The Potion Master sat in front of the window of a little cottage in Godric's Hollow watching the sun rise. The silhouettes of the barren autumn trees created a stark contrast to the rose colored sky.
A fierce storm had blown the autumn leaves off the trees the night before, but now the air was still and calm. A stark contrast to the storm that raged through the wizarding world.
Feeling the air in the house beginning to chill, he carefully picked up his wand and waved it at the fireplace, careful not to wake the sleeping babe in his arms. A warm fire immediately appeared and the air began to warm. Even so, he tucked the blanket around the child, ensuring it was snug. It wouldn't do for Harry to catch a chill and become ill.
Severus contemplated the sleeping tot. His attention was drawn to the lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead and the events that led up to where they both were now.
He'd arrived at the little cottage after the Dark Lord had attacked. It was dark and silent, save for the cries of a tiny child.
James Potter lay dead on the floor downstairs. Severus slowly and cautiously crept up the stairs, dread building in the pit of his stomach.
Lily Potter lay on the floor in front of her son's crib, surrounded by broken toys and a broken lamp. Harry stood holding onto the crib railing and crying and pointing at his mother.
Severus fell against the doorway in shock as he felt his heart completely shatter. He had loved Lily since he'd first laid eyes on her. He somehow managed to make his way to her and gathered her body into his arms and cried.
How long he sat there, he wasn't sure. Eventually, he realized the child in the crib needed to be cared for. He sent a patronus to Albus Dumbledore. People came and collected the Potters' bodies. Now he was waiting for Hagrid to come collect the tiny boy.
In his pocket was a tiny vial that held Lily's tears. She must have collected them and then tucked the vial into Harry's clothes, hoping he'd find it. His name was inscribed on the vial. He'd found it when he'd changed the child's diaper, and planned to view the memories later.
Yes, he, Severus Snape, had changed a diaper. Harry was, after all, the only child of Lily. The only living remainder of the woman he loved.
Harry began to whimper, so he stood up and began walking back and forth with him while talking softly. Even though he was just reciting potion recipes, it all seemed to be soothing to the boy.
Severus found a bottle of milk in the refrigerator and cast a warming spell on it, then handed it to Harry to hold and drink while he continued to quietly recite potion recipes to him.
Focusing on the small boy in his arms helped him to keep his mind off all the tragedy around him. It helped him to not think of her. Of Lily. A fleeting memory of messy red hair and warm skin pushed to the forefront of his mind. He wondered…. But, no. One mustn't dwell on impossibilities. Still, he looked at the boy's hair, at his eyes, the shape of his face...
The sound of a motorcycle interrupted his thoughts. Hagrid had arrived.
Severus wrapped the now sleeping boy in several blankets, and pulled bottles out of the refrigerator. Hagrid put them in his bag with a few clothes and toys, then was off to meet Dumbledore.
Severus apparated back to his home, where he went straight to his lab. After downing a small glass of Firewhisky, he broke down. Sobs shook his tall frame for several minutes as he remembered the beautiful, kind woman he'd fallen in love with.
In a rage, he destroyed several empty bottles he had on a counter. The glass shards flew everywhere and cut his hands. He hardly noticed the pain on his flesh as it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.
I still recall the
taste of your tears
Echoing your voice
just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you
still wash ashore
Scraping through my head
'til I don't want to sleep anymore
I just want something
I can never have…
(Nine Inch Nails)
He remembered, finally allowed himself to think about that day.
Lily was due to marry James the following week. But he'd seen her at the park where they met, by the tree they always sat and talked next to. He had gone there too, purely by chance, hoping to be alone with his thoughts and collect plants for his potions.
She was sitting on the ground crying, with a flower in her outstretched palm, just like the first day they met.
"Lily, what's wrong?" Severus sat next her and put his arm around her shoulders.
She didn't answer right away, but laid her head on her best friend's shoulder and continued to cry.
After several minutes, Lily finally took a deep breath and sat up.
"I caught him with another woman. Right in our house! Well, what will be our house, soon. I brought some of my things there, and I heard noises coming from the bedroom and he had someone else. In our bed!"
This set off a new wave of tears and he held her against his chest as she sobbed for several more minutes.
"I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry." Severus stroked her hair and just held her until her sobs quieted.
She finally sat up and looked Severus in the eyes, then she took his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his.
The passion he'd felt for her that he'd blocked out, it all bubbled to the surface as he returned her kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him.
As he deepened the kiss, he eased her onto her back and laid on his side next to her. What came next was as beautiful as lily flowers and as natural as breathing, as they made love beneath the tree that brought them together. The tree where they first met, where they had spent so many days together. Where they had passed so many summers discussing the world of magic they shared. Now they shared their love as well.
As it grew and peaked and crashed over them, they stared into each other's eyes, their need for each other deepening. Embers grew into a wild flame, which exploded in an inferno of passion as they held each other.
Even as Severus held Lily in the warm afterglow, her tousled red hair spread out on the ground, he'd known it wasn't meant to be. He stroked her hair and asked if she was going to go back to James. He already knew the answer.
Tears had come to her eyes, and he could see the pain behind them. He was a Death Eater, she was an Auror. They were never meant to be.
One love, one memory, one stolen moment of deep passion. They shared one final embrace, one final kiss and then said goodbye.
When Severus had learned of the prophecy about a child born at the end of July, he had informed his serpentine master. Only after it was too late did he realize it was about Lily's child.
He begged Dumbledore to protect the family, not for the first time deeply regretting that he had ever joined the dark order. He'd longed for respect, to finally belong somewhere. To never be bullied again. Then he learned the true meaning of being a soldier of the Dark Lord.
Voldemort tortured his followers on a whim. He ordered them to do unspeakable things to innocent people. Severus was ordered to hunt down the very family he secretly wanted to protect. That's when he had agreed to spying for Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.
But still he could not protect Lily or her family.
Now he sat in his lab alone, surrounded by broken vials and an empty Firewhisky glass, physically feeling the pain of his broken heart.
Then he remembered the vial in his pocket. He drank another glass of the alcohol and relished the way it burned down his throat. He finally summoned up his courage and viewed the memory Lily had placed in the vial with his name on it.
He watched as they made love under the tree, their tree. He watched Harry's birth. He watched the three of them go into hiding. But he wasn't prepared to see what came next. It was Lily, seemingly speaking to him, by herself under their tree.
"Severus, if you're watching this, it means the Dark Lord found us. I want you to know that Harry is your son. We conceived him that day under the tree. If he lives and I have died, I want you to protect him the best way you are able. Someday you may choose to tell him who you are to him or you may not. But please watch over him, that's all I ask. Take care of our son."
Severus stepped out of the pensive and somehow managed to stumble to a chair where he sat stunned for several minutes. He remembered that it had crossed his mind as he held Harry earlier that morning.
He strengthened his vow to protect his son, to honor Lily's final request. The best way to do that was to continue spying for the Order of the Phoenix. He scowled at the dark mark on his arm. The Dark Lord was gone after the killing curse he fired at Harry had rebounded. But his followers would seek revenge, and he would likely some day return to seek power again.
When that happened, Severus would be ready, and his son would be safe.