A/N: This one-shot is set during the First War, after the Marauders have graduated from Hogwarts.

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Here

There is a loud knocking sound at his bedroom door, and Sirius immediately buries his head underneath his pillow. It's definitely too early to wake up, but he cracks open one eye to orient himself. On the other side of the room he can see the still empty bed of his roommate Remus; Remus has been on a mission for the Order the last few days, so that means it must be his other flatmate, Peter, standing outside the bedroom door. Sirius pulls the pillow off of his head just long enough to sleepily yell, "It's the crack of dawn!"

"It's two in the afternoon."

"Close enough," Sirius grumbles, pulling the pillow back over his head.

"There's someone at the door who wants to talk with you," Peter's matter-of-fact voice continues from behind the door. "He says he's McKinnon's brother."

Sirius rolls over and pulls the covers over his head. All of this conversation is starting to wake him up, much to his unhappiness. "Why can't you talk to him?"

"Because he says he needs to talk to a 'Sirius Black'. And I have to leave for work soon, anyway."

"Fine." Sirius disentangles himself from the sheets and jerks open the bedroom door, before walking towards the living room and saying, "I have some ideas for questions we can use to check that he is who he says – "

Sirius breaks off mid-sentence at the sight of a teenaged boy dressed in Muggle clothes sitting on their couch. He spins towards Peter before saying, "You just let him in?"

"Well, yes – "

"What happened to us being at war? To us agreeing that anybody could be a Death Eater in disguise so we should always make sure people are who they say they are?" Sirius exclaims. Merlin, Peter can be so slow sometimes.

Peter sighs and rolls his eyes. "Honestly, Sirius. I know McKinnon is Muggleborn, and just look at his clothes. He's clearly a Muggle. No self-respecting wizard would ever wear clothes like that."

"I'm right here, you know – " the boy interrupts.

"Sorry, mate," Sirius says, detouring into the adjacent kitchen and grabbing a carton of orange juice. Peter, making a comment about work, leaves out the front door, and Sirius turns to face the Muggle boy. Marlene has mentioned a younger brother fondly once, but he struggles for several moments to recall the name. "Ricky?"

"Richard, yeah. Have you seen Marly? She – "

"Marly?" Sirius snorts into his orange juice carton. "I didn't know it was even possible to get a nickname out of Marlene."

Richard frowns before continuing, "I wanna know if you've seen her. She never came home last night, and I know she spends the night with friends sometimes, but – but I'm worried."

"She does crash on our couch sometimes, but I haven't seen her recently, no." Neither Sirius, Remus, or Peter had managed to reach a conclusion as to why Marlene sporadically spent the night on their couch. Sirius had decided she must have nowhere else to stay, but apparently she did. "Why are you worried?"

"We– " the boy's voice cracks, and he looks down at his hands. "We found out yesterday that our uncle was killed. The police said it looked like a break-in gone wrong. We were really close to him, and Marly didn't take it well at all. She seemed super upset and then she just up and left. Mum and Dad said we should let her have her space for now, but I don't know."

Sirius decides that it somehow suddenly seems inappropriate to be swigging orange juice in his pajamas, and he sets down the juice carton. "Have you tried looking for her in the Muggle world?"

"She's not anywhere I can find," Richard says, shaking his head. "There are a few places where she likes to hang out – this café nearby our house, this park we used to go to as kids – but I think she spends most of her time in the magic world nowadays. You're the only person she's mentioned by name, though. I thought you might be able to help find her."

Even though they're both in the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius has never considered himself and McKinnon to be particularly close – as far as he can tell, McKinnon is too much of a loner to be particularly close to anyone – but he contemplates for a moment before saying seriously, "I'll find her."

"Thanks," he gives a sad smile before adding, "I should get home before my parents start wondering where I went."

Once Richard leaves and Sirius is standing alone in his flat a realization strikes him: he doesn't have the faintest clue where to look for McKinnon. He hadn't even known until five minutes ago that she was living with her parents and brother, how is he supposed to figure out where she is in the entirety of the Wizarding world?

After another brief moment of consideration, Sirius decides to start by heading for Diagon Alley. It's the closest Wizarding street, so it's at least feasible that she might be there.

It's a blindingly sunny summer day, and when Sirius arrives he shields his eyes to look down the crowded cobblestone streets. Where to now? What does he even know about McKinnon to guide him? She is a couple of years younger than him, having only recently graduated from Hogwarts and joined the Order of the Phoenix. He also knows that she is a Muggleborn Gryffindor, and that she likes make-up. Sirius frowns as he continues squinting down the winding street – is that really all he has to go off of? He attempts to squeeze any last relevant pieces of information from his mind and instead recalls that she used to have a pet goldfish as a child.

Fantastic. Where did that leave him looking?

He begins popping into every storefront he passes by, vaguely hoping that by some stroke of luck McKinnon will happen to be inside each one, but each time proves unsuccessful. She is not in Magical Menagerie, nor is she in Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, or Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, or any of the more than a dozen other shops that he searches.

After searching every store on Diagon Alley and still failing to find McKinnon, Sirius heaves a sigh of defeat. Clearly, he will need to try somewhere else. As a Hogwarts student, he vaguely recalls having sometimes seen McKinnon by Hogwart's Great Lake. Even though the Hogwarts castle itself is always closed to the general public, the grounds are open to the public during the summer, and so Sirius apparates to Hogwarts and begins trekking across the grounds' vast expanses in search of McKinnon.

It is several hours later by the time he finishes exploring the grounds, including several laps around the Great Lake. It is nearly night now, and there is still no sign of McKinnon. With a sigh, he decides to try Hogsmeade next. It is, after all, nearby to Hogwarts and could plausibly hold nostalgic comfort for her.

When Sirius enters the Three Broomsticks, he doesn't believe his eyes. After searching for hours and hours, suddenly Marlene McKinnon is right there. She is sitting at the bar in the Three Broomsticks, partly slouched over with one hand supporting her head and her other hand holding a nearly empty glass. As he walks over, he notices her eyes are bloodshot from recently dried tears, and there is a pang of sympathy behind his ribcage.

He slides onto the bar stool next to hers, but before he can think of what to say, McKinnon speaks in a heavily slurred voice, "What do you want? What are you doing here?"

Sirius stifles his surprise that she is so obviously drunk, and instead says "Your brother was worried about you. I'm supposed to make sure you haven't offed yourself or anything."

McKinnon scowls and violently takes another swig of her drink, before setting the empty glass down and stubbornly staring at the air in front of her. Sirius waits silently for several moments, but before McKinnon can speak again, Madame Rosmerta comes over and says to her, "Shall I close out your tab, dear?"

"No. Another one, please."

A disapproving line creases Madame Rosmerta's forehead, but she dutifully refills the glass and returns it to McKinnon. Turning to Sirius, Madame Rosmerta says in a more cheerful tone, "Hello, dear. What can I get you?"

"Nothing for now, thanks." It's past dinner time and Sirius hasn't eaten yet, but having dinner seems unimportant compared to the mental breakdown McKinnon appears to be having.

Madame Rosmerta nods before making her way over to other customers at the bar, and Sirius turns to McKinnon. "From the looks of it, you're planning to drink yourself to death. Is that it?"

"Shut up, Black." McKinnon looks on the verge of tears again as she adds more quietly, "You have no idea what I'm going through right now."

"I know your uncle died." He hesitatingly continues, "And I know it sucks. My uncle died a few years ago, and it really sucked."

McKinnon glares at him for several moments before saying, "You hate your family, Black. I don't think this is comparable."

"I liked my Uncle Alphard," he responds in an irritable undertone. "He was the one reasonable person in my family."

"And besides," McKinnon continues, seemingly without having heard Sirius, "You didn't kill your uncle."

Sirius looks at her with raised eyebrows. "Unless I know you even less well than I thought, you didn't kill your uncle, either."

"I may as well have," she says, her voice cracking as she speaks. "The Death Eaters killed him. My Muggle family doesn't realize it, the Muggle police didn't realize it, but I know that's what happened. And he was a Muggle, so the only reason the Death Eaters would target him is because of – because of me." Tears start leaking out of the corners of her eyes, and McKinnon buries her face in her arms.

Sirius suddenly feels very out of his depth. The clawing feeling of sympathy behind his ribcage intensifies, and after several moments he feebly says, "We can talk to Dumbledore. He can put protective charms around your parents' house, and any other relatives' houses too. Then they'll be safe from the Death Eaters."

"I already talked to Dumbledore, earlier today," comes her muffled voice, her face still buried in her arms. "But that can't change that my uncle is dead. I should have never accepted the offer to attend Hogwarts. I've ruined everything."

"You've been helping the Order a lot, and you wouldn't have been able to do that if you had never gone to Hogwarts," Sirius says quietly. "Hell, you've probably already saved a lot of people's lives through your work with the Order without realizing it."

McKinnon doesn't respond, keeping her head down. The Three Broomsticks continues to be filled with the quiet murmur of guests speaking, and dishes clinking. After several minutes McKinnon finally weakly lifts her head and blankly stares at her glass, still filled to the brim. "Fine. So what should I do then?"

"I don't know," Sirius says softly, honestly. He pauses and tries to recall his memories of pain and grief. Losing his Uncle Alphard. Losing Regulus. Losing members of the Order of the Phoenix. He lets the emotions wash over him for a moment, trying to imagine what it would be like to be sitting where McKinnon was, in her shoes, with her thoughts. Quietly, he says, "Maybe spend time with your loved ones who are still here. Or turn your pain into anger, and use that anger to help the Order take down the Death Eaters even more."

Continuing to stare in front of her with a semi-vacant expression, she replies with a somewhat skeptical, "Hm."

"If you're close with your family, you should at least let them know you're still in one piece," he says gently. "They were worried about you."

"I don't want them to see me like this," she mumbles, resting her head in her arms again. "Sometimes they seem to still think I'm 14, and I don't want them to see me after I've been drinking and get all concerned."

Sirius nods, and she remains quiet as Sirius continues sitting next to her.

He is not sure how much time has passed by the time she lifts her head again and numbly says, "I should close out my tab and go find a room for the night."

"If you need somewhere to stay, our flat is always open to you, as usual."

She hesitates for a moment before saying, "What if I puke on your floor or something?"

"There are cleaning spells for that," he replies with a shrug. He doesn't actually know those spells but, if it comes to that, hopefully Peter does.

After another moment she responds, "Okay. Is your floo open? I don't want to Apparate and accidentally splinch myself."

"Er – no, it's not. Security reasons. We can side-along Apparate, though."

McKinnon pays the tab, and they step outside into Hogsmeade together. It's quite late now, and the streets are empty except for the soft glow of the streetlamps. Sirius grabs McKinnon's hand to Apparate and, intertwining his fingers in hers for a firm grip, feels himself awkwardly flush. He hasn't really thought before about how side-along Apparating is essentially holding hands.

They Disapparate with a crack and appear outside of Sirius's flat, which is quiet and dark as he lets them both in. Illuminating the lights with a wave of his wand, he explains, "Remus is traveling on a mission for the Order right now, and Peter must have already gone to bed for the night."

Marlene vaguely nods while stumbling into the living room, lying down on the couch and throwing an arm over her eyes. "Awfully bright here," she mumbles to no one in particular.

Sirius looks at her for a moment and starts to feel the ache of sympathy clawing behind his ribcage again. Sighing, he says, "Merlin, you're a mess right now. I'll take the couch tonight. You can have my bed. Hopefully then you can at least get a good night's sleep."

"Mm, if it's not as bright there, then sure." She slowly sits up and starts unsteadily walking towards the hallway that leads off of the living room.

"Let me show you which one it is." Sirius opens one of the hallway doors to reveal the room he and Remus share. The room is lit only by the moonlight spilling in through the open blinds and, vaguely gesturing towards a double bed in the corner of the room, he adds, "That one is mine. Should be more comfortable than the couch."

"Thanks." She drops down onto the bed and rolls over to face the wall.

Sirius turns to leave, before deciding to add, "I hope you know that there are people here for you, for when times get tough."

McKinnon snorts in response. "Spare me the corny after school special."

Sirius frowns, unsure what an after school special is, but continues. "I mean it. Your first choice when things are difficult doesn't have to be going to a bar. We're here for you."

Rolling back over to face Sirius, she says in a deadpan voice, "Oh yeah? Who's 'we' then?"

"Me," he says, mildly surprising himself. "The rest of the Order. I know not everyone in the Order is close with everyone else, but we've gone through a lot of similar things. And, ultimately, we're a team, which means we're always there for each other."

"How often have you had a heart-to-heart with someone else in the Order about your feelings?" she responds sarcastically.

"Well, admittedly, not often," Sirius replies, snaking a hand around the back of his neck. "Maybe I should, though, sometimes." McKinnon is quiet, and the room is too dark for him to make out her expression. After several minutes of silence, he decides the conversation must be over and turns to leave again. "Get some sleep. Good night."

He has nearly closed the door behind him, when he hears her voice. "Sirius, wait." He opens the door again and looks into the room as she continues, "I – I don't want to be alone. Can you stay?"

"Sure," he says gently, stifling his surprise. He enters the room and awkwardly glances around, trying to decide where to sit. He and Remus have always been rather lazy about acquiring furniture, and as a consequence the only furniture in their shared room is their beds and a lamp – no chairs.

Apparently noticing Sirius's indecision, McKinnon stretches out her arm and vaguely gestures towards the other half of Sirius's double bed. "I don't mind if you sit here."

He sits on the edge of the bed and, as neither him nor McKinnon speak, he listens to the silence. The sound of his breathing. The creak of the building settling. The quiet clunking of the boiler. The wind blowing against the windows. The sound of her breathing.

When she next speaks, it is barely above a whisper. "I keep thinking about how scared my uncle must have been. How he wouldn't have understood what was happening until it was too late. How that could happen to any of us; we could be on a mission for the Order and then – too late."

It wasn't something Sirius thought about very often, but it was certainly true. His breath raises in his chest at the thought, catching on the back of his throat.

She continues in a nearly inaudible whisper, "I keep thinking about how alone he was. How scary that must have been. How the alternative might be even scarier. Now when I close my eyes to sleep, I can't imagine ever being able to sleep again."

For a moment there is only the sound of her breathing, the sound of him breathing. "I'll stay right here the whole night, if that'll help you sleep," he whispers.

"I don't want to keep you from sleeping, so only if you feel comfortable sleeping here too," she whispers back.

"If you do, then I do too."

Maintaining several inches of space between them, he lies down on the side of the bed opposite from her. They're facing each other now, near enough that he can see the quiet expression on her face, and he can almost feel the rising and falling of her breath. As they continue looking in each other's eyes, Sirius thinks he has never felt so close to someone before. Perhaps McKinnon is finally opening up to someone. Perhaps he is finally opening up to someone. Perhaps things could be different. Perhaps – Perhaps –

He falls asleep to "perhaps" and the spaces between his heartbeats.

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When he awakes there are splinters of sunlight streaming across the room. It takes him several moments before he realizes that he is alone. There is no Marlene. There is no note. She has simply left.

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A/N: This one-shot is part of the same universe as my other Sirius&Marlene one-shots: "Gone", "Charon's Lullaby", "Of Ice and Interruptions", "Of Muggle Money and Mermen", and "The Color of Melted Snow". Also, I wrote this one-shot for the "Sharing a Bed Challenge" I posted on the HPFC a while ago, which requires that two characters share a bed without ever touching.