A/N:
Hey lovely readers!
This little one-shot is an outtake that comes from my big story "First Experience". The events from this little fic come from Edward's memories in Chapter 20.
As always, I portray Edward as a teenager. If you have read my other "First Experience" outtakes from Edward's past, before he met Bella. Then you're familiar that the younger he is in his vampire years, the more innocent I portray him. He's also oblivious to some adult topics as you'll see in this fic. ;)
This story is fanfiction from my imagination. If the characters' personalities don't always seem canon throughout the story, that's because I am a fanfic author and portrayed them to my liking to fit each particular scene. Though, for the most part I try to keep them canon.
I DON'T own the Twilight characters.
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Unwanted Guest
Spring 1921
A familiar song from the record that's playing, fills up the room. It's a nice song that takes me back to when everything changed.
It all started the day my father came home from work early. I had been sitting at my wooden desk in our sitting room, in our house in Ashland, Wisconsin. I was completing my homework, when I caught the sound of his car fastly approaching our house. It was not the usual time for him to be heading home. That had sparked my curiosity. Along with the frantic and jumbled thoughts that went along with his rushed footsteps, along with the scent of a human that was unfamiliar to me, when he came home that day.
The memory of him swinging the door wide open, rushing inside our house and shutting the door behind him. All while a woman with caramel color hair and a heart shaped face laid in his arms limp, dirty, broken and unconscious. Not knowing what to do I sat there like a sculpture at my desk with my pencil in my hand. My eyes on my father and the unknown woman instead of my arithmetic homework, will forever live inside my mind.
As well as my father instructing me to go out into the nearby forest and wait for him there. Not knowing the reason behind his request since his thoughts had offered me nothing. I did as he asked. When he came and got me later on, he explained to me why he had me wait outside. He had saved herand didn't want me smelling the blood when he bit her.
That night when he and I returned to our two bedroom house, I remembered hearing the screams of the woman and saw the flashes of her memories that ran through her mind at lighting speed. Her mind was replaying her whole life story as she laid burning in my father's room that doubled as an office.
Her memories were sad and dark and a bit troubling. I retold them to Carlisle as he and I sat on the floor in the hallway. Not knowing who she was I felt invasive of her memories, though he needed to know everything I now knew about her.
As we sat there talking I saw flashes of my father's memories from when he shaved her. How hard it was for him to taste the human blood and resist. He was also struggling with creating another vampire and not knowing how she would react when she woke up. He was fearing that she would hate him for what she had become. He counteracted his fear by telling himself that she didn't have to like him, be friends with him, or even stay. She wasn't a child that needed guardianship like me, he had admitted. She was a grown woman. All he had to do was teach her our way of life. Then if she wanted to leave when she became acclimated to our half-life, she could.
I couldn't stand to see my father in turmoil. I comforted him the best a son can for his father in his time of need. He appreciated it.
That was a little over four months ago.
Everything has changed, spiraling out of control since then. For instance, my father and I no longer live in our small two bedroom house in Ashland, Wisconsin. We now live in a spacious, elegantly decorated four bedroom house in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Where we are starting over. Speaking of starting over, come fall I'll be starting the eight grade...again. Lovely. I was in that grade once in this life already and now I'll have to do it again. Pretend to be younger so we'll be able stay here longer, my father had said when we moved.
I didn't want to move. I liked where we used to live. I was comfortable there and expected to stay at least until I graduated senior High School, as was our original plan when he enrolled me in school. But I didn't have a choice. Because she decided to stay and we couldn't risk people noticing her. Then Carlisle married her!
The needle scratched the record ending the song that was playing. The sound effectively pulled me out of my memories and brought me back to the sitting room. Where I sat on the floor with my back pressed against the wall beside the window, with a book in my hand.
"Shall we put another record on, love?" Carlisle asked her.
"I'd like that very much, dear." Esme replied as their eyes locked.
There they sat on the cream colored loveseat. Holding hands and enjoying each other's company. Before the music ended they had been lost in their own little conversation.
From where I sat I had a good view of them, their pet names for each other made me want to gag. But I didn't dare make a sound because my father would hear, he would certainly say something about my disrespectfulness. I sat still, peeking over the book that I had been reading, until my thoughts drifted off to the past. Now I'm just holding it in front of my face.
I appear to be busy but I'm more or less using it as my spy prop. Just like the main character of the book I held in my hands. My eyes dropped down to the page of the book in my hands when the woman and Carlisle shared a smile.
I went back to reading and focusing on my book at the same time I heard my father get up from the loveseat. He seemed to rarely want to leave her side and I can't understand as to why.
"Edward," Carlisle called to me. His thoughts were on various records. "Which one would you like to listen to?"
I looked up from my book. He stood there in front of the record player holding up two records, one in each hand patiently awaiting my answer. I was surprised that he asked me and not her.
Not knowing which one to choose because it didn't really matter to me. I shrugged my shoulders as my reply.
Carlisle frowned. 'Please pick one, Son. I'm sure you are tired of hearing the music we've been listening to.' He thought directly at me.
From my mind's eye I saw just how much he wanted me to choose. Though I couldn't figure out as to why. This was actually the first time I had been noticed in half an hour. I was beginning to think I have effectively turned invisible. I often feel like a fly on the wall since she's been here.
"That one." I pointed to the one he held in his left hand.
My father smiled as he turned around to switch out the recond.
Esme looked over and smiled at me. "That's a good choice." She gushed. Her thoughts were joyous. She was happy the three of us were doing something as a family.
With Carlisle's back towards me, I rolled my eyes at her before going back to reading my book. We were only gathered in the sitting room listening to music at a time of night that most people are sleeping. How was that a family activity?
Besides, her thoughts annoyed me. She may be my father's wife but that doesn't make her my family. I don't see her as anything more than an unwanted guest. Someone who takes up too much of my father's time.
'I wish I could find common ground with him.' Esme thought sadly to herself. 'It never fails. Just when I seem to be making progress with Edward, he shuts down and goes back to having an attitude toward me.'
From my mind's eye I saw that she was thinking about this morning. Back to when she and I had a small conversation when my father was occupied in his office. Apparently it meant more to her than it did to me. Our chat had been about a book she gave me that I finished reading. It was one of the chapter books she used to read to her classroom full of young children in her human life. That's about the only good thing about her: she came with lots of interesting books that she gave to me.
Her thoughts continued on. She seemed to believe she's doing something wrong with getting to know me. She sadly thought that even though she's lived with us for four months that she and I were basically strangers. She couldn't understand what she was doing wrong because she never had such difficulty getting acquainted with a child as she was with me.
I rolled my eyes again. I'm not a child. I tried very hard to not pay any mind to her thoughts as Carlisle put the record on.
Music filled the sitting room. I listened to the lyrics I have memorized, giving myself over to the song I began to get into a better mood while I read the last paragraph on the page, then went onto the next page.
"This is a nice song." Esme complemented. 'It has nice lyrics.'
I didn't say a word. I was pretending to be very interested in my book.
"May I have this dance, my lady?" Carlisle asked in a silly voice, a hit of his English accent was heard.
I peeked over my book to see him bowing down before her with his hand outstretched. He looked silly and he was trying to make her smile. It worked. She was smiling ear to ear.
"Of course, kind sir." She said in a playful manner, accepting his invitation to dance. 'Oh his voice. It still makes my knees weak.' She giggled.
Their minds were giddy. It had me reminiscing about the children in the school yard that I went to school with a few months ago in Ashland. I remember how some of the children's mind's were really giddy when they were courting each other. But these two aren't school children and they are married. I found their giddy thoughts odd just like the way they were acting.
I don't understand it. I guess love makes you act in strange ways.
I watched them dance around the sitting room. The first song ended and the second began. Now he's grabbing her hips, pulling her in, and kissing her lips and whispering in her ear. There's no denying that my father looks happy and so does she. In a way, I'm happy for them even though there's no room for me.
While the song countied they dance closely holding each other, my father randomly began thinking about baseball while she intently thought about vacuum cleaners. Strange topics to think about when dancing. He whispered in her ear again, this time I heard the words 'late night hunt'. It was in the form of a question, she nodded her head, giving him a silent yes.
At the realization that they were soon going to leave the house for a late night hunt...again. I began to feel upset. I was hoping he would stay home and maybe play a game of chess with me. He hasn't done that in a long time. I got up rapidly from the floor. They didn't even notice when I rushed off, heading upstairs to my room.
In movements that no human would be able to see. I hurried up to my room. I shut my door, tossing my book on the floor.
With the anger bubbling up inside me I kicked the small cardboard box that laid on the floor next to my door. With the impact of my foot the cardboard box went flying, hitting the wall, crumbling and opening up, sending the contents of the box; my toy soldier collection flying every which way through the air. With little thumps and plinks the metal soldiers fell to the floor like rain drops. I glared at my floor and the scattered soldiers. I left them where they fell. I was in no mood to pick them up.
Breathing heavy, I flopped face first on my bed. I buried my face in my pillow.
The bed I laid on I didn't even want. I was forced to have it in my room. Which didn't make sense to me since I didn't have a bed when we lived in Ashland. I don't need a bed since I don't sleep. But that didn't stop her from insisting I needed a bed when she and my father bought one for themselves, they don't sleep either. So why do they need one? I don't know. No one sleeps in this house yet now we have beds. It's ridiculous.
The bed situation has to be because she likes to over decorated, that is the only thing I can think of. Since our house looks like a furniture store with pictures on the walls and furniture placed just so. I can't stand it. Our house used to be simple and now it's not.
Wallowing in my sorrow I layed on my bed. Not moving.
I don't know how much time passed until there was a knock on my bedroom door. I caught the scent and heard the mind of the person who stood outside my door.
I groaned in irritation. I wanted to be left alone.
Another soft knock rapped at my door. I knew the person wasn't going to go away.
"Come in." My voice was muffled since I was speaking into my pillow. But since we are vampires it didn't matter, I knew my voice was heard from outside my door.
My door opened but still I didn't move or even turn my head to look. I already knew who stood in my doorway and I could care less about making awkward small talk.
'Whoe. I wonder what happened here.' Esme thought, taking in the sight of my now messy room. "Edward, are you okay?" She asked out loud, looking at me.
"Wonderful." I lied, still speaking into my pillow.
"Hmmm." Was her only response. 'I don't think he's telling the truth. Looks like something is bothering him but I'm sure he wouldn't tell me.'
I didn't give a response to her private thoughts. I pretended not to hear what she was thinking.
She silently stood at the threshold for a second, debating what she should do. Part of her wanted to come sit on the bed with me, offer me comfort for whatever might be wrong. She badly wanted to give me a hug and take my hurt away. But she didn't. There was another part of her that was afraid that I would push her away.
She was right to feel that way. I didn't want to be hugged by her, I most likely would have rejected her affection.
"Alight." She said after a while. "I just wanted to let you know that your father and I are going hunting. We probably won't be back till the morning."
I suppress a sigh. Why couldn't my father be the one to tell me they were going hunting? Why did it have to be her?
She stood there waiting for my response.
"Fine." Was my muffled reply.
"See you tomorrow." She said and added. "Please clean up your room. We can't have it looking like a hurricane blew through here." She giggled at her not so funny joke.
I answered with an involuntary, irritation groaned. I already knew I would have to clean up my room. I did not need to be reminded.
'Poor boy.' Esme thought sympathetically, looking at me laying on my bed and the assortment of little metal soldiers all over my room. 'It can't be easy to be frozen at such an awkward age, where childhood is pulling you one way and adulthood is pulling you the other.'
Her thoughts caught me off guard. She felt sorry for me? But why?
Without another word she gently shut my door. Her mind was on me and her baby boy she only held once before he passed. Her thoughts changed as made her way down the hall, over to the linen closet. She was now thinking of a brown, white and red checkered blanket to take on their hunting trip.
I stopped flowing her thoughts as the door to the linen closet closed. I found it so strange that she and my father often take blankets on their late night hunting trips. Carlisle and I have never done that. I don't know why they need it, but if I had to guess I'd say they have some kind of unorthodox vampire picnic where they hunt small critters. That's what I assume since they go hunting almost every single night, if they were hunting large animals they'd get full and wouldn't need to hunt so often. Also, I believe she misses being human a little so that explains the desire to take a blanket and have a picnic. I'm sure that's what it is. What else could be the reason?
I know Carlisle is the type to give little pieces of human pleasure whenever possible. No matter how strange one's wish may be.
I heard the hushed voices of my father and Esme and their thoughts that followed as they left the house and all grew quiet. I was now alone. But that was nothing new. Just about every night I'm left by myself.
Nights are different than how they used to be. Back when it was just Carlisle and I the nights were more predictable and less of a solitary thing. I never felt lonely. I always felt loved and wanted. He and I used to talk and play endless games of chess at night, or read our own books in the sitting room together. Then when I got into collecting toy soldiers he and I would sit on the floor arranging them in battle formation, while he would tell me stories about being a doctor on the battlefield during the Revolutionary War as well as the Civil War. He always left out the real gory parts from his stories and thoughts, wanting to shield me from the horrific scenes. Nevertheless, his stories were great. He would become very animated as he retold his past work.
Those times were nice. I miss how things once were.
Everything changed when he brought her home from the morgue, transformed her. Then they had to develop a mutual attraction. Now all he wants to do is spend time with her. It's not fair. I had my father first. Why does she get to have him all to herself? What's so special about her?
I sank my face deeper into the pillow as venom tears that will never fall, welled up in my eyes. Where does all this leave me? Is he spending so much time with her and taking her hunting alone just about every night, because he no longer wants me around? Is this his way of telling me so? Will he soon ask me to leave so it can be just them two? I hope not, but the more time goes on that's the feeling I get more and more.
The feeling of uncertainty wrapped around me like a heavy coat. I laid on my bed yarning for sleep. Maybe if I were able to sleep the nights wouldn't be so bad...so lonely…so unsure...and drag on. Though I'm a vampire and sleep will never come. More venom tears filled my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing them away.
My lonely night passed by in a blur. For the majority of my time I laid on my bed. With the first rays of sunlight I decided to get up and pick up every single toy soldier that was scattered around my room. Since the box that I normally store them in was broken, I placed them in a neat pile on my dresser.
The house was still empty when I ventured off down stairs. I tried to sit down at my piano and play, but the notes came out all wrong. So I listened to the radio while I sat at the coffee table with a deck of cards. I began to play Solitaire while the voice of the radio announcer and the program that followed filled up the house.
It was well past 9AM when my father and Esme returned. Their minds were on strange topics; football and feather dusters. Ignoring their thoughts, I exchanged simple greetings with them before they went upstairs to shower and changed their clothes.
I was alone in the sitting room for a while until Esme came down stairs. I focus on my game of Solitaire, paying her no mind, while she puttered around me. She was happily humming to herself as she straightened up the couch cushions.
She glanced at me while she made her way to the widow. I pretended that she wasn't there.
'He's such a quiet boy.' Esme thought to herself as she opened up the curtains. "It's such a nice cloudy day out. Don't you agree?" She asked out loud, trying to make small talk. She hoped I'd say something.
I looked up from my card game, glancing over at the window where she stood. It was a nice cloudy day. Up until this moment I had noticed the weather. Maybe because it's not that interesting.
"Yeah." I replied. At this point I was back to playing my card game.
I could tell by her thoughts that she wanted to say more in hopes of having a full conversation with me. However, she was put off by my one word answer.
Not wanting to be bothered by her thoughts as she moved about this sitting room. I began focusing with all my might on my card game. I hadn't realized that I had been successfully blocking her thoughts out until she appeared right in front of me, causing me to jump.
"I'm so sorry, Edward." Esme's tone was apologetic. "I didn't mean to catch you by surprise."
I said nothing. I only looked up at her.
"I was wondering." She said quietly, a bit unsure. "Would you like me to play a game of cards with you?" She brushed a strain of her caramel colored hair out of her face. 'There's no other young ones to occupy him. He looks so lonely.'
I thought about it for a second. I saw what appeared to be fear of rejection in her crimson eyes as well as in her thoughts. For some reason she wanted to be accepted by me, though I wanted nothing to do with her.
She stood there waiting for my answer, not wanting to push me. I caught her thoughts. She believed me to be shy and told herself I just needed time to adjust, that one day I'll come around. Hopefully, soon things won't be so awkward between us and I won't look so stun when she asks to play a game of cards with me.
Seven seconds passed since she asked to play cards with me. She continued to wait for my answer. I wanted to say no, tell her that I enjoyed playing alone and roll my eyes at her thoughts, that would never become a reality. But once images of my face, immediately followed by the clear image of her baby boy that she longed for, flash through her mind. That made my feelings change. Her human memories that were tanged with guilt and pain, had me feeling sorry for her.
I caved.
I nodded my head. I quickly gathered up the cards and handed the deck to her.
'Thank you.' She smiled, too happy and surprised to speak out loud.
I nodded my head in response as she sat down on the floor across from me.
"What would you like to play?" She wondered.
I shrugged. Since card games were more of an activity for me that I play by myself, I didn't have a particular card game in mind for two.
"How about WAR?" Esme shuffled the deck of cards.
"I don't know how to play that." I admitted.
She smiled a kind smile. "That's okay. I'll show you." She said. 'It's rather an easy game.'
Her smile was contagious. I answered with a sudden crooked grin.
Esme dealt out the cards. She began explaining the rules to me at the same time I heard my father upstairs.
Automatically my mind turned into his. He was in his office doing his ongoing research of child development during the adolescent years. I am the inspiration behind that research as well as him becoming a pediatrician. He's quite fascinated in better understanding why I'm still like a child in many ways. Still innocent even though I was frozen at an age where my body is almost completely developed, but my brain somehow isn't. It's all because I'm at an age where I should be interested in girls but I'm not in the slightest. It doesn't bother me, though it seems to concern him.
I stopped following my father's train of thought when Esme placed the last card on the coffee table. We began playing.
It took me a few minutes to get the hang of it. Esme praised me, both out loud and in her thoughts, for catching on so fast. I found the card game fun and easy and the best part was that it wasn't a game that I could easily anticipate my opponent's moves. So the stakes were fair.
Our game of war went on with minimal chit-chat. It was obvious that neither of us quite knew what to say to the other. Though that didn't matter, I was enjoying this and so was she.
We played for the longest time. I was only aware that time had passed when the program on the radio ended and another one began. Soon our game ended and we quickly started up another one.
We were halfway through our second game when my father came down the stairs and entered the sitting room. My back was towards him though I knew he was there.
Carlisle's thoughts were happy as he registered Esme and I. 'Looks like a new leaf has turned for my two favorite people.'
My Father's thoughts took me by surprise as I took my turn. I was shocked to hear him think 'my two favorite people'. I didn't believe I would be in that category anymore. I assumed she was his favorite person.
Esme glanced passed me. "Is everything alright, dear?" She asked Carlisle as she placed a card on the coffee table.
I immediately took my turn.
"Splendid." Carlisle answered happily. "I don't mean to interrupt the game," His thoughts were on me as he spoke. "Though I do need to go into town for a bit. And I was wondering if you would like to accompany me, Edward."
At the sound of my name I turned around.
"Really?" I asked, too quickly. "Just you and I?"
Carlisle was taken aback by my question. He and Esme exchanged a look. I saw from both of their minds that they had a conversation in regards to me last night. I didn't see much since their thoughts went blank at the exact same time.
I didn't give it too much thought to what their full conversation might have been about. I was too happy that he finally wanted to spend time with me and me only. Since Esme's transformation nothing has been just the two of us. Even on our hunting trips she goes with us. Which I can't understand because they go hunting almost every night and then again with me.
"Yes, Edward. Just you and I." Carlisle smiled at my enthusiasm. 'Would you like to go into town?'
With a wide grin I accepted his invitation.
"All right then." He chuckled. "Go change into fresh clothes. I'll wait."
"I just need to clean up first." I turned back to the coffee table. Esme was already gathering up the cards.
'Don't worry, Edward.' She thought directly at me. "I'll take care of this. Go on now, go change your clothes."
"Thanks, Esme." I scrambled off the rug, and darted upstairs.
In my room I quickly moved about. I pulled out the necessary clothes from my dresser, then went over to my closet, grabbed jeans and a t-shirt. I quickly discarded the clothes I was wearing, tossing them in the hamper inside my closet. In no time at all I had on fresh clothes as well as my shoes and ran down stairs.
Carlisle was waiting for me by the front door with his keys in his hand. Esme was next to him with her hair up in a bun, a scarf neatly wrapped around her caramel colored hair and an apron covering her clothes. She was getting ready to give the house a deep cleaning while we were gone.
They were talking when I approached them. I politely waited for their conversation to come to an end.
"Ready to go, Son?" Carlisle turned to me when their conversation was through.
"Yes." I nodded my head.
Carlisle's golden eyes looked at Esme. "We'll be back soon, sweetheart." Before she had time to say anything he pulled her in for a kiss.
I quickly looked away. Thankfully their moment of love didn't last long.
My father had his hand on the doorknob ready to open it. I was behind him when Esme spoke.
"Edward, that's a very nice shirt you picked out. The color really looks good on you." She seemed happy to give me a compliment.
Without a word I froze. The old feelings of disgust for her were bubbling up to the surface.
'Surly if she likes my shirt there's something wrong with it.' I thought to myself. I looked at my father real quick. "Carlisle," I said as I changed directions. "I'll be right back."
"Okay." He said, as I was halfway up the stairs.
My father had assumed that I had forgotten something in my room, money perhaps. Boy was he surprised when I came down the stairs in a different shirt. Which Esme complimented that one too, as well as my jeans. I didn't take kindly to that. Once again I went to go change my shirt and this time my pants.
Confusion colored my father's mind when I glided down the stairs, wearing different clothes. He only began to make the connection when Esme complimented my clothes again and I turned to go back up the stairs to change.
"Edward, that's quite enough." Carlisle's voice was calm but tight. He was blocking his thoughts and rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache.
There was something about his tone of voice that made me freeze where I stood.
"If you're going with me. You're wearing the clothes you have on. No more changing." He spoke out loud for Esme's benefit. "No more nonsense. Understood?"
"Yes sir." I answered respectfully.
"Good." Carlisle's tone was firm. "Let's go."
Carlisle and Esme kissed again. With that my father and I were out the door.
Inside the car the atmosphere was tense. But I was too busy patterning on about childish things to notice.
I was rattling on about the book I was currently reading. While Carlisle drove in silence. His mouth pressed into a firm line, his thoughts on his work schedule for the Pediatric Clinic he works at during the week.
While I was going on about all the adventures the main character in the book had, and how it fascinated me. Carlisle sighed, a mixture of sadness and frustration. I paid little attention to that. I was too excited that it was just me and him in the car on the hour long car ride into town.
"What do you have against Esme?" Carlisle suddenly questioned, when I finished what I was saying.
I was taken aback by his question. I didn't have a ready answer.
"Pardon?" I asked, pretending I did hear him. Though we both knew I did.
'Don't play coy.' His 'voice' was unhappy. "Edward, why don't you like Esme?" He chose his words differently, hoping I'd give him an answer.
I didn't want to answer his question. However, I knew I must, he was expecting an answer.
"I never said I didn't like her." I said, which wasn't exactly a lie.
Driving toward town, the trees rushing behind us. His foot pressed harder on the accelerator as he went over my less than satisfying answer.
'True.' He thought then spoke out loud. "You have never said the words that you dislike like her. You don't have to. Your attitude says it all for you." He glanced at me, then turned his eyes back on the road. "I need to know why."
Not sure what to say, I sunk in my seat. Turning my head to look out the window I wished I could disappear.
My lack of response did not please my father. He asked again, his tone making it clear I needed to answer.
"I just don't." Was all I said.
It wasn't a well thought-out answer, but it was all I had. I didn't know how to explain everything I felt.
"Try again." Carlisle's voice was firm yet calm. "That's not a good enough answer."
I turned my head to see his face and my body froze. By the expression on his face that looked too old for his young features. It was as clear as day that he wasn't the least bit happy with me.
Seconds pass. My mouth went dry and a lump formed in my throat. I didn't know what to say. I also didn't feel capable of speaking.
A few more seconds of silence passed. Suddenly Carlisle pulled off to the side of the road and put the car in park, turning off the engine. Without a need to pay attention to the road, he shifted in his seat, turning his attention on me.
"Edward Anthony," He was two steps away from using my full name. "Esme has been nothing but kind to you. She gave you all those books she had, does your laundry for you. She even put her household work on hold to entertain you today." He pointed out.
With my eyes locked leaving his, I gulped. My father was pointing out the obvious which made me feel nervous.
"She does a lot of nice things for you." Carlisle continued. "And how do you repay her? You roll your eyes at her, more often than not behind my back. You scoff at her thoughts and will often walk away when she is speaking to you." He rubbed his forehead. "The way you are behaving is very childish. As was changing your clothes multiple times when she gave you a compliment."
I heard from his mind the numerous conversations that Esme has had with him about my disrespectful behavior. Images flashed through his mind at lightning speed, of her sad face. My dislike for her had caused her pain and in return that caused pain to my father as well.
I didn't want my father to feel pain or be angry with me. I began to feel really bad about causing my father to be displeased with me.
My throat was so tight it took me a second to talk. "I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted. Though I am not the one you need to apologize to." He said. "I still would like to know what it is about Esme you don't like."
I sighed. " I don't think I can explain it."
It wasn't a lie. I honestly wasn't exactly sure how to explain my dislike for his wife.
Carlisle knew my response was truthful. He also suspected that there was more of a reason that was seen on the surface. He didn't want to let it go any further.
Wanting to get to the bottom of this - to better understand why his son didn't get along with his wife. He went into a long speech about being respectful to my elders. That he wasn't bringing me up to be disrespectful, that I should show Esme - his wife - the kinder, more gentlemanly side of me. The boy who he was proud of.
My father's lecture didn't end there. He went on to say how life hadn't been kind to Esme and that we needed to show her love. He was worried about her for all that she had been through and lost in her human life. He wanted to make her feel safe, comfortable and loved.
The last part of what he said had anger bubbling inside me. All he ever thought about anymore was her.
Venom tears welled up in my eyes. "What about me?" The word slipped out in a whisper. My voice was so sad and low. A human would not have heard the words I spoke, but my father did.
His golden eyes bore into mine. Not angry, only curious.
'What does he mean 'what about him'?' Carlisle wondered to himself. "I'm not following." He admitted.
The lump in my throat returned. Feeling bigger than before and making it impossible to speak. I said nothing.
My father usually respects my privacy when I do not wish to speak. However, this was not one of those times.
"I just don't understand." He said when I didn't speak. "Esme is my wife and a very sweet woman. What causes you to dislike her so?"
Though my father's voice was patient and kind, never losing his temper. The tone he used had me feeling like a little boy that wanted to cry. That feeling made no sense to me.
Twice as many venom tears as before welled up in my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat again, trying to find my voice.
"She took you away." My voice sounded weird. My words came out whiny. I sounded more like seven than seventeen.
'Took me away.' Carlisle was confused. My words did not make sense to him. "What do you mean? I'm right here."
He didn't understand. Would he ever?
The feeling of precariousness and being unwanted came crashing down on me. I had this horrible feeling in my gut that maybe this was it. That this might be the real end. Carlisle was obviously not pleased with me. Could he only have room in his life for a wife and not a son? He didn't seem to need me anymore. He had no time for me.
"You're always with her. You go hunting with her every night and I'm alone." My words came out fast, no stopping them now. My voice broke on every other word. "There's no room for me. You love her and not me."
Carlisle opened his mouth to correct me but closed it, deciding not to. He wanted me to continue.
"Even when we go hunting together, she has to come along." My throat was feeling tighter now. "You never have time for just me. You only have time for her..." My voice trailed off.
I wanted to continue, there was more to say but I couldn't go on. My voice broke and the tightness in my throat prevented me from speaking.
Carlisle was quiet.
I sat there silent. I was ashamed that I said what was bothering me out loud. I sounded very childish. To make matters worse more venom tears welled up in my eyes. I felt phantom tears trickling down my cheeks. Immediately my eyes shut, my hands flew up to my face and the heels of my hands pressed hard against my eyes.
Carlisle's mine was reeling fast, going over my every word I had said. He replayed his memories of the last four months in his mind. Realization hit. He finally understood how I misconstrued his actions that he meant no harm by.
He saw his mistakes. In the midst of attempting to figure out how to balance being a father and a husband. He became wrapped up in one by momentarily forgetting about the other. Which had never been his intention.
Hearing his thoughts made me feel even worse. My hands pressed harder against my eyes. My breath was ragged and more rapid now.
I sat there in the passenger seat with my face in my hands, quietly dry sobbing. I was crying like a child but I was all the way grown.
Carlisle sat there in the driver's seat, taking in the sight of me. I saw from his point of view how young, sad, broken and scared I looked. She knew I was crying, his dead heart was breaking.
Unlike other fathers he didn't tell me to man up, stop crying, or think any less of me. Instead his arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug. My hands dropped from my face, as he held me like a small boy. My face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his comforting scent.
'My boy, you think my love for you has worn off? Just because I'm now married?' His 'voice' was sad as he held me close.
"Yes." I choked out between sobs.
'Never.' He rubbed small circles on my back. 'You should never think that way. I will always be your father. There's not anything or anyone that would ever make me feel differently, my Son.'
Having access to his mind, I knew that every word he said was true. He never had any intention of no longer being my father, like I had assumed. He still wanted me for a son. What a relief.
He held me in his loving embrace, speaking comforting words as sobs escaped my lips.
I heard the depth in his mind of the guilt he felt. He wanted to offer me endless assurance of his love for me that would never go away. Though there was no need, I already knew.
Knowing that he would always be my father and I would always be his son, had me feeling much better. It wasn't long before my sobs came to an end and so did our embrace as he kissed the top of my head.
When I sat up Carlisle's caring eyes looked into mine. Before I had time to see the action in his mind, he cupped my face in his hands, wiping away my phantom tears with his thumbs. He somehow seemed to know that I felt tears on my face that weren't there.
"Better?" He checked. His tone was soft as his hands left my face.
I nodded my head.
"You are my son and I will always love you. A father's love is forever, not every now and then." He reassured me. "I will always love you no matter how long you exist. No matter what decade it is, you will always be my son."
"I love you too, Dad." I said, using the title I reserved for special occasions.
'As I love you.' He smiled then added out loud. "Esme loves you too you know. She doesn't wish to live in a world where it's only her and I. She wants to get to know you." As he said this he measured my facial expression.
I kept the expression on my face neutral. Not knowing how to respond, I said nothing.
Carlisle gave me a smile. He knew I wasn't answering because I was being rude, but because I didn't know how to respond. He respected that.
"When we go home. We must clear all this up with Esme." He gently explained. I nodded in agreement. "She has been quite sure your attitude is her fault." He sighed. 'When the blame really lays with me.'
"I'm sorry." I said with remorse.
"I'm sorry too." Carlisle apologize.
He put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. His mind was on how him being married was a new experience for both of us. That both he and I were needing to adjust. For a brief second he thought about the reason he believed I found sharing him with Esme to be rather difficult. That it might have a lot to do with not having the love of my father in my human days.
Though I only have three brief memories from when I was human and don't remember my birth father at all. I do not doubt my father's thoughts. Before we had moved from Chicago, after he saved me, he had gone to my estate, grabbing belongings that were mine. He also grabbed a few trinkets that belonged to my parents for me to keep. That was when he came across old diaries that belong to my birth mother. A majority of the pages describe the non-existent relationship my first father had with me, beginning from my original birth in 1901. Having had a similar relationship with his own father, Carlisle did his best to make me feel loved.
Carlisle removed his hand from my shoulder. "Shall we go to town to get those errands done now?"
"Let's." I agreed.
He started the car back up. As he got back on the road, heading for town. He silently told me that even though he did not condone my behavior, he was not going to rush our time in town. He knew I was overdue for some much-needed father-son time as was he. He had plans to make our trip in town enjoyable. He wanted to know what I thought about that.
I couldn't help answering with a sudden wide grin.
When we finally got to town we first went to the Post Office. Next we made our way to the phone booth that was on the corner of the street. That was an unexpected stop. Since our time in town was going to take a little longer than planned, he wanted to be courteous and touch bases with Esme. Over the phone he briefly explained to her what brought this on. She reassured him it was a wonderful idea for the two of us to spend quality time together. That she didn't mind being home by herself.
After he disconnected we ventured off further into the small town. Just as he had said in the car about being in no hurry to end our trip in town. He made good on his word.
Leisurely we strolled through town talking and joking around a bit as we went to the necessary shops he needed to go to. Once he had everything he needed and his errands were complete. With the bags placed in the car he and I strolled through town once more.
Carlisle wanted to make up for his unintentional abandonment. He was more than willing to do anything I wanted to do. He did not hesitate when I asked to go to the movie theater, as well as the shops I wanted to go to after that.
My father and I stayed out all day, enjoying each other's company. By the time it was dark we began our journey home.
With the headlights illuminating the road. The atmosphere in the car was a lot more cheery leaving town then it had been driving into it.
"Now, when we arrive home," Carlisle began when we were four miles away from our house. "I want you to not be so standoffish to Esme. I am not bringing you up to be unmannerly." He looked over at me. "She is my wife, I love her and it would really mean a lot to me if you gave her a chance. Get to know her a bit. Can you do that for me?"
I saw from his mind just how much it would mean to him if I did what he asked. I love my father and wanted to please him. I couldn't deny him of what he asked.
"I'll do my best." I said right away.
Carlisle smiled approvingly. To hear me say those words and to know I was being honest, meant so much to him.
When we arrived home I couldn't help but notice the inside of the house, from top to bottom, was sparkling clean. Esme had cleaned everything while we had been gone. There wasn't a surface that wasn't shiny. I could literally see my reflection in the hardwood floors. I found that impressive and complemented Esme on her hard work when she greeted us. I wasn't sure why, but my impressiveness with seeing my reflection in the floors had Carlisle amused.
"Did you two have fun in town?" Esme asked us. 'He looks very happy.' Her thoughts were on me.
"Yes." I answered with a smile that she returned.
"We certainly did." Carlisle pulled her in for a kiss, their usual greeting.
"That's wonderful." She said, when they parted from their kiss.
It wasn't long before I excused myself to go up to my room. I had done so since I had seen from my father's mind that he wanted to speak to Esme alone for a while. While I busied myself in my room with a book, I heard my father call up the stairs to me, letting me know that they were going for a short walk and would be back shortly. He and Esme then stepped outside. I knew that was so they could have a private conversation.
When they returned from their walk, both of them came into my room to talk to me. I was sitting on the floor at that point, reading my book. Carlisle took a seat beside me on the floor while Esme sat on the foot of my bed.
"Son," Carlisle began. "I'm very sorry these last few months haven't been easy for you. I never meant to make you feel unwanted."
I nodded my head as he examined my expression.
"Neither of us did." Esme chimed in as she got up and came to sit on the other side of me. "I'm sorry too. I never wanted you to think I was trying to take your father away from you."
I heard the guilt in her mind, it was as deep as Carlisle's. Looking from my father to Esme. I began to wonder how long their guilt and apologies would go on.
I turned to Esme. "I know that now." I admitted and added. "I want to apologize to you for being rude and not giving you a chance. Though I would like to change that. Maybe we could get to know each other better."
Esme smile. Her thoughts were full of happiness from hearing me say that.
'Thank you, Son.' Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze before he dropped his hand.
"Edward, I would be delighted to get to know you better." Esme was smiling ear-to-ear. 'This will make such a big difference.'
In the forefront of her mind I saw what she was hoping for. For me and her to overcome our awkwardness and be able to have a mother-son relationship.
The images I saw from her mind seemed nice. That was the first time I realized I wanted that too. After all, I had a father with Carlisle who wasn't my biological father but loved me all the same. Maybe Esme could be my other parent too.
Esme's eyes looked at me, full of love and hope. "May I have a hug?" She couldn't resist.
"Of course." I grinned my crooked smile.
I wouldn't be so cruel as to deny her this one simple wish. Her arms wrapped around me then. I leaned into her embrace, feeling a kind of comforting sense memory from being wrapped in her arms. It was a nice feeling. I've never felt it before, not even when Carlisle hugs me.
'You're a sweet boy.' She patted my back when our hug came to an end.
Carlisle smiled at me. "Esme and I won't be going hunting tonight. We'll be staying in to spend time with you."
"How does that sound?" Esme wondered.
"Sounds good actually." I answered happily.
From my mind's eye I saw that during their private talk outside, they had agreed to limit their frequent late night hunting trips. In a better attempt to make me feel included. That made me feel very glad.
Sitting there on the floor between my father and Esme. The unmistakable feeling that we were going from something missing to being a family was unavoidable. For the first time I began to feel that she was part of my family. Instead of just an unwanted guest.
The three of us stayed on the floor in my room talking for the longest time. My father quickly came up with a series of questions we had to answer. Though Carlisle was subble about it, I saw from his mind what he was doing with his game of twenty questions that Esme and I had to answer. He was helping us get to know each other better. I didn't say anything about it. I just went on answering the questions, just letting it be.
By the time the game of questions was over and we decided to go downstairs and play a board game in the dining room. Esme and I were a little more comfortable around each other.
Two Months Later.
I stood in Esme's study before a canvas on an easel with a paintbrush in my hand. With gentle strokes my hand made the paintbrush glide across the canvas, making brown appear on green. With each small stroke I made sure not to grip the paintbrush too tight. I've broken so many paint brushes, though she never seems to mind.
"Very good." Esme came over to me to see my painting. 'He's getting much better.'
"Really?" I wondered, continuing to paint.
'Yes. It's wonderful. It's your best one yet.' She praised me with a pat on the back.
I grinned.
She says that about every painting I completed. I also know she means it.
Since it's summer and I'm home all day Esme has been teaching me to paint for the last month and a half. At first I was painting with her because I saw in her mind how much doing an activity with me meant to her. Then before I knew it I was having fun. Fun painting and spending time with her.
I'm not very good at painting. However, Esme always praises me for my hard work. No matter how bad I believe it to be. She also won't let me throw any of my paintings away. She has a whole wall in her study that's dedicated to my paintings. Even the really strange ones that can be mistaken to be abstract art work when they weren't supposed to be.
Putting the finishing touches on my painting, I stepped back. Looking at the blob of green and brown that seemed to be on a badly bent stick with a pair of over-exaggerated black clown shoes. I frowned. It looked nothing like the still model that was a toy soldier of mine, that inspired this piece. Esme praised me again.
"You know what it's supposed to be right?" I asked, running a hand through my unruly hair.
With an arm around my shoulder her thoughts were on the metal toy soldier that was placed on the windowsill, a few feet away from where we stood. She nodded her head. Her thoughts were on that my painting closely resembled my toy.
I looked between my painting and the metal toy soldier. I turned to her, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.
She laughed, patting my shoulder.
The painting didn't look like what it was supposed to be. How could she think it looked similar to the object?
"It's a solder." She reassured me. 'Of course I know what it is.'
"A soldier heading off to battle." I corrected, dipping the paintbrush in black paint. With a steady hand, I added a rifle in the soldier's hands.
"Nice work." She began to clean up. 'My sweet boy really likes soldiers.' She silently referred to me, using the nickname 'my sweet boy' that she has given me.
She began to gather up all the paint brushes so she could go rinse them off since our daily painting lesson was ending. I began listening to her thoughts as I put the lids back on the paints. She was wondering why I'm so fascinated with soldiers.
"I don't know." I answered her thoughts honestly, she intently looked over at me. "Maybe I was the little boy with the toy gun, waiting for a war. I'm not sure." I shrugged. "Only thing I know for sure is that my first mother prayed that the Great War would end before I came of age to join."
Nodding her head Esme looked thoughtful at me.
From our many conversations we've had these past few months. She's aware that other than having three memories from my human life, I don't remember being a child. She thought that was sad when I first told her, but it doesn't bother me, it's all I know. She on the other hand, remembers her childhood. As well as her favorite smells in her human life; oranges and coffee.
"I'm sure I would have done the same as her." Esme spoke about my birth mother. "I would not have wanted you to go off to war either."
"I bet." I said with a smile.
Through our conversations I have learned that she's a lot like my father. She's very gentle, kind and compassionate and does not like war. She and my father are one in the same. A perfectly matched pair.
'He's such a sweet boy. He would not have belonged in that awful war or any other.' She grabbed the cup of dirty water from the easel that she needed to spill out.
"I guess both of my mother's agree that war was not a place for me." I said casually, adding her in the category of my mother.
Esme realized what I had said. In an instant she put the items down that she was holding. She closed the distance between us and wrapped me in a hug.
I returned her embrace.
I'm glad I gave her a chance. She's a very good mother. I couldn't have asked for a better one in my second life.
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That concludes the story of how Edward accepted Esme as his mother.
These ARE NOT events that come from the original Saga. They come from my imagination that's inspired by what I wrote in my big fic "First Experience."
Thanks for ready. :)))
I'd love to read your thoughts on this little outtake. No matter if your thoughts are big or small, I'd appreciate the review. :)))