I've been re-watching the series from the start in anticipation of the revival. And I haven't been able to get Sara and Grissom's relationship out of my head. I mean I loved it before but this time around my obsession is in full swing.
I don't own these characters, but they sure own the thoughts in my head right now!
San Francisco
Sara had sat through Dr Grissom's entire lecture, totally engrossed by what he had to say.
When the notice had appeared on the board about this guest speaker's seminar at the Forensic conference and Sara had expressed her interest to her colleagues, there had been a lot of talk about the 'bug man' and how although he was one of the best in his field, he also had a reputation for being too 'into things'. And according to one of the top detectives at San Francisco PD, who had a friend who once worked a case with the guy, his office was filled with all sorts of framed bugs and other nasties, including a dead pig foetus! Everyone other than Sara had made a face as the Detective described the office's contents. She valued intelligence, and someone who dedicated themselves to science and even to their job, was alright by her. Hell, even she too could get too 'into things', where she would have those moments when something would just absolutely consume her.
The hours of Dr Grissom's lecture had flown by for her, he had spoken with the passion and confidence of someone who had no doubt, truly found their calling. Sara hadn't taken her eyes off of him the entire time, absorbing every piece of information as if she were a sponge. The other people attending had participated here and there throughout the day of course, but Sara had frequently rolled her eyes at their basic, rudimentary questions and Dr Grissom had answered them with ease, almost brushing them aside as if it hadn't even been an answer to a question, but just him continuing on with his lesson. But Sara had always needed to know all the where's, why's, when's how's and who's under the sun, and today was certainly no different. After all, she was there to learn and she couldn't do that without full understanding of every fine detail. Her persistent questions however, seemed to test him more, and he would have to stop himself momentarily each time, seemingly in order to compose his thoughts and formulate an answer.
What had struck her was, how every time she did ask Dr Grissom a question, his gaze would fix intensely on her. And although there were a dozen or so other people in the room, his answering her questions felt like an extremely private moment, as if they were the only two people in the room, their gazes locked. And yet when the others had asked questions, he would barely look into the crowd, or at the person themselves to answer it. But with Sara's questions, he would stop and make eye contact with her every single time. And he would begin his answer every time with a faint hint of a smile. Sara had a feeling she knew why. Her social skills were lacking, and she often pissed people off with them, or her persistence, or both. She felt he was almost certainly trying to hide the exasperation he felt at her constant barrage of questions. But she couldn't stop herself from asking them each time. She just had to know. And she realised she was enjoying challenging him, it filled her with a validating confidence every time he found an answer to each of her questions.
When the session was finally over, almost all of the people in the room formed an orderly queue in the stairwell at the front of the small stage, mostly in order to thank Dr Grissom and shake his hand, or ask a question or two. Sara's poor social skills meant she was far too uncomfortable joining a queue in order to tell him how she thoroughly enjoyed his talk. She opted to hang back, leaning against a chair, her arms folded and one foot pressed up against the chair.
When she realised that the last people were making their way past her to leave, she looked up from her gaze into the depths of the navy-blue carpet and saw Dr Grissom watching her, with a humoured look on his face.
"Dr Grissom, Hi." She said as she held out her hand to shake hands with him, and she couldn't help but grin. "I'm Sara Sidle. And I just had to tell you how much I've really enjoyed your talk today."
"Really, Sara Sidle?" He smirked at her. "For a while there I wasn't sure if you weren't just out to heckle me."
"Oh, Gosh. No, never! I would never..." Came her flustered reply. This was not good; she had actually managed to offend him with her inability to keep her mouth shut and not ask questions. "I just umm, I like to learn. I love to learn, and you're a great teacher, very passionate and knowledgeable. I could have listened to you talk a for a lot longer actually. Sorry, I really meant no offence by my questions." She blushed.
"You sure know how to make someone work." He joked. "But I'm glad you enjoyed my talk here today."
"Are you kidding? I've been looking forward to it ever since the notice went up a few weeks back." She said excitedly. "You were everything I imagined you would be... Umm, the talk I mean."
"Glad I didn't disappoint, Miss Sidle." And he smiled, one of the most genuine smiles that Sara had ever seen.
Sara was taken aback. A silent moment or two passed, and she knew that she would no doubt spoil things with her social awkwardness if she didn't make an excuse and bolt for the exit right this second. But instead of saying some sort of polite goodbye, a totally different set of words came out. "So, umm, how long are you in San Fransico for? Do you have plans? I umm..." Sara stopped herself in horror. What did she just say? For some reason, she had a confidence in front of this man that she never knew she had. And she was about to offer to be a tour guide for him!
"I'm here a couple of days, and heading back to Las Vegas early on Sunday..." He replied, matter-of-factly. "And as this is my first-time visiting San Francisco I guess I haven't really thought about what I'm doing yet... Do you have any recommendations?" He hinted at whatever it was she had stopped herself from saying.
"Well, it's just... It's your first time here!?" She piped up excitedly. "Well in that case as someone born and raised here, I'm not sure I can let you wonder around aimlessly. And it'd be a crime to let you see the Golden Gate from anything but the best view in town. Would you like me to show you around tomorrow?"
He hesitated before replying. "Sure, why not."
"Great! Listen err, where are you staying?"
"The Mitre Hotel."
"Oh, great choice." Sara was a little shocked, it was one of the most upmarket hotels the city had to offer, far too pricey for the likes of herself. "I'm not that far from there, I can meet you whatever time you wanna head out tomorrow"
"Nice and early. Would 8am be too early for you?"
"Wow. Err, no... 8am huh?" Sara was puzzled. Why so early? It wouldn't take all day to take him out to see the bridge. Maybe he just wanted to get it done and out the way early so that he could be rid of her and enjoy the rest of his time there to himself she thought. Or was there a possibility that he wanted to spend the whole day with her? No, surely that couldn't be it. She headed over to the desk and grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote down her name and number, crossing underneath Sara Sidle with two lines. "Here's my cell number, in case your plans change and you find a better offer." She could feel his eyes on her and felt ever so self-conscious for a moment. She handed him the slip of paper and looked at her watch. It was almost 7pm, Dr Grissom's talk really had gone on for hours. "I should get going..."
"Sara Sidle?"
"Yeah?" She said, curiously.
"I don't suppose you know of any good places that serve all day breakfast? I work the graveyard shifts back in Vegas, so often I kind of usually end my 'days' with breakfast." He looked a little sheepish at his request.
"Umm, yeah, there's Grease and Sugar nearby." She laughed as he wrinkled his nose at the words. 'Grease and sugar' don't exactly make for an appetising combination she knew. "My personal favourite if I'm honest, you can get just about anything you want, be it sweet or savoury. You want directions?"
"Actually, I was thinking maybe you'd like to join me? I have a feeling you probably have a lot more questions for me" he smirked.
"That obvious huh?"
Sara was feeling a little giddy, like she had a schoolgirl crush on a teacher. But she was 26, a grown woman. Granted she hadn't felt this comfortable around someone of the opposite sex in a very long time. And she was relishing her new found confidence that came with the way she was feeling. She definitely was more than happy to spend more time with this man. "Yes, I'd love to!"
He grabbed some papers that were left on the desk, tucked them into his jacket and gestured that he was ready to leave. "After you."
They walked the 15-minute walk out of the building and down the road to Sugar and Grease comfortably. It was his turn to ask the questions, and he seemed extremely interested in her and her education. They kept it not too personal though, as she talked about going to Harvard on Scholarship and from there taking herself to UC Berkeley. Usually, her high level of education intimidated men, and if that didn't, then revealing that she was currently working in a coroner's office was almost always enough to make them turn tail and run. But none of it phased Grissom, he seemed to enjoy hearing how she had come this far.
"Here we are..." She finally said. "What does it for you? Bacon grease or the sweet smell of sugar and syrup on pancakes? Or maybe both, together?" She joked. It was almost as if she had known Grissom for more than the half an hour that she did... The way she felt naturally at ease around him. She had never been one for small talk, or even to talk about herself, she always kept her true self closely guarded afraid that people would see exactly how damaged she believed herself to be. But she had this feeling that she could tell him anything about herself and he would not judge her in the slightest, not ever.
"Today, I think it'll be a fry up." He answered as he held open the door to let Sara in. They picked a booth in the corner, furthest away from the noise of the television and the bustle of the counter, and sat opposite one another.
"I have to warn you these may just be the best eggs in town here, and the bacon isn't bad too. Once you've tasted them you may very well find yourself feeling the need to visit San Francisco again sooner than you think."
"Well, it seems that San Francisco has a lot to offer a man then." He grinned at her, clearly impressed at his own little joke, and Sara wasn't entirely sure just what he was hinting at. She gave him a puzzled smile.
They talked over their food, for what again felt like hours. He truly seemed to find Sara fascinating. And for some unknown reason Sara kept picturing herself sat next to him in the booth, rather than opposite, talking and laughing animatedly. As if they were the oldest and closest of friends. She felt this gravitational pull towards him, and realised that she was leaning in to every word that he was saying, on the edge of her seat, her upper body leaning somewhat across the table. She gathered herself and sat up straight, breaking her thoughts about being closer to him. And she looked at his hands. No ring in sight. She felt some relief. It was okay then for them to be sitting together like this on a Friday night, it was okay her to be feeling attracted to him. She wanted to know, she had to know, if there was a woman in his life at all. For if there was then the attraction that she was feeling towards him was all on her, and she should stop herself getting carried away before she makes a fool of herself.
"So, uhm. Is this how you usually spend your Friday nights? Eating breakfast with girls?" ... Sara knew she shouldn't have asked; it was none of her business. But she couldn't help herself. She saw the stunned look on his face, he wasn't sure where this line of questioning was going. But he answered once again, matter-of-factly.
"No, the woman in my life usually either don't talk, or don't breathe." He said, not breaking eye contact. Sara felt awkward and embarrassed that she had even asked. Well, now she had the answer to her question, and what did she expect? Her colleagues had already pretty much told her that this was a man married to his job. And when you're that consumed by something there's definitely no time for other people. Besides, this was nothing more than a chance meeting. They lived in different states, so what exactly was she thinking could happen? She fidgeted, disappointed at herself and her ludicrous ideas and stared down at her hands. It was the way he looked at her, the way he listened to her, she felt as if he held her as an equal to himself, when in fact he was some 15 or so years older than her and had far more life experience that she'd had. But something had stirred in her. When she looked back up at him, he hadn't moved an inch, he was staring at her with utmost fascination, clearly studying her, trying to figure out what was going through her mind. She looked down from his eyes to his lips, and for a second wondered what it felt like to kiss them. 'Wow', thought Sara. 'What is going on with me? Just stop right now, what is up with you tonight?' She mentally scolded herself. "I should uh, I should be heading home. I'm not much of a morning person to be honest, and you want me up bright and early tomorrow."
"If it's too much trouble then you don't have to..." He interjected, sensing her embarrassment as she got up.
"Oh, it's no trouble at all. I just don't sleep so I'm usually up reading half the night. I'll be fine, though probably not bright eyed and bushy tailed like others are in the morning."
"If your eyes were any brighter than they are to me right now they'd be blinding..."
She stood still, dumbstruck. What was that? That was one hell of a compliment and it came from nowhere. And he had said it without even looking at her, he'd said it almost as if to himself.
In an instant, Grissom's body language changed, and he suddenly became ridged instead of relaxed. He got up. "Do you need me to walk you back to your place?"
"No, umm your hotel is nearer, I'll walk you back."
And they walked back to hotel, almost completely in silence. Both quietly running through the talk of the evening in their heads. Sara noticed it wasn't an awkward silence at all, and she smiled to herself.
"Penny for your thoughts." His voice interrupted her reverie. But it was soft and genuinely curious. He had obviously been watching her without her realising, he'd seen her smile to herself and wanted to know why.
"It's just that. Well, I'm not really much of a people person. And an awkward silence is something I'm very accustomed to. But I've enjoyed talking with you tonight, and walking with you just now I was surprised that I don't feel awkward at all."
"Well, there's beauty in lots of things Sara. In Silence... And I believe there's beauty to be found even in darkness too."
"A beautiful silence." Sara repeated. Well, that's one way to describe it, she thought.
They soon arrived back at the hotel Grissom was staying in.
"Bright and early 8am." he joked, and Sara pulled a face at him.
"Oh I'll be here." Sara replied with a wink. Was she flirting with him now? Even she wasn't sure. "Goodnight Grissom."
"Gil, call me Gil. Goodnight Sara"
They both looked at each other a moment longer before he nodded at her with a smile and turned away, heading off into the hotel entrance. Sara felt light and free, and walked back towards her apartment almost with a skip in her step. From feeling so light and free, she told herself...
When Sara's alarm went off the following morning, her first instinct was to nearly throw the damned clock on the floor out of irritation. She hadn't slept much, but that was nothing new there. But then she remembered her plans for today; she was meeting up with him. And very possibly spending the entire day with him too. And it was this excitement that had kept her up all night. She had a million things she wanted to show Grissom, and only the day to do so. Oh, there was that bookstore downtown, and the park with the glorious flower garden she thought he as an entomologist might enjoy. But most of all she knew she had to show him the Bay. She dressed and put a little bit more effort into her appearance than usual, making sure her curly hair wasn't scruffy. Usually, Sara was not one for showing off skin, and could be found even on the hottest of days in jeans and a t-shirt. Today she opted for some chino shorts and a tank top. Unsure again why she was feeling far more confident than she ever normally felt, but enjoying the confidence in herself nonetheless. And headed out of her apartment. She arrived outside the main entrance of the Mitre Hotel, and looked around for Grissom. She spotted him sat in the foyer, head buried in a book. She glanced at her watch; it was only 7:50am. Well, she was early, but exactly how long had he been sat there she wondered? She walked in through the entrance. It was calm and peaceful inside the hotel foyer. Clearly their high pricing had paid for some serious soundproofing. Sara was glad she had opted to wear sneakers instead of the sandals she had first picked up, her entrance into the building went unnoticed and she slowly approached where Grissom was sitting. When she got closer to him, she had the sudden urge to lean down and wrap her arms around his shoulders from behind. And she had to shake the thought out of her head. Grissom sensed her presence as she stood behind him, and he looked up at her. "Good morning." he said with a smile as he stood up.
"Good morning," she smiled back at him. "What are you reading?"
He flashed her a proud grin as he turned it to show the cover. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.
"I haven't read Shakespeare since I was in 6th grade." Sara told him.
He held out the book to her. "Here, take it. Shakespeare is one of my favourites, I often read it to quiet my thoughts. I have another copy back home so that one is all yours."
"Oh no I can't." Sara replied. The booked looked worn, well read. Just the way a book should look. She had the feeling it wasn't just an ordinary copy, but very likely a personal copy that held some sentimental value to the owner. Why would he want to give it away to her?
"It's yours, please take it. It's a gift. Think of it as my thanks for your tour guide services for the day."
She placed a hand on the book, but was hesitant to take it. "You know, I never said my tour guide services were good." She teased. "Thank you." They smiled at each other and she slipped the book in the small backpack she had slung across one shoulder.
"I'll settle for interesting."
"Well then, you shan't be disappointed. Ready to get going?"
They had spent the day visiting various places Sara had felt were too good for anyone to miss, but also were not your regular tourist attractions. And now they were walking along the Bay as early evening was about to set in. Sara was pleased that they would make it to her favourite spot to see the bridge before the sun would set. Their day together had been enjoyable, full of talk about anything and everything, except for anything personal for either of them. It seemed that they were done with personal talk. Every time she had explained to Grissom of some important piece of local history, or an interesting fact or figure, he had responded with some equally impressive, but absolutely random and out of place fact or figure to match. Or a famous quote. Sometimes even a passage from a book. Occasionally, she thought there was even a 'Grissom' original too. She had frequently laughed at this off-handed way of his, unsure how to respond, and eventually, knowing it was coming.
They approached the peak of a small grassy verge bordering a small beach and Sara stopped and turned to Grissom. "Well, here we are..." She shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts awkwardly. "The best place in the city to see the bridge"
"It's beautiful"
Sara blushed even though she knew full well that he was talking about the view and nothing else. And she watched perplexed as he pulled out a small camera from an inside pocket of his jacket for the first time all day. He took a couple of snaps before stopping to look around for something.
"What are you looking for?"
"We need a picture together." he said boyishly.
"We need a what?"
"A picture. Together, here. Now"
Sara scoffed, utterly embarrassed and yet somewhat curious. She felt butterflies in her stomach "You've had that camera with you the whole day and only now do you want to use it?"
"Excuse me" he called to a passing jogger. "Would you be so kind as to take a picture of us please?" He waved the camera in the air and the man stopped and took hold of the camera. Sara stood awkwardly, baffled at Grissom, and more self-conscious than she'd ever felt. Grissom took hold of her arm and pulled her to position them both with the bridge in the background, right as the sun was finally setting. He placed his arm around her.
"Ready" called the jogger, and Grissom made a really bad attempt at a joke, which had Sara struggle not to guffaw at him just as the jogger snapped a picture. "Hey, that's gonna be a good one." The man said handing Grissom back his camera. "Your girl has a beautiful smile"
"Thanks." Grissom said to the jogger as he took his camera and put it back in his jacket pocket as the jogger nodded to them both and headed off. "Let's walk shall we"
They walked along the beach until they eventually came to a group of benches, all of them empty other than an elderly couple with a small scruffy dog sitting at one the far end. Grissom sat down and gestured for Sara to sit too. He sighed, deep in thought and it was her turn to study him. "Thank you for today. For spending your day with me" He didn't look at her, instead he gazed out into the distance across the water.
"You're welcome." she replied. She could tell he was busy choosing his next words.
"I came to San Francisco this weekend to give a seminar..."
Oh, so they were actually going to talk now. Although she could tell by the tone of his voice what was coming. Inevitably it was coming. He was going to have to let her down gently because obviously nothing could ever possibly happen between them, the situation being what it was.
"I'm well aware." She pouted, slightly offended by the fact that he felt it was even necessary to point it out.
"Look Sara. What I mean to say is..." He sighed, unable to maintain eye contact. "I'm not exactly good with people. Living breathing people. And when I met you yesterday after the seminar, I was surprised how easy I found it to talk to you. I've certainly really enjoyed your company. But tomorrow morning I'm heading back to my job in Vegas and I fear I've led you on somewhat. Albeit unintentionally."
"You didn't lead me anywhere I didn't want to go" Sara insisted.
"You have a very bright future ahead of you Sara. Of that I am certain. Don't waste another thought on an old man such as myself. People as intelligent as you are, are hard to find. Take the time to concentrate on yourself. To find who you want to be and to build yourself a life around it. If ever I come across an opportunity that I think you'd be suitable for I'll even recommend you myself. You're going places."
Sara felt like she was a college student being reprimanded by her teacher for setting her sights unattainably high. She was starting to feel sour, but she didn't want to end the evening by falling out with Grissom. So she sucked in the air and held herself back from pointing out that he was not the boss of her.
"I hope we will meet again one day." She spoke, looking him in the eyes. And she meant it. "Thank you. For coming out here to teach that seminar"
"I have your number; I'll keep in touch. Check in on you now and again"
She appreciated the gesture and hoped that he had meant it, but she felt utterly deflated deep inside. They sat in silence as the last slither of light disappeared completely and Sara shivered involuntarily. Noticing, Grissom removed his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. Sara tugged it tightly around her. "Let's get you home"
They got up and walked away from the waterfront towards the roadside and flagged down a nearby taxi. The musky sweaty smell of his jacket on her skin was intoxicating and Sara spent the ride staring out of the window in a daze, unaware that Grissom's eyes never looked away from her once the entire time. And when they pulled up at her apartment, she didn't even seem to notice they had stopped until she felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling her from her thoughts. "Oh, your jacket" She murmured, and shrugged it off her shoulders and placed it down on the empty seat between them and then fell back into a daze.
"Would you give us 5 minutes please?" Grissom asked the driver, who grunted and nodded in answer. Grissom got out of the car and walked around to open Sara's door. "Sara?" he offered her his hand and she looked up at him and reached out and took it, exiting the car. Grissom shut the door behind her and they walked a few steps to the main door of the building "It's time to say goodbye. I'm no good with goodbyes so I could use your help a little here" Sara noticed he was fidgeting nervously, his eyes darting from left to right, up and down, looking anywhere but directly at her eyes. And impulsively she leaned over and kissed him on the lips, her arms reaching up to grasp at his shoulders. She felt him freeze, still to the spot and although he didn't push her away, he didn't return her kiss either. She gently pulled away.
"I hope this isn't goodbye, Dr Grissom" She searched his eyes for any hint of what he was feeling, but all she saw was an expression that was akin to a deer caught in the headlights of a car. "Thank you" She smiled wistfully at him before turning away and reaching out for the doorknob to her apartment block. Before turning it, she glanced back over her shoulder to see that he hadn't moved from the spot, his expression still the same. She blinked to compose herself and turned back once more, opening the door and heading inside.
Sara reached her apartment, let herself in and dropped her bag on the couch, she crept over to the window and caught sight of the taxi pulling away. She turned her back to the wall and rolled her head back against it, letting out a desperate sigh. And as she did, her eyes fell on her bag, with the complete works of William Shakespeare peeping out from the top of the bag, and she couldn't help but smile sadly.
About a week had passed since Grissom had left. And Sara had not been able to shake a very melancholy mood she had been in since. Today at work it had been a tough one. A young female adult, victim of domestic abuse. Finally, the partner had taken it too far and she was now lying dead on the coroner's table. Sara had barely been able to hold herself together, but now her shift had finally come to an end. As she was leaving the woman at the front desk called after her "Miss Sidle, a delivery came for you earlier today" and she handed Sara a small light package, with the word FRAGILE printed large and clear across it. She inspected the package. It was addressed to Sara Sidle, C/O Coroner's office, San Francisco Police Department. There was no return address.
Sara took the parcel with her and opened it the moment she got home. Inside she found a small photo frame nestled securely in the packing paper, and a small piece of paper. The frame contained a single photo of two very happy looking people sharing a joke in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. The handwriting on the piece of paper simply said, From Grissom.
Sara smiled, for the first time all week she felt at peace.