stranger: black, spiky hair. Just as he notices this, he is awoken by a frantic King Kai.]

King Kai: Hey! Hey! If you're gonna die again, do it on Snake Way so I don't get the paperwork for it!

Goku: Woah, I just had the weirdest dream!

King Kai: Did you see God?

Goku: No, he's the green guy who brought me here, I know what he looks like. This guy looked like me, or my dad, or literally anyone else with this hair, but he was kinda scary. But also cool, in a scary way.

King Kai: Huh. Well maybe we should start with the Spirit Bomb, that doesn't take any energy from your body. Why did you collapse just now, anyway? Aren't you a warrior?

Goku: Yeah, but I guess I'm so strong now that I can knock myself out in a fight!

King Kai: ...Right. Anyway, the Spirit Bomb begins with you raising your hands so they face the sky like this.

[King Kai raises his palms to the sky.]

Goku: Like this?

[Goku raises his palms to the sky.]

King Kai: Yes, good. Now, just like you usually draw Ki from inside yourself, I want you to try and draw it from the surrounding life.

Goku: Wow, you can do that?

King Kai: It's actually pretty easy, in fact, if you're not careful, you might draw too much- AGH!

[King Kai collapses, his face wrinkling and his antennas turning white.]

King Kai: GOKU YOU SON OF A BITCH PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK!

Goku: Sorry King Kai, I don't know how!

King Kai: Well figure it out! You have to do it in reverse!

[A nearby tree falls, its leave becoming brown and the wood rotting.]

King Kai: GOKU!

Goku: Okay, I think I got it!

[King Kai stands up again and is no longer wrinkled, and the tree is alive again, despite still being fallen.]

King Kai: Aww, damn it. That tree took eight thousand years to grow! And now I have to call a sanitation truck to come get it!

Goku: I'm really sorry King Kai, I didn't know…

King Kai: It's okay, it's my fault, there's not much life to draw from around here. I can take you anywhere in the North Galaxy, so we'll find a better training spot next time.

Goku: Really? Can we go right now?

King Kai: Ah gee, you know, I would, but I have an ancient tree to replant! While I do that, you try the King Kai-Ken again. Don't just flex your muscles, your Ki has to become like blood itself.

Goku: Sure thing, King! By the way, what was growing on that old tree, anyways?

King Kai: Mangoes.

[Back on Earth, Piccolo is waking Gohan from his sleep late into the night.]

Piccolo: Gohan, wake up. We have less than a month until the Saiyans arrive, we have no time left to waste. Today's training begins now.

Gohan: What about my Uncle and Grandpa?

Piccolo: They're sleeping in because they're already stronger than us both. If we're gonna keep pace, we have to stay one step ahead of them.

[Gohan and Piccolo begin moving to their usual training spot.]

Gohan: Okay, I guess. But I think this little sleep will do more damage than the training can give.

[As Gohan drowsily turns to face Piccolo, he is immediately decked by Piccolo in the mouth, who was already charging at him. Gohan flies back, unable to process the unexpected blow, but eventually composes himself and stops his momentum. As Piccolo comes around for a flying kick, Gohan quickly uses a Double Sunday to blast Piccolo back.]

Piccolo: Ah, so you're taking to Raditz' technique. How about I show you some of mine, see how you like them?

[Piccolo fires an Explosive Demon Wave at Gohan, which causes him to freeze in fear. At the last minute, he screams in anger, forming a field of Ki around himself. After holding the beam still, he deflects it into the air, where it explodes harmlessly. Piccolo stares at Gohan, astonished. Gohan then places two hands upon his forehead.]

Gohan: MASENKO, HA!

[Gohan juts his hands out in front of him, blasting Piccolo with a yellow beam of Ki. Piccolo narrowly deflects the beam, but has noticeable difficulty doing so.]

Gohan: I'm partial to my uncle's moves, but that doesn't mean I don't have some of my own.

[Piccolo quickly rushes to Gohan, punching him in the stomach and knocking him to the ground, writhing in pain.]

Piccolo: Go ahead, call out for your grandpa if it hurts so bad. Show him how much of a sniveling coward you are. He's right there, why don't you let him come save you?

[Gohan manages to get up on one foot, kneeling with his eyes pointed at the ground. Tears can be seen streaming down his cheeks, although his eyes are not visible.]

Piccolo: Ah yes, you're crying again! Because tears always save you in a fight, right? Listen, if you wanna get anywhere close to me in terms of strength you're gonna need to learn how to get hit without bawling.

[Gohan raises his head slowly, revealing that his eyes are filled with anger and madness, bloodshot and damp from his tears.]

Gohan: I'm not afraid of you!

[Piccolo pauses, and Bardock and Raditz start listening in.]

Gohan: You're not a monster, you're just a bully! Why are you doing this to me? It's not making me stronger, it just makes me angry at myself! So what's the point?

Piccolo: Because you're weak.

Bardock: That's enough!

Gohan: No! Stay away, grandpa! I don't need your help! I can do this by myself!

Bardock: Gohan…

[Gohan dashes to Piccolo, wailing on his face with alternating punches, putting Piccolo on the backfoot. Gohan kicks Piccolo's face, sending him flying back before he stops himself. Piccolo immediately begins his counterattack, assaulting Gohan with a barrage of punches before throwing him back, extending his arm to grab him, pulls him back, and delivers a swift strike to the stomach with his knee. Gohan is knocked back but swiftly recovers, firing a ki blast at Piccolo. Piccolo deflects the blast with ease, and Gohan launches a barrage of ki at Piccolo as he flies toward him. Piccolo maneuvers between Gohan's blasts, and eventually reaches him, placing his foot on Gohan's stomach and pinning him to the ground.]

Piccolo: In terms of strength, you're way out of your league. Those Saiyans are going to wipe the floor with you. But you just showed me that you've learned something. You don't need your old man, your grandpa, or your uncle to hold your hand. You're still pretty pathetic, but there might just be a Demon in you yet.

[Bardock and Raditz watch in awe as Piccolo helps Gohan get up and continues the sparring match.]

[One month later, The Z Fighters on Kami's Lookout prepare to end their training.]

Kami: Today, the Saiyans will arrive on Planet Earth. You have all put in the necessary effort, and now that work will hopefully pay off. I wish you good luck in your fight. Mr. Popo, do you have any words for our students?

Mr. Popo: Just for the record, I never wanted you here, and at least three of you are going to die down there. Goodbye!

Kami: ... Quite. Well, good luck, once again.

Tenshinhan: Thank you for your training , Master Kami. I feel confident that our new strength and skills will serve us well in this fight.

[The Z fighters fly off of the Lookout.]

Yamcha: I think we might have done all this training for nothing. I mean, there are 4 energies on the planet that are several times larger than any of ours, and one of them is Gohan! And who knows how strong Goku's gotten by now!

Krillin: So you think we should just give up and go home because the aliens and the demon are stronger than us?

Yamcha: Well I think we're a bit out of our league, especially if those Saiyans are as strong as we've been told.

Tenshinhan: Even if we can't win this fight, someone has to fight for the sake of the Earth. And besides, if we sit out and the Saiyans win, we're dead anyways. Might as well put up a decent fight.

Yamcha: Oh thanks Tenshinhan, that makes me feel so much better. And I never said I wasn't gonna fight, I'm just not sure how much good we're gonna do.

Chiaotzu: What about you, Chi-chi? You think we trained for nothing?

Chi-chi: All I know is that my little boy is being forced into this by his grandfather, so at the very least he's not going to have to fight without his mother by his side.

Krillin: Wow, that's noble of you, Chi-chi. I respect that.

Chi-chi (tearing up): Someone finally fucking thanked me… for all the shit I put up with…

Chiaotzu: Okay, we have to get a move on now. You know what they say, no time to cry before a fight.

[Piccolo, Gohan, and the others are flying towards the rendezvous point.]

Piccolo: Remember, there's no time to cry before a fight.

Gohan: I know. I haven't cried in months!

Bardock: Why not?

Gohan: I can't! I have to be brave and strong to protect the Earth, just like you and Piccolo!

[Gohan gives a wide smile while Bardock looks back at him with utter concern.]

Raditz: Look, there they are!

[The two groups see one another, and meet in the middle of their flight paths.]

Chi-chi: Gohan!

Gohan: Mommy!

[Gohan and Chi-chi embrace in the middle of the battlefield.]

Krillin: So… Raditz, since you're with us now, I just wanted to say, no worries. You're not the first friend of ours who has tried to kill Goku. Tenshinhan did it, Chiaotzu did it, Piccolo did it…

Raditz: I'm sorry, who are you again? And anyway, I'm not your friend, I'm just trying to pick the winning side.

Tenshinhan: Yeah, and you're saving your own ass.

Raditz: You make me seem so shallow! I assure you, I care about more than that, and I plan to repay you for your help. By not killing you.

Tenshinhan: Gee, thanks. Not like it's gonna matter if those Saiyans kill us before you get the chance.

Bardock: Hey Raditz, you still have a working scouter, right?

Raditz: Yes, do you want me to locate their pods?

Bardock: Yeah, I wanna know exactly when they're gonna arrive.

[Raditz flies into the air, calibrating his scouter to detect other online scouters. After several minutes, he descends towards the group again.]

Raditz: Attention everyone! We have about two hours until Nappa and Vegeta arrive! Prepare as best you can in that time!

Krillin: So, those are their names, huh? Nappa and Vegeta… wait, Kakarot, Raditz, Bardock, Nappa, Vegeta…

Yamcha: Why are you listing all of their names?

Krillin: Oh, no reason! (Internally: Oh my god, they're all named after vegetables!)

Piccolo: Gohan, let's get some last minute training in. We can't afford to waste any time!

Gohan, Alright, Mr. Piccolo!

Bardock: Mr. Piccolo? Since when has that been a thing?

Raditz: I don't know, those two trained alone together a lot though, maybe they ended up bonding.

Bardock: Gohan certainly seems to like the guy, but I'm not sure what he sees in him. I mean, he tried to take over the world AND kill Kakarot, so he can't be all that great.

Raditz: Maybe the kid sees something in him that you don't. Come on, I've changed, haven't I? Doesn't he at least deserve a chance?

Bardock: Yeah, I'm not so sure about that.

Raditz: About me changing or him deserving a chance?

[Bardock flies towards where Piccolo and Gohan are sparring. The Z fighters stare at Raditz awkwardly.]

Raditz: So… Earthlings...want to hear some weird shit about alien biology?

Krillin: Sure!

[Bardock arrives at the training ground, where Piccolo and Gohan are sparring furiously.]

Bardock: Hey, Piccolo! I need to borrow my grandson before the battle starts.

Piccolo: Well can you talk to him later, because I'm in the middle of training him, like you asked me to do.

Bardock: I'm his grandfather, so I'll talk to him when I want to.

Piccolo: Well I'm his master, and I say he needs a bit more sparring to keep his reflexes sharp.

Bardock: Oh, his master, huh? You knock him around every day for a year and now he's your little pupil, is that it?

Piccolo: Exactly! That's exactly how it works!

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo, it's okay, I'll make sure I'm not gone too long. Promise!

[G

ohan grins at Piccolo, who relents.]

Piccolo: Fine, go talk to him. Might be your last chance, if he ends up getting himself killed.

[Bardock glares at Piccolo before flying off to talk with Gohan.]

Bardock: Hey kid, I just wanted to have a quick word before things got scary. I know you've been spending a lot of time with Piccolo, and he hasn't always been kind to you, or put the best ideas in your head. You're not a weakling, or an idiot, or anything like that, and it's okay to rely on your family if you need us. You're still a kid, it's way too early for you to have to be your own man. If it gets too dangerous for you at any point, you can rely on me, your father, your uncle, and your father to save you.

Gohan: Thanks grandpa, but Piccolo's not really that bad, he just likes to be a tough guy.

Bardock: Huh?

Gohan: Yeah! I actually got to know him really well, and I don't think he's really evil anymore. He cares about the planet and the life on it, even if he doesn't act like it. And did you know he's only three years older than me?

Bardock: Okay, but you know he's still at least somewhat evil, right?

Gohan: Grandpa, he hasn't hurt anyone in a long time. If you really got to spend some time alone with him, you'd see what I mean. Now I gotta get back to sparring, or else he's gonna be even more mad then he was earlier. Maybe I need to tell him that you're not so bad. See ya!

[Gohan flies back towards Piccolo]

Bardock: Oh- okay, then. Guess that's the end of the conversation. Good talk, grand son. Hm.

[Bardock returns to where Raditz and the Z fighters are talking.]

Raditz: Wow, Piccolo's father really did all of that? No wonder he's got such a stick up his ass!

Krillin: Yeah, he was a pretty huge dick. One of his other kids killed me. And technically they're the same guy...

Raditz: How interesting! Though I can't say I haven't done worse…

Krillin: Really?

Raditz: Oh yes, I've committed several hundred acts of total planetwide genocide over the last 28 years of my life. Most for business, a significant amount just for pleasure.

Krillin: Oh yeah, I guess you have a point.

Yamcha: Jesus, man! As far as humans go we're like the island of misfit toys, but compared to us, you're on a whole other level!

Raditz: Hey, don't act like you understand my life! If you were born into a life of enslavement to Freeza, you would have done the same thing. I only realized it was wrong once I found out there was another option.

Tenshinhan: You mean you never thought about deserting?

Raditz: Well, I couldn't before because Freeza would know and immediately track me down. Our scouters basically act like homing beacons for us. Freeza can find us anywhere in the galaxy if they're active. Luckily, mine broke in the battle with Kakarot after Vegeta said he was going to kill me, meaning Freeza has no reason to come looking. After all these years, I'm finally in charge of my own destiny.

Krillin: You're right, Raditz. We all have our own shitty pasts, and we had no right to judge yours, especially if everything you just said is true.

Raditz: It is.

[Krillin gives a sharp glance at Tenshinhan and Yamcha, who respond with looks of befuddlement.]

Krillin: Raditz, as long as you've renounced your ways, and you swear to help defend Earth from the Saiyans, you're welcome in our group. That's what the Z Fighters are for!

[Before Raditz can process a response, an explosion is heard off in the distance.]

Raditz: THEY'RE HERE!

[Nappa and Vegeta emerge from their pods amidst the burning debris of the city, screams of agony filling the air as the Saiyans calmly walk out of the crater created by the landing of their pods. The entire city is destroyed, with any survivors about to be counted among the death toll. A wave of sorrow is felt by those left to witness the great infernal blaze, before their lives are snuffed out in the senseless carnage.]

Vegeta: Goddamnit Nappa, just because you can nuke an entire city with your pod, both it and you coming out completely unharmed, doesn't mean you should. What if you'd just destroyed on of the Dragon Balls?!

Nappa: Whoops, sorry Vegeta.

Vegeta: Whatever. As long as this planet still has Namekians, we should be able to replace any that we accidentally

Nappa: Wow, when did you learn so much about the Dragon Balls?

Vegeta: When I was researching them on my phone on the way over. Seriously, what did you think I was doing in my pod the whole time?

Nappa: I dunno, I don't even fit in my pod anymore, so I literally can't do anything in there.

Vegeta: Why don't you just get a bigger one?

Nappa: Because apparently the bigger pods are reserved for "Elite Freeza Force Members Only." Fuck that, I've been in the Freeza Force for over 50 goddamn years, I'm an Elite Saiyan, I should be an Elite fucking member! But no, Freeza has a hate boner for Saiyans so I get to stay mid-class.

Vegeta: Enough of your whining, I can get you a bigger pod later.

Nappa: Wait, YOU'RE AN ELITE MEMBER?

Vegeta: Of course, I'm the Prince of All Saiyans. Why wouldn't I be?

Nappa: Just take me to the battlefield. I'm angry enough to kick some Earthling ass.

Vegeta: Now that's more like it.

[Nappa and Vegeta begin to fly towards the Earthlings.]

Yamcha: Holy shit, that's them?! That one guy's energy is fucking massive!

Bardock: That would be Vegeta. By my estimate, his power level stands at about 18,000. For reference, Raditz and I stand at about 4,000.

Krillin: Oh, hey, you're Goku's dad, right? We didn't ever get the chance to meet before.

Bardock: Hey. Name's Bardock. We can talk more later. Now's not the time.

Krillin: Right. So when those two get here, what's the plan?

Vegeta: I'm afraid it's too late to be asking that question.

[The group looks up collectively to see Nappa and Vegeta standing above them as they descend towards the ground.]

Vegeta: Hello, Earthlings. Sorry about that city, but my partner and I like to make an entrance. I am Prince Vegeta, and this is my associate, Nappa. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Now, before we get into the fun part of this, I'd like to offer you one customary chance to hand over the Dragon Balls, so that we can end this without a fight.

Gohan: Fat chance! We're gonna beat your friend up, and when my dad gets here, he's gonna beat you up!

Vegeta: Oh wonderful, a volunteer! Nappa, would you like to show the young man what it's like to have his organs on the outside of his body for the very first time in his young life?

Nappa: Actually, Vegeta, I have a better idea.

Vegeta: Oh, and what's this idea that's so much better than mine?

Nappa: I brought a little appetizer course for the Earthlings before they get to the main course. Besides, what's the use of getting our hands dirty if they can't even handle a couple Saibamen?

Vegeta: Actually, that sounds pretty fun! Should help to trim out some of the fat.

[Nappa empties a container of eight Saibamen seeds into the ground, which grow into tiny green humanoids in a matter of seconds.]

Chiaotzu: Ew, what are those things?

Nappa: These are Saibamen. I farm the seeds all myself, whenever I can. Tiny goblin-looking things, each with a power level of 1,200. About 300 below that of your pal over there.

Raditz: Oh, I think you'd be surprised.

Nappa: Oh, been doing some training, huh? Guess we'll see. Saibamen, attack!

[The eight Saibamen leap at the heroes, each one targeting a single Earthling. Raditz grabs one by the arm, blasting it once in the stomach, instantly destroying it. Bardock uses a Ki blast to disintegrate his Saibamen before it even touches him. Piccolo kicks his into the air before using a Ki blast from his mouth to kill the creature.]

Nappa: What, impossible! None of you should be that strong! Let's see what the scouter says...

[Gohan does a spinning kick in the air, instantly splitting his Saibamen in half, leaving only scraps of plant matter on the ground. Krillin dodges his Saibamen's initial attack before using the Kienzan to sever its head. Tenshinhan furiously presses into all the creatures pressure points, causing it to explode from the inside out. Yamcha uses a Wolf Fang Fist to tear his Saibamen apart limb from limb. Chi-chi uses a Kamehameha to obliterate her Saibamen.]

Nappa: No way! Raditz and Bardock, when did you two reach a power level of 4,000? How does the Namekian have a power level of 3,700, and how the hell does that kid stand at 3,000? What kind of training did you do?

Bardock: We tried a couple of methods, some worked, some didn't. And now, you're gonna pay for underestimating us.

Krillin: Yeah, we all took care of those Saibamen like it was nothing!

Nappa: Ha! Don't make me laugh, none of you are a threat to me. You two may be at my level in terms of power, but I'm still the most Elite Saiyan there is besides the Prince, meaning I have way better strategy. (Internally: God, I hope they buy this bluff. I've seen Raditz fight before, he's a strategic genius! And who knows what his dad is capable of…) So, shall we begin the battle royale?

Raditz: Nappa, the only one you'll be fighting today is me. Because you're going to die by my hand.

Bardock: Son, what are you doing? If we take him on together, we can take care of him easily!

Raditz: No, father. This man has humiliated me for decades. You have no idea what it's like to be degraded by an idiotic buffoon like him, day in and day out. This is my fight. And besides, I owe it to the Earthlings to protect them.

[Raditz smiles at Krillin, who smiles back.]

Raditz: Go get 'em, new guy!

Raditz: I will!

[Raditz punches at Nappa's face, who blocks the punch with a large hand. Immediately, raditz uses his other hand to blast Nappa in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Raditz tries to land a foot on nappa's stomach, but Nappa pushes Raditz into the sky with a wave of Ki. Nappa flies up to meet Raditz, punching him in the gut before grabbing his leg and throwing him forward. After flying a significant distance, Raditz is able to stop himself mid-air, and begin charging at Nappa. Nappa braces for impact, placing his arms in front of him and cracking a smirk. Radit reaches Nappa, grabbing his hands and interlocking his fingers with Nappa's. Both men grasp firmly, trying to force the other to submit. A surge of magenta-colored Ki begins radiating from Raditz, while Yellow Ki surged from Nappa. The warriors push towards each other before the force of their Ki knocks them away from each other, sending Nappa into a nearby rock formation while leaving Raditz unharmed, lying on the ground.]

Nappa: Wooh, nice going so far! I gotta admit, this is way more exciting than I expected. Ready for round two?

Bardock: I think now would be a good time for me to tag in, kiddo.

Raditz: No, I can still fight. And if I can, I am going to kill him.

Bardock: All that will do is create a stalemate. Come on Raditz, you've tired him out a bit, now let me finish him off!

Nappa: Tired? Oh no, I'm only just getting started.

Raditz: I'm not asking for your permission, father. Nappa is mine.

[Raditz advances on Nappa again, this time winding up to sweep out Nappa's legs. Seeing this, Nappa prepares to jump. When Raditz reaches Nappa, Nappa leaps high into the air, leading Raditz to curve his flight path upwards, flying above Nappa to kick him in the head and into the ground. By the time Nappa recovers, Raditz is already back to Nappa's level, wailing on him with a barrage of punches to the face. Nappa manages to stop Raditz after a few seconds, gripping his hands as Raditz had earlier.]

Nappa: (Internally: Shit, this isn't good, he's got me on the backfoot, and he's trying to tire me out. If he ends up with more stamina than me, I'm finished. If only I could distract him…)

[Nappa spots Gohan watching with anticipation in his eyes.]

Nappa: (Internally: Well, there's certainly a resemblance. Worth a shot.) Hey, kid! Catch!

[Nappa lets go of one hand and fires a Ki blast at Gohan. Raditz turns his head, at which points Nappa headbutts him and slams him into the ground by his head.]

Chi-chi: GOHAN, LOOK OUT!

[Chi-chi begins flying towards the path of Nappa's blast. Gohan stares, paralyzed in fear of the attack.]

Piccolo: (Internally: Damn it, she isn't gonna be fast enough. Why aren't you moving, kid?) Gohan, move out of the way, now!

[Gohan stands in place, having not registered Piccolo's command.]

Piccolo: (Internally: Damn, he's not gonna make it! Unless…)

[Piccolo looks at Gohan, then at the blast, then at the distance between him and its flight path. Out of everyone standing there, he was the closest. He had just enough time to spring in front of it. Without hesitation, Piccolo rushes into the line of fire, spreading his arms and legs to encompass the blast. Gohan sees this, his fear quickly fading into confusion. All at once, the blast collides with Piccolo and explodes, and Gohan's mother scoops him into her arms, taking him away from the blast zone.]

Gohan: MR. PICCOLO! NO!

Chi-chi: It's alright Gohan, I'm getting you out of here!

Gohan: NO! I HAVE TO SEE MR. PICCOLO! WE CAN'T LEAVE YET!

[Gohan creates a small field of Ki, forcing himself out of his mother's grip, and flies towards Piccolo, who is lying on the ground. Piccolo is covered in wounds, oozing purple blood. As the liquid pours down his skin, Piccolo begins to cough and sputter, more blood escaping his mouth in the process. Gohan kneels down next to Piccolo.]

Gohan:Mr. Piccolo…

Piccolo: Hey… Gohan. I'm sorry, but… it looks like I'm not gonna brush this one off.

Gohan: Hold on just a minute, my dad's gonna be here soon with some senzu beans!

Piccolo: I can feel his energy, Gohan. He's too far. I'll die before he gets here.

Gohan: No… (sobbing)... Just hold on… Please…

Piccolo: Listen to me, Gohan. You're going to grow up, and if you choose to keep fighting, people are going to keep dying around you. Especially around your father, he seems to invite death wherever he goes. But listen, Gohan, it's okay, because you have what it takes to make people's lives better. I was born with an evil heart, destined to kill the Earth's greatest hero. But ever since I've met you, seeing your face, the expression of hope in your eyes, has made me think that maybe… him and his family aren't so bad. And that maybe… this world would be better off without being ruled by a megalomaniacal demon. So even though I'm not gonna make it, for a few months, you helped me see things in life worth living for. Thank you, you could change my heart, you can change anyone. My final wish is for you to use that power whenever you can. Is that ok?

Gohan: Yes, Mr. Piccolo. But you don't have to thank me for being your friend. Everyone says you're a bad person, but I know you're good, deep down inside. And if there is any way to bring you back, I promise I will.

[On the Lookout, Kami lies on the ground with Mr. Popo at his side.]

Kami: Mr. Popo, before I die, I need to tell you something.

Mr. Popo: What is it, Kami?

Kami: On the planet Namek, the planet of my people, there are other Namekians who have another set of Dragon Balls. If this battle is won by the Earthlings, give them my old ship so that they may retrieve them and revive me.

Mr. Popo: Alright Kami, I'll do your chores, but I'm gonna abuse the shit out of this Lookout while you're gone.

Kami: That's fine. Just make sure they get to Namek.

[Back at the battlefield, Nappa secretly readies another attack.]

Nappa: It's a real shame about the Namekian, kid. Seems like ya really liked him. But don't feel too bad, you can't trust most Nameks anyway. They seem to be doin' one thing one time, and another thing another time. No consistency.

Gohan: You… monster! How could you do that to Mr. Piccolo? He never did anything to you! Is this all just because you want the stupid Dragon Balls?

Nappa: Uh, yeah, I mean, I felt like that was pretty obvious.

Gohan: I'll kill you!

[Nappa fires the blast he was preparing at Yamcha, who dies instantly as the blast rips a hole in his chest, destroying his heart.]

Gohan: Yamcha!

Nappa: Made ya look!

[Nappa swiftly kicks Gohan in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground.]

Gohan: You murderer! You're doing this just for fun! I'll kill you!

[Gohan dashes towards Nappa, unleashing a barrage of punches on Nappa's face. Nappa is entirely unable to combat the assault. Gohan kicks Nappa into a rock formation, then begins charging an attack.]

Gohan: MASENKO-HA!

[A yellow beam of Ki strikes Nappa and explodes, leaving a massive cloud of dust covering him.]

Krillin: Yeah, stick it to that Saiyan brute!

Tenshinhan: Great job, kid!

Gohan: Thank you everyone!

[As Gohan laughs and smiles at his victory, he suddenly feels a large hand enveloping his head. Nappa is standing behind him, battered and bloody.]

Nappa: Honestly, I'm impressed with you too, kid. If you'd thought to make sure I was actually dead, I almost certainly would have been. But, unfortunately for you, you didn't, and I still have enough energy to kill you and all your friends.

[Nappa slams Gohan's head into the ground, then grabs his leg and slams him into the ground multiple times.]

Chi-chi: Gohan!

[Chi-chi winds up a punch, which is easily deflected by Nappa who counters with a short-range Ki explosion, sending Chi-chi flying and knocking her out.]

Nappa: Aww, how sweet, mama bear came to the rescue. Too bad she's even weaker than the cub. Oh well, looks like it's time to put baby bear to bed.

[Nappa attempts to crush Gohan's head with his feet, but a yellow Ki blast knocks him off of his feet. Looking over, Nappa sees Krillin standing triumphantly.]

Krillin: I've had enough of your wanton murder and destruction! As well as your bear jokes!

Nappa: Hey man, I don't know if you know this, but you're like, the 3rd weakest guy here. You might wanna step off.

Krillin: Nope, I can't. You killed my friends, and if someone doesn't stop you, you're going to kill everyone on this planet. Besides, I have a technique that maybe might work under very specific circumstances, so I have to try!

Nappa: Aren't you scared?

Krillin: Oh yeah, I pissed my pants in the middle of that monologue. And then I got so scared that I said that out loud.

Nappa: (Smirks) I like you, guy.

Krillin: Everybody does!

Bardock: Krillin, wait. My strength is equal to Nappa's, and he's tired out. Let me take him, and you can prepare whatever technique you were talking about in the meantime.

Krillin: Oh yeah, that sounds way smarter. I do not plan well under pressure.

Bardock: Alright Nappa, change of plans. Your next opponent is me.

Nappa: Aww, man! It's been so long since I fought a fellow bald guy! And he just looks so small and fun to knock around, you sure I can't have him for just five minutes?

Bardock: ...No.

[Bardock begins charging his energy, creating a piercing white aura around himself.]

Nappa: (Internally: Damn, this is exactly what I was hoping to avoid! Bardock's at an advantage, and I don't think he gives enough shits about anyone else here for me to pull that surprise kill trick a third time. This is bad.)

[Bardock wastes no time in approaching Nappa, using a Tyrant Lancer beam at short range to send him flying, following up with a spinning kick through the air which knocks Nappa to the ground. Nappa waits for Bardock to approach again, pretending to be injured. As Bardock gets close, Nappa grabs him and performs a jumping suplex. Nappa flies into the air, preparing to headbutt Bardock from a distance. Bardock, dazed from the hit, barely processed that Nappa is attacking again. Nappa flies straight down, head first at Bardock's previous position, while Bardock prepares to fire a Final Spirit Cannon into his back. As Nappa approaches the ground, however, Bardock notices something white clinging to Nappa's back. Just before he can recognize the object, Nappa slams into the ground, creating a massive crater and cloud of smoke.]

Nappa: Aww, what? I was sure you wouldn't be able to move!

[Bardock looks at the group standing a fair distance away from the battle. His eyes widen in a moment of realization.]

Bardock: Chiaotzu, what are you doing? Get off of him!

[Tenshinhan and Krillin, who is preparing a Kienzan, look over to see Chiaotzu covered in dust and bruises, clinging for dear life to Nappa's back.]

Chiaotzu: I'm really sorry everyone, but I think this is the only way to end this!

Tenshinhan: What do you mean, Chiaotzu?

[Chiaotzu begins to radiate blue energy.]

Tenshinhan: No, Chiaotzu, don't! We still have a chance! That isn't necessary right now!

Krillin: What is he doing, Tenshinhan?

Tenshinhan: He's trying to sacrifice himself to kill Nappa!

Krillin: What? That's crazy! Listen, buddy, I've still got the Kienzan, and Bardock still has a real chance!

Chiaotzu: C'mon, be realistic, guys. This guy has killed two of us already, and even if we can beat him, we still have the other one to deal with, and we're nothing compared to him. We've already lost this fight, let me at least choose how I go out.

Tenshinhan: Chiaotzu! No! Don't do that, please! I'll do anything, just don't do this! You know we can't bring you back with the Dragon Balls, and I don't want to live in a world without you!

Chiaotzu: I'm sorry, Tenshinhan. On the bright side, I don't think you'll be far behind me.

[Chiaotzu suddenly explodes into blue light, engulfing Nappa's body in a wave of Ki. Chiaotzu's body instantly disappears, leaving no trace behind. Nappa's wounded body lie silently on the ground. As the smoke clears, Nappa can be seen badly injured, but still alive.]

Tenshinhan: No… that son of a bitch…

Nappa: (Gasping and coughing) Alright, I've had just about enough of you Earthlings and your tricks. It's time to end this shit!

Tenshinhan: You're damn right it is, because you're next opponent is me, and I'm going to make you suffer!

Krillin: But what about Bardock? He seems to have it under control…

Tenshinhan: Fuck Bardock!

[Tenshinhan dashes straight to Nappa's position. Bardock leaps out of the way as Tenshinhan unleashes an open palm strike towards Nappa which he easily knocks away, countering with a swift blow to the stomach. As Tenshinhan recovers, Nappa begins charging his aura, creating an aura of electricity focused in his fists. Nappa reels back, ready to strike, while Tenshinhan weakly raises one hand to block the attack. Nappa strikes, and his punch goes straight through Tenshinhan's hand and forearm, ripping them clean off. Nappa then pushes Tenshinhan back with Ki and begins charging a Ki blast from his mouth. In response, Tenshinhan curls the fingers on his remaining hand.]

Tenshinhan: Ka… Me… Ha… Me…

Krillin: I can't believe it! A Kamehameha with only one hand? And he hasn't used that technique since the tournament! He must really be going for broke!

Tenshinhan: HA!

[Nappa's mouth beam and Tenshinhan's Kamehameha collide, with yellow and blue Ki swirling in contention at their meeting point. Tenshinhan manages to keep Nappa at bay with extreme difficulty, straining every muscle in his body while Nappa looks on with amusement. After only a few seconds, Nappa's beam overtakes the Kamehameha, blasting through Tenshinhan body. Tenshinhan stands with his arm stretched out, a massive hole in his chest.]

Tenshinhan: I'm sorry buddy… I couldn't quite cut it this time… But you were right… I'm right behind you.

[Tenshinhan's body falls to the ground, lifeless.]

Krillin: Tenshinhan! Damn it, you didn't have to do that! We can't keep losing people unnecessarily.

Chi-chi: Gohan, don't look at him. You've seen enough death today as is?

Nappa: Aww, what's with the pity party? You can't have honestly thought your friend was gonna pull through. I may be a little winded, but I'm more than capable of taking you all on myself. The only ones who stand a chance here are the Saiyans, not including the half-breed over there. The rest of you never stood a chance. And speaking of the half-breed, I think it's time to finish the job!

[Nappa flies up to Gohan before Chi-chi can react. Nappa raises his fist, ready to crush Gohan, who whimpers in fear before him. Nappa strikes, and Gohan and Chi-chi both scream in terror. However, Nappa makes no contact with Gohan. Confused, Nappa and Chi-chi both search for the boy until a high pitch, low volume humming is heard. Gohan is found nearby, sitting on the Flying Nimbus with a shocked expression.[Everyone looks towards a nearby hill to see Goku standing triumphantly, a bag of Senzu Beans in hand.]

Goku: Hey, everyone. Sorry I'm so late. Korrin was being a little stingy with the beans.

[Goku hands a bean to Gohan before tossing the bag to Bardock, who distributes them among those still alive.]

Nappa: So, you must be Kakarot. I was hoping you wouldn't get here until after your friends and family were slaughtered, but seeing your face is gonna be just as good.

Goku: Krillin, I felt a lot of energies disappear. Who have we lost?

Krillin: We lost Yamcha first, then Piccolo, then Chiaotzu, and Tenshinhan just went down. They all fought well, but these guys are monsters! Your brother and dad can just manage to keep up, and his partner is stronger than him by a long shot! I don't know how much stronger you've gotten, but I think all of us could beat the big guy before the short one takes us all down.

Nappa: Hey, are you ignoring me? I'm taunting you over here!

Goku: Why are you so worried, Krillin? I'm sure I can take them on. I'm gonna go how my family's doing.

[Goku walks over to Bardock, Raditz, and Chi-chi.]

Goku: How are all of you holding up?

Chi-chi: We're doing fine, but I think your son needs a bit of attention.

Raditz: He fought with the valor of a true warrior. You should be proud of him.

[The Nimbus Cloud slowly flies towards Goku. Gohan's eyes are fixed on the ground as he approaches.]

Goku: Hey buddy, I heard you've been doing a great job, that's awesome!

Gohan: Dad, I'm sorry… I couldn't protect anyone from that guy…

[Goku kneels down and places his hand on Gohan's shoulder.]

Goku: Hey, don't sweat it. Their deaths weren't your fault, it's that evil Saiyan. And I swear I'll make him pay for everything he's put you through.

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo… he died trying to save me…

Goku: Wow, really? I never thought he could do something like that. You must have really inspired him. And hey, his death isn't your fault either. You weren't ready for this fight, so naturally someone had to save you, but once you're older you'll be able to handle yourself.

Gohan (Tearing up): I guess…

Goku: Hey, dad has to go fight now, but you don't have anything to feel bad for. I'm proud of you.

[Gohan dries his tears and calms down slightly, and Goku stands up to face Nappa.]

Goku: You're the one who killed my friends?

Nappa: Oh, so now you can hear me. Yes, the humans and the Namekian all decided to make heroes of themselves, and ended up dying in the process. I'm not the brightest tool in the shed, but they really should have seen it coming. Maybe humans are just naturally dumb.

Goku: Don't you dare talk about my friends that way! You're a ruthless monster, and I'm gonna give you every ounce of pain you put them through times ten!

Nappa: Yeah, right, because I'm sure you're so much different from everyone else I've fought today. Vegeta, what's the reading on this chump's power level?

Vegeta: I wouldn't be so cocky, Nappa. It's been steadily rising since he started talking, and it's already well over five thousand.

Nappa: That's impossible, power levels shouldn't fluctuate like that. Your scouter must be busted.

Vegeta: Nappa, it's brand new. Just admit it, you've been slacking for so long that the low-class garbage out paced you.

Nappa: That scouter's malfunctioning, and I can prove it, just watch. Hey Kakarot, we haven't properly met yet, so allow me to extend my personal way of saying hello!

[Nappa suddenly strikes towards Goku, but by the time the strike lands, Goku has disappeared. Nappa begins looking around for Goku, when suddenly he feels a set of boots on his head.]

Goku: Was that punch supposed to be in slow motion?

[Nappa backflips and attempts to kick Goku, but Goku swiftly maneuvers behind Nappa and punches him square in the back. Nappa flies forward with impressive speed. Goku catches up with ease, flying in front of Nappa and uppercutting him into the sky with brutal force.]

Goku: Your move, Nappa. Whatcha gonna do?

[Nappa thinks for a moment before setting his eyes upon Gohan.]

Nappa: Oh, I'll use the kind of attack you'll never see coming!

[Nappa dashes towards Gohan, fists outstretched in an attempt to crush him.]

Goku: Nappa! Stop it, or I'll end this right now!

Nappa: I'd like to see you try, Kakarot!

[Goku flashes with a red aura, and suddenly intercepts Nappa's flight path, striking his back and breaking his spine. As Nappa falls towards the ground, Goku flies underneath him in order to catch the Saiyan. Goku then tosses Nappa's broken body at Vegeta's feet.]

Goku: Your friend isn't dead, but he can't fight anymore. If you take him off this planet now, you can get him medical attention and save his life. But if you refuse, I'll do the same thing to you.

Vegeta: Ha! You think that just because you incapacitated my lackey that I'm intimidated? Nappa is nothing but a weakling, and as far as I'm concerned, him losing to you makes him outdated and disposable.

Nappa: Please, Vegeta… don't do this…

Vegeta: Silence, whelp. Your life is over.

[Vegeta grabs Nappa by the wrist and throws him into the air, preparing a Ki blast. As nappa reaches the height of his arc, Vegeta fires.]

Raditz: DOUBLE SUNDAY!

[Suddenly, two purple beams of Ki strike Vegeta, knocking him off of his feet. Raditz then flies into Nappa's falling body, carrying him out of harm's way and flying him down to a nearby hill.]

Vegeta: Sneaky little bastard, guess I'll just have to shoot them both down.

Goku: Wait, you don't have to do that! Nappa can't fight anymore, and Raditz is trying to get him away from this fight!

Vegeta: Oh yeah? And why should I listen to some softened up Saiyan raised on this pathetic planet? As far as I'm concerned, you've failed our race, and nothing you say has any value. Now watch as I give you a preview of your fate, low-class scum.

[Vegeta begins to fire a Ki blast at Raditz and Nappa, but suddenly, a red aura envelopes Goku and he dashes forward, punching Vegeta square in the face. Vegeta nearly falls to the ground before barely managing to catch himself and stand, staring daggers at Goku.]

Vegeta: Alright, you living trash, you've officially caught my attention. Time to die.

Goku: Hold on, Vegeta. I'll let you get back at me, but not here. No one else is going to be killed as a result of our battle.

Vegeta: Fine. You've already signed your death warrant, so I suppose letting you choose the location of your grave won't hurt. Lead the way.

[Goku flies towards the desert with Vegeta following close behind.]

Krillin: Holy shit…

Chi-chi: Krillin! Language!

Krillin: Sorry, Chi-chi! It's just that I had no idea how we were even gonna touch Vegeta after we barely survived Nappa, and Goku just decked him in the face! And something tells me he's just getting started… I'm not sure who I'm more afraid of, Vegeta or Goku.

Bardock: Well I for one am glad to see that Kakarot probably won't need our help in this fight. I'll be honest, I'm not the Saiyan I used to be, but even in my prime I don't think I could have been of much help.

Chi-chi: I'm glad you see it that way, because that's exactly why I'm taking Gohan home while he's still in one piece.

Gohan: ...Are you two serious?

Chi-chi: Come again?

Gohan: We're facing the most dangerous threats this planet has ever seen, and my dad landing one punch makes you feel comfortable enough to just go home? What if he needs us?

Bardock: Listen, Gohan, I understand that you wanna help, but we're far outmatched. We'd probably just end up getting in your dad's way.

Gohan: I'm disappointed in you, grandpa. You can all go home if you want, but I'm going to make sure my dad can win this!

Chi-chi: Oh no Gohan, if you don't listen to me and come home with me right now, you will be grounded for life!

Gohan: You can ground me when Vegeta's dead!

[Gohan flies after his father.]

Krillin: Okay, I know he's five, but maybe Gohan has a point. I mean if there's anything I've learned in my years with Goku, it's that his fights never go as expected. And at the very least we should probably go to protect Gohan.

Chi-chi: Oh no, you muscle-bound freaks are not dragging my toddler into a world-ending battle! He is not going to grow up like you!

Krillin: Oh, so that's what this is about? And what's so wrong with being a martial artist?

Chi-chi: There wouldn't be one, if any of you bothered to get proper jobs!

[As Bardock watches Chi-chi and Krillin argue, his vision fades to white as he sees Vegeta in his Oozaru form laughing as he attacks a weary Goku.]

Bardock: Wait! His tail!

[Krillin and Chi-chi stop arguing and stare at Bardock, confused.]

Bardock: Vegeta still has his tail, and if transforms into an Oozaru, Kakarot is finished!

Krillin: Wait, isn't that why Piccolo destroyed the moon?

Bardock: Yes, but he can still turn into an Oozaru.

Krillin: How?

Bardock: I don't have time to explain, we have to go now! If we're not there when he transforms, this fight could be over in a matter of minutes! Come on!

[Krillin and Bardock speed off. Chi-chi stands in shock for a moment before her rage at being ignored causes her to do the same. Meanwhile, Nappa awakens from being knocked out.]

Nappa: What… what the hell happened…

Raditz: Oh good, you're awake. I've been putting my days in the Saiyan Scouts to good use, but I don't know if I can fix your utterly decimated form entirely. Might want to see an actual medical doctor for that.

[Nappa spits in Raditz' face.]

Raditz: Ugh! What was that for, you disgusting asshole?

Nappa: You should've let me die.

Raditz: What do you mean, you were begging for your life! You should be grateful that I saved you!

Nappa: Yes, I feared death, but I would've rather died at the hands of Vegeta than have to be saved by low-class scum like you.

Raditz: So this is about your pride, then? Still holding on to those archaic principles of Saiyan honor and prestige.

Nappa: You weren't gone long, Raditz, but it's clear you've forgotten everything about what it means to be a Saiyan. Of course it's easy for you to throw away what you believe in when some other pathetic fools offer you strength in numbers.

Raditz: I don't know if you noticed, Nappa, but our planet is gone! If it weren't for the six of us still clinging to life, our race would be nothing! Another forgotten memory, another victim of Freeza's megalomania.

Nappa: Freeza? What are you on about, our planet was destroyed by a meteorite.

Raditz: You honestly believe that? Come now Nappa, I knew you were stupid, but even a child could see through that lie. Freeza just so happens to recall all active Saiyans to Planet Vegeta on the day a giant meteorite hits? A giant meteorite that not one of our advanced monitoring systems saw coming, by the way. Freeza destroyed our planet because he was afraid that sooner or later we'd realize that we didn't need him. In fact all we've needed this entire time, Nappa, is exactly what you call the tactic of pathetic fools. Strength in numbers.

[Raditz outstretches his hand to Nappa, who stares blankly at Raditz in response.]

Raditz: If all of us Saiyans trained together, we'd be unstoppable. We could take down Freeza, King Cold, anyone who stands in our way. We could build a new order in the universe, far more efficient and fair than Freeza's military dictatorship.

[Nappa continues to stare blankly.]

Raditz: Fine. If that's the way it's going to be, have fun sitting there with your useless limbs. I'm going to go help my brother, and reverse all the damage you've done today. You're an idiotic, stubborn waste of air.

[Raditz flies away in Goku's direction. Nappa sits, unable to move, and begins reflecting on his life. Meanwhile, Goku and Vegeta arrive in the desert. Vegeta stands above Goku on a large rock pillar, arms crossed and smirking. Goku stands at a lower position in a fighting stance.]

Vegeta: You know Kakarot, I've been thinking on the way over here, and in the short time I've known you, you've demonstrated more raw strength than Nappa did in his entire career. So before this battle begins, I'd like to offer you a position as his replacement. How does that sound, travelling the cosmos, killing everything that stands in our way?

Goku: It's tempting, but I find that fighting is more fun when you don't do it for murder or money.

Vegeta: And what are you doing it for then, Kakarot? To protect your precious friends and family?

Goku: Well yeah, obviously. But mostly I just like to fight strong guys. Having met lots of cool people along the way is just a nice bonus.

Vegeta: Interesting, a meathead with morals. Yes, thinking about it now, there are probably far too many similarities between you and Nappa. So I'll just cut out the middleman and give you the same fate. And make no mistake, Kakarot, there's no worming your way out of this one. I am an Elite Saiyan, and not only that, but by far the strongest Saiyan who has ever lived. Simply by the circumstances of my birth, anyone who dares cross me has immediately given themselves a death sentence.

Goku: That's cool and everything, but what kind of training have you done? Because for someone so great, it didn't take me very long to catch up.

Vegeta: You're even more braindead than I thought! My power level is nearly twice yours, you haven't caught up in the slightest!

Goku: Gimme a second.

[Goku bursts into a red aura, his muscles pulsating with energy. With one swift motion, Goku leaps up and punches Vegeta in the face, knocking him off of his position.]

Goku: How 'bout you check that fancy scouter of yours?

[Vegeta activates the scouter and reads Goku's power level.]

Vegeta: Fifteen thousand?! That can't be right, how could it have risen so quickly?

Goku: This is the King Kai-Ken technique. At will I can multiply my strength at the expense of energy. Pretty neat, huh? And I can keep going, too.

[King Kai observes the battle from his planet.]

King Kai: Wow, Goku really has come a long way. Probably should've told him that using the King Kai-Ken x3 or above is basically gonna liquify all his bones. Eh, he probably won't need that much of a boost anyway. He seems to have it pretty much handled.

[Vegeta strikes back in fury, punching Goku in the face. The two begin to clash in high-speed close combat, until eventually Goku breaks the struggle by punching Vegeta in the stomach. Vegeta recoils for a second, before grabbing Goku's arm and throwing him over his head and towards the ground. Vegeta then gives chase to Goku as he falls, firing numerous Ki blasts. Goku manages to deflect all the blasts, and fires one of his own back at Vegeta, who is unprepared and gets nailed straight in the face.]

Goku: What's the matter, Your Highness? Your fancy big power level not working out for you? Maybe if you'd actually trained properly you'd stand a chance in a fight!

Vegeta: Oh I'm just getting started, you miserable insect.

Goku: That's what they all say, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Vegeta: RAH!

[Vegeta begins using another barrage of Ki attacks, which Goku once again deflects with ease. However, Vegeta catches Goku off guard by dashing towards him and sweep kicking his legs while he focused on the blasts, knocking Goku to the ground. Vegeta then plants his boot on Goku's chest, stomping on his ribs several times. He then grabs Goku's leg and throws him into the air while preparing a massive Ki attack.]

Vegeta: Now prepare to meet the fate intended for the other miserable oaf on this planet! Die!

[Vegeta fires a purple beam of Ki as Goku reaches the height of the throw, but Goku stops himself mid-air and fires a Kamehameha back at Vegeta which pierces through the beam and lands a direct hit on Vegeta, severely damaging his armor.]

Vegeta: You… how dare you soil my royal armor with your foolish tricks? I am your Prince!

Goku: If you wanted my respect, you shouldn't have attacked my planet and had your friend kill four of my friends.

Vegeta: We gave them every opportunity to hand over the Dragon Balls, but they persisted in opposing us.

Goku: And if they had done that, would you have honestly left them alone?

Vegeta: Who's to say, I'm quite an unpredictable person. I might have let them live, or I might have slaughtered them all without a second thought.

Goku: Wow, I can tell why you don't have many friends. Anyway, I'm going up to King Kai-Ken x2 now, so get ready to get your ass kicked some more.

[Goku's red aura intensifies, and he immediately dashes towards Vegeta, landing a kick to his torso that knocks him upward and forward with massive force. As Vegeta flies, Goku quickly flies around and underneath him, landing another kick which launches him into the air. Vegeta just manages to stop himself, and looks around frantically for Goku. As he keeps looking, Goku lands another flying kick to Vegeta's face from above him, knocking him into a large crater in the ground. Vegeta lies motionless, reflecting on the battle at hand.]

Vegeta: What the hell is going on? There's no way someone like him could be this strong! Have I really been humiliated by a low-class clown like him? Even though my blood is superior, he's just toying with me!

[Vegeta notices a drop of blood fall from his mouth onto his hand, staining his stark white gloves red. Vegeta clenches his fist and grits his teeth.]

Vegeta: No… No… NO! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I refuse to be made a fool of! Especially by the likes of you, Kakarot! With the Dragon Balls gone, this planet has no use to me anymore, so I'm going to end this eyesore on the universe! Prepare to witness the power of a Saiyan Elite!

[Vegeta rises into the air, a purple aura of electricity surrounding him. As Vegeta's rage come to a peak, the sky darkens to a near-pitch black and the ground itself begins to shake as Vegeta's energy shakes the core of the Earth.]

Goku: Oh man, I thought Vegeta was at the end of his rope, but his power is still rising! Looks like I'm gonna need to go to the King Kai-Ken x3 to match this attack!

King Kai (Telepathically): No, Goku! Listen, if you use the King Kai-Ken x3 or above, your body will be destroyed!

Goku: But King Kai, if Vegeta hits the Earth with his attack, we're all doomed! I have to try, even if it kills me!

[Goku powers up to the King Kai-Ken x3 and begins charging a Kamehameha.]

Vegeta: Say goodbye, Kakarot! Everything you know and love will soon be vaporized in an instant! Galick Gun, fire!

Goku: Ha!

[Both warriors fire their blasts, resulting in a massive beam struggle.]

Vegeta: How does it feel, Kakarot, feeling the full force of a pure-blooded Saiyan, and knowing there's nothing you can do to stop me?

Goku: This isn't over yet, Vegeta!

[Goku suddenly adds more force to the Kamehameha, catching Vegeta off guard and nearly overtaking the Galick Gun.]

Vegeta (Internally): Damn, why won't Kakarot just die already?! I need to finish this now, before Kakarot pulls something out of his ass.

Goku (Internally): It's taking everything I have just to keep Vegeta at bay! I only have one chance to win this…

Goku: King Kai-Ken…

Vegeta: No! Shut up! Stop it!

[Vegeta begins pushing harder, the Galick Gun nearly reaching Goku.]

Goku: Times…

Vegeta: DIE YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT!

[The Galick Gun pushes further, eventually getting inches from Goku's hands.]

Goku: FOUR!

[Suddenly, in a burst of red and blue Ki, Goku's Kamehameha grows and consumes Vegeta's Galick Gun, quickly reaching Vegeta and blowing him into the sky.]

Vegeta: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

[Goku stands for a moment in his attack position before smiling weakly and crumbling to the ground. Everyone watching immediately rushes to help Goku.]

Gohan: Dad! Are you okay?

Goku: Yeah Gohan, I'm fine, just a bit tired. Also, my bones kinda feel like soup.

Krillin: Well you did a great job out there buddy! The Saiyans are officially defeated!

Chi-chi: Thank goodness, we can finally relax.

Bardock: You guys are joking, right? I mean we can all sense energy, and Vegeta's hasn't disappeared yet.

Krillin: Well yeah, but I mean that blast was bound to kill him eventually, right?

[Vegeta flies high into the atmosphere on Goku's Kamehameha before managing to wrestle himself free, flying safely out of the blast as it flies past him. Vegeta floats, severely injured and speechless after this embarrassing loss.]

Vegeta: By God… never have I been so humiliated by low-born scum. Am I even worthy of the title of Prince anymore, after all this? No, I can't give up yet! I'm not done with these fools! If my timing is correct, the Earth's moon should be rising around now, and if I can turn into the mighty Oozaru, those fools stand no chance!

[Vegeta looks to the horizon, but sees only the sun setting and a darkening sky, but no moon.]

Vegeta: What? Where's the moon? According to this planet's star chart, the moon should be full tonight, so why can't I see it? No, it can't be… did they destroy the moon in preparation for my arrival? Those clever bastards! I'll have to create an artificial moon.

[Back on the ground, Bardock stares up into the sky.]

Bardock: Nope, he's definitely still alive.

Krillin: No, that's not possible! Goku gave it everything he has, I'm sure he's-

[Vegeta suddenly slams onto the ground in his Oozaru form with a furious roar.]

Krillin: God damn it!

Bardock: Alright Raditz, go time. Let's transform!

Raditz: Right!

Krillin: Gohan, Chi-chi, can you help me get Goku out of here?

Gohan and Chi-chi: Of course.

[Bardock and Raditz stare at the moon and begin to transform as Krillin, Chi-chi, and Gohan carry Goku away from the battle.]

King Kai (Telepathically): Goku, how much power do you have left?

Goku: Oh hey King Kai, I'll probably be fine if I can just rest for a minute.

Gohan: Who are you talking to, dad?

Chi-chi: He's probably just delirious.

King Kai (Telepathically): Listen to me, Goku. You have to use the Spirit Bomb. It's the only way to defeat Vegeta!

Goku: I dunno how much energy I have left…

King Kai (Telepathically): Don't worry, just lift your arms and the planet can do the rest. No energy required.

Goku: Okay, I'll use the Spirit Bomb. Thanks, King Kai!

King Kai (Telepathically): You're welcome. Good Luck!

[Goku stands after being set down, raises his hands to the sky, and begins preparing the Spirit Bomb.]

Krillin: Whatcha doing there, Goku?

Goku: I'm charging the Spirit Bomb.

Krillin: Oh yeah? What's that?

Goku: It's a move I learned when I was dead. I'm gonna use it to kill Vegeta. You should use the Kienzan to cut off his tail.

Krillin: Oh yeah, sure thing! You sure you're gonna be okay?

Goku: Yeah, I'll be fine.

[Bardock lunges towards Vegeta attempting to punch him, but Vegeta easily jumps over him and kicks Bardock in the back. Raditz fires a mouth blast from behind, but Vegeta quickly turns around deflects the blast, returning one of his own. Raditz is hit in the chest, but Bardock manages to get back up and attempts to tackle Vegeta. Bardock grips Vegeta's waist, causing Vegeta to grip him in return and throw Bardock over his head in a suplex.]

Vegeta: Ha! I knew this fight was gonna be a wash, but you two are even more pathetic than I thought.

Raditz: Father, I have an idea. If I can grab his tail, we might be able to do some damage.

Bardock: Okay, but how do you suggest we do that?

Raditz: Well he seems to be feeling pretty confident, so we can probably use that to our advantage.

Vegeta: Hey, what are you idiots whispering about? You're supposed to be getting your asses kicked by me!

[Vegeta performs a flying kick on Bardock, then turns and uppercuts Raditz. Bardock gets back up and lands a surprise punch on Vegeta's head, leaving him confused enough for Bardock and Raditz to attack him together. As they unload a flurry of attacks, Vegeta regains his wits, Punches Bardock in the stomach, and sweep kicks Raditz's legs. Vegeta leaps towards Bardock and begins wailing on his face.]

Vegeta: Finally! No tricks up your sleeve, no sudden turn of events, I just get to crush your head with my giant fists! This is what being a Saiyan is all about!

[Vegeta's eyes suddenly widen as he feels a tugging on his tail. Looking behind him, he sees that Raditz has his tail in both hands, and he begins squeezing it as tightly as he can.]

Raditz: Father, I've got him! Attack now!

[Raditz looks over to see Bardock knocked out cold, his massive body having made a crater in the earth beneath him.]

Raditz: I see… well I still have your tail, so there's nothing you can do.

Vegeta: Please… Raditz… Let go of my tail…

Raditz: And why would I do that?

Vegeta: I'm sorry… Sorry I've treated you like garbage all these years… All this time I thought you were nothing but a weakling… But you've proven that I was wrong about you! Please, if you let me go… I promise we can start over… As partners…

Raditz: Ha! You think I'm that stupid? Kakarot might be stupid enough to think anyone can have a change of heart, but I know you, Vegeta. You're nothing but an elitist scumbag with an inflated ego, and honestly, nothing makes me happier than watching you squirm, even if you are being pretentious. You've always been such an asshole, I can;t believe I stuck around with you as long as I did. Honestly, I think it was because…

[As Raditz continues to ramble and insult Vegeta, his grip eventually loosens, and Vegeta is able to pull his tail free and backhand Raditz, sending him flying across the desert and leaving a massive trail of destruction as he crashes into the landforms around him. Raditz falls unconscious after finally being stopped by a large mountain.]

Vegeta: the point wasn't to trick you, Raditz. It was to get you talking. Honestly, if you trained as much as you talked, you would have surpassed Nappa ages ago. Now, where is that punk, Kakarot?

[Vegeta looks around and sees Goku in the distance charging the Spirit Bomb.]

Vegeta: Oh, he's right over there. Guess I'll just waltz up there, crush him, and get on with my life. A bit anticlimactic, actually, but whatever.

[Suddenly, Chi-chi appears in front of Vegeta.]

Vegeta: Oh, hello there. You must be Kakarot's wife. Listen, I know you must be eager to die amongst all this despair at my awesome power, but I'm afraid it'll have to wait until after I've killed your husband.

Chi-chi: Solar flare.

Vegeta: Pardon?

Chi-chi: Solar Flare!

[A blinding white light suddenly fills the dark night, blinding Vegeta.]

Vegeta: AGH, GODDAMN IT YOU SNEAKY BITCH! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I MANAGE TO FIND YOU, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AS SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY AS I CAN!

Krillin: Kienzan!

[Krillin fires the Kienzan, but Vegeta turns to face him, meaning the blast merely hits his leg rather than his tail.]

Vegeta: Fuck, that stung! Alright, fine, if you humans want to die so badly, then so be it! I may be blind, but you don't have to see to do this!

[Vegeta suddenly begins jumping in random directions, flailing his entire body in the hopes of killing someone.]

Goku: Ah, finally, the Spirit Bomb's done! Now, to just wait until Krillin cuts off Vegeta's tail and-

[Vegeta suddenly jumps in Goku's direction, managing to hit him with a stray flick of his tail. Goku is sent flying into a nearby rock.]

Goku: Ow…

Gohan: Dad!

[Gohan flies towards Goku.]

Krillin: Goku! Alright, I have to cut off Vegeta's tail now, or I may not get another chance! Here goes…

[Krillin charges another Kienzan,and waits for Vegeta to get closer. Eventually, Vegeta jumps towards Krillin's position, but stops just in front of him before turning around and preparing to jump again.]

Krillin: Kienzan!

[Krillin fires another Kienzan, this time landing a direct hit, cutting off Vegeta's tail.]

Vegeta: Ha! I just felt something hit my tail! I got someone, didn't I? Wait, I can't feel it anymore… NO! That's not possible…

[Vegeta grows smaller and smaller until eventually reaching his normal size. Meanwhile, Gohan reaches Goku.]

Gohan: Dad, are you okay?

Goku: Yes, son. I'm fine, but I need you to do something for me.

Gohan: What is it, dad?

Goku: In my hands is a power called the Spirit Bomb. It's an attack with enough power to kill Vegeta, and I need you to take it from me and hit him with it, okay?

Gohan: Dad, I don't know if I can…

Goku: Please Gohan, I know you don't know it yet, but you're so much stronger than you know. You're the Earth's last hope, and I need you to at least try. Can you do that for me?

Gohan: Yes, dad…

Goku: Okay, here. Take my hand.

[Goku weakly extends his hand to Gohan, who grabs it, and blue energy begins to surge between them. Goku lets go, leaving Gohan with the power in his hands. Gohan pushes the energy out, forming a small blue ball. With the Spirit Bomb now in hand, Gohan turns to see Vegeta back in his normal form.]

Gohan (Internally): Wow, this power is enormous. I can feel the energy of the entire planet in my hands. At this moment, the Ki of every person, animal, and planet lives inside me. All I have to do is throw it at Vegeta, and this will all be over! Finally, the Earth will be safe, and it's all up to me!

Gohan: Hey, Vegeta!

[Vegeta turns to see Gohan holding the Spirit Bomb.]

Gohan: When you get to Hell, tell them Son Gohan sent you!

[Gohan throws the Spirit Bomb. Vegeta tries to deflect it, but the blast flies too fast and hits him straight on. Vegeta is swiftly covered in electric energy, which carries him into the sky. Vegeta screams in agonizing pain as he flies before the Bomb explodes. Vegeta's body silently falls to the ground, defeated.]

Krillin: Holy shit, Gohan, you did it! You killed Vegeta! Woohoo!

Gohan: Haha, yeah! I did it!

Chi-chi: Oh Gohan, that was so amazing, you're officially ungrounded!

Gohan: Thanks, mom!

Goku: Wow, you actually got him? Leaving it to you was a complete guess, but it looks like it worked! Now, can someone please take me to a hospital? All of my organs hurt.

Krillin: Sure thing, Goku!

[Krillin, Gohan, and Chi-chi happily pick up Goku, as well as Raditz and Bardock, who have transformed back into their normal forms. However, just as our heroes are about to celebrate their victory, a Saiyan pod lands nearby and opens its door. A bloody, dying Vegeta manages to pull himself into the pod.]

Krillin: Oh no, this is not happening today!

[Krillin Drops Raditz's body and flies toward the pod, aiming a Ki blast directly at Vegeta.]

Krillin: Any last words?

Goku: Krillin, wait! Can't you see he's not a threat to us anymore?

Krillin: What do you mean? As long as he's alive, this piece of shit is going to try and kill all of us!

Goku: Let him go, Krillin. We can't kill an injured opponent who's trying to flee, that would be cruel. And besides, if he does come back, I want a good rematch with him.

Krillin: Goku, as your good friend, it's my responsibility to tell you that that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Goku: But he already got away.

Krillin: What?

[Krillin turns around to see that Vegeta's pod has already launched, and flies towards the stars.]

Krillin: Damn it, Goku, if he comes back and kills us all, we are not friends anymore.

Goku: Relax, Krillin. We did the right thing. He couldn't fight anymore, so it wouldn't have been right to kill him. And besides, after this defeat, maybe he'll change his mind and become a good guy!

Krillin: *sigh* Well, I guess we should get you to that hospital now.

[Krillin picks Raditz back up and our heroes begin transporting them to West City. Meanwhile, Vegeta reflects in his pod.]

Vegeta: Unbelievable… The Saiyan prince reduced to nothing by a bunch of hillbilly weaklings living out in the middle of nowhere. I need to get to a Freeza station, get myself healed, and rethink my entire life. Who knows, maybe after all this, gathering the Dragon Balls on Namek will be a walk in the park. No matter what happens, I just hope I never see those faces ever again…

[Somewhere in space, Freeza sips a glass of wine as he listens in on Vegeta's scouter.]

Freeza: Interesting, so Vegeta managed to survive.I suppose his next destination will be Planet Namek, then. Let's give him a little surprise. Zarbon!

[Zarbon rushes into the room.]

Zarbon: Yes, Lord Freeza?

Freeza: Set a course for Planet Namek, and order all nearby Freeza soldiers on standby to report there as well.

Zarbon: Yes, sir, right away, sir.

Freeza: Good, Zarbon. Soon, my dream shall be realized by the Dragon Balls, and I will be the undisputed ruler of the universe!

Zarbon: Very good, congratulations, sir.

Freeza: Why are you still here? Go set the course!

Zarbon: Right away, my apologies Lord Freeza!

[Zarbon sprints out the door, and Freeza is left chuckling to himself in his quarters.]

[END OF THE SAIYAN SAGA]