Ten-ish things I love about you

by BluePendant

Dumbledore and Minerva are away on Order duties. In their absence, Flitwick becomes the temporary headmaster. He is irritated by the endless insults Harry and Severus throw at each other and so he makes each of them write a poem where they tell things they like or respect about the other.

Severus Snape, bat of the dungeon, among with Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived were sitting in the Headmaster's office, glaring at each other.

"I demand he be expelled! Never in my entire teaching career have I met such an entitled, lazy-!"

"It's not my fault, Professor Flitwick! If he weren't such an unfair, giant bat-"

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm down!" yelled Professor Flitwick, regretting more and more his offer to become temporary Headmaster while Minerva and Albus are away on Order business.

"Now, Severus, I am sure you are exaggerating. Mr. Potter is not that lazy, he has gotten good marks from me on his homework-"

"Likely copied off Granger," Severus muttered.
"and he is surely not entitled."

Severus wanted to protest but the small-statured professor continued "And you, Harry, I expect more respect for your potions professor, and for bats, there are some endangered species out there."

"Yeah, like the surly potions professor, only one exemplary in the world!" Harry shouted.

"Better than the dozen moronic teenagers the world is saddled with!" Severus responded.

"Why professor, are you calling me moronic?" Harry asked mockingly.

"I am calling you president moron, Potter!" Severus said heatedly.

"Well, which moron actually voted for me?" Potter asked just as heatedly.

Severus shook his head.

"Go on, state your displeasure, vice-president of the idiots," Harry continued.

Severus's hands trembled, lips thinning, "Expel. Him." He told Flitwick.

"I've had enough!" Flitwick said "There is only one thing to do! Severus, Harry you will each tell us ten things you like or respect about each other."

"Like? Respect?" the duo asked incredulously.

"In poem form!" the temporary headmaster said.

"Flitwick the day I will say anything nice about a Potter is the day the dark Lord decided to retire to Albania to raise baby chickens and give charity to orphans!"

"Professor Flitwick, send me wandless to the Forbidden Forest instead, I'd rather be Acromantula food!" Harry said dramatically.

"Go, and write the poem! Or there shall be…consequences."

"What sort of consequences? Harry asked while Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Unspeakable ones," the part goblin wizard announced while Severus Snape snorted.

The following efforts of the two long-time enemies are depicted as such strenuous mental activity, that they would have put the making of the relativity theory to shame.
First, let's take a look at Harry's attempts.

Take one:

"Professor Snape, I like how your name rhymes with lake

And that you have not drowned me into one despite your animosity."

Take two:

"Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape…uhm, Snape."

Take three:

"I guess you're nice enough not to hand me to Voldemort

But then again, it could be a trap or something of that sort!

Confess!"

Take four:

"I like your shoes, your robes, your hair color( not so much the oiliness), your writing, on the days when I can understand it, your sarcasm, when it's not directed at me…"

And now let's analyze very carefully Severus's attempts.

Take one:

"Ever since I saw your midget form enter my classroom I asked myself,

How many cauldrons worth a ton of galleons will you waste and desecrate?

But soon enough I found myself agreeing that even at the age of twelve,

Longbottom's enthusiasm for destruction you did not possess nor dissimulate…"

Take two:

"I saw Mr. Weasley throw food at Mr. Finnigan, Saturday evening,

You should be glad you did not engage in such barbaric, war-mongering,

For you would have undoubtedly had a detention,

I don't speak for my own wellbeing, pay attention!

Potter this rule-breaking has got to stop, immediately!

You're giving me white hairs, you can act better, appropriately!"

Take three:

"Potter, what rhymes with Potter? Other, smother, bother? Yes! He's definitely a bother!"

The next day, our favorite duo presented themselves at the temporary headmaster's office. They stared at each other, Severus sighed and began his actual poem.

"Mr. Potter, while you have been quite a bother,

I certainly could not think nor imagine another,

Brave enough to face a ginormous mountain troll,

Or foolish enough, to think yourself in control

(Just tell an adult next time!)

And while your potion marks are far from stellar,

You potion ingredients stealer!

I am grateful you haven't blown the castle,

As it would have been quite a hassle,

To explain that to your Headmaster.

I also have to acknowledge you have talent in defense,

As I say this I want you to know that I take grave offense,

That you have not shown the same amount of skill in potions

I assure you that I won't beg, be bereft of such notions

But you will do better! Will!"

Harry Potter stared at his professor opened-mouthed, thinking about the insults and the compliments written in his poem.
"Your turn, Potter. Let it be over with," Severus said in a grave voice.

"It was a nice poem, Severus, but those weren't ten things…" Flitwick said.

"Count yourself lucky I said more than one," Snape grunted while Harry rolled his eyes and began to read his poem.

"I am grateful that you are not my boggart,

Then we wouldn't get to tease each other so often

For a professor with no particular waist girth,

You sure know how to intimidate with no problem

The truth is that you did help me in first year with Quirrel

You were brave and heroic and we kinda set your robes on fire, sir,

And although it seems that we still very much like to quarrel

I would like to bury the hatchet, so please drop the Mister,

(and call me just Harry)

You should also know you are very unfair, Snape

Favoring the Slytherins turns you into a sour grape"

Silence reigned…but it was interrupted by Severus who screamed "So it was you! You set my robes on fire?!"

Flitwick groaned.