Goro Akechi Kills Steven Universe In Fortnite
The Kondor crept through the silent streets of Retail Row, clutching his green tac close to his chest. While the town had clearly been looted, he could hear the faint sound of a chest coming from somewhere in the western houses. Walking up to one cautiously, a few whacks of his pickaxe silenced the sound and brought a small rain of loot down upon him. Picking through it, but finding nothing of use, he continued his patrol, making sure to keep a careful eye out for-
CRACK! and he was dead. From a mountain a hundred or so meters away, a Fishstick holding a sniper did a brief dance before returning to his watch. Back in reality, Goro Akechi yelled a racial slur as he backed out to the lobby.
"How dare he!" fumed Goro. "He's dogwater! No earnings! Snipers are so fucking unfair, they need to be removed from the goddamn game!" He was so mad. His face was red, steam coming out of his ears. He almost closed the game in rage, but decided to take a closer look at his killer instead.
"TTV_ImSteven?" said Goro incredulously. "Of course it's a fucking TTV. Worthless ass dogwater sweats ruining the game, NO earnings, NO viewers..." Goro continued to mutter under his breath along these lines as he punched "ImSteven" into Twitch. He found himself staring at a small stream, no more than 30 viewers, hosted by none other than Steven Universe. Goro decided to watch the stream for a bit, but what he saw made him even angrier.
"No rage? Not even SALT? He's interacting with the chat, he's actually...having FUN?!" Nothing upset Goro more than seeing people have fun. He lived his life in a perpetual fog of rage, and one guaranteed way to make it worse was a reminder that other people did not. "HOW DARE HE?!" At this point, Goro was screaming. "This can't be allowed. It's one thing to be so...disgustingly happy, it's one thing to kill me, but BOTH?! That's it. I am going to MURDER STEVEN UNIVERSE!"
"...in Fortnite," he clarified sheepishly as his lover the Joker entered their shared bedroom (which is where Goro was).
"Are you getting mad at Fortnite again?" asked the Joker as he went in for a quick kiss. "I always worry about you playing those online games, since you're so quick to anger."
"He deserves it!" insisted Goro. "Dogwater carried player, no earnings, cheap kill! I WILL have my revenge!"
"Just let it go, dear," sighed the Joker. "Come to bed."
"Joker, it's 4 in the afternoon," said Goro. "I don't want to go to bed. There's a lot of day left."
"I meant so we could have butt sex, you idiot."
"Oh. Okay, I'd like to do that, but let me kill Steven Universe first."
The Joker looked at him.
"...in Fortnite." Goro pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Why wouldn't his lover let him murder?
It doesn't matter. Fortnite murder is good enough. Goro turned away from his personal bitch and looked at the stream again. He wasn't the best stream sniper in the world, but this wasn't the first TTV account to catch his ire. It took a couple of tries, but eventually he made it into the same match as his most hated streamer.
Usually, Goro preferred to land at Dirty Docks, the best spot in the game. But this game, he wasn't taking any chances. He deployed his glider immediately and waited until Steven had dropped. Noting that the streamer had chosen Salty Towers ("fuckin dogwater ttv sweat, of course he did," he muttered), Goro landed nearby, at a small uncontested cabin just to the west. The loot was fairly sparse, but fate smiled upon Crow this day, blessing him with a blue tac on the floor and a full stack of minis. Checking on the stream, he was delighted to see that Steven had won Salty and was now killing time there while he read the chat. It was now or never. Goro entered Salty and crept as stealthily as he could towards Steven's building. Making his way to Steven's room, he managed to sneak up behind him. As Steven was distracted by chat, he pulled out his tac. Two quick headshots, and Steven's loot spilled out on the floor as his body disintegrated.
"YES! I'VE WON! IN YOUR FACE, YOU DOGWATER NO EARNINGS HAPPY GO LUCKY TTV STREAMER SWEAT IDIOT!" screamed Goro. "I AM GOOD! YOU ARE DOGWATER! YOU HAVE DIED AT MY HANDS!" He then eagerly turned to the stream, sure he was about to witness a meltdown of epic proportions. What he saw instead shook him to the core.
"Aw, damn," said Steven cheerily. "Ah well, let's try again!" As Goro's mouth hung agape, Steven readied up and looked back to chat.
"Are you finally done?" asked the Joker. In response, Goro began to laugh. It was a hollow laugh, partly rage but mostly emptiness. The Joker sighed, got up, and began to massage his lover's shoulders. Goro's laughter turned to an enraged sputtering, though no actual words made it through. Eventually, he abruptly stood up.
"Get in bed, Joker," he demanded. "We are going to have butt sex now."
"Sure," said the Joker.
They fucked.