Note: Just some soft Jeankasa fluff because I love them and they are underrated. Spoilers up to chapter 127 of the manga.
"Are you okay?"
There's nothing condescending or even remotely judgemental present in Jean's tone when he addresses her- just a quiet and well-meant query into her well-being- but Mikasa bristles anyways.
Maybe it's because, deep down, she understands that she isn't.
She's the farthest from okay that she's ever been and she feels like she's floundering with nothing to keep her tethered.
Grounded.
Just think for yourself for once.
There had been nothing malicious to Armin's words- and she knows that.
Knows that he was right, even if he had apologized immediately after speaking them.
(They still sting, regardless.)
He's been stretched thin, struggling to rationalize Eren's recent actions, even as he works to come up with a counter strategy.
He can't afford to have her using him as a crutch at this time.
It isn't fair for her to ask that of him.
Her entire life has been lived for Eren. As long as she was by his side, she knew her purpose.
Now that she's had that rug ripped out from under her feet, she's not sure what to do.
Nothing has ever left her quite so gutted as Eren's I've always hated you.
"I'm fine," she says shortly, even as she wraps her arms around herself, keeping away a nonexistent chill.
Jean draws himself up short immediately, hesitating.
It's enough to make Mikasa feel bad.
Her frustration is with herself and her own inadequacy.
Not with Jean.
The words I'm sorry feel like they're stuck in her throat.
"I just meant…" He wrestles internally with something for a good long moment. "It's Eren."
Pieces of Jean and Armin's exchange from earlier drift back to her consciousness.
He hurt Mikasa with his words. His tone had been weary, strained. Of course it was. He'd just had an altercation with his best friend. I hit him.
Tell me how he hurt her. Jean's vehemence, directed at Eren in a way that would normally have had all her senses roaring to defend him.
And yet she didn't.
Every piece of her had just felt… empty.
It still does, if she's being honest with herself.
There's none of that vehemence now when he speaks to her.
She's been aware of how Jean feels about her. Even if it hadn't been present in his wistful gaze back in their cadet days, or in the way he used to blush when stammering through one sentence to her, it would be hard of her to forget the way Sasha accidentally spilled the beans to her- and then made her vow to never, ever tell Jean she had said that.
(Even if remembering Sasha is… painful, but Mikasa isn't about to let the memories she had with her die.)
"I know he still matters to you."
For an instant, Mikasa can't breathe. His words have sapped her breath away and she stands there, frozen.
Of course, she still cares about him. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to stop caring about him.
Mikasa, what am I to you?
Family.
That conversation seems a lifetime- no, an eternity ago.
Is that really what Eren is to her? Maybe.
"Hey." His hands are on her arms, squeezing gently, dragging her back to reality.
It surprises her enough to actually work.
There aren't many outside of Eren and Armin willing to risk touching her so freely.
She meets his eyes and something seems to come over him.
He snatches his hands back, looking awkward.
"You were… breathing hard," he offers as explanation.
Mikasa says nothing- she has no idea how to make sense of what she's feeling. How can she possibly voice it to Jean?
"We need you now," he says, voice steadier now, but still gentle. "More than ever. I know what Annie said hit a nerve, but… we need you to keep your head on straight."
A hard lump forms in her throat. She swallows it down and stands straighter.
"I know," she says. She presses her lips together.
"But," he steps closer to her in earnest, reaching out to grasp her arm again, "I don't want you to feel alone. You can talk to me."
Mikasa doesn't know what to make of the fluttering in her stomach. She takes a breath. "Jean…"
"It doesn't have to be me. Armin, Hange… we're all her for you. Don't allow yourself to shoulder this on your own."
He's right.
She's not alone and she never has been. That's not something she can allow herself to forget.
Mikasa reaches up, wrapping her fingers around his wrist.
He freezes, taken completely off guard by her touch.
She doesn't remove his hand, simply lets it rest there. "Jean," she says again and waits the extra moment for him to regain his composure. She allows her features to soften, though she can't quite bring herself to smile. "Thank you for reminding me."