"Slow down, Anna," Anna grunted in response to Elsa's scolding as she took another swig from the half-empty whiskey bottle that she held in a trembling hand. Stray red hairs were plastered against her sweaty forehead and she reached up to swipe at them. Even though the alcohol was making her hot, Anna tugged the hood of her sweatshirt over her head. She heard Elsa sigh and she glanced over at her. Her older sister stood a few feet away, gazing out the window at the falling snow.
Anna's eyes roamed her sister's form that was still adorned in a crisp, wrinkle-free, blue pantsuit. Anna swallowed heavily as tears continued to escape and she averted her gaze as Elsa turned around to face her. It took her a few attempts but Anna finally managed to set the bottle on the nightstand before laying on the bed and burying her face in a pillow. She heard Elsa approach and felt the mattress dip with her sister's weight. A scrape of glass along with the wood as Elsa retrieved the bottle, and Anna's head turned to reveal one eye. She watched Elsa finish off the bottle before returning it to the table. She caught Anna and a blush spread across her porcelain face and there was a shrug from her shoulders.
"At least you saved some for me, I suppose," Elsa said. Anna didn't reply as she shoved her face in the pillow once more. A hand fell to Anna's shoulder, squeezing gently. Anna hated the fact that she couldn't stop the tears. Her head was swimming with a fog that had seeped into every crevice since she had received the news of their parent's death. It had grown in density through the funerals and the week that came after.
"Don't worry, Anna. We have each other. We will get through this," Elsa whispered as her hand traveled lower, rubbing soothing circles on Anna's back. The younger girl shook with soundless sobs, and Elsa winced. She hesitated a moment before slipping her arms beneath Anna and gathering the distraught redhead in her lap. Anna's breath hitched as she laid her head on Elsa's chest and her fingers tightly gripped the smooth fabric of Elsa's suit.
"I'm going to ruin your suit," Anna murmured. A dry, humorless laugh escaped Elsa as she settled against the wall that the bed was next to. The hood was pulled from Anna's head and pale fingers drifted through a sea of red tresses as she placed a kiss against Anna's temple.
"That is the least of my concerns," Elsa replied. Anna's head lifted, burying in Elsa's neck to inhale her scent. To inhale comfort, familiarity, and love. Mixed in with the subtle coconut from Elsa's body wash.
"I can't believe they're gone, Elsa," Anna whimpered as fresh tears formed. Elsa hummed as the arm around Anna's waist tightened.
"I know. We'll get through this, Anna. We're still together, right? For tonight, let's just try to get some rest," Elsa muttered, her warm breath scattering Anna's hair. Anna didn't want to think about it right now, anyway. The alcohol was doing its job of numbing the reality of the situation. As a negative effect, though, it was resurfacing other things that Anna usually kept buried six feet beneath a concrete slab. The more she pondered it, the more she realized that, right now, she didn't care. She needed a distraction.
Anna pulled back after a few quiet moments, startling Elsa. Her sky-filled eyes were piercing, as always, but accompanied by a shade of red and glistening with unshed tears. A surge of courage spread through Anna as she repositioned herself, sitting fully in Elsa's lap. Confusion swirled in Elsa's eyes as she looked up at Anna, who reached behind her head and pulled the pins that held Elsa's hair together in its tight bun. As the hair fell free, Anna's hands disappeared in it. She watched Elsa's throat bob with an audible gulp. Anna wasn't holding back tonight. She was sick of hiding and the alcohol was giving her the strength she usually failed to find. It pushed aside the guilt that usually drenched her nerves. It left her open, vulnerable, and she was going to lay every card on the table. Her grip tightened and she yanked Elsa's head back.
"A-Anna?" Elsa said, her voice barely above a whisper. Anna watched her sister's breath deepen, matching her own. Anna's pulse raced beneath her skin and her head was spinning as she opted out of replying and chose, instead, to press her lips against Elsa's. Elsa's entire body tensed and her hands flew to Anna's shoulders as if to push the younger woman off. Anna braced herself for an imminent collision with the bedroom's wooden floor but was shocked when Elsa's fingers clenched, as if anchoring herself, and she returned the kiss. After a moment they parted, both of their chests heaving with each breath.
"A-Anna, what are you doing?" Elsa breathed, her voice cracking. Anna's darkening teal eyes drifted over Elsa's flushed face. She watched as a bead of sweat trickled down her sister's neck, disappearing into the collar of her suit. Anna felt as though her logical, guilt-ridden, burden-believing self was floating above her actual body, one that seemed to be possessed with an animalistic driven need to be close to Elsa. She observed herself as her fingers fumbled with the buttons of Elsa's suit before pale hands covered her own. She saw the desperate, needy look in her own eyes as they bore into Elsa's.
"Elsa… I-I love you, please. I need you," Anna heard herself say, her voice low. Elsa swallowed again, mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to say something but just couldn't produce the words. The ticking of the clock on the wall opposite of them echoed within Anna's head, deafening as she waited for eons for approval. And the tears were still there, and now Elsa had them too. And the ticking was drowned out as the sound of Elsa's breathing filled Anna's ears, while she tasted the salt of Elsa's tears as their lips met again.
As the sun set, and the shadows that were scattered about the room lengthened, and the lone, lit candle burned its wick, they came together as one. The room filled with moans, and gasps, and cries of pain. Teeth and nails, fingers digging into skin, marks pressed against every available piece of the canvases that were their bodies.
Afterward, Anna laid awake, her head against Elsa's breast, listening as those shuddering breaths evened out and she fell asleep. And there were more tears from Anna, and a battle occurred within her now positively sober mind. She had been quarreling with a decision for a while, even before the news that had come. And as she removed herself from the embrace of her sister, the only family she had left, the decision was cemented. She was falling into an ocean of self-hatred for what she had just done. Her heart was aching and it felt as though it was tearing; the threads were fraying and pulling away from each other. She stopped herself from stealing glances of Elsa as she lay sleeping, and Anna retrieved the half-packed suitcase from beneath her bed.
After everything was said and done, she sat on the bed and caressed her sister's face. Anna pressed her lips against the shell of Elsa's ear and whispered an apology and empty promises. She laid there with Elsa until the morning sun peeked over the horizon and she stood. Grabbing her things, she cast a final look at her sister's slumbering form before walking out of the room.