He left me. I don't know why but he did. He left me for her. That girl he always hangs around with now. Enid. We'd been dating since the prison days although we'd met before that back at the farm. I was the youngest Greene girl and I'd never even had a crush on a boy yet.

Everywhere is still

But when we went to the prison, I got closer to Carl and he became my first boyfriend.

Everything is restless in my heart

Those days were the best. They still live on in my mind. I wish they still lived on in his.

I hate the way this feels

But he seems to have forgotten about me completely. He's infatuated with her. And me? I'm just a memory to him now.

Suddenly I'm scared to be apart

But things had changed in Alexandria and I was scared to go anywhere without him. Because of the new leader, Negan.

The days are dark when you're not around

But worse than the fear was the depression that hit me whenever he was gone on a supply run. Whenever I couldn't see him anymore.

The air is getting hard to breathe

I'd almost had a panic attack more than once. He was my lifeline back then and had made everything better.

I wish that you would just put me down

I wish I could just wish away my feelings for him, wish away all of those memories that haunted me and the days we'd spent together.

I wish that I could go to sleep

Even when I slept, he still plagued me in my dreams.

Loving you is suicide

I should never have loved Carl Grimes, never let him into my life.

I don't know should I go or should I stay

I looked down from my perch on the roof of the infirmary to see Carl crossing the street, Enid's hand entwined in his.

I'm tryna to keep myself alive

As I watched him turn to kiss her, it felt like someone had stabbed a knife into my heart.

Knowing there's a chance it's all too late

My favorite memory of us entered my mind then...

But I heard you say you loved me

~ Flashback ~

I felt his breath on my skin and he mumbled against my lips, "I love you..."

That's the part I can't forget

His Sheriff's hat brushed against my forehead as his velvet-soft lips captured mine.

~ End of Flashback ~

And I wish that you come save me

Slowly, I stood up on the roof as tears pricked my blue eyes. I wish that Carl loved me like that still...

Cause I'm standing over the edge

Bits of shingles trickled down as I stepped onto the ledge, looking down at the ground. It was a long way down. But what was there to live for anyway? He didn't love me anymore, didn't need me like he used to. He'd moved on and I was still living in the past. I had nothing now. Nothing but the memories...

I should let you go

I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain encompassed my heart.

Tell myself the things I need to hear

I'd tried to convince myself so many times after he left that I didn't need him anymore.

But my brain is "Why? You're wrong!"

Every time, I just told myself;

"Why? You're wrong!"

That's why I'm loving you when you're not here

I was still so in love with Carl even though he wasn't here.

Feels like I drown in your every word

Oh, we talked some. And every time, I hung onto his every word.

And every breath that's in between

With every breath he took, a memory came back to me in flashes.

Somehow you got me where it really hurts

Those cerulean-blue eyes always looked into the most hidden parts of my subconscious.

It's killing every part of me

After that, he would leave and take my heart with him. Every time.

Loving you is suicide

~ Flashback ~

His arms encircled around me, giving me warmth.

I don't know should I go or should I stay

Even in this moment, I feel him drifting away though. He's starting to fall for her.

I'm tryna to keep myself alive

Even though he denied it, deep down I knew it to be true.

Knowing there's a chance it's all too late

But I felt it in my heart: it's all too late for us.

But I heard you say you loved me

Just then I heard Carl whisper into my ear, "I love you so much..."

That's the part I can't forget

His arms wrapped tighter around me then and he placed a chaste kiss in my hair.

~ End of Flashback ~

And I wish that you come save me, boy

Tears ran down my cheeks as I looked out over the little town, wishing Carl would come save me from this.

Cause I'm standing over the edge

I sucked in a breath and inched closer to the edge.

Loving you is suicide

Loving him was suicide. I should've known that a long time ago.

And my world's about to break

But once I took that last step, it would all be over.

And I... had as much as I can take

I just couldn't take this anymore. It was too much. I'd had enough of it. Slowly, I lifted up one of my feet and stretched my arms out.

And love is a long way down

Then I let go. I let go of it all. I jumped. Wind rushed around me as I fell through the air, thoughts of Carl swirling in my mind: his smile, his kiss, his laugh...

I don't remember hitting the ground but I do remember hearing the sickening crunch as I landed.

Loving you is suicide

And then that old familiar Sheriff's hat came into view as Carl rushed to my side.

And it's getting harder everyday

My vision was blurred but I could just make those cerulean-blue eyes filled with tears.

I'm tryna to keep myself alive

My breath came in ragged gasps but I tried to hold on as he cradled my head in his lap.

Knowing there's a chance it's all too late

"Please don't leave me," he begged through sobs.

But it was all too late...

And I'm way past every moment

All the moments flitted through my mind as I looked into those blue eyes.

But I'm still determined to fight

Blood covered Carl's hands now as he held onto me and I fought to keep my eyes open.

And I know it's taking all my strength

But I couldn't...I wasn't strong enough to stay alive. Not after this.

To keep the emotion alive

Carl leaned down just then and pressed those soft lips to mine. I put all of my passion into that small kiss as he pulled away tearfully.

Loving you is suicide

"Loving you was suicide..." I whispered as the darkness descended over me, taking me out of this world forever.