Felt inspired...

It hurt...Looking at her hurt.

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I woke up, it was still dark outside, looking at the time 2:30am flashed on the digital clock I had only been sleep for an hour, pulling the covers off my sweat drenched skin I walked towards the small bathroom, standing in front of the small sink running the cold water I splashed some on my face, I looked in the mirror taking in my sleep deprived state, dark circles under my eyes, making them a dull green, my black hair tied back in a loose pony tail, unkept and unwashed, I've never been very skinny, more of curvy build with some slight definition of muscle, that hadn't been for a long time, I looked ill, clothes hanging from my thin frame, unable to eat fighting between the lack of appetite or unable to keep the food down for very long, I tried to take care of myself at first, keep up the appearance that I was getting better, I gave up on that, hardly leaving my room, I know my friends worried about me, due to the lack of self care I was yet to be cleared to return to work, hardly left my room at the compound, made excuses not to. open my door when they came knocking, only leaving my room at times like this when no one else would be awake.

I walked towards my door, pulling on my black trainers opening the door quietly so not to wake anyone else on my floor, closing it just as quietly turning and walking down the hall, illuminated by soft blue lights, I walked towards the lounge where the bar was, grabbing a bottle of whiskey I walked towards one of the couches facing out towards the training field, the moon casting some light through the dark room, looking towards the sky I could see the stars flicker slowly in the distance. lifting the bottle to my lips feeling the burn of the dark amber liquid as it warmed its way down my throat before sitting down on one of the black leather couches tucked away in the corner out of sight if anyone did come in here looking for a midnight snack or drink, crossing my legs out in front of me I placed the bottle in the gap between my legs keeping it in close reach,

I sat not moving apart from the occasional swig from the bottle, no idea how long I had been sat here, the sun started to break over the horizon colouring the sky different shades of red and orange, bringing the bottle to my lips again taking a long drink before hearing voices coming towards the lounge, I sat perfectly still, confident in the knowledge that no one would notice be back here, peaking over the back of the couch slightly to see who was coming through,

Steve made his way through the door with Bucky close behind, both in their running gear, ready for a morning of training and sparing keeping in top form in case any new missions needed the help of the two super soldiers, Steve looked towards Bucky with a smile on his face, laughing at something Bucky had said, Bucky opened the fridge grabbing two water bottles throwing one to Steve, Bucky was much like me when he first came back from Wakanda after Shrui removed the Hydra mind control he was still worried he could be harmful to the rest of the team, Sam and Steve however made sure he was always out and included in each and every training session, party or movie night, sparing with Bucky was one of my favourite things during training, he never held back, worried that the daughter of Tony stark would get hurt, Bucky was one of the only people who really gave me a chance to prove myself, before anything that happened, Steve, Sam, Bucky and me would spend hours training together before i went with Wanda to work on my other training, not a witch like Wanda, I was a pyrotechnic, I could control and create fire something I used to be scared of before Wanda helped me learn how to use it, i did cause a couple fires in my dads labs in the process, I snorted to myself a little louder then I had fully intended to do which in my semi drunk state, which cause both Bucky and Steve to look towards my direction, sky and icy blue eyes trained in my direction, Bucky frowned slightly as I ducked down from the back of the couch, last thing I need is those two finding me drunk, staying perfectly still hoping they would pass it off as nothing...If only I could be so lucky,

"Liv, what are you doing?" Steve asked standing at the arm of the couch

"Hmmm...Me?" I asked looking towards him

"Well since you're the only Liv here that would be a yes" Steve stated crossing his arms over his chest looking down at me, I shrugged standing up trying not to wobble forgetting the bottle of whiskey that i had resting between my legs which tumbled to the ground "Really Liv? again?" Steve groaned bending down to pick up the bottle

"What, i'm 21, legally aloud to drink my dads really expensive whiskey" I snarked back at him as I moved passed him already over staying my welcome in the lounge, grabbing the bottle on my way,

"Yes, but that does't mean you should" Steve stated as I walked towards the door I turned around to face him, arms still crossed over his chest

"Look cap I do not need another lecture from you, I know you're all disappointed in me, but you wanna know something? I don't give a fuck, I could really care less, if I want to drink away my problems then just leave me to it and keep your lectures to yourself" i snapped turning to walk away tripping on the way i braced myself to hit the floor closing my eyes and getting ready for impact which never came, I opened my eyes which where still trained to the floor two hands gripping my waist, one flesh, one metal, I looked behind and caught the slight smirk on Bucky's face as he pulled me back upright

"Better watch your step doll" Bucky smiled I nodded slowly muttering a quick thanks before turning to walk out the room again, feeling slightly more drunk then i thought i was i leaned on the bar for support,

"Steve I'm going to help Liv back to her room, I'll get you out on the track" I looked towards Bucky as Steve nodded to him and made his way for the door leading to the field, Bucky stepped towards me, placing one hand round my waist and wrapping my of my arms round his neck, taking most of my weight to help me back to my room.

the walk back was quiet, not awkward but not particularly great either, we stopped outside my door as I grabbed my key to unlock the door Bucky followed me in sitting me on my bed before walking to the bathroom and grabbing me a glass of water which he placed on my bedside table

"What's going on Liv?" Bucky asked looking down at me

I shrugged my shoulders "Dunno what you mean"

"Yes you do, you've hardly left your room in weeks, your dad is really worried about you, we all thought you where getting better, and then all of a sudden you stop coming to training, you lock yourself in your room, hardly coming out unless its to get another drink" Bucky ran a hand through his hair "I mean fuck Liv I haven't even seen you eat!"

"Don't have much of an appetite" I muttered

"I can see that" Bucky stated, I looked up at him as he looked me up and down, I crossed my arms over myself feeling self conscious, feeling anger and embarrassment course through me, I looked up at Bucky standing up in front of him not very threatening in my 5'2 size against his 6ft

"Y'know what Barns I don't need you to make me feel ashamed of myself, you have no right, you came here and tried to shut yourself away and none of us let you, we made sure you where with us and joined in on training and kept you busy, its not my fault that none of you cared enough to do the same with me" by the end I was yelling, I felt tears threaten to fall

"You think we don't care? are you fucking kidding me Liv? We all tried to pull you back from yourself and you just got worse, we all tried and you never let us in" Bucky yelled back "None of us know what happened when you where taken, you wouldn't tell any of us, speaking from experience Liv, keeping shit bottled up never helps" before walking out my room and slamming the door,

I could feel myself getting more and more angry as I stared at the door...