Chapter 1
He cradled her gently while she was sobbing into his chest, another grief in her life, another loss in his. The kid, the English squint, as Booth called him, was now dead and gone because of another of Booth's mistakes. He should have killed Broadsky when he had the chance, shot him in the back just like he told Sweets. And now, his Bones, his…It was impossible to describe what Temperance Brennan was to him, she was his partner, Roxie to his Tony, Wanda to his Buck, his best friend, the person he would die for and kill for, someone he wanted to give his heart and soul to. He still believed in fate, he still knew that she was the one, but he also knew that despite what she said that night in the car or even when they wrote down the date, there was still a chance that she will change her mind and run away again and he didn't know how he would react to that.
Booth knew he loved her, it's a simple knowledge he finally learned to live with, he will never be over it or move on, despite how much he might try, she will always have a place in his heart. He knew it from the start, but just being in love with somebody is not enough. You need to make a choice, to make a leap of faith, something that Bones doesn't do, it's simply not her. He remembered how he gambled on them before she ran away from him and she crushed his heart beyond repair. He tried to move on, he really did, it was a healthy and mature decision, no one can say that he didn't give it a fair shot, but it was useless. He knew why Hannah rejected him, now that his anger calmed down, he knew that she saw that the moment Bones told him she made a mistake, their relationship was doomed. He remembered the uneasy conversation Hannah and he had, he remembered that after Bones' confession an insistent voice in the back of his head, which sounded a lot like Sweets, was telling him that he was fooling himself, that one step from Bones to him was enough for Booth to gamble on them again. Hannah, naturally, refused to marry him, not that he could blame her, given that the decision was made with alcohol and the proposal was rushed and she was definitely not ready and never made a secret of it. In addition, it was all at the wrong time and in the wrong place and to a wrong person, but he was so pissed. First, he was truly mad at the women in his life, but then he was mad with himself. He took pride in his emotional maturity, his ability to stay in touch with his own feelings, but this time his gut failed him. Or more accurately, he ignored it.
After the Valentine's day, which was taken him by surprise, because Brennan really made an effort for them, awkwardly and charmingly in her unique way, but it was a real step, he and Angela had a long talk. He didn't want to discuss it with Sweets, because, as much as he loved a kid, he was a kid. And Angela was just as good as Booth was with emotions and she really knew Bones. He would go as far and say that he and Angela were the only two people in the whole world who actually knew who Brennan really were. Angela told him that she thought that he and Hannah were doomed the moment they all came back and not exclusively because of Brennan, but because Booth mistook a rebound relationship for something else entirely. He disagreed with her at first until Angela reminded him that she was in a similar position, how she rushed things with Roxie, trying to make up for the things she lost when they broke up with Hodgins. He couldn't argue with that, even though Booth and Bones never officially dated, they were still a "couple", he knew that and when Angela said that he sabotaged his relationship by pushing too hard, just like she did with Roxie, because it was the wrong person and the right one was still around. He couldn't argue with that either.
Once upon a time, in his dream, he called her Iceland, cold to touch, but warm and welcoming once past the first layer. He wasn't wrong, but now, he knew better. She was the force of nature that can destroy anything on her way, she was a harsh winter that lures you in with it's snow and fairytale beauty. He knew that she had a warm and caring heart, he and Angela, were those privileged who knew exactly what Bones was trying to hide in the severity of the winter. But for Angela it was so much easier, for whatever reason Brennan let her in without any hesitation, maybe it was Angela's unique ability to see beauty, art in every soul she meets. She saw Bones's heart instead of the icy interior and just went along with it. For Booth it was a battle, a battle against the harshest storm, the stubbornness and ice, the contempt, the fight with his own beliefs and at some point, when she let him in, when he learned the whole truth about her and fell in love with her completely, she almost destroyed him. Later, when she said she regretted it, he couldn't just give her what she wanted, he learned that lesson from her, he needed evidence, not just words. He built his own walls that protected his own heart from her. But, of course, with just a little effort, she made it back through those walls and occupied her rightful place in his heart again, completely and without any compromise. She promised him that she was getting better, that she was getting stronger, but Booth wasn't sure she could ever commit to him the way he wanted to be committed to her. She didn't believe in love or fate, so he resigned himself to be there for her. He would comfort her, he would let he cry herself to sleep in his bed, he would be her anchor and the confidant of her warm, fragile heart and he was OK with that, sometimes love was like that.
Bones wasn't crying anymore and Booth looked down and saw her pale blue eyes staring at him, he was sure she could read his mind, just like he always could read hers. She was studying him like the set of remains in her lab, as if she was making a decision. It was weird, this connection they had, even for someone like him, who believed in things like soulmates and destiny. Of course, Bones would dismiss it, would give the scientific jibber-jabber explanation, but his gut knew he was right and for whatever reason, in this very moment the whole world stood still as if the time froze around them, he knew that she came to a decision, he was just afraid to believe it. How many times he imagined them in his bed, both naked and in love and happy? He didn't mean to do it, but some unknown force made his hand touch her face gently, he wanted it to be comforting, nothing else, but Bones's eyes were full of confidence and determination, she was once again the force of nature, not the vulnerable woman who wept in his arms a minute ago, no, she was a hurricane that was about to devour him.
She kissed him without hesitation or warning, her lips were slightly dry and salty from the tears shed before. She was consuming him like the ocean and it took all his willpower to break the kiss, because if they cross that last line and break the dam, he won't be able to get back, to recover when she changes her mind.
'Bones…' he whispered pushing away from her slightly. He sat up straight and turned his back to her. He was breathing heavily and closed his eyes. Booth felt a slight movement behind him and Brennan was right next to him. He looked at her and noticed that the moment passed and her face was an open book now, she was stripped from her layers of protectiveness, her huge eyes were hurt and confused.
'I can't do this, I just…I know you lost a friend today and you are feeling vulnerable.'
'Booth, I am not vulnerable, I just want to be with you,' she said quietly.
He closed his eyes for a moment, he knew, of course, she told him that before, she wanted them to try to be together, but he needed her to understand that he wanted it all.
'I want this too, Bones, I want us, but nothing changed for me, Bones, I still want 30, 40, 50 years, I want all in. I am still that guy, I know.'
'I know,' she kissed his cheek carefully, trying to show him that she knew exactly what he was asking of her. 'I know.'
Booth looked at her and felt his pulse racing. Does she really mean it? He was almost ready gave in and took her hand in his, their fingers entwined.
'I know and I am sorry, it took me so long to catch up,' she said leaning her head to the side looking at him almost pleadingly. She was giving him a choice; it was his turn to either take this road or run away the way she did a year ago. For the very first time ever since they met, they were both in the same place with both their feelings and desires, no other commitments, no strings. He wasn't angry anymore and she was strong enough.
So the dam broke and before he knew it, he was kissing her senseless, for a second she was surprised with the force he was claiming her lips but quickly recovered and reciprocated the kiss with the same ferocity. The years of holding back, all the reasons not to do it, all doubts vanished into the night and it was just the two of them in the whole world. Booth felt his body and soul caught on fire, his deepest fantasy was coming true, he was in the bed with the woman he was insanely in love with for years and she wanted him back, she wasn't running away, she was welcoming him with all she had. Before they knew it Booth was already inside of her, her low voice encouraged him, her nails dug into his shoulders, he was kissing her lips almost bruisingly and he couldn't stop. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, but all he could focus on was the overwhelming feeling this stubborn, complicated and extraordinary woman evoked in him.
When they were done, it was the time for both of them to go to work. Neither of them got a normal night sleep, but it didn't matter. The dam was broken and they were both drowning. But before they can be consumed completely, they had to finish this, Vincent's death had to be avenged, Booth had to stop Broadsky to protect himself, his people and now something else, something that was forged this early morning. It was a little awkward after they both showered and got dressed, but Booth couldn't help himself, despite the fear, the exhaustion and horrible events of yesterday, his heart swelled with male pride, he won, he got the girl and not just any girl, the woman of his dreams. He knew that they had things to talk about, to discuss and they both agreed to do it as soon as the Broadsky business was over. She asked him to come back safe, nothing else and Booth knew that he had to do it, whatever the cost, he will come back to her.