I looked out the window. My gaze focused on the distant trees to save myself from the sight of the walkers chained to the fence as an added protection. I hated the sight, but I didn't complain because the view was connected to a room of its own. Cleanliness, electricity, fresh water, privacy. That was pure luxury.
Again I felt his breath stroking my neck and shoulders.
So, he was still behind me.
"What else do you want, Negan? What are you going to do now?"
He snorted in amusement, his breath brushed my skin below the hairline again, and goose bumps spread from there in all directions.
"What else do I want? Seriously, Little one?" I could hear the smile in his sluggish voice.
Silence fell, and I waited to hear his receding footsteps. It remained silent and his regular breath continued to tickle my skin. I wanted to stay calm, no ice-cold. I didn't want to let anything show. But the longer this tense silence hung between us, the less I managed to maintain the cool facade. A shiver ran down my back from the atlas to my tailbone and continued to the soles of my feet. Did he notice? Why didn't he finally disappear, so I could relax again?
That amused snort again. Unfortunately, he didn't miss anything.
"If you change your mind, you know where to find me", he whispered in my ear, but stayed where he was, straining my willpower. I clenched my fists. A soft, wet smack told me that, as so often, he had licked his lips while he was thinking.
Scratching, footsteps that receded. At last. I closed my eyes and exhaled. I had been holding my breath without even realizing it. How long? I couldn't tell.
"Do you know how much it turned me on? How the goosebumps spread over your shoulders and arms. Without even touching you. Great shit." He had spoken the last words very slowly, and very quietly.
"At that moment I would have loved to slowly bend your head back by your hair and kiss your sad, shiny, red eyes." I tensed up again. Didn't dare to look over my shoulder to see if he was getting any closer again.
"It's your eyes, you know, your eyes. Fuck. When I see them, I really want to make them sparkle again." And again I held my breath, my fists clenched.
"You shouldn't wait too long to get back in the saddle, Little one. It doesn't get any easier." A tear fell from the corner of my eye, leaving a slow, cold, damp trail along my nose, hanging on my lip for a moment, until my tongue reflexively snapped out and the tear disappeared.
"You see. That's what I mean. That tear. I would kiss it away, that one and each other. I like kissing. The scars, I'd kiss them too. Each. You know that I saw them all." His voice sounded closer again, or were my overstimulated nerves deceiving me?
"I want to hold you while you sleep and warm you up. Explore every square inch of your body when you are awake and not allow that anything makes you feel fear again." I wrapped my arms around myself to suppress the trembling that was running through my cramped muscles again.
"Fuck!" He hissed through his teeth. He was right behind me again.
"And I want you there on the bed below me. I want to pull your emaciated ass apart and shove myself inside you, and, fuck, I want to fuck every thought, every memory of what happened to you out of you because it makes me sick to see you like that, Little one."
His anger hung palpably in the air between us, heavy and hot. He huffed again. "Shit, sorry for saying that, after all ... you know. That was callous." Silence.
"I better take my leave now." Silence. Steps. The soft creak of the doorknob.
"Stay. Please"