The small vile filled with the purple potion stood erectly on the floor in front of me. Every second and every breath I took was getting even more painful than the one before -as if that were even possible. I couldn't bare the torture that I was enduring but I knew I deserved it, I deserved far worse than this and I knew it. I was a worthless and a meaningless thing without her. Everything in my universe was centred around her and she was gone, I was the reason she was gone. I thought about her every moment of every day since the moment I first laid my eyes on her. I thought about how her cheeks would blush when I caressed her cheek, feeling her delicate soft skin underneath my fingertips and the warmth of her blush radiating off her. I thought about how she felt in my arms -when I was in her room at night without her father's knowledge- as I cradled her close to my chest and hummed her lullaby to her that I had composed for her. I thought about how she would murmur my name in her sleep and ask me to stay with her forever. I thought about her selflessness, adoration, love, and trust in me that had compelled me to love her, and the look in her deep chocolate brown eyes that told me by some miracle she loved me as well. I thought about how her floral scent would bring a smile and just pure joy to me and whenever I would burry my head in her hair, I would be filled with the sweet scent of her strawberry shampoo that I loved so. I thought about how her face would light up when she saw me and her smile that would stretch across her face causing me to be gleeful. I thought about how her soft lips would press against mine, igniting a flame in the depths of my shadows and darkness. But I didn't only have the happiest memories of my life in my head, I also had the worst ones. The ones whereby me being close to her had brought her harm, it was the thing I was most terrified of. I had decided that I wouldn't harm her anymore and in doing so there was only one option left. For me and my family to leave, to disappear and have it be like we never existed. The day I left was the worst. The look in her eyes when I told her I had to leave, but she insisted that she would come with me and when I saw that she wasn't going to let go, I told her the worst blasphemy that could have ever exited my lips. I told her I didn't love her. As soon as it had registered with her, her eyes looked so dead and tortured that she reflected my own pain. How could she have believed me? After the thousands of times, I had told her I loved her how could she believe me so quickly and easily? It was a horrid feeling. I was a poor excuse for a man that told the love of his life a lie that was so bashful and wrong. I hoped that by me telling her I didn't love her that she would move on sooner. But she didn't. I had left for her; I only left because I couldn't and wouldn't harm her anymore.

I had stayed away from her for seven months two weeks three days eight hours and nine minutes when my phone had rung, I had ignored it the first five times that my sister had called me -I didn't answer the phone regularly, I didn't move regularly- but she was never this persistence and I feared something had happened. Only if I had known how right I was. When my sister told me that the love of my life and the only girl I would ever love had jumped off a cliff, I had fallen, breaking the phone as my body smacked against the ground. The pain that coursed its way through my system was nothing to what I had been feeling before. I pulled my knees to my chest as the hole in my chest was tearing and belching, hollowing out the remnants of what was left. I had let out a wail of pain and anger. A broken sob crashed out of my chest. How could she do that to herself?

I hadn't planned to live long in a world where she wouldn't exist. I quickly got the vile that would finally end me. I was sitting on the floor with my legs drawn to my chest with my arms wrapped around them trying to hold myself together to no avail. My small dingy apartment was nothing to look at, it was dirty and smelt revolting. There wasn't any furniture in the supposed living room -it was bare. The walls were bleak and dirty with a few indentations in from the anger I felt towards myself that I couldn't keep inside. The windows had no glass panes in them, the floor was an old type of tile that had cracks and scratches in. I stared at the vile, wanting to down it as soon as I could. But I stopped myself. I knew I would take it eventually, but I knew I wanted to think for a bit before I did so. I knew this would hurt my family deeply and I knew they were probably on their way to me now guessing what I was going to do. I felt upset by the thought of them finding my body and I was truly sorry for that, but I couldn't stay away from my love for much longer. I prayed that there was an afterlife for someone like me and that I could spend the rest of forever with my dearest. I blamed myself solely for what she had done to herself, if I hadn't of left, she wouldn't have done what she did and I could have shown her my adoration and devotion to her, I could have kept her safe and in my arms forever. And I threw it away, I threw it all away, I threw both of us having the chance to live in each other's lives away. I didn't know what would wait for me in the underworld, but I wasn't going to wait any longer. I reached my hand toward the vile and the potion sloshed against the side of the glass as I moved it closer to me. I took off the stopper and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry my love," I murmured, hoping she would hear me. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I love you so much and you are the love of my life. You are the centre of my existence, and I promise I will be with you soon." And just like that I pried my eyes open and lifted the small vile to my lips and threw the liquid to the back of my throat. The burn slid down my throat causing my insides to ignite. I let the empty vile fall to the floor shattering as I couldn't keep my grip on it. I fell onto my side as the potion was working its way through me. Every breath was becoming sharper and faster. I thought about her face and her telling me she loved me no matter what, like she always used to. "I'm coming my love," I vowed in a strangled tone. "I won't be long." Everything inside me now was burning, my body was shaking in response. My breath quickly started to slow, parts of my body started going numb and I knew the end was near. I took my last deep painful breath and blew out a gust of air and let go...