Jun-Kaiyo

As I lied in the arms of a frantic nurse, I cried. How had it come to this? I had died, I was dead, surely I'm really not being reborn, this is just a joke.

Even as I repeatedly called this a joke, I couldn't even believe it myself, trying to make sense of this situation.

The woman- who'd just birthed me just minutes ago- was lying still in her hospital bed, bright red cheeks stained with her tears, eyes wide open and staring straight at me.

I'd watched as she took her last breathes after muttering her dying wishes, and my new name and how much she loved me, how much he would've loved me. I'm guessing he is my father, has to be.

I would say it's hard to believe someone would love me, but they would've been my new parents, they would've loved me regardless. And for some reason, that felt nice to think about, which is why I cried harder when I felt her heart stop beating.

Why did I feel it? It's not supposed to hurt this much.

I'm crying for the bonds I would've had, the things we could've done, the things they could've taught me, things they could've showed me. All gone in the tick of the clock on the wall.

Jun-Kaiyo Uchiha. That's what she called me, which is just great- and the reason I started crying in the first place. I was a being, destined to have strong feelings about everything, but I'm suddenly determined to not hate too much. Hate is inevitable for a Uchiha, or that's what I think.

I'm still waiting for someone to prove me wrong.

The constant feeling of being alone was eating me up in this moment as I watched from the corner of my eyes as my name was signed on to the orphanage paper. I was set in a crib, some of these babies are also orphans like me, others not so much.

I hadn't expected them to put orphans with non-orphans, but it seems they're not so biased in this way, I'll just have to wait for it, this won't last long enough. This peace, I just know it.

Though I'm not crying anymore, I still felt my eyes sting, but seeing as how I'm supposed to have been asleep, I closed my eyes quickly as a nurse walked through the isles of infants.

One thing I'd pondered the moment I'd closed my eyes- and found I couldn't open them again from exhaustion- is if I'm full Uchiha, will I be staying in the compound? If I am, why am I being left unattended?

Did my mother not want me to grow up with those self-centered pricks, I'd admire her for it, but if I end up unlocking the Sharingan, how am I supposed to train. In my last life– that I've decided to just embrace since I did infact die, not that I minded– I just hadn't researched the Sharingan as much as the Byakugan.

I mean, I know they can both be unlocked by very prominent feelings, strong feelings. But again, as a Uchiha, you will always feel strongly about something. I just wonder, how will I unlock mine, if I ever get the chance to. From what I remember, not a lot of females did unlock it.

I really hope I don't.

I'm dead, I am so dead.

It's been four months since my mother died after giving birth to me.

Four months I've had the Sharingan, if anyone knew, I would be dubbed either an anomaly or a prodigy. I would've been wisked off as soon as they found out.

I was also wrong. It seems I'm not going to the Uchiha, in fact, I don't even think they know about me.

Which would've been completely fine, if it weren't for the fact that orphans usually become shinobi to survive in this village.

But if I were with the Uchiha, I would've had people throwing their expectations down my throat, and never mind their disgust or sympathy for an orphan with Uchiha blood. Or lack there of those feelings.

I don't want to go on that path, sure I'll die sooner or later, most likely in one of the upcoming attacks on the village. Whether that be when Orochimaru attacks and the third dies, or when Pein attacks. Or if people actually do know of my heritage, and Itachi comes to kill me.

The last one doesn't actually seem to likely, but expect the unexpected.

Civillians die left and right all the time, but shinobi die much more than that, too busy risking and sacrificing their lives for such a dreadful village.

I don't see it, I mean, I do see the tranquility of Konoha, I relish in that, but I've also seen all the bad and I can't forgive or forget.

The way they treated Naruto. The fact that I now live in the red light district is even worse, I'd been taken out on walks and I've seen people be mugged in alleyways with rusted kunai.

I've seen dirty syringes lying on the ground next to tried looking people, dirty just as those syringes.

The screams I've heard from alleyways and inside buildings, rundown or not, I've seen children kill grown men for not giving them the amount of money they were supposed to give. And the packages they were supposed to be delivered being destroyed.

I've seen.. a lot that I'd like to forget.

I've seen all this because the matron had failed to push my head down fast enough, nor low enough.

I had been stuck watching it all and I couldn't move my head, I could only close my eyes, but that didn't stop me from hearing the screams, the dropping of crack pipes, the cursing, the slurs of the drunken, and the tears shed dripping off all those miserable little faces, and all the makeup covered faces, all the sobbing.

Especially when walking past the akasen. God, even though the matron walks super fast past there, I seem to notice every little thing.

It's hard to ignore.

I'm not strong enough for this world. I'm scared, I don't wanna be here, how did Naruto ever live through this all? That's right, he kept his head down, all until he didn't want to, and raised his voice. But I couldn't move mine, I had no choice but to keep my head up, and my vice low. I couldn't ever be Naruto, I wouldn't ever even try.

If I had a choice, I would've stayed dead.

I have no room for a hero complex- or a saviors complex, whatever, no time for worrying about others, when I need to watch my back.

I should've watched it closer. Why didn't I watch it closer.

It was mid October, all I've felt this month is dread and fear, such overwhelming anxiety looming over me this month I couldn't focus like I've been for these path months, but this knot in my stomach hasn't been helping with any of that.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I've been focusing on myself psychically. My legs, my arms, fingers, both hands, and my toes. I've never seen anyone do it, but I thought if I was flexible enough and at most skill, I could throw things with my toes, it's just a safety precaution really, I know I'm being over cautious, but I'm not dying again.

I mean, what if I'm out on a mission, what if I'm incapaitated

I have nothing from my past life to help me with anything here, I was lazy and smart, but I had no type of relationships, and I wasn't interested in anything but music and anime. I can tell very well that I can't do that here, so I'm working on myself. Because I have to. I won't die again.

Just as I was pulling myself up from my shaky plank with my arms straight out in front of me and holding me up from falling face first into the dirty orphanages carpeting.

I had sensed it first, something was so very wrong. I felt the life force being forced out of some Konoha ninja on the edge of the village meaning someone was killing them, which doesn't involve me, Anbu will get whatever is the problem. But then they didn't, but a threatening presence was filling that same place at the edge of the village.

Malice, hatred, and the promise of death, I'd never felt such a suffocating presence, this beings KI wasn't helping. And being a natural born sensor, I had been choking on his presence, like it was shoved into my fave and down my esophagus and it placed itself in my lungs.

I felt heavy, the heavyweight being out on me by the promitted intent to kill, the large amount of it and its will to actually do so being pushed further with added chakra. This is what made it so much worse for me and my senses, why did I have to be different? Why did I have to be alone right now.

But if I screamed right now, I would catch attention, not all of it will be positive.

This chakra was burning everything, this almost feels the very same way from when I unlocked my untapped potential with sensory. But this density of hate, I had felt like I was going to die.

The stinging of my neck brought me out of my struggling to breath, hyperventilation pushed to the side and forgotten, I pushed aside the thoughts and the loud voices and all the instincts to kill myself at this very moment before this being does it first.

Stupid me, stupid this, stupid that.

I called herself ready, and I'd forgotten the very night the fourth Hokage would die along with his wife and put the main character in the world. Many would die, resulting in the hate of many angry villagers.

And I was far way from all of that. But I could still feel it, all that death. Is this what sensors feel, why do they have to. I wonder who else is suffering the same as me.

In all my glory, here I am, shaking like a leaf, tears running down my face as sobs racked my body hiding under my very small bed with a blanket over my head like this all was going to protect me from an angry chakra beast under control of my own blood.

I'm scared, and no one is coming for me. If I tried to move on my own to the safety centers myself, I would die. All out comes turn out with me bring ready except this one, I for one don't think the orphanage suffered any damages from the kyuubi attack in the anime.

Please. I don't want to die.