OPENING SEQUENCE
W: Amphibians and reptiles are diverse across the world, and while some are considered dangerous, most of them are quite harmless.
B: Except for these two greenies who pack wallopings-a-meanies!
W: Raphael, the cool but rude Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
B: And Rash, the Speeder Bike riding, wisecracking Battletoad. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
W: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
FIGHTER 1: RAPHAEL
(Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1987 Theme)
W: New York City. A bustling metropolis with danger lurking in the shadows. But beneath the streets in the city's sewer system, heroes were created. After a freak accident involving a rat, four pet turtles, and a canister of mysterious green ooze, the world's most fearsome fighting team was born: the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
W: The mutant rat Splinter had taken up the four turtles as his own sons, naming each one after a famous artist from the Renaissance. Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo… and Raphael.
Raphael: I run a delivery service… for pain!
W: Named after Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino, Raphael- or Raph, as his brothers call him- is the muscle of the Turtles. He's the first to leap into action and likes getting up close and personal with his enemies. He won't back down from any fight or any enemy, no matter how tough they may look.
B: Because when you've been learning how to be a ninja for fifteen years or something, all you're gonna wanna do is fight, stay in the shadows, and pull off sweet flips. Not only is this turtle tough with a hard shell and bulletproof skin, but he's also pretty neat with these triple-edge knife thingies!
W: Those are sai, a weapon of Japanese culture and Raph's main weapon for close-quarters combat. He uses them from stabbing enemies to throwing opponents over his shoulder. He can even spin them to block projectiles and use them as a projectile of his own.
B: But that's not the only tool Raph can use. He can use shurikens, smoke bombs, and these magical tonfas that can make force fields! Bam! Instant shield! And he's neat at lots of other stuff besides ninjutsu. He's a good swimmer, a great motorcycle driver, a talented artist, and… a master of sarcasm.
Raph: Oh, right. Because villains always back off when you ask them to. Maybe I'll text the Kraang and ask them to stop mutating stuff!
W: Unsurprisingly, Raph's attitude is what mostly gets him and his brothers into trouble. And there's one other attribute about Raph that can be both a strength and a weakness: his anger.
B: Raph is basically a ticking bomb. One wrong action or word and he blows up in your face. If he's not careful enough, he can beat anything in arm's reach to a pulp. Like when he pounded this disgusting cockroach cyborg!
W: Raph sometimes considers himself to be either a loner or worthy of the team's leader, leading him to clash with Leonardo on several occasions. But whenever he does take the role of leader, he sometimes freezes up from the pressure placed on him. And he's also afraid of generally harmless stuff, like kid-friendly mascots, tight spaces… and bugs.
B: Wait, don't turtles eat bugs or something?
W: But despite his many weaknesses, Raph has pulled off some incredible tasks to protect or assist his brothers. He barred a door using a Kraang's arm, survived falling out of an airplane into a river, took a taser strike from the Batmobile, and remembered his life as a normal turtle.
B: Plus, he became a turtle version of Mad Max! Facial hair and everything!
W: When the going gets tough, the TMNT can count on the toughest turtle around to get them through.
Raph: Cowabunga.
FIGHTER 2: RASH
W: Dave Shar was an ordinary game tester and computer technician with some ordinary friends. He was a practical jokester and enjoyed being the life of the party… until he and his buddies were transported to a digital dimension called the Gamescape and transformed into three amphibian fighters: the Battletoads! From then on, Dave Shar would be known only as Rash.
Rash: I'm crashing this party!
(Rash's Theme- Killer Instinct)
B: Rash claims to be the coolest toad around, sporting some sweet shades and red armbands. Like a normal toad, he's got green skin and an extendable tongue for snatching up flying snacks. And his most notable feature is changing his body like a freaking cartoon character into many shapes!
W: This is called a Smash Hit. With it, Rash can morph parts of his body to assist him in combat. Like most of his fellow Battletoads, Rash can turn into a wrecking ball, grow his fists for extra punching power, change his legs into springs, axes, maces, and spiked boots, and can grow ram horns out of his head.
B: I've always wanted some ram horns. I'd use them to help me open beer cans. And with the spiked boots, I'd give someone a really good ass-kicking.
W: You'd have to see DUMMI for that one. Anyway, Rash has another tool he can use to get around: the Speeder Bike.
B: Wait, you mean those very fast hoverbikes that people tend to crash a lot? Those things?
W: The Speeder Bike can reach incredible speeds and requires swift reflexes to pilot. However, it doesn't have any weapons- unlike another speeder bike we know- but they're hardly necessary as Rash doesn't use it for combat.
B: Unless he decides to crash it into his opponent.
W: Rash and the Battletoads have faced off against the Dark Queen, a woman in the Gamescape who wishes to have complete domination of the universe and then invade our world once she's finished with the Gamescape. But Rash and his pals have taken down this wannabe empress time and time again… and Rash is always looking for his next challenge. And he'll go wherever he pleases to find one.
Rash: These cameos are killin' me. (He revs his Speeder Bike and blasts off) WOO-HOO!
PRELUDE TO BATTLE:
W: Alright, the combatants are set! We've run the data through all possibilities!
B: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLEEE!
THE FIGHT
It is night in New York City. Police sirens blare through the quiet air and cars drive over a manhole in the road. Beneath it, the sewer is silent as water drips and rats scurry about. Then…
Rash: YAA-HOO!
Rash blasts by on his Speeder Bike, blowing scraps of paper and zooming down a tunnel. In a dark corner of the sewer, two eyes open. As red fabric flutters in the breeze of the bike's engine, the figure vanishes into the shadows.
The Speeder Bike continues to roar down the sewers before it comes to a full stop. Rash jumps off and looks around the sewer with a smile.
Rash: Well, well, well! What do we have here? (he spots a pizza box on the ground with a single slice in it) Ooh! Don't mind if I do!
Rash picks up the pizza box and stares at the slice. He moves to take it in his hand… but a sai embeds itself into the slice. Rash yelps in surprise, dropping the box. He looks to where the weapon had come from… and sees a shadow on a ceiling pipe.
Raphael: You're a long way from home, little froggy. (He jumps down, revealing himself to Rash.) Lemme guess, you were flushed down the toilet?
Rash: A talking turtle! (He rubs his hands together in excitement) This is gonna be fun!
Raph: What's that, punk? You looking for trouble? (he retrieves his sai and spins both weapons, getting into a stance) 'Cause here it is.
Rash: I was looking for a challenge, anyway! Show me what you got, shelly! (he puts up his fists)
Raph: With. Pleasure.
DB Announcer: FIGHT!
Raph charges at Rash and attacks with his sai. Rash blocks some of the blows and jabs Raph in the chest. The turtle responds by kicking the toad to the ground and jumping up with sai raised. Raph yells angrily, preparing to stab Rash where he rests…
But the Battletoad uses his tongue to snag the sewer's ceiling and rappel himself up. Raph's sai dig into the ground and he has a look of confusion on his face. Rash swings an arm into Raph, knocking him into the wall. Raph is stunned for a moment…
Rash: CHARGE!
Rash slams into Raph with ram horns, smashing through the wall and into another part of the sewer. He tries to punch Raph again, but the turtle counters, stabs him with his sai, and throws him over his shoulder.
Raph jumps and tucks into his shell. Rash rolls out of the way as the turtle slams into the ground. Raph pops out a leg and kicks Rash, flipping back up and throwing some shurikens. Rash jumps back into the fray, swinging at Raph with his legs. Raph ducks and avoids each one, crouching beneath a leg-ax. Raph morphs his foot into a mace knocks Raph back. The turtle slides along the ground, digging his sai into the floor. Catching his breath, he readies his sai again.
Raph: What kind of mutagen did you get into?!
Rash: The best kind there is! (he turns into a wrecking ball and swings into Raph, who barely manages to dodge)
Raph strikes at Rash again, getting some hits in with his sai. When Rash punches him back, the Battletoad uses spring legs to get high and drop down on Raph with spiked boots. He hops off of Raph and the turtle bounds back up. He lashes at Rash with quick strikes and a yell. A spinning kick to Rash's head and a sai stab to the chest injures Rash, and the turtle kicks him away.
To Raph's surprise, Rash is back up and brushes his shoulder.
Rash: Ya know, I've been hit harder.
Raph: Still standing, huh? I'll fix that! (he rushes at Rash and engages him in close-quarters)
Raph's moves turn more aggressive as he channels his anger and lands hits on the Battletoad. Rash breaks Raph's combo and punts him away, breaking out into a taunting dance.
Rash: You can't beat the toad! Just hit the road!
Raph: Shut up and fight! You're starting to sound like Mikey!
The toad and the turtle continue to duke it out with fists and sai. After Rash dodges a sai thrust to the head, he hooks Raph in the head. Raph hops away, throwing down a smoke bomb to confuse Rash. Raph dashes through the smoke and strikes at Rash's leg to cripple him, then moves to stab him in the face. Rash easily catches the weapon, morphs his leg into a boot, then kicks Raph right in the head.
Raph stumbles back… and Rash wraps his tongue around his sai.
Raph: What the-?!
Raph yanks the sai out of his grip, leaving him with one weapon. Raph growls and bares his teeth, jumping at Rash with an angry yell. Rash catches him, throws him to the ground, and snatches his other sai.
Rash: I've had about enough of your little ice picks! (he tosses the sai away)
Raph hoists Raph back to his feet, headbutts him three times, then uses ram horns to knock Raph into a wall. Raph falls to his feet, gasps for breath then glares at Rash angrily.
Rash: You wanna do this the hard way, Warty? FINE! (he cracks his knuckles) Let's do this the hard way. (he charges with another yell)
Rash blocks some of Raph's punches and a kick, countering with a one-two combo. Raph socks Rash across the head and lands an uppercut to the chin. Rash slams his hands down on Raph's head and knocks him back with a headbutt. The toad strikes a quick pose and proceeds to beat down Raph to a tune. He attacks with his ram horns, spiked boots, jumping kicks, morphing into a swinging wrecking ball, and kicking at the turtle's legs. Finally, he punts Raph high into the air with a spiked boot, sending the turtle crashing into the wall.
Rash: Yeah! (striking some poses and doing a dance) Oh, yeah! I'm the best! I-
Raph: HEY!
Rash turns to where the voice came from… and his eyes go wide with a cartoonish scream. Through the fading dust, Raph is holding two tonfas with a glowing red forcefield surrounding him. He gives the Battletoad a look.
Raph: You know… I almost felt that one. (he readies the tonfas and the forcefield fades)
Rash: You may be a cool dude, little turtle… but you're also a rude dude.
Raph: How about I show you just how rude I can be! (he lunges at Rash with the tonfas and wallops him with them)
A series of strikes from the tonfas knocks Rash to the ground, allowing Raph to retrieve his sai. He manages to wear Rash down with wild, unpredictable strikes and throws the sai at Rash. The Battletoad staggers…
...and the sai lands right in his neck. While Rash gurgles, Raph runs up, removes the sai, and slices the toad's throat. He gives Rash a smug look and kicks the toad off the edge of the sewer. Rash splashes into the water below, where he starts to float away. As Raph watches, he scoffs and holsters his sai.
Raph: You couldn't beat a mouser, froggy. (he turns and walks away, eating the slice of pizza from earlier)
AFTERMATH
DB Announcer: K.O!
B: I knew Raph was rough, but… I never thought he'd be straight-up brutal.
W: Rash may have had multiple means of attack with his Smash Hit, but Raph outclassed him in multiple areas. Raph could take much more punishment than Rash and proved to be both faster and stronger than the Battletoad.
B: Looks like Rash was turtle-ly annihilated!
W: The winner is Raphael.
Raphael: Pepperoni… (smashes the pizza box at the camera)