A/N: Takes place in 'Joy to the World' (s5 ep11). Spoilers for that episode!

Begins just after Kutner tells the patient's boyfriend Simon that Natalie had given birth an that she will soon be dead. Quite a lot for a teenager to cope with so I thought I'd write something about it.

I'd always wondered - did Rachel Cuddy's biological parents get to meet her? Why did Rachel's father and grandparents give her up for adoption? This is just something that was in my mind.

Hope you enjoy!

December 2008

Simon couldn't believe what was happening to him. How is this my life? How is this even possible?

Dr. Kutner looked at him sympathetically before putting a hand on his shoulder. "Your parents said they'd be here soon right?" he asked.

Simon nodded, still in shock and unable to speak.

"I can stay here with you until they come or-"

"No, no" Simon interrupted him, finally bringing himself to speak "It's okay, you should get back to Natalie.." he trailed off. Natalie. It hurt to think of her, knowing that she would only be alive for a few more hours.

The doctor walked away and Simon sank down on his chair. He was still in his school uniform, his shirt now crumpled. He had taken off his sweater earlier and now he gripped onto the woolen fabric tightly, pressing his face into it as he felt tears swell up. The Robert Payne Academy logo on the sweater was itchy and scratched his face slightly, but he didn't pull it away.

It was all his fault.

It was his fault that Natalie was dying, he should have stopped Rachelle, Sarah, and the others from bullying her. He should've been a better friend and a better boyfriend. He should've noticed that Natalie was pregnant, he should've helped her instead of practically ignoring her at school.

But he didn't. He didn't stop the bullying - he was a coward. He loved Natalie so much, but when they broke up he didn't really ask why. He didn't even notice she was pregnant for God's sake!

And now Natalie, the first girl he'd been with and the only girl he'd ever really loved was going to die because she'd hid the pregnancy for so long. Because Simon had been a bad friend and a worse boyfriend.

And now here he was. In the busy halls of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. About to face the consequences of his own misguided actions. He didn't know what he was going to say to his parents when they got here but he knew that he needed to see Natalie first. He needed her. He'd always needed her.

When they were together, she was the only person he could talk to. The only person he trusted. No one knew that they were boyfriend and girlfriend but that made it more special, their secret.

They didn't feel like dumb kids messing around, they had felt like adults. They loved each other, they drank alcohol together, they slept together. It was both of their first times and they'd taken it slow. Looking back now, Simon was mad at himself that they didn't use a condom, but everything had just sort of happened. It had been amazing, their last perfect time together.

After that, things changed. Natalie no longer came to him for alcohol and they were no longer together. Simon had been hurt and confused, but he never asked her why they broke up. Now, it was obvious. Simon was ashamed that Natalie didn't trust him enough to tell him that she was pregnant, but he understood. At school, Simon was a typical jock, and Natalie? Natalie was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Simon wiped away tears as he stood by the entrance of Natalie's room. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Soellner were there at her bedside. It looked like they had been crying as well. The blond Australian doctor was there as well as Dr. Kutner and Taub.

Simon sidestepped as the doctors walked out of the room and he could see her. Natalie. She looked very pale and was half awake. She was cradling a bundle and slowly rocking it, whispering softly.

It was the baby. His and Natalie's baby. Their daughter.

Simon gulped and walked into the room. Mr. Soellner saw him and looked angry but before he could say anything, Natalie smiled at Simon and whispered his name. God, how Simon loved that smile of hers.

"Natalie," Simon said, walking forwards and crouching by her bed. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? What could he do to make up for everything he's done?

"Natalie, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" Simon cried, tears now falling freely from his eyes. "I should've been better, I should've helped you.."

"Simon" Natalie whispered looking up at him." I love you, I've always loved you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was scared and I didn't know what to do"

Simon was crying more now and he wiped his face on his sleeve. "It's not your fault Natalie, I love you, I love you"

Both of them stayed quiet for a little while, just crying and smiling and being near each other. Natalie's parents were standing nearby, they looked exhausted but didn't interrupt the teenagers. After all, it was likely the last time Simon would see Natalie.

"Simon, look," Natalie said, as she lifted the baby so that he could see their daughter. This seemed to take a lot of effort and Natalie looked very weak afterward, but Simon took the baby from her and cradled it in his arms.

His daughter. He couldn't believe it. A few days ago, he was just a normal teenager preparing for college admissions and getting excited for Christmas. Now, he was a father, holding his daughter in his arms.

"She's beautiful, she looks like you," he said smiling at Natalie.

Natalie laughed "She's got your nose though," she said weakly.

Simon looked down at the baby and kissed lightly her on the forehead before giving her back to Natalie. They spent the next half an hour like that, crying, laughing, saying goodbye. Simon's heart ached when he had to leave, stealing a final glance at Natalie and the baby through the glass window.

His parents had arrived and his mother gave him a big hug when she saw him. Simon's face was still full of tears so thankfully, he didn't have to get the inevitable telling off right there in the hospital.

You should've worn a condom, son. Why did you get involved in this mess? Why didn't you tell us?

Simon's parents were strict, but they usually knew the best thing to do in a situation. When they came home, they left Simon alone for a while. They only came to see him when they got the dreaded phone call.

Natalie had died.

Simon cried for hours into his mother's shoulder, he knew that Natalie didn't have long, but he still had a bit of hope that somehow, she might pull through.

After all his tears had run dry his father and brother came to see him, each giving him a long hug. They weren't very good with words but they were there for him.

The next day, Simon, his parents, and Mr. and Mrs. Soellner had a conversation about the baby. It was a relatively short conversation, but a difficult one. They agreed it was too painful to keep the baby, a too painful reminder of Natalie and one of the worst few days of their lives.

They all felt guilty about it. But they knew it was the right decision. Simon didn't know what to think, but eventually, he agreed with his parents. He was too young to be a single father and the baby deserved better. He still had a future ahead of him, no matter how painful it was to give up his and Natalie's child.

The baby was given up for adoption, apparently to one of the doctors in the hospital. Simon felt better when he heard that, he feared he had condemned his daughter to life in temporary foster homes, of never having a family, never having a single place to call home.

School was difficult. He only had a few months left of his senior year, but there were reminders of Natalie everywhere. Her death had shocked the whole school. Thankfully, no one knew about her being pregnant. That was just another secret he'd have to keep. To hold in his heart, a reminder of his love for Natalie and the child they had together.

At Natalie's funeral, Simon received a photo from Mrs. Soellner. It was one she'd taken of them in the hospital - Natalie in the bed, Simon by her side, and their daughter in her arms. Their last moments together.

Simon made a copy of the picture so if he lost it he would always have another. He carried it around everywhere with him. He looked at it every night. At Natalie. His therapist suggested he make a photo album of all the pictures he had of Natalie. All of his love for her in one place.

He enjoyed collecting pictures of her although it made him cry. He didn't have that many, but somehow that made it even more special. Their 8th-grade school photo, when they didn't even know each other. A couple from their 9th grade trip to Washington D.C. They had started to be friends then and there were a few photos of them grinning into the sun near the White House. A few photos of the choir that Natalie sang in at one of their performances. And then his favorite ones, the ones they had taken when they were boyfriend and girlfriend. They both looked so happy.

Then came the photos that Simon found after Natalie's funeral. The one they printed of her in the school newspaper as a sort of obituary. Simon had read it, but it was written by people who didn't know her, not the real her. There were a few others as well, one's people had posted on social media. Ironically, by the same people who not a few months ago had been bullying Natalie and sending her horrible messages.

Simon had actually spoken to the principal about the bullying that Natalie went through. He was no longer going to be a coward. Apparently, they had spoken to some students about it, but nothing was really done. Typical private school. Simon thought. Too worried that the parents won't give money to build the new cafeteria than actually do anything.

And finally, there was the photo of Natalie, Simon, and the baby in the hospital, hours before Natalie died. His favorite one.

He thought that would be the final entry into his book of Natalie but he was wrong. About 8 months after Natalie had died, Simon received a letter in the mail. It was the summer and although Simon still had bad days, he was a lot better. He was excited to start college in the fall, a fresh start.

He was surprised the find the letter was from the woman who had adopted his and Natalie's daughter. The doctor. Although it was a closed adoption, the woman explained that she thought she'd just let him know that the adoption had been finalized. She said thank you, 'Thank you for giving me my daughter, who I love more than anything. She had included a photo, the final addition in Simon's book of Natalie.

Simon looked at the picture and smiled, the baby looked like Natalie although when he'd shown his mother she said it looked like him.

On the back, the woman who'd adopted her had written:

Rachel, 6 months old, 06/18/2009

Rachel.

That was the baby's name! His and Natalie's daughter. Rachel. It was a good name. It suited her. Natalie would've liked it and she looked like Natalie as well, the same dark brown hair.

For the first time in a while, Simon felt truly happy. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Like he had been holding his breath for 8 months. Natalie was gone, but she lived on in Rachel. A girl who would have a good life with her new family. A better life than Simon could give her.

Simon had his life ahead of him. College was starting soon. He was excited and he was nervous but he was grateful to just feel like a normal teenager. He would never forget Natalie.. or Rachel for that matter, but for once his future felt like his own. The past was not dragging him down. Rachel was doing well. He could relax.

He could live the rest of his life.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it - please review!

This is just a one-shot, but let me know if you want another chapter. I have a few things in mind. Maybe Simon will get to meet Rachel when she's older? How will that go?

Anyway, thanks for reading,

Tina

XOXOXOXO