Author's Note: This is absolutely nothing like anything I've ever written before and will likely ever write ever again. The sole reason I'm even doing this is because I randomly stumbled upon this fic called Drink Your Milk by Blue_ii on AO3. The premise was par for the course but I loved the possibilities of Hajime's and Akane's relationship and how she was portrayed, it was exactly what I was looking for. Unfortunately the author never finished the fic and as of now it seems to remain that way, so I decided to take things into my own hands for once. I give full credit to the author as normally I never would've considered it, and if you've read theirs before and see some similarities, it's because I tried my hardest to keep certain things intact, mainly the character list to stay true to the author's original vision. Of course it was never finished so I have no clue what roles a majority of those characters would've played, so I just did guesswork, switched some roles around, and did my best with what seemed fitting. I did as much research as I possibly could for this fic but still if you see something super wrong don't be afraid to let me know! I'm worried I might've underplayed or romanticized this idea so...but without further ado.
This fic was originally an AO3 exclusive but then someone suggested I post it here too, so I did.
Don't forget to read the original fic Drink Your Milk if you haven't already, there's not much but I still like it anyway.
Never in his wildest dreams did Hajime ever think he'd end up in a mental hospital, especially not one he checked himself into. He knew about the controversies, the issues, the general lack of care or trust that often went into mental health in the nation, and yet...he knew he had no other option. If he wanted to genuinely get better and improve as a person, he needed some form of professional help, and besides, according to the website for Hope's Peak Behavioral Center, they were modeled after a Western idea of mental health care and promised safety and health always came first before anything else. Really, Hajime felt he couldn't have picked a better place.
Normally, one was expected to arrive with their guardians, but Hajime got registered and diagnosed prior a few days ago with his parents and they had work, so he had to reassure them he was perfectly fine with getting himself signed in and admitted himself. He could, he didn't have anything majorly wrong with him, he certainly wasn't crazy.
Not like those other people...
He had the thought before he could suppress it and instantly felt bad about it even though it wasn't his fault, and technically true. Why else would one be admitted to a mental hospital?
The place was large and brown, built in a classic Neo-Victorian style popular in various European nations. There was even a nice white fountain outside, merrily spraying water, but Hajime knew he wasn't there to purely admire the view. Taking a deep breath, he tightened his grip on his duffel bag and walked inside, smelling the strong medical scent as well as flowery air freshener. A tall blonde woman sat at the all-white desk and smiled when he approached.
"Good afternoon! A visitor or a patient? If the former, I regret to tell you visiting hours aren't today," She asked cheerfully. Hajime already felt overwhelmed.
"Patient. Hinata Hajime," He fought to keep eye contact with her.
"Right! We were expecting you," She bowed politely at him and he bowed back. "Sonia Nevermind. I do all the business-y stuff around here. Sign here," She slipped a sheet of paper towards him. "Kirigiri-san will help you with any medications you need, and since it's your first day you aren't obligated to attend any meetings or sessions unless you really want to or feel you need them. Just focus on getting settled in! One of the kids your age is tasked with showing you to your room," She then gestured for his bag once he finished signing. "Adolescence wing, right?"
"Yeah," Hajime tightly gripped his bag. "Why do you need this?"
"To check! To make sure you don't have anything that could be used as a weapon!"
She said it so cheerfully yet so seriously Hajime felt himself pale. Swallowing, he surrendered the bag. The only things he had in there were just several pairs of clothing, some books and games, school supplies but no writing utensils, things like that. Phones were not allowed so he didn't bring his, nor toiletries as they were provided.
"Welcome to Hope's Peak Behavioral Center!" Sonia said to him as he left the lobby, following the signs to the teenage wing and stepping inside, smelling orange cleaner and looking into a room of green and white furniture and soft chairs. Large sunny windows lined the walls. He glanced around and saw several people all around his own age, doing their own things. Three girls played a board game in one corner, the brown-haired one getting super into it. Three other teens; two girls and one boy, sat super apart from each other, curled up in their respective chairs and reading. Two super muscular people were playing cards, which made Hajime do a double-take, and the remainder of the patients were wandering around. One of them noticed Hajime and hurried over, smiling.
"Hi! Are you Hinata-kun? Hinata Hajime?" He asked a bit shyly.
"Yeah," Hajime nodded and bowed slightly.
"Great! I'm your guide! To show you your bedroom and everything," He had brown hair styled a bit differently to Hajime's, which he found interesting. He wore a baggy green sweatshirt, green jeans, and white socks patterned with green four-leaf-clovers. What was with the green, who wore that much green on a regular day? He tried to suppress any other thoughts though, nobody here was really normal. Not even him. That didn't mean they were all genuine lunatics. "I'm Naegi Makoto, by the way,"
Hajime didn't say anything and just kept looking around the room.
"You're cheating!" One of the girls cried, slamming her hand against the table.
"Calm down, it's just a board game. She's not cheating," The second said.
"Yeah she is! I saw her move three spaces instead of two!"
"That's not cheating, she's just confused,"
"Want to hang around here, or see your room?" Makoto asked curiously.
"My room, please," He was afraid of getting in the middle of a line of fire if things started getting thrown. Makoto nodded and led him away, walking down a white hallway with blue paintings.
"Uh, we tend to share bathrooms, like if you have a roommate, you'll share with him. That's...not going to bother you, is it?" He ran his hands along the edge of his sweatshirt.
"No. I don't have...issues like that," Hajime answered easily. "I don't really care about sharing unless they scream at night or something,"
Makoto laughed awkwardly at that. "Nobody here screams," He pointed to one line of doors. "These are the girls, and then on the other side are the boys. And this is your room!" He led Hajime into a small grey room with two blue beds perfectly made-up. One side was plain and undecorated, which Hajime assumed was his own side, while the other was decorated with posters of rockstars and motorcycle motifs. Clearly this person was scheduled for a longer stay. "Bathroom is here," Makoto pointed it out. "Cafeteria is across from the lounge you just saw, and I'm sure you can read the signs to find your therapy rooms. Any questions?"
"You have a roommate?" Hajime asked, settling down on his bed, widening his eyes at how bouncy and soft it was.
"Yeah! Fujisaki-kun! You likely won't see him too much, but he's such a sweetheart. I like watching him program, it's so relaxing," Makoto said eagerly.
"Why not?"
"Uh...he...well, you'll see him sometimes during meals, and exercising and freetime. Sometimes we do goals and group sessions together. But usually he's doing his own things because he's...uh...different,"
"Different how?" They were all in the same place, they all had something 'wrong' with them. That wasn't mean of Hajime to think as it was clearly true.
"He has Integration-Dysregulation Syndrome," Makoto answered slowly.
"Oh," Hajime blinked, caught off-guard. He knew the basics of that illness; speaking gibberish, hallucinating, withdrawing from people, things like that. He was glad he wasn't his roommate, he wouldn't have had the first clue of how to deal with episodes. "You know anything about mine?"
"Oowada-kun. He's a great guy, I think you'll like him. Likes riding motorcycles," Makoto started to look off at something else. "He gets angry a lot but don't let that scare you,"
"I won't let it. Thanks for showing me around or whatever, I can handle it from here," Hajime waved him off, feeling like Makoto was miles away by that point. Makoto waved and ran away, leaving Hajime alone. He still didn't have his duffel bag back, not like it made much of a difference. He got a schedule with his brochure which told him the only things left in the day were more group sessions as well as dinner. He wouldn't attend anything until he got settled in, but he had to go to dinner at least. Maybe he'll meet Mondo there. The anger didn't frighten Hajime as long as he didn't start punching holes while he was trying to sleep. He didn't like anyone disturbing his sleep.
He thought about calling his parents and letting them know he was admitted before checking his pockets and remembering he didn't bring his phone with him. Surely they had hours set aside to let people talk to their families, right?
As he sat there thinking, a polite knock came to his door and he looked over to see a woman with lilac colourings and a light pink business dress and lab coat standing there.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I'm Miss Kirigiri, I brought your medicine," She held out the small bottle. "I'd also like to see you for a moment, if you're able?"
Hajime started to agree before he felt a sudden pang in his chest. He stared at the pill bottle and reached for those instead.
"I'm tired," He grumbled, taking them from Kirigiri and reading the instructions before heading into the bathroom and getting some water. "It was a long trip here,"
Kirigiri just watched him, likely to make sure he didn't try to overdose. Why would he? He wasn't suicidal and never had been, the thought never crossed his mind. You didn't need to be suicidal to need medicine or people monitoring you. He took two pills and laid down in his bed, not bothering to change or even really cover himself up. Kirigiri took the bottle back and stared at him.
"It's a process. Everyone here is in the same boat as you and won't judge you," She explained before leaving. Hajime just closed his eyes and fell asleep, it was a deep, dreamless sleep that left him tossing and turning throughout most of the night.
He woke up the next morning feeling exhausted and with his face planted into the pillow. His clothes were wrinkled and felt heavy on him. Even opening his eyes seemed to sap all of his energy from his body and the medicine in his system made him feel slightly dizzy. He managed to slowly roll over and see his duffel bag was placed in front of his nightstand, and he heard the sound of a shower running.
"Maybe I should shower..." Hajime very slowly pulled himself up, feeling like a stiff piece of wood. At the very least, he had to change his clothes. He couldn't keep wearing these. He got out of bed and unzipped the bag, sorting through his items before he found a simple grey T-shirt and a pair of blue sweatpants. Not what he would've preferred, but the website emphasized comfortable clothing that weren't just pajamas so they were the best he could do. His roommate was still showering, so Hajime made do with quickly changing in his room, running a hand through his messy hair when someone knocked on the door.
"Time for breakfast!" He recognized Makoto's cheerful voice and had a suddenly strong urge to crawl right back into bed and sleep for the remainder of the day. He couldn't do that though, well, he supposed he could, especially if he took more medicine, but he checked himself in to avoid that exact thing on a daily basis. He dressed himself, that was good, now he had to eat breakfast with everyone else. He could do it.
He left his roommate to finish showering and instead followed Makoto down to the cafeteria, still wearing an all-green ensemble different from the previous day. The cafeteria was painted in soft yellows and oranges and smelled deliciously of eggs and fish. Everyone else was sitting down and eating seemingly whatever their preferences were. Makoto gave Hajime a smile and took a seat next to a small boy wearing an outfit similar to Hajime's except in blue, eating a big bowl of fruity cereal. He looked around and saw no staff members, though surely some had to be around, right? No way it was a good idea to leave so many mentally ill kids alone on their own, even if it was just breakfast time.
Unsure of what to do next or where he'd even be welcomed, he asked for a plate of eggs and bacon with orange juice and sat across from the three girls he recognized as the loud board game players the other day.
"Are you kidding me?! I was having such a good time before some stupid boy had to ruin it!" The blonde complained, her hair tied up in nice pigtails. Her outfit was a sakura-coloured robe over a white nightgown and both vaguely resembled kimono. She had a typical breakfast of rice, fish, miso, and vegetables with tea.
"Sorry," Hajime slightly snapped at her.
"Don't be so rude to her," The redhead snapped back, wearing a long-sleeved blouse with a brown pleated skirt and suspenders, likely the most dressy person at the table. Nobody was supposed to be wearing pajamas, but to Hajime's eyes it seemed the vast majority of them still were. She had the same breakfast as him.
"She started it,"
"Come on, don't be so mean! We can all get along here!" The brown-haired girl scolded both of them, wearing a tight red tank top and matching gym shorts, her long hair up in a messy ponytail. "Don't mind them, they're weird about strangers. Nice to meet you, I'm Owari Akane, and who are you?" She held out her hand to shake, which Hajime took slowly. He gasped at her tight grip.
"Hinata Hajime,"
"Great name! They're Mahiru-chan and Hiyoko-chan. Like I said, don't let them get ya down,"
Hajime just nodded and returned to his eating, trying not to stare at Akane's plate. She must've had two whole stacks of pancakes and hashbrowns! How could she manage to keep that down?
"You gonna do sessions with us today?" Akane continued, eating as she talked. Hajime slowly tried to put his own food in his mouth. He had little appetite or desire to eat, but knew he had to get something in there for energy. A step at a time. He got dressed, he got out of bed, he could eat. "We do goals and then a more general group thing,"
"I have to," He didn't want to, but had to. Even if he felt better he still wouldn't be super keen on it; spill his problems to a bunch of strangers? No thank you. He signed himself up though, so he had to. He had to try to get better.
"Technically, you do not have to. They force you," A female voice reached him and Hajime looked up to see a girl sitting near the end of the table, a toasted baguette and fancy eggs in front of her. What the heck...where did she even get food like that? She had on a black lacy robe that looked silky over long black sweatpants and a white tank top. "But I assume someone like you would be into that, right? Seeing as how you signed yourself up,"
"You chose to come here?! Out of your own free will?!" A girl with purple braids practically shrieked sitting across from the black-haired girl. She seemed to just have a bowl of oatmeal, or maybe miso soup, Hajime couldn't really tell. She had on grey sweatpants and a baggy purple T-shirt. "Why would you want to?!"
"Because," Hajime tried to return to eating. He didn't have to answer any of their questions. Unfortunately, she kept going.
"Don't you know what they're going to do to you? Tie you to your bed, electrocute you, lock you in your room all day! Then the walls will start talking to you a-and you won't k-know what's real or anything!"
"The walls can talk too?!" The small boy Hajime assumed was Fujisaki freaked, dropping his spoon right into his cereal. "They do they do they do?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"
"Shut up, you basket-case! Nothing inanimate talks!" Hiyoko shouted back at him.
"Uh-huh, yeah they do. The mirrors do. The mirror in my room is my bestest friend," He shot back.
"Shit, can you all just shut up?! What's with all the fucking screaming this morning?!" A boy dressed in a black tracksuit shouted as he walked into the cafeteria, his hair still slightly messy.
"Sorry Oowada-kun!" Makoto apologized shyly.
"You don't gotta apologize, I know you weren't doing shit,"
That must've been Mondo, his roommate.
"Shit, breakfast is almost over," He hurried to get some miso soup and rice and pushed Hajime over. "My bad, kid,"
"I don't mind," Hajime insisted, staring down at his food. Everyone else was almost done and he barely touched anything.
"You the new kid? We share a room, right?"
"Yeah,"
"Shit, ya sleep like the dead, I didn't even realize you were there last night! Oowada Mondo,"
"Hinata Hajime,"
"Breakfast will be over in five minutes!" An adult walked into the room, strict and polished. He wore a white lab coat like Kirigiri but his uniform was a black business suit that went with his hair. "If you're already done, make your way to the meeting room!"
"We will get there when we get there," The black-haired girl sighed. "Please do not rush us, it is unseemingly,"
"You are on thin ice for when Mikan-kun found that lipstick in your bag last week, Miss Yasuhiro! You want to get in trouble again?" He asked without a beat. Miss Yasuhiro remained silent after that.
"Let's walk together," Makoto suggested, and Hajime nodded and put his tray up, all too happy to leave early. Clearly he wasn't going to be getting any eating done.
The meeting room was a sunny yet mainly empty room in blue with colourful chairs all set up in a circle. Dry Erase boards and markers were set out on each chair, and Hajime just took a random one. Makoto sat across from him when the remainder of the group all filed in, the staff member walking in last.
"Morning everyone! You know what time it is, time for Goal Group! Where we decide what you want to work on for the remainder of the week! I see we have someone new joining us, so before we proceed, let's all introduce ourselves," The guy shouted, Hajime felt he had no sense of volume control. Surely it couldn't be good to have a staff member who yelled everything in a mental hospital, right? "I'm Ishimaru-sensei, not really a teacher but I'm yours while you're here so call me that! We'll go down the line!"
"Do we have to say what we're diagnosed with?" Yasuhiro spoke up daintily. "I thought we were supposed to have patient security,"
"You are correct! However, if you feel like sharing, please do so! It makes everything easier and shows we're all one and the same here!"
"Yeah right," Hiyoko scoffed under her breath.
"Me first!" Makoto stood up and bowed nicely. "I'm Naegi Makoto, though you already knew that!" He laughed awkwardly. "I have OCD,"
That must've explained his weird fixation on all-green clothing.
"You already know me too, Owari Akane," She nodded. "I'm in here for an eating disorder,"
Okay, that couldn't have been right. She was very filled-out, and packing away her food at breakfast! Though, he supposed she quickly excused herself afterwards to use the bathroom. He wasn't around so he wouldn't have known.
"I would prefer to be called Celestia Ludenberg, but if that is too much of a mouthful...Yasuhiro Taeko," The girl grumbled slightly. "According to my parents, and the staff here, gambling is an issue. I fail to see how,"
"It is when you do nothing but gamble, throwing your life away!" Ishimaru pointed a finger in her direction, making her scowl slightly and take her seat again.
"Koizumi Mahiru. Generalized anxiety disorder. I know you are in the same court as all of us, but don't use that as an excuse to push us around, okay?" She scolded Hajime.
"Still upset about breakfast?" He couldn't help saying back, though she ignored him and sat back down. Anxiety wasn't super major, it seemed weird to him she'd be registered for such a thing. Still, she could've been downplaying it.
"F-Fukawa T-Touko...not that it matters. Y-You won't remember me," That was the purple-haired girl. "DID, dissociative identity disorder," She briefly flicked her eyes over in his direction before she looked away.
Crap, that was like, a split personality or something, right? Hajime also regretted having that thought, but he couldn't help it. She may not be actually dangerous, but still unpredictable, right? He hoped he wouldn't see too much of her.
"Saionji Hiyoko...generalized anxiety disorder and also...illness anxiety I think," She shrugged a bit.
The next boy who stood Hajime didn't think was at breakfast; he didn't think he'd forget such a strange-looking mess of whiteish-brown hair. He was wearing a bright red tracksuit that looked too big and baggy on him, hanging off his frame. He offered Hajime a smile. "My turn...Komaeda Nagito. I have histrionic personality disorder. I understand if that freaks you out, but aren't we all here to work through our issues?"
Hajime had no clue what that even was and thus didn't know whether to be concerned or not about his demeanor.
"Fujisaki Chihiro...Integration-Dysregulation-Syndrome," He explained shyly, folding his hands in front of himself.
"That means he's a schizo," Hiyoko called, earning a dirty look from Ishimaru.
"Okie-dokie, time for my introduction!" A blonde girl cheered, bouncing up from her seat. "Okay, I'm Enoshima Junko, or my stage-name, really I'm Ikusaba Junko, but I hate that name so use Enoshima. Anyway, I totes have depression, don't be fooled by my perky nature!" She had her hair in a low ponytail and wore an ankle-long black skirt and tight white blouse. Hajime stared at her curiously. Maybe...they could try to get along. After all, they had the same condition even though it seemingly manifested differently. Maybe she could help him out during his episodes.
"Tch," A blond boy looked away, wearing a black jacket and suit pants with a white shirt underneath it. "I don't have to introduce myself,"
"Mister Togami! Today you have to introduce yourself to the newcomer!" Ishimaru said. "Do you want to see Juuzou-kun and tell him you weren't cooperating?"
He looked over and scoffed. "No, but I also don't fancy confessing everything about myself to this complete stranger." He shot Hajime a look. "Togami Byakuya. That's it. That's all you gotta know,"
"He's got paranoid personality disorder!" Junko shouted in their direction, making Byakuya scowl at her.
"Miss Enoshima!" Ishimaru scolded.
The last girl stood up, though Hajime felt more compelled to describe her as a woman, since she looked at least several years older than the rest of them. She had white hair and very large muscles, putting Mondo to shame. She wore a light pink sweatshirt with glitter on it and a short pink skirt, little slippers on her feet. "Oogami Sakura. I look forward to working together with you, if the time ever comes," She nodded at Hajime. "Substance abuse,"
"Oowada Mondo. I got anger management issues..I say that's bullshit though," He grumbled as he stood up. "Also PTSD, but that's also bullshit,"
"Mister Oowada!" Ishimaru scolded him.
Hajime finally stood up, taking a deep breath. "I'm Hinata Hajime...I have depression. I have no idea what to think of everything so far," He sat back down.
"Alright everyone! Now that you're all introduced, let's begin our Goal Group! Take your marker and write at least one or two goals you want to work on this week! Remember the criteria, do not be vague and make sure you can actually measure it. Tell me when you're done and we'll go over them," Ishimaru directed. Several people rolled their eyes but wrote obediently. Hajime clutched his board in his hands, trying to think of something to write. His biggest goal was to sign himself up and get the help he needed, but where did he go from there? What could they do for him?
He uncapped his red marker and slowly started to write two things down:
-Finish at least two meals at least once this week
-Fall asleep without medicine at least once this week
He had no clue what to do next so he just raised his hand and Ishimaru was at his side in a second.
"Fine goals, Mister Hinata! I look forward to helping you realize them, as do the remainder of the staff and your peers!" He nodded in approval.
"Teacher's Pet," Touko coughed close beside him, not loud enough for Ishimaru to hear but plenty loud for Hajime himself to hear.
"Would anyone like to share their goals?" Ishimaru suggested after a few minutes, looking around at everyone. "Anyone at all?"
"No!" Junko laughed.
"I will," Mahiru stood up. "Attend swimming without freaking out,"
"Very good, Miss Koizumi! Sometimes she has panic attacks when she's around water, but as some of you know, she's been making good progress towards that goal!" Ishimaru praised.
"Ummmm...I-I want to finish my current programming project and eat one of those oranges in the cafeteria. You know, those big orange ones full of juice that you could stick a straw through? I love those," Chihiro sat back down shyly.
"How is eating an orange an appropriate goal?" Byakuya demanded. "This is supposed to be tangible goals about self-improvement,"
"The goals can be whatever we want," Hajime said. "They don't have to be an actual goal. If he wants to eat oranges, he should be allowed to,"
"I agree! Let the kid eat oranges!" Akane cheered from her seat.
"I'm just saying, what he wants won't improve him in the long run," Byakuya insisted.
"And what did you write, then?" Mahiru demanded. "Mr. High and Mighty?"
"As if I'd tell you-" Byakuya started to decline, but Junko swooped in with amazing speed and grabbed his board. Clearing her throat, she read out:
"Call my father and finish an entire conversation with him! What's that? Someone having daddy issues?" She snickered.
"Miss Enoshima and Mister Togami!" Ishimaru barked, running over. "This behavior is extremely inappropriate and uncalled for!" He took Byakuya's board from her. "Keep this up and you will be sedated, Miss Enoshima! And as for you, Mister Togami, you should know better than anyone else that these goals do not have to be necessarily self-improvement. They can be rewards or whatever the person deems necessary at that point in time! Take your seat, Miss Enoshima!"
Junko pouted extremely childishly, but still obeyed. Byakuya adjusted his glasses, trying to recollect himself. Hajime looked around the room subtly; Akane was yawning, Mahiru was taking deep breaths, and Chihiro was clutching his board so tightly his knuckles were white, trembling violently. Ishimaru checked his watch.
"And with that, it's time for everyone to move onto their individual therapy sessions. I'll see you all back for homework time, so behave for your therapist!" He gave pointed glances at Taeko and Junko as they put their boards away.
Hajime noticed nobody offered to walk him, so he supposed finding his therapist would be something he had to do on his own. He subtly followed Junko into another wing and watched as she disappeared into one door. He looked around and found Kirigiri sitting alone at her desk and walked in.
"Hello? I don't know who my therapist is," He admitted.
"I am," She confessed, leaning against her desk. "Please close the door,"
He did so and took a seat, trying to focus on her face and not automatically look down at the ground.
"How are you settling in?" Her tone was a cold monotone.
"I don't know," He shrugged. "It's a lot to take in,"
"It always is,"
"I didn't eat much breakfast," He confessed. "I tried but it was difficult, like someone was holding my arm down,"
"Did you eat some of it?"
"Yeah. I got out of bed and dressed," Hajime ran his hands down his shirt.
"That's progress,"
After therapy, which in Hajime's case he felt went absolutely nowhere, it was time for games, and then everyone would eat and get ready for exercise. There was another nurse in a powder-blue business dress and white coat, matching ribbon up in her orange hair who was talking excitedly when Hajime finally entered the lounge.
"What do you guys want to play?" She asked before noticing him. "Oh, Mister Hinata! I'm Yukizome-san, pleased to meet you! I'm one of the nurses!"
Hajime just nodded and collapsed in one of the soft chairs, laying back. Talking to Kirigiri seemed to take way too much out of him.
"Let's play another board game," Mahiru suggested. "That way we can get everyone involved,"
"I much prefer cards, myself," Taeko giggled.
"Don't ya know you're banned from card games?" Mondo grumbled.
"I wouldn't mind a card game," Makoto spoke up shyly.
"Why don't we ask Hajime-kun what game he wants!" Akane suggested, yanking Hajime out of his chair and startling him with her strength. "Well, how about it? What do you want, board or card?"
"I don't care," Hajime grumbled, trying to push Akane off. "I'm not interested, I don't want to play games,"
"You ain't got much of a choice, sucker!" Junko laughed meanly.
"It's a great way to build bonds with everyone," Makoto ran his hands along the edge of his sweatshirt again.
"More like, that is its only purpose. We are meant to learn teamwork and sportsmanship and things like that," Taeko sighed.
"I don't know, let's just play Monopoly or something!" Mahiru eventually threw her hands up. "You can't decide on anything!"
"Monopoly would be great!" Yukizome approved.
"N-No way. I'm not playing Monopoly," Touko shook her head.
"Alright, then why doesn't everyone who not want to play Monopoly, play something else? What about Apples to Apples?"
"T-That's a baby game,"
"I agree," Byakuya nodded.
"But it's far better than some fucking Monopoly!" Junko laughed and the four who weren't into Monopoly walked to the other side of the room with her. Hajime watched them go. He wanted to spent more time with Junko, learn more about her and her depression, learn more about her as a person, but he felt the other three would rubberneck him and prevent him from learning anything useful. On the other hand, there were Makoto and Akane who were the only two who bothered to show him any sort of kindness or help. True, Makoto was asked to, but Akane wasn't required to do anything of the sort and yet she did anyway.
He made his choice and followed after Junko, watching her set up the game.
"Oh? You decided to join us after all?" Taeko covered her mouth with her hand. "I assumed you would be with the others,"
"Y-Yeah, you don't belong with us, w-we're the real freaks," Touko stammered.
"Nonsense! Hinata-kun saw a kindred spirit in me, didn't you? I see nothing wrong with him wanting to join us!" Junko started dolling out the cards, handing everyone seven. Byakuya instantly tossed his own onto the table.
"I'm not playing," He insisted.
"Awwww, don't be like that! We need at least four people!" Junko pouted cutely.
"You have plenty,"
"I-I don't want to play either," Touko huffed, though she made no move to set her own cards down.
"All you guys do is whine and cramp my style! Show some coolness in front of Hinata-kun, huh?" She pouted more. "Okie-dokie, I'm the leader!" She picked a green card and slapped it down; it read 'in school'. "And, go!"
Hajime looked at his own selection, glancing back over at the group playing Monopoly. Somehow, they were acting rowdy and playful. It was enough to give him a headache.
"How are we supposed to pick anything good with that?" Taeko demanded.
"Just pick something," Junko sighed.
Hajime picked 'Eating' and just set that one down, looking at the other two; 'Reading' and 'State Laws'. Junko eyed them and then shrugged.
"Hinata-kun's,"
"No fair, h-how did you even know which was his?" Touko demanded.
"I just do,"
Taeko and Touko both glared at Hajime, making him shrug.
"This is boring," He admitted. Not that Monopoly would be any less boring. Maybe he just wanted to spend the remainder of the day in his room, but no way the staff would allow that. He could fake an episode, but that would lead to him getting sedated and strapped to his bed. He leaned back in his seat. He just had to bare it for the next half hour. He could do that.
Hajime had to help put the game away, as in, once Yukizome announced it was time for lunch, the other four split, leaving him to clean it all up. He supposed it could be worse, but still. Nobody seemed eager to walk with him to lunch so he did so by himself, looking at all of the options. None seemed appealing, but he knew he had to eat something. He eventually settled on a hot-dog meal and took his seat, sitting beside Chihiro and Makoto.
"Hey," He tried to greet. Makoto was staring at his slice of pizza intensely, as if he expected the thing to suddenly grow a face and attack, while Chihiro had melon soda and a fruit salad and gave him a shy smile.
"W-Why do you want to sit with us?" He asked shyly.
"Just do. A change of pace. Plus I think Mahiru-san and Hiyoko-san have it out for me," He motioned to the two girls in question, sitting where they were for breakfast.
"They don't hate you," Chihiro tried to stab the fruit chunks with his spoon, only to gasp as the plastic suddenly bent. "My spoon!"
"Have mine," He quickly handed Chihiro his own and studied him as he ate. "So, uh..."
Chihiro continued to eat. "Do you smell orange popcorn? It's the best kind of popcorn there is...Yuki-chan says it's grape but I know it's orange. They cook it here but never let me have any," He spoke up suddenly, looking ahead. Hajime stared at him.
"Orange popcorn isn't-" He caught Makoto's eye, who was shaking his head fervently at him. "Maybe they're all out and you're just smelling the residue," Hajime scooted a bit back. That was way too freaky.
"It smells good," Chihiro continued to insist.
God, they were all a bunch of nutcases, and Hajime willingly signed himself up. He openly admitted he was a regular nut! Chihiro though, he was clearly the nuttiest of the bunch.
He looked around to see if anyone else was up for talking.
Touko sat near the end of the table again, staring down into her bowl of soup or whatever. Taeko was eating a club sandwich and trying to make conversation with Byakuya, who didn't seem up for eating either and was ignoring her. A few seats from them sat Nagito, who would scoop up some mashed potatoes, look at them, and put them back down onto his plate. Sakura and Mondo were also sitting next to each other. Yeah, he could talk to them. Mondo was his roommate, and Sakura seemed nice and approachable from her brief introduction in Goal Group. He scooted over to them and stared, waiting for one to notice him.
"Good afternoon," Sakura greeted warmly, having miso soup and rice. Mondo had a bowl of ramen. "Did anyone win in your game?"
"Wha-oh. Apples to Apples? I don't remember," Hajime answered shortly. "It was boring anyway, nobody seemed super into playing,"
"A shame. Game hour is always my favourite time of day. Lets everyone bond and just relax a bit. Perhaps tomorrow you could join whatever my group decides to do," She said.
"Maybe,"
"Hopefully we won't be playing fucking Monopoly again. Ain't nothin' engagin' about that game," Mondo grumbled.
"So, do we really have to play games like those every single day?" Hajime looked down at his tray and sipped at his tea.
"Yes." Sakura nodded.
"Fucking perfect," He groaned, making Mondo laugh.
"You're alright, kid," He gave him a nudge.
"Everyone here is just a lot to handle,"
"You will get used to them. None of them are bad people. Not even Fukawa-san or Togami-san. They are more intense and distrusting, but it is not their fault. The others are more openly friendly," Sakura explained. "Friends are a valuable resource in here,"
Hajime just returned to staring at his food. The meat had gotten cold and the fries were limp and unappetizing. He managed to eat a few while they were still hot. As usual, peeking around the table shows everyone else was able to eat normally and finish. What kind of a nut was he if he couldn't even eat properly?
"After lunch, head outside for exercise!" Yukizome announced.
"Heck yeah! Best time of the day!" Akane cheered, jumping right out of her chair and running out of the room.
"Do we need to get changed or anything?" Hajime found himself asking as he followed Mondo and Sakura out of the cafeteria.
"Sometimes, if we do somethin' special like swimming, but not really," Mondo shrugged. "And sometimes guys and chicks are separate but sometimes they're together,"
The outside area was large and grassy; fenced-in obviously, but there was a huge basketball court, general court for stuff like volleyball or tennis, a small playground likely for the kids in attendance, a large locked shed, shady benches to sit near the door, and a track field. Even his old school didn't have an outside area this huge.
"Afternoon!" A booming voice greeted them and Hajime turned to see a super built and tall man in a black tracksuit and lab coat smiling down at everyone, his hands on his hips. "Ready for another intense day of exercise?"
"Absolutely not," Taeko rolled her eyes, staring at her nails.
"Outdoor recreation is just as important in your habitation and recovery. Normally I would have something in mind for you, but today we're just going to do whatever! So what do you feel like doing?" He scanned their faces. "I see a new patient here, so good to meet you! The name's Nidai! Coach, to be exact!"
"He's great, isn't he?" Akane suddenly popped up from nowhere, nudging Hajime.
"I would like to jump-rope," Mahiru said.
"Me too, me too, then! I want to do what Big Sister Mahiru does!" Hiyoko jumped up and down.
"Since I cannot get out of this, who would like to play tennis with me? I will do doubles," Taeko sighed.
"I don't mind," Junko grinned, looking at Hajime. "But we need another partner!"
"I'll be on your team, Taeko-san," Chihiro offered shyly. "Mama and I play tennis a lot together,"
"Could you possibly win? You know you are hitting a ball with a racquet, right? Not shooting a laser at a meteor?" Taeko tittered. Chihiro pouted.
"I-I can tell what's going on right now!"
Hajime just left them alone and found Mahiru and Hiyoko jump-roping together, keeping in time. He figured Mahiru wouldn't take kindly to him interrupting them, so he just wandered around on the court until he found Akane again, doing cartwheels and somersaults.
"Hey Hinata-kun!" She greeted as she stood on her hands, balancing herself. "Want to join me?"
"What are you even doing?" He asked.
"Just some random flexibility moves. Gotta keep myself in shape, ya know?!" She wobbled a bit as she started walking on her hands. "Coach Nidai was pretty miffed when he found out last week I didn't come to any of the outdoor sessions and so he told me it was a great way to get a good figure so you better believe I started coming after that!"
Hajime waited. Akane jumped back onto her feet easily.
"And I want a good figure, you know? I already exercise so much," She looked at the track. "Want to run down that with me?"
"I'd tucker out after a minute," He declined, shaking his head. She grabbed his wrist.
"Come on, it'll be fun! Besides, you could live to get some muscle on your frame!" She pulled him in the direction of the track and after doing a few stretches, she took off running, leaving Hajime behind. He sighed and started running too, not as fast as her. For one, he had long sweatpants on and felt they weren't as suitable as her shorts were, and secondly, he was trying to mull through what she told him. An exercise junkie? Made sense to him, people with eating disorders often madly exercised madly to drop the weight. A lot of bulimics did that in place of purging, or both purged and exercised.
She looked back at him and smirked. "Come on, Hinata-kun! You can do way better than that! I know you can!"
"I really can't!" He called back to her, slowing his steps. He stumbled slightly as his slippers didn't have proper traction and fell right on the track, collapsing on his back.
"Are you okay?!" Makoto shouted from somewhere far away. Hajime very slowly got to his feet, walking over to one of the benches. He sat down there and hugged himself, watching the remainder of the outdoor hour.
When they went back inside, they were directed back to their dorms, where Hajime collapsed on his bed, feeling utterly exhausted. He couldn't believe it was only almost one in the afternoon. He groaned and hid his face in his hands.
"Ya can sleep if ya want," Mondo suggested as he walked in. "It'll only be for an hour but sometimes ya just need that boost, ya know?"
"No," He might need the medicine and he didn't want to rely on it and end up sleeping the remainder of the day away. "What do we do now?"
"Whatever we want," He shrugged. "You could read or play cards. Or talk I guess, but I ain't got much to say,"
"Your side is decorated, you planning on staying here long?"
Mondo just shrugged again. "Mom gave me this stuff and of course I wasn't going to deny her. She's my mom, you know? I coulda been stayin' here for only one night and I still woulda accepted it!" He responded in a defensive tone. "You'd accept whatever your mom gave you too, right?"
Would he? Hajime felt surprised by that question. He wondered if sometimes his mom even knew who he was. She certainly wouldn't send him anything during his stay here, he was sure of that. Would his parents even call him without him calling first?
"I don't know. My parents and I...don't get along," He finally said.
"Shit, sorry. Everyone should have a good relationship with their mom at least. She's like the most important person in your life!" Mondo carried on. "She won't even visit?"
"I don't know," He rolled over in his bed so his back was to Mondo.
"Well, when my mom comes, I'll introduce ya. Ya can just pretend she's yours too!" He decided, sitting on his own bed. Hajime figured he would sleep and remembered his duffel bag. Rolling back over, he opened his bag and pulled out the book he was currently in the middle of reading, laying on his back and holding the book out as he continued reading. It was some generic light novel about a fantasy world, nothing super complex or engaging. Some kids at his old school were super into the series and Hajime wanted to talk to them about something so he said he'd check it out. He was already on the second novel and found everything about them uninteresting.
He read for the next hour, then had to go to therapy yet again, then followed Kirigiri's instructions to head back to the room everyone did Goal Group in, transformed to have several desks and a large table in the center of the room. Several patients were in there already, poring over books or papers.
"Mister Hinata! Right on time! Every day for two hours, except on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, we spend the time in here working on homework or school assignments or other work given to you by staff here!" Ishimaru announced the second he wandered in, making him wince.
"Can I get my bag from my room then? I didn't know," He asked, blinking.
"No need! Nevermind-kun brought it in for you while you were at therapy!" He motioned over to it, and he nodded slowly and slid into his seat. He glanced up and found himself sitting with Taeko, Chihiro, Akane, Mahiru, and Hiyoko. Touko and Byakuya sat alone as usual, while Makoto and Junko sat at a different table together. Sakura and Nagito sat at their own desks and Mondo was nowhere to be seen.
"Heya!" Akane greeted cheerfully. "Are ya good at physics? I dunno why I'm even taking it but I'm awful at it,"
"No," Hajime dug through his own bag, getting out textbooks and notebooks of things he was assigned before he checked in. Some of his teachers were accommodating and gave him assignments to do, while the others said they'd send it along when they got the chance. He started with math and tried to focus on it, tapping his pencil against the pages of his book.
Ishimaru walked over to a CD player and randomly turned it on, letting soft jazz float through the room. Hiyoko rolled her eyes.
"Ugh, do we gotta listen to this? It's going to put me to sleep!"
"Because you have no taste. I quite like the sound of it," Taeko smiled sharply at her. Hajime just tried to ignore a possible fight and kept his head down, staring at his homework. It was algebra stuff he briefly spent time studying before his fog hit and found himself unable to recall what they learned. Something about patterns and numbers. Number patterns. He tried to focus on that, reading and rereading through the instructions given in the textbook as well as the examples. He then looked down at his worksheet. Nothing would numb his mind more like mindless homework and worksheets, so best get to it.
Hajime drowned himself in his work for the next two hours, getting his math, science, Modern Japanese, literature, history, and English work done, leaning back in his seat. He looked over and saw Mahiru calmly reading a book, not noticing anything else that happened around her.
"Good work, everyone!" Ishimaru's loud voice boomed. "Head to your next group therapy while I get everything organized in here!"
"More therapy?" Hajime said out-loud to himself, making Mahiru stare at him.
"You're in a mental hospital, what were you expecting? It's basically endless therapy with breaks inbetween," She said.
He had only been there for several hours and that was already shaping up to be true.
"Why'd you check yourself in, anyway? I mean, I know you have depression and everything, but you seem so...normal in comparison to these other people. They're certified nuts, but you..."
"I could say the same about you, you just have anxiety,"
"Yeah...I guess it came from always having to take care of myself growing up. I've always managed it, but you know...sometimes you just get lost in town and find yourself on a busy highway and just start crying. Then the police get called,"
"The police?!" Hajime asked in disbelief. "Wait, why are you telling me all this? I thought you hated me,"
"I don't hate you, but you do seem to pick fights with everyone over everything. Leave Hiyoko-chan alone,"
"Fine, whatever."
"I mean it. It's unbecoming of a guy to gang up on a girl constantly. Like I said though, you're not as off-it as these other guys are. You seriously think I could count on Komaeda-kun for anything? Or Fujisaki-kun? Or what about Oowada-kun?"
She made good points, but still. In a few days, they wouldn't see each other ever again, so why bother getting super close with her?
They entered another group therapy room where a purple-haired girl with her hair braided down her back was, anxiously sorting through a bag. She was sitting in a circle of chairs and as Hajime got closer, he noticed the usual white coat and a baby-blue nurse dress on her figure as well. He just took a seat randomly next to Mahiru since they arrived together and waited as the remainder of the group all filed in.
"H-Hi! It's time for group therapy!" The girl squeaked once everyone was in, looking startled. "I'm Tsumiki-san, another nurse, and today we're g-going to do one of my favourites...the Red Rubber Ball! Whenever it's in your hands, you're allowed to speak. Let's talk today about one of your proudest moments," She looked around and tossed it to Nagito, who caught it easily.
"My proudest one, huh? What about this time I won the lottery? I got kidnapped and then found a winning ticket at the bottom of the bag I was thrown into,"
"Some of us have all the luck in life," Taeko sighed.
"U-Um...you're not allowed to speak unless you have the ball," Tsumiki softly scolded her.
"But you don't have the ball either, so you're not allowed to speak!" Junko laughed crazily, making Tsumiki squeak again.
"W-Well, I'm a nurse s-so I'm allowed to!"
Nagito tossed the ball at Mahiru.
"Let's see...my mom is a famous photographer and my proudest moment was when we went out together this one summer and shot pictures of the landscape. Whatever we wanted or thought looked cool. I was only eleven so I was worried mine wouldn't compare to hers, but she said mine were far better. She said I had a real talent," She said. "It's why I decided to seriously pursue photography," Mahiru then tossed the ball to Hiyoko.
"I don't know...when my bitch of a grandmother said I was the best dancer she'd seen in a generation. I hate her, but dancing is the one thing I'm good at, so," Hiyoko looked around and just tossed the ball at random, hitting Makoto square in the face. He gasped and anxiously rubbed at his face madly for several seconds, balling the hand he was using into a fist. His nose looked red afterwards.
"Mine is...getting accepted into this private school in town. It cost a lot but my parents persevered and got me in. My sister is a bit jealous especially when she saw we had no uniforms, just formal dress clothes," He smiled. "Does that really count?"
"Absolutely! Whatever makes you proud as a person, nothing is off the table," Tsumiki gave him a reassuring smile. Makoto gripped the ball with both hands and threw it at Taeko, who barely caught it.
"When I won this gambling tournament. It was a very difficult one hardly anyone ever won so I knew I had my work cut out for me. I won large and kept going back to it every year," She smiled to herself. "Sadly, I was unable to properly match the amount I won the first time, so I kept going back and losing more in the hopes of winning at least once..."
"That's because you have a gambling addiction. A lot of addicts keep getting caught up in the feeling of winning so they just keep trying to do it again," Tsumiki nodded.
Taeko scoffed and threw the ball at Hajime, who caught it despite the stinging in his palm he received from how hard she threw it. He looked at it; a simple red ball that was squishy and blank, nothing written on it. He squeezed it a few times and watched it just reform into its original shape. He could feel their eyes on him, so he quickly tried to think of a moment he felt proud. Did he even have any? He had to have one of them, right? Everyone did, even him.
Even him.
"I...I don't know," He finally admitted, feeling empty. He slumped back in his chair.
"S-Surely you have at least one thing, right?" Tsumiki tried to coax.
"No," Hajime looked around and just threw the ball at Chihiro, blocking out the remainder of the session. His heart felt hollow and empty.
"A-Alright everyone! Thank you for being so cooperative!" Tsumiki praised, taking her ball back. Hajime shook his head to try and clear his mind, noticing his limbs had gone back to feeling heavy. "S-See you all tomorrow!"
Everyone stood up and headed off, Hajime just following them into the cafeteria again, sitting by himself. He got something random and just stared at his food, watching it gel and cool. Everyone talked around him but he just briefly flicked his eyes over in various directions. Could he go to bed early? He didn't even care any more if he missed another therapy session, or whatever else, he just wanted to dope himself up and go to bed-
"Time for television!" Yukizome announced cheerily, and everyone left the room eagerly, heading into another large lounge with puke-coloured couches and beanbags and a big TV set up on a stand. Hajime stuck his tongue out at the sight of the furniture, getting gently pushed into the room by Kirigiri, who stood near the door. Yukizome took a spot near the window, watching everyone get settled in.
"What should we watch tonight? Horror movies!" Junko laughed crazily. "Perfect!"
"N-No way, we're not allowed to watch those," Chihiro shook his head a bit fearfully.
"We totes are when Tsumiki-san is watching us because she can't tell us no!"
"Well, she's not here, is she?" Mahiru put her hands on her hips.
"How about some game show? Nice and inoffensive," Makoto suggested with an awkward smile.
"Please no. We watch those all of the time," Taeko sighed.
"Hinata-kun, you're the new kid! What do you think we should watch?!" Akane asked him eagerly, making him briefly glance over. He just shrugged. "Seriously?! You ain't got any idea?"
"We can watch sports, you wanna?" Mondo coaxed, but Hajime just glanced away, curling up in his chair.
"TV is one of the few fun things to do around here," Mahiru said, but Hajime still said nothing. He stared down at the chalky grey tile and watched the miniscule dots in the material jump around. He heard heels clack over to him and felt someone pull on him roughly and soon he was staring into Kirigiri's violet eyes.
"Are you alright?" Yukizome asked from his other side.
I'm perfectly fine! He shouted inside his head. He looked over at the television and found everyone watching some sort of animated movie, getting super into it. He hung his head.
No, he could do this, it was nearly the end of the day, he could get through it, he could watch television with the others, take a shower, read or journal, call someone, change into pajamas, go to bed like a normal person, he didn't need medicine, he didn't need to be doped up to go to bed, he could function-
"Mister Hinata! Are you alright? Do I need to call Juuzou-kun and Kyosuke-kun?" Yukizome kept asking, tightening her grip on his arm.
He looked over at Kirigiri and struggled to form words; they felt like heavy pieces of lead choking down his throat:
"I-I...g-give me medicine. I-I can't, I gotta-" He trembled, falling limp in their arms.
"Okay, okay, I got it," Yukizome nodded. "Can you stand?"
Hajime very slowly stood up, swaying. He felt like a brick even as Kirigiri steadied his shoulders.
"I'll take him to his room," She reassured Yukizome and walked off with him, guiding him and whispering things that went in one ear and out the other. He kept trembling even as they reached his room and Kirigiri eyed him as he swallowed down two pills with a glass of water, falling into his bed. She left him there, and Hajime hadn't even realized when he fell into a deep sleep.