Sadly, I don't own Merlin.

I give up.

Merlin followed Arthur while the latter stormed through the castle to his chambers, looking at the tall figure of the man who he called friend although there were times he genuinely wondered if Arthur really was his friend.

He had done his best to be there for Arthur since Uther's death (he wished Gaius had shown Arthur that necklace laced with the enchantment Morgana had placed on it, which reversed the healing spell he'd tried to use on the King; looking back Merlin had begun to wish he had never gotten involved in the mess, but the hope which had been raised in him… it had been too much, now it was his undoing but it showed the hypocrisy of Morgana), but the new King of Camelot was just pushing him away while he threw tantrum after tantrum.

Merlin hoped he could do something about this, but he wondered if Gwen would be the kind of person who could make Arthur see sense rather than allow himself to be manipulated by Agravaine.

But what was happening now made him wonder if being there for Arthur was even worth it.

Merlin still could not believe how weak Arthur was. All he had to do was listen to Agravaine's advice and he did it without a thought, but now Merlin wondered if the king even knew how to make his own decisions and trust his own instincts. Merlin didn't know why Arthur's slimy uncle had such a tremendous hold over Arthur, especially given how he hadn't been around the young king for the entirety of his own life.

That was the crux of the whole thing.

Why was Arthur putting so much trust into Agravaine when the man hadn't been around for a long time? But as he followed Arthur, his head ringing with the council meeting which had just taken place in such a disastrous way, Merlin became more and more convinced the man was not only dangerous but he was definitely Morgana's spy.

The Council, who were composed of people whom Merlin tolerated more than liked although there were a couple of members who he genuinely respected more than anybody else, had heard the news of King Caerleon's death at Arthur's hands. Arthur had announced the news to the council, although they had called the meeting in order to discover for themselves the truth of the rumours which had travelled the winds faster than Arthur and his knights, and Merlin, on their way back to Camelot.

Arthur had told them how they had tracked down and then trapped Caerleon in a trap.

Arthur had then told them how he had tried to make a deal with the other king to stop him from attacking and raiding Camelot's borders the way he had before Arthur and his knights tracked him down to stop them. But Caerleon had been stubborn in his refusal to accept the deal. And, despite his best efforts, Merlin could not help but think of how childishly Arthur had defended himself. Almost as if the king were a little boy justifying himself from looting the cookie jar. The most pathetic thing was Merlin knew the other man only got that way whenever he was sure things wouldn't go his own way.

Despite Arthur's strengths, Merlin was more than aware of how insecure the other man was. Arthur regularly lied to protect his petty honour, and even Merlin could not deny that while he liked Arthur and cared about him, the king had these issues which made it incredibly hard to get him to wake up and see the world in shades of grey rather than black and white.

That was Arthur's biggest problem.

He had always seen the world in such a simple, imperfect way that it blinded him to what was real and what wasn't.

Strangely Merlin got the impression the council agreed with him about the childish attitude, if the derisive looks sent towards Arthur were anything to go by, but Merlin had put those looks out of his mind; those looks of derision had quickly turned to looks of horror and disbelief when they learnt what Arthur had told them what he had done to the other king. The only good thing was while Arthur had spoken of the whole matter with some sort of pride and strength in his voice, the way he had spoken was as if the whole act had torn his heart in two.

The council hadn't been able to respond at first, all of them were stunned by what their new king had done especially to another king. But Merlin could see even despite their shock, all of them knew what would be coming. All of them knew Caerleon had a wife, and they all knew of Queen Annis' reputation to know the old queen was neither the type to let this kind of attack go unanswered and she would make sure Camelot paid the price for Arthur's stupidity. They knew war was coming, and Merlin had had to stand there while the council made its opinion felt although before that Agravaine had proven just how he was not on Arthur's side or the side of Camelot on the whole.

How Arthur was ignoring Annis' reputation, Merlin had no idea. Maybe he wasn't deep down, and he was covering it up?

Agravaine had applauded and praised Arthur's actions for the 'decisiveness by which he had ended a threat to the security of the kingdom of Camelot.' Merlin had noticed the so-called noble hadn't once taken praise for being the one who had told Arthur what to do and making it sound like something Uther would have done as well. But that didn't really mean anything to the sorcerer. He had noted as well the looks of horror and condemnation many of the other members of the council sent Agravaine.

Merlin could see plainly the council were wondering if Agravaine had taken leave of his senses, but the sorcerer knew differently. He knew Agravaine was allied with Morgana, and truly when you put your mind to it, you could easily see and understand why Agravaine was taking these steps to betray his nephew.

Revenge.

Agravaine wanted revenge on both Uther and on Arthur for the loss of his sister, Ygraine. Why else would he be allied with Morgana, giving Arthur terrible pieces of advice along the way? Agravaine just wanted revenge. And he was willing to work with Morgana to get it, even though he had as many reasons to want to see the witch dead as well, given her relation to both Pendragons. Ever since the day Morgana had proven to be evil and cruel after she had returned after spending a year with Morgause, Merlin had been cursing himself for being so cowardly and giving into his inexperience to trust Gaius and Kilgharrah in not helping the witch; if he had trusted her, there was a chance none of this would be happening.

But no.

Merlin had chosen to listen to the advice of two individuals, one who was so old and seemed determined to see the world in a black and white way, and had his own agenda while the other had wanted to bury his head in the sand and avoid the matter entirely until it was standing not six feet before him. Morgana was Merlin's fault, and more than once the people of Camelot had paid the price.

Now it looked like they were going to do so again. There was no doubt in his mind the witch had something to do with this, but if she had manipulated Caerleon to attack the border of the kingdom, Merlin couldn't say.

He wouldn't put it past Morgana. He knew how manipulative she could be, how self-serving. Manipulating and directing a war from the shadows was her style, especially now. Morgana now knew she would need a really good plan to get inside Camelot and take the kingdom over. A war would be perfect, especially between Camelot and another strong kingdom; it would kill hundreds and it would offer the witch dozens of possibilities that Arthur, due to the number of secrets and lies Merlin had been forced to tell and live with, couldn't see. Worse, she knew Arthur very well. She had grown up with Arthur. She knew his strengths and his weaknesses. She knew at this point, the king would be indecisive while he was trying to be strong, and present a determined front, but deep down she knew her half-brother would be torn between making the right decisions and having to cope with the bad ones.

Manipulating another king to raid the border, get her lackey to tell Arthur to kill him by manipulating the young monarch it would be what Uther would have done, which would result in a long and costly war. This would be just her style, and it would go a long way to getting what she wanted the most; to become Queen of Camelot so she could bring magic back to the land while making those who'd persecuted pay the price for their crimes. All Morgana would need to do was watch and observe from the shadows, and Merlin saw what would have come from it.

As the war would progress, the kingdom would lose thousands of people as Annis' army rampaged across in the name of their murdered ruler. Merlin also had little doubt Annis would have received guidance from Morgana, who would provide intelligence on how Arthur thought. With the witch's help, Annis would have been able to force Arthur to make dozens of mistakes and forcing him to lose face in the eyes of the kingdom. That would be disastrous and bad enough, but the loss of life would be a victory for Morgana since it would mean one less obstacle to becoming Queen of Camelot. As for Arthur…Even if Annis spared Arthur if she somehow managed to capture him, which was a possibility but it wasn't likely, Morgana would have been able to seize the throne without resistance. And with the kingdom in utter chaos with thousands dead as a result, Merlin knew the survivors wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

There was even the chance the survivors of the war would welcome Morgana into the fold if she provided them with protection and food and medicine as a result of the war.

And then it would only be a matter of time before she was Queen.

But while he knew who was lurking behind the scenes, Merlin knew he couldn't tell the council. For a start, none of them knew of his magical abilities, and he wasn't going to tell them. But the biggest reason was the council were filled with people blinded like Arthur and Uther by the view the world was black and white. They didn't realise Agravaine might have had ulterior motives for what he had done. But the good thing was he didn't really need to tell them the worst of it. All of those nobles could see that war was coming, and Merlin hoped they used their own authority and influence to make preparations for the coming war.

Arthur slammed his chambers shut, but the force of the blow made the door bounce off its lock. Merlin stepped in and gently closed the door, and he watched as Arthur paced around the room. He was like an angry animal trapped in a cage, but this was a cage of his own making.

"Arthur-," Merlin began slowly, hoping the calm tone he was using would be enough to stop the king from losing his temper.

Arthur paused. "Go away, Merlin."

Great. It was going to be one of those conversations. Arthur would be locked in his stupid role as king and would use that as a shield while blissfully ignoring Merlin and the truth. Merlin always dreaded meetings like this since it would mean Arthur would simply not listen to him.

In fact, a part of Merlin was actually tempted to do just what Arthur instructed, just go away and leave Arthur to face the consequences of his actions.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong," Merlin folded his arms, making it clear in his body language. "I know despite what Agravaine told you-."

"That's Lord Agravaine to you, Merlin," Arthur was quick to defend his favourite advisor. "He is a noble and he deserves respect."

I will when he does something to make me respect him, but since I know he's working for Morgana that will likely never happen, Merlin thought to himself. A nasty part of him wished he could use his magic to teach the king his place and to mind his manners because meetings like this always rubbed him the wrong way, and it was a struggle for Merlin to control his temper. "I know despite what your uncle told you that you're deeply disturbed and distressed by what you did. You can't deny it, Arthur. I think I know you well enough."

"What if you've never known me, Merlin," Arthur interrupted with a sneer. "You're just a servant-."

"As you keep reminding me, sire," Merlin interrupted back, but without the sneer. He would not sink down to Arthur's level especially since he didn't want to push the idiot into doing something they would regret later. He hated this type of argument with Arthur, especially when the other man seemed determined to mentally regress into childhood.

But what he hated the most was how because he was a servant, Arthur, the whole damn council, and to a degree Gaius and the knights, looked down on him as if he were stupid. He knew his outward traits and some of his antics made it easy for people to think that. Merlin didn't give a damn what people thought of him, and he had come to see that Will might have a point about nobles after all with their arrogance and small view of the world and the reality of it. A dark desire within him wished he could use his magic and teach them to respect their better. It frightened Merlin a part of him shared that dark similarity with Morgana, but it came with being magical. He knew deep down he was better than everyone in Camelot, only he hid it from others.

Arthur…

Arthur just took it in a new direction. The king had a kind of arrogance Merlin had seen throughout his years of service to him, and it never failed to annoy and aggravate him, especially when Arthur either lied to cover himself or make stupid excuses to shield himself from his true feelings or to face consequences.

This was just the latest in a long line of examples.

"But I have been with you long enough, seen enough with you, to know you're under a lot of pressure. I understand that, Arthur, better than you might think. But why is it impossible to be the king you want to be?"

As he'd expected Arthur didn't see the double meaning. Instead, the young king focused on the question. "I have a duty to uphold Camelot the way my father did, you wouldn't understand Merlin."

Merlin sighed. He hated it whenever Arthur bullied or mocked him by putting emphasis on the first few letters of his name; you would have thought Arthur would have grown up by now instead of seeming determined to mentally stay a moronic teenager. But no, Arthur still insisted on doing that, he still insisted on the infantile name-calling even though Merlin himself liked to call it banter although it grated and it really annoyed and aggravated Merlin. The good thing was Merlin had grown up mentally enough to just ignore it since he'd had to cope with the annoyance for the last few years, but he was tired of the infantile game.

But what frustrated Merlin the most was how condescending the king was, constantly telling him he wouldn't understand being a monarch, the responsibilities he had to cope with…

Do you think you know how it feels to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, Arthur? You think you know everything that's happened over the years, but you don't.Y You never have, because you're just another pathetic magic-less human being. You never had to trust in the Great Dragon and had to cope with his own agenda. You never had to go behind the backs of others, discovering the numerous conspiracies, and never having the nerve to reveal what was going on because you knew it would see your death. You never had to kill people who would cause more damage in the long term. You never had to look into Morgana's eyes and see the shock and pain in her features when she registered what was happening when you poisoned her, Merlin longed to say to the king although he knew if he did then he would be lucky not to get killed as a result since it would mean revealing his magic. And the sad part was Merlin was becoming increasingly convinced he would never reveal his true self to the king, ever.

It was conversations like this that made it abundantly clear to Merlin he could never tell the king about his magic. The thought was disheartening, even painful since all Merlin wanted was for magic to be free once more, for the never-ending massacre that was the Purge to end.

And at that moment… Merlin decided to give up.

He turned and walked to the door, uncaring if the king gave him permission to leave or not. Fortunately, he didn't. "Agravaine was wrong, Uther would never have killed another king. I only hope you accept the consequences or else your people will pay the price."

And he was gone.

Merlin could have argued but there came a point where arguments just didn't work. Maybe if Arthur saw the cost of his decisions then perhaps Merlin would walk back to him. But not right now. He didn't care how Gaius saw it, he didn't care what Kilgharrah said. He had just given up.