Fandom: One Chicago

Title: L'Chaim (To Life)

Chapter 1: Barefoot on the Cross

P O V: Sylvie Brett

Molly's Bar And Grill

1925 W. Cortland St,

Il, 60622

May 2021

"Stella, the moment I saw you for the very first time will be stuck in my memory till the end of the days because it was the evening when the course of my life radically changed its direction. I almost went to jail and got my ass beat by your husband. I didn't know you were married when I first met you, which is probably a good thing because had I known, I would have shown up at your house in full-fighting mode. Your beauty, the wicked sense of humor, and your generous heart blew me away from the moment we met in the academy; I didn't know your story then, but I do now. The more I have gotten to know you, Stella, I can't help but fall deeper in love with the woman you are, Stella you have a fierce fighting spirit which I know is mainly because you've had to fight for everything in your life; including us, our love, my maturity you fought to make me the man you knew I could become, and I am forever grateful for you."

Kelly Severide is sweating in nerves as he looks down at my adopted son, twenty-year-old Torah Ezekiel Dalton, who nods at Kelly handing him the small velvet box he pulls out of his blazer pocket. My best friend Stella Kidd gasps audibly, turning to me in shock, grabbing my shoulders squealing. "You knew!" I laugh, smiling, pushing her forward softly. "Yes, I did; now go get your man."

"Stella, I know you've felt alone most of your life, and I haven't always been by your side when you needed me the most, but it's never been because I don't give a damn. I give plenty of damns, believe me, I give a damn so much it scares me. I know I am not the best man. I have demons, a temper, and a past that isn't so pretty. I can't predict the future. I never want to be why you are not getting everything you deserve or being the reason you aren't happy. I also never want you ever to feel alone again because I love you so damn much, Stella Celestial Kidd; I will never leave your side ever again if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife."

Pulling out the box, Kelly's fingers shake as he flips open the lid and stares up at a speechless Stella whose hands fly over her mouth. Lifting the box, Kelly reveals a beautiful cushion cut double halo with a pink and white diamond center stone and a magnificent diamond band, light gatherers, and mirrors throughout the design, resulting in an unrivaled display of brilliance.

"I know you've been married before and it wasn't a good experience, I can't promise we won't ever fight, or there won't be hard times, but I can promise you Stella that I will never stop fighting for you, for us, for the promise of the future we could be, and I believe we can be magnificent, I was married once before as well, and it wasn't a bad experience, but Britney wasn't the woman for me, she was there at a bad phrase in my life, she was a prelude in my book, but you are the final act, which doesn't mean our lives are ending because we found each other. It means we get to close the chapters of our single lives and start our future as Mr. and Mrs. Severide if you say yes."

"Yes! Oh My God, Yes, Kelly Forever Yes!"

The entire room erupts into a frenzy of cheers of happiness and relief; a few of us finally let out the breath we've been holding and feel oxygen intake, which leaves us dizzy. We gathered everyone from our second shift at firehouse 51 to come to Molly's; a few of us own Molly's Bar and Grill. Lieutenant Christopher Herrman of Engine 51, the primary owner of Molly's; his wife Cindy and their five children Lee Henry nineteen-years-old, Max seventeen, Luke fifteen; Annabelle fourteen, Kenny Eight-years-old.

Herrman slaps Kelly's shoulders; an enormous smile plastered on his face, lifting Kelly's right arm. He calls out. "Half prices drinks for all the 51 families tonight in celebration of their engagement!" "Stella's voice catches in her throat as Kelly slips the ring on her finger. Tears form inside her eyes as she turns to me, her lips trembling. "Half prices, Herrman?" I tease him, "they got engaged; you can't be that cheap come on, man, free drinks for all of 51 and the 21st district."

"Yeah, man!"

Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, and Kim Burgess, Trudy Platt, all detectives in the Chicago Intelligence Unit, cheer, raising their glasses of beer to commemorate my suggestion which Herrman shoots down instantly waving his hands back and forth in an over-animated manner a pure expression of shock and horror overcoming his face. "What am I, a millionaire? No way will I ever give away free drinks, not until hell freezes over; that's the problem with you millenniums. You think everything in life should come free, nope, not happening. I am an old schooler. I believe in working for what you want. You want free drinks stay at home."

"You okay, Mom?" Torah places his hand against my shoulder as I sneak away from the celebration to get some air. Everyone is coming up to Stella and Kelly to congratulate them, including Kelly's mom Jennifer Sheridan who is beaming with happiness at her son's news hanging on his arms, kissing Stella's cheek, throwing her free arm over her shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm okay, honey; thank you so much for checking on me, but go be with your girlfriend; tonight is your last night as a civilian. Go celebrate."

Torah squeezes my arm gently, moving closer, walking straight with a purpose, his gaze holding steady on my face as if he is seizing my words up to my facial reactions. Torah comes to stand beside me; my eyes graze over his form. He's grown so much in the last three years it takes my breath away standing at 5'10. Torah weighs 180; he's lean but very muscular, portraying an air of authority and strength whenever he walks into the room. He's no longer the little boy who came into my life when I was seventeen years old, and he was six years old, racing around the streets of France pretending to be an airplane dancing in the puddles giggling at the sound the rain made under his feet.

Today Torah is a young man preparing to go off to a foreign country into an active war zone the way his father did his entire life. Tomorrow he and Lee Henry will leave for six months; their first tour will be in Iraq; my nerves are a total mess.

"You can pretend all you want, Mama, but I know you too well. You can fake a laugh or a smile so beautiful you make the world forget we are at war, but you can't fool me. I was there through every storm life gave you since I was six years old. I saw how hard you fought, how sick and tired you were. I remember when you wanted to give up, I saw the pain and anger you fought through, the tears you held back all for the sake of making someone worry less and letting others be happy. You can fool everyone else, Mama, but not me. I know you're thinking it's not fair that you'll never get to see your child grown up dreaming about the future they will have, planning for the wedding of their dreams. It's not fair, Mama; every child deserves to grow up to be more than just pictures and memories."

"Yes, they do, honey, and you're right. I am sad for myself. Every parent has so many dreams for their kids from the moment they discover they are pregnant; even as young as I was when I got pregnant, I instantly loved my little beans, and I started dreaming about giving them the best lives possible. I worked hard my entire life so they could have everything every child could ever want or need; no words can describe this pain. I've never felt a pain so incredible it brings me to my knees, and no matter how much time passes, it doesn't get easier. People say it does, but that's a damn lie."

"People say words they think will comfort in your time of grief, but sometimes they are just that empty words; some grief is too powerful to have words to express the unfairness or shock that comes with the loss. So people just say what they think sounds politically correct: time makes it easier, makes it sound like there's hope to pass through that tunnel of darkness because if there isn't hope, how will you get through that time in your life?"

"Your right, babe; it's been a trial, a test of my faith over the years, but I've gotten through it somehow."

"There's no somehow, Sylvie. You've gotten through everything life has given you because you are the most incredible and beautiful woman God ever created." Matthew Casey comes closer, nodding at Torah, who kisses my cheek and moves aside to let Matt take his place; Torah smiles brightly at his girlfriend Carrie Alana, who is a paramedic in the CFD.

"These past few years have been the loneliest and saddest times in my life. I felt like this was a nightmare for so long, and I should wake up so things will be back to normal. Ever since we met Sylvie Eden Brett, our lives have been a roller-coaster of emotions and obstacles."

Staring at Matt as we stand under the moonlight, I feel my throat tighten so painfully it's nearly closed up, preventing saliva from even sliding down it; the dryness makes me cough nervously. Matt steps closer, his eyes searching me intently; my knees tremble at Matt's words. What is he trying to say to me? Why is he so nervous? I can see how his fingers shake while they reach up to touch my jawline. Slowly they trace their way down from the edges of my jaw to my checks.

The thundering of my heart races like a runaway train; There're no squeaks of the brakes because this baby is on a crash course. Clenching waves of nausea grip my stomach as I try to swallow, but I can't even remember how to breathe correctly against the pounding jackhammers in the back of my skull, the dancing black spots twirling across my vision.

"Sylvie, are you still with me, you okay?"

The warmth of his fingers against my checks, the tenderness in his words of concern mixed with the day's events all bring tears to my eyes; I can't speak, so I shake my head, backing away from his touch. Heatwaves flash over my entire body in spells of intense thundering across my tender flesh. His eyes look right through me as if they can read my soul; if that's the case, why is he torturing me like this?

Tiny beads of sweat form across my brows. The rising taste of acid burns my throat as each breath comes out in little puffs. Silence is the only answer I can give him against the rapid racing sounds of my heart, making me feel as if I am on the verge of passing out. Can he really be doing this here and now? I know we've had our issues over the past few months, but is he seriously ready to pack it all in and leave the kids and me?

Backing up as fast as possible, I look around to find the nearest exit. I can't take this tonight. "Ouch." Stella's voice calls out as my back slams into her. I can't even get the words I'm sorry, out my tears have sprung forward like a sudden springtime rain leaking out of my eyes down my face in cascade waterfalls.

Hot, salty, blinding tears of pain, anger, and frustration

, Stella quickly pulls me to her chest, wrapping her arms around my body, holding me tightly. "You're so happy for me your crying, aw, that's so cute." My body shakes as I clench my fists into two balls of anger and fear, which press into the back-line of her bra. "wait, are these happy tears?" Still unable to speak, I only shake my head. "What's wrong?" Stella pulls away to search my face; not finding the answers she seeks, she turns to Matt. "What the hell did you do, dumb-ass?"

My back is too Matt, so I can't see his expression, but I can imagine it's confused since he never said the words I'm breaking up with you. But I know it has to be what he wanted to say. "If you broke up with her tonight after the news she got today, I swear to God, Matthew Aaron Jordan Casey, I will beat the shit out of you right here right now, engagement ring and all."

"He is.." I whisper into her chest loud enough for only to hear. Stella's hands clasp over my head; she lets out an angry sigh mixed with concern for me, lifting her eyes. I know she's glaring at Matt. "You are a piece of shit breaking up with the only woman who has put up with your Tic Tac Toe of emotions; you're worse than a princess on top of a mattress with a pea under it trapped inside a glass castle on top of a stone fortress. You've kept your emotions buried so damn deep inside of you since Gabby died. You shut everyone out; no woman has stayed by your side because you drive them all away with your shut down walls, anger issues, and love of danger. They could never take the effect you have on their hearts or minds, except this woman right here."

"Sylvie has given birth to your children, which she has raised on her own because you were too busy wallowing in self-pity, she paid your damn bail when your dumb-ass got arrested, she held down two sometimes three jobs to provide for the children, all while battling cancer and she still came to work every day with a smile and to be there for you, Matt. Get over your ego Matthew, and understand what a kick-ass beautiful, amazing woman you have standing before you, because I'm telling you, Matt, if you break up with her again, this will be the last damn time I ever allow you near my best friend to break her heart."

"I'm not trying to break her heart, Stella. If you shut up long enough to let me talk, I will explain."

"Yo, Casey, back the hell up. You don't ever speak to my fiancee like that; I don't care how screwed up your dumb-ass messed up your proposal."

Kelly's words shock Stella and me both, causing us to turn to him. "Shit." He let the word slip out, his checks flaming red-hot. "Proposal?" I cough out in a stutter of mixed emotions, looking between them both. "Aw, crap, sorry, man." Kelly buries his head into Stella's shoulder, his hands wrapped around her waist; my stomach pressed into his knuckles; I watch his eyes gleam in embarrassment and horror. Turning back to Matt, I accidentally let out a gasp, shocked to see Matt on his knees.

Our son Ryan Gabriel Casey, seven years old, comes up pulling out a red and black velvet box. "Now, daddy?" "Yes, son now." Ryan's grin is vast as he gets down on one knee beside his dad, holding up the box. Our daughter Ryan's twin sister Etain Caoimhe Casey comes to stand beside me, taking my hand, her eyes staring up at me. "Mama, daddy has something significant to ask you, so please pay attention."

Choking on my tears, I shakily replied. "Yes, honey, I am listening." wrapping my arm over her shoulders, I pull her close as Stella does the same for me. "Make sure you are paying attention, Mama; this is very important, even bigger than when I got a 100% on my spelling test last week." Ryan's innocent voice makes me melt.

"Sylvie, I do not know how to breathe without your support and cheerfulness, without listening to you singing and watching you dancing when you think nobody sees. I love dreaming about you because you understand me as nobody would ever understand. I love being ill if I know you will be near and take care of me. You're my always; You're my forever; You're my reality; You're my sunshine

; You're my best times. You're my anomaly, and I'd choose you in a hundred lifetimes even if Gabby came back to life and walked through that door. I'd choose you; because you are not a consultation prize, you will never be second best, you never have to worry about measuring up, sweetheart. In a hundred worlds, I'd find you… And I'd say, I do, will you do me the honor, Sylvie Eden Brett, and become Mrs. Sylvie Eden Casey?"

"We met at a very rocky time in both our lives, both of us grieving unimaginable losses, crossing bridges we never thought we would ever have to cross. I never thought I would love again, and it hurt to even think about what life without Gabby could be like; she was my everything, my sun, stars, moon, oxygen. We had so many dreams and hopes, and life shattered those when she was taken away so unexceptionally and brutally; I felt hollow as if someone was holding a chloroform pillow over my mouth, suffocating me."

I don't have the heart to break it to Matt that despite Hollywood's best attempts to convince a naïve audience of moviegoers that chloroform works within seconds of a bad guy stuffing it over the victim's mouths. In reality, it would take at least five minutes for any effects to take their toll; by then, the bad guy would have had their asses kicked—perks of having a cousin who is a Special Victims Unit Detective in New York City. Matt looks too adorable and hopeful, bent on his knee, holding out the most beautiful pear-shaped teardrop ring with a dark amethyst stone of a one-carat center sprinkled with 0.41 carats of diamonds down the sides on a 14k black gold frame.

"Gabby's death left a hole in my heart when she passed away. I slammed my back to every door life tried to offer me with love because every time I tried to get close to someone, her voice was always in the back of my head. This is a job Matt, what we have is real. We are forever. I will never be like I was Sylvie, not the man who I was when I met Gabby. A part of me died the day she died; I use to laugh crazy loud; I use to dance like a fool when I heard a certain song, unafraid of who would see me or even care if they did. I never thought about the past because what I had was perfect with Gabby. After she died, I felt her; I smelled her, I swear I heard her at every corner, saw her at night when I laid down; it was as if I was sleeping with her ghost, and she wouldn't leave me alone; I felt guilty for living when she and our baby didn't get the chance to draw breath. I didn't think I deserved to laugh or have fun anymore because I couldn't save her when she needed to be saved. I was supposed to be her prince, her protector, and I felt like she was punishing me for not keeping my promise of being there for her; She didn't get to live happily after, so I shouldn't be allowed to either."

"I threw myself into work and meaningless affairs. Sleeping together seven years ago was a mistake on both our parts. We weren't ready, and it screwed us both up; we can both admit that, Sylvie. I don't regret having our children. They are the reason I found meaning in life again, but I wasn't ready to be a dad emotionally or physically, and you suffered, and our kids paid a heavy price. I will forever be sorry for my actions and my words. I wasn't a man worthy of your love or being a father; I played with your emotions and let you down; I am so sorry, Sylvie. When you kissed me in November, I thought I was ready to start to love again. It's been seven years; I should be over Gabby, right? I've dated before but never allowed myself to open my heart. I don't know what I was waiting for, Sylvie superman to slap my face or kick my ass into gear or some singer to announce how stupid I was on stage in the middle of their concert."

We all chuckled at the memory of Marseille doing precisely that a few weeks ago at the last concert she gave in New York. "No one else could walk in our shoes. Our pain brought us together, but it also tore us apart. Being together seeing your hurt reminded me of my hurt, and I couldn't get past it, even for our kids. I knew you liked me as more than a friend for a while now; I suspected even a crush, or some enraged, confused, wandering left-over sugared dopamine from when we made love, a connection because of our kids maybe, but I never suspected you were in love with me, Sylvie. Not until Greg told me last week. It hit me this is real; these feelings I have inside me aren't butterflies or hormones; they are forever vibes. Visions of you fuel every breath I take; every heartbeat is dancing with the memory of your smile, the echoes of your whispered laughter."

"Look into my eyes, dear. Look, Sylvie, this is where it starts. Today, here and now, I am asking you not to forget our pasts but to smile at their memories and kiss goodbye to the pain. We deserve to be happy, to laugh, to dream, and love again; I love you, and today, I'll give you my whole heart for my entire life. If you say I do, Matt. I am baring my soul to you, and I am bleeding left barefoot on the cross."

"So, Sylvie Eden Brett, will you do me that honor of becoming my forever and always?"

Tears slide down my face as I look around at all our loved ones gathered here to cheer us on, all waiting anxiously for my answer. So much love and happiness, but I can't stop thinking about the losses we suffered, the hurt clouds in my heart wishing they were here to celebrate with Matt and me on this day. Pictures and memories aren't enough. They should be here in our arms, not forgotten names in time, whispered in fear of upsetting us.

"Say Yes, Mama! Say Yes!" The twins jump up, clapping hands under their chins clasped as hopeful expressions fill their eyes which sparkle in curiosity, love, and wonder. My oldest stands in the back with her Aunt Amanda and her kids, all smiling silent tears rushing down their faces. Leslie Shay, my partner, stands with her girlfriend Kat-Azar-Tamin she is Amanda's partner at SVU. Joe Cruz, his wife Chloe, Darren Ritter, Blake Gallo, Randy Mouch McHolland, his wife, Sargent Trudy Platt. Battalion Chief Wallace Boden, his wife Donna, their seven-year-old son Terrance. Mike Doherty, Derek Kauffman, Jesse Haas, Tony Ferris, Harold Capp all cheer and clap, whistling for me to give Matt an answer.

"I promise to do everything I only can to be a perfect match for you and to be the wife you deserve. I want to become your happily ever-after, and I will do my best for your incredible smile to never fade. You are the greatest and the most precious gift given to me by this life next to my children, so I wish the universe knew about my infinite and limitless love for you. I am looking forward to the day when your last name will become ours, and our love will give birth to a new family. You are the one I want to be for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer." My voice is trembling, and my heart beats at a furious pace as my mind races with the words inside my brain; if only I can say them out loud, looking down into his eyes, all I can say out loud are the words. "Matt, you've finally said the words I have been dreaming about since we met way back in 2014… it's been eight years which is crazy. It's nearly half a decade some days. It feels like yesterday."

Why can't I say the words he longs to hear, the ones I want to shout with all my heart ever since I knew I was falling in love with Matthew Aaron, Jordan Casey.