Sooo ive never written a fanfic or even a full story ever before, i just got bored one day when school got canceled (again) i got no story plans, soo pls dont expect it to still be decent/consistant after 10k-ish words. im just a fanboi of a fanboi and wanted to try his own
Other than that, i hope i can make another-bored-person-who-likes-re:zero (your)time go by faster, enjoy :3. pretty pls
Chapter 0 : here we go again.
The fateful night of our favorite clueless and broke beyond compare third year High school shut-in, the one and only, Subaru Natsuki, has come forth.
He was putting on his shoes to go pick up a late night snack at the convenience store when a familiar and caring voice was heard from behind.
?: "Ah, if you're going to the convenience store, I'd like a cream puff so buy me one."
He looks back at the voice and sees his mother, Naoko Natsuki with a joking and smug demeanour.
Naoko: "Erhm i was just kidding! Late night sugar is always bad no matter the age! " Naoko makes a fake smile noticing her son's tired and unamused gaze.
Subaru: "Fret not mother for i shall return with nothing but puffs!"
As it is only fair he returns a joke... along with a yee-yee-ass finger-in-the-air pose and accent, Naoko giggles but doesn't notice it is full with a fake and tired energy, as he heads out the door to begin his odyssey to the convenience store.
Naoko: "wait."
Subaru turns his head from the open door to his mom.
"take care."
She says with a motherly care in her face and voice.
However, her precious Subaru responds with a tired nod and a closed door. He proceeds to walk to the sidewalk and sighs with-
Subaru: "Aw shit, here we go again."
As he has already gone to the convenience store atlest 5 times this afternoon to buy jars of his beloved mayo sauce 1 by 1 , what a dunderhead lol.
He strolls to the store while chilled by the wind that goes through his tracksuit onto his wet T shirt.
Subaru: "Damn it's cold, should've done those dishes after the trip" however he doesnt regret his choice, as it is only fair he does his own dishes and not have his mom clean up after his laziness again.
He continues walking in the cold crossing the street and a lamp post, as he nears the front entrence he sees 3 missing person posters.
Subaru: "huh weird, those werent there a few hours ago."
He examens them all, the first one looks like it's more likely to be a wanted poster. It shows a man with a distinct large scar across the left side of his face and long hair, along with list of attributes at the bottom he is too tired to read, however he did see his name was Aldebaran.
'I guess astral names aren't as rare as i thought.'
He glances at the other two that appear to be heavily sun bleached and yellow as if they have been there for a very long time, however they werent there a few hours ago which confuses the fatigued shut in so he decides ignores them.
He enters the store and takes a peak at some manga by the window side, conveniently landing on a page with an elven waifu.
Subaru: "Aand that's how they rope you in."
He mutters while remembering all the expensive yet fine additions of half naked silver haired elven waifu figs he has in his collection.
He sees a happy couple walk by, scoffs at them and puts down the book down and proceeds to gather his snacks at the counter.
cashier dood: "That will be 9001 yen."
He whips out his wallet and pulls out some cash
Subaru: whispers "oh a grooved-edgy ten"
He proceeds to drop it into the large pile of coins that looks like it shouldn't have fit in his wallet in the first place, as it is only fair a ten is worth ten. He pays for his snacks and heads out the sliding door.
As he walks up to the same crosswalk and lamp post he notices there is a new missing person poster on it, however-
Subaru: "OI THATS ME!"
With out a blink a breath or an instance of hesitation he runs up to it and clearly sees its him and recognizes his mom's handwriting.
Hair Color : Black. Eye Color : Brown. Height : 173 cm. Occupation : Shut in/ highschool dropout. Last known location : Mini Stop 69th Street. Often found at anywhere where there is mayo sauce. Hobbies : collecting dolls/reading fanfics. Favorite waifu : Speedwago-
Take care and come back to us, please.
His eyes became moist at the last part, the cold wind hit his eyes again causing him to blink briefly.
Then when he re-opened them he was blinded by light, blinking again softly a few more times then he began to process his surroundings slowly, to his new-
Subaru : "parallel world?.. I'VE BEEN SUMMONED TO A PARALLEL WORLD?!"
Which is the only conclusion he can come to, during his shut in he has seen a plethora of scenarios such as these in anime, manga, novels, shitty fanfics, and games he has seen this scenery many times over : animals/reptiles on 2 feet while in cloths acting like humans surround him in his new-found medieval atmosphere.
He fails to notice that during his shock he has almost completely stopped thinking about that time traveler poster crap while a burning light of excitement fills his eyes drowning away his tiredness.
Sucking in the new circumstances he proceeds to walk around like a terribly lost cactus while on a quest for knowledge, taking quick mental notes:
'It appears that in this world everyone/everything knows fluent Japanese, what a coincidence'
'The dragon things seem to be a replacement of horses. When i get one i'm totally naming it a referance.'
'I can't understand a single sign at this fruit shop... Fantastic I am illiterate!'
'I doubt this guy takes yen. Oof i'm broke.'
'I totally bet there's magic in this world and ya know what that means-'
Subaru: "As the main Protagonist of this fine world I must be a magic protégé!"
The people around him give him funny looks like he was a mad monkey that somehow escaped the secret poo poo zoo dungeon however quickly turn away as there is a child in the street that looks like he's about to get iskekaid by truck-kun... erhm no, hit by a carriage.
As the future greatest heroic magician to ever befall this pitiful technology-lacking world a quick magical push from him should be able to save the child.
Subaru : "YEEET!"
-every magic needs an incation and what better inaction for a quick throw/push, he imagines many different possible effects from teleportation to telekinesis to an invisible muscular purple man doing it for him to air manipulation however-
Knight: "HUAH!"
His dumb incantation and imagination had no effect at all. For it was a brave knight who quickly grabbed the child and rolled out of the way in the nick of time, the crowd cheers him on however our dumb self proclaimed mc is a little bit disappointed.
Subaru : "huh I guess I'm not ready yet, I'm sure in just a couple of training montages I will be able to just escape this fantasy land and warp back to mom!"
He exclaims with another stupid pose however the cheering of the knight was still going on to he didn't get too much attention. Proceeding with his plan to learn more he enters a certain establishment hoping it may be something of a library so he walks in unsuspecting-
Subaru : "I have come to discover the secrets of the world and magic!"
Furry #1: EEEEEK *SMACK*
Furry #2: PERVERT!
Furry #3: DISCOVER DEATH!
Furry #4 Geet outta here!
That it was the woman's public restroom... instead of vast knowledge and the understanding of magic he obtained a well deserved ass kicking from 4 angy and embarrassed furries.
After picking himself up and out of a nearby dumpster he renews his search once more figuring that he can just listen in on conversations to obtain all the common info he clearly lacks so he follows the overgrown car insurance lizard into a bar/saloon building.
Geico : "Ya can't be here, first of all there's a sign out there that says demi-humans only ya illiterate prick and second, ya frickin stoink like trash"
Subaru got shoved out of the building while stumbling on the stairs tripped over a low stone fence and fell down into a river floating away.
The focus briefly changes to our 2nd favorite blondi loli smiling while looking at the soft red glow in her hand, breaking the running speed limit on top of buildings. She appears to have a pursuer but remains very confident about outmaneuvering them and escaping.
While he was flowing down the river he was thinking about the of his unfair treatment compared to the patrons inside rather than getting out, he suddenly notices a bright red and shiny object in the corner of his eyes gracefully descend from the high ground of the river walls into the river with Subaru yet-
The red thing? : "Hello there, would you request my assistance? You appear to be in need of my modest abilities."
The red thin- no the red haired man-perhaps knight seems to be walking on top of the water along side him floating down stream like some kind of isekai fantasy Jesus voicing his concerns.
Subaru : "Yes please! it is quite obvious i'm having trouble down here!"
Isekai Jesus? : "Very well then."
The red haired man in the floaty shoes walks infront of Subaru with his hands streched out waiting for the stream to bring Subaru to him and when it does he picks Subaru up by the arm pits like a wet cat and jumps out of the river canal with his new stinky wet rag, slowly lowering him to the floor.
Subaru : "Ouch! i know i would've gotten you wet but come on did ya have to do it that way!
He says whie rubbing his smelly soggy pits.
The red floaty man makes a slightly pained expression to the outburst of his dear 29672nd damsel in distress.
Mr Floaty?: " Are you unhurt? i know a good doctor."
'Oh hell no i can't be paying medical bills i'm as broke as they come!' he thought.
Subaru : "Noononono i'm perfectly fine!"
He does a couple dumb poses for proof of his wellbeing and impressive ability to inspire immense cringe.
Dr Floaty? : "Ah that's good to hear."
Subaru "... Sooo anyways thanks a million, erm I Subaru Natsuki demand thy name of my heroic savior!"
Nice guy? : "Your thanks is very much appreciated however i am afraid it is unwarranted as i have done nothing great to earn it also i am not a heroic savior for i am just a measly knight-off-duty doing what anyone couldv-
His self-deprecating speech is interrupted midway by the yell of a loud wet mop getting astonished looks by bystandards wondering how large his balls must be to yell at such a monster-in-disguise like that.
Subaru : "Alright alright, i get it your nice guy index is off all the charts! So whats your name?"
He states his request once more hoping he can repay him later as that would only be fair.
Just Reinhardt : "it's Reinhardt, Subaru. Just Reinhardt."
He said with a small warm grin seeing as how he found a 3rd person who is willing to treat him as an equal... atleast for the moment
Subaru : "Ok that's it! you're officially my #1 buddy in this crazy new world, and as part of our friendship package deal you get a free nickname! So how does Rein-san sound?"
Rein-san : "You can drop the san you don't need to be so formal with me."
Subaru : " I was totally expecting that calling a random stranger my #1 bud would have a negative result but wow, do i got an insane charisma stat or what?"
Rein : " i'm sorry i don't understand what you mean."
'Ah right these medieval guys don't speak gamer.' he thought while staring at his new friend looking for something to talk about. With his new examination he notices several details i was too lazy to copy-paste earlier : He seems to have the most handsome face in the world with his beautiful sky blue eyes, his important rich noble coat, his powerful yet kind aura, aaand that badass lookin sword!
Subaru : "Yo! So um what's that excalibur looking end-game sword you got there?"
Rein : "Erm i take it you mean to ask about this?"
He says while gesturing to the scabbard on his side.
Subaru : "Yeah! come on tell me which quest hands it out or what boss drops it."
He puts his arm out and points his finger at the sword like a kid at a toy store.
Rein : "Heh sorry but i'm afraid (thankful) you can never hope to obtain a weapon such as this."
Poor noob : "Well then would you atleast tell this poor noob as to why!"
Reinhardt thinks that he definitly has been living under a rock in a foreign country, as he sees his question is genuine due to his divine protection of 'stop the cap'.
Rein : "Fair enough. That is because this is the dragon sword, reid a sword crafted by the holy dragon said to be infused with the soul of the greatest swordsman to ever live passed down throughout my bloodline."
Subaru : "Cool i'm gonna see if i can take the quest from that dragon dude to get one too, cuz that looks sick!"
Rein "Eheh erm if you wish to inquire about getting an 'end-game sword' from the kingdom's god i'm sorry but i do not know his location."
As he give a light scratch to the back of his head.
Subaru : "Dang what kind of important quest npc has a random spawn across the world?!"
Reinhardt is starting to get a little uneasy seeing as how he can't understand half of what the hell his new 'buddy' raving about
Rein : "Well then as you can see having a 'cool' sword entails a lot of responsibilities, responsibilities i need to return to such as an important assignment, thus farewell for now and we shall meet again should fate will it."
Subaru : "K yah bye!- And wait whats the important assignment?"
Somehow even though he just gained the divine protection of enhanced patience a minute ago it already ran out and he lost it.
For the first time in his life the sword saint desperatly wants someone to stop talking to him, 'is this hell what baby sitting a man-child is like?'
Rein : "The royal captain told me that rest is important and to take the day off therefore i shall resume my important duty of being not-on-guard, let us be off on our ways."
Subaru : "Goodbye rein cya later and thanks agaain!"
They then both walk off.
Reinhardt feels a little bad as he should've asked him more about his situation such as 'where he's from, does he have a place to sleep, would he require additional assistance' but holy dragon-shit that guy was annoying.
Subaru wanders thinking about his next move
'So what do i even want to do? Tell these medieval guys all about the wonderful ways of modern society while becoming filthy rich or try doing that quest thing to become a cool hero to have some awesome tales for my folks.. Ah thats right! gotta get back. Maybe i can get some outside help, hopefully.'
pulls out his phone in hopes of being able to call them. While unaware this caught the eye of a certain trio as they start to sneakily follow him.
Subaru : "shit... Its waterlogged."
He says with a deadpanned expression.
The phone is unresponsive and wouldn't turn on, his old crappy flip-phone nokia may resistant to physical dmg but weak vs elemental and swimming with it was very detrimental. As he curses his bad luck instead of himself for continuing to exist, he ponders several other possibilities.
'The posters... those were probably other isekai people who came before me so maybe they can help me out, if so where do i find them? Would've been nice if a map appeared in my head and showed me everything, speaking of which where/what the hell are my special abilities? The reason why it is a textbook rule that world travlers get badass powers that can achive anything is because by unwillingly leaving their world... They lose everything they ever had. And it is only fair that i should get everything in this world as i just lost everything from my own. Ok everything minus a tracksuit, broken phone and some snacks, let's hope the conversion rate ain't that bad.'
Spoiler : its fucking terribile lol
During his extremly egotistical and disguSTANG thoughts he wandered into the sunny part of a certain back alley he takes off his damp jacket and lays it out in the sun, dumps the water out of his plastic bag. Almost instantly after, as if scripted : he hears footsteps so he looks up to see three- no two and a half silhouettes approching from the other side of the alley.
The half silhouette : "I SMELL PENNIES!"
The large silhouette : "Oi cut that out, Mushroom Midget."
The large one gives a midget bonk to the the midget's head.
Subaru : "PFFT! HAHAHA! Is that your super-villian name?"
Mushroom Midget : "Shut up you! I didn't agree to it! And this big oaf's crime alias is Hairy Eggman."
Hairy Eggman : "I get that i'm covered in hair and eat 4 dozen eggs every morning but come on did we have to include the hairy part?"
Subaru : *dying on the floor of laughter* "Holy shit is your name Gaston or what?!"
Gaston : "Huh! how'd you know that!?"
Subaru is only hanging on to dear life by his sheer plot armor, however his lack of oxygen from laughing is starting to break through.
Subaru : "Eheheh ,you guys should totally quit your super villain gig and do comedy, I'd pay to see your trio perform any day."
Medium prick : "Enough fucking around! We're here to steal stuff 'n' leave."
Having grown tired of his prey's stalling, Medium prick picks Subaru off from the floor holding him by the collar of his shirt then puts an arm behind his back and pulls a knife out of -his ass cheeks, idk?- and puts it to Subaru's throat.
Snake prick : "Sssoo you see here, you've got a little ssomething that caught our eye, hand it over or we'll kill ya. *lick* Painfully."
'Well that went from 0 to 100 really freaking quick' Subaru throws his hands in the air as if surrendering.
Subaru : "Wait! hold on i'm peniless can you go murder someone who actually has crap to loot and leav-"
Snakie prick : "SHUT IT! We saw you holding that metia! hand it over! now!"
Subaru : "Dafuq iz dat."
Snakie prick : "Ok that'ss fine, keep playing dumb while we rip it off yer corpse."
He arcs his arm back as if preparing for a swing.
? : "Move it! Outta my way you guys, coming though!"
The three muggers and our stupid muggee all turn to stare at the approching-
Subaru : "Oi, it's a kawaii blondi loli!"
The blondi loli stops running at them and makes a confused expression.
Kawaii blondi loli : "No friggin clue what that means but i'm busy sorry, live strong!"
The blondi loli does 3 cool ninja jumps to get on top of the building at the back of the alley and runs off which leaves the onlookers in awe.
"Woah" x4
Subaru : "Soo did the acrobatics show make you feel slightly less like murdering me by any chance?"
Gaston : "I'll admit Felt is as impressive as always but sadly no, it would if that made you more willing to give it already."
Subaru enters a state of concenration while rummaging around in his pocket feighing a search which relaxes snake boi so he returns the knife behind his back.
'First of all dafuq is a metia? I don't know what that is so how can i have it? I'm sure this is one of those mistaken mugger scenarios, these bastards are going to kill me for nothing! Might aswell resist. Who knows, maybe this metia thing is one of my protagonist powers they detected and that's why they're willing to kill me to take it. Maybe i can use it on them.'
As he was just moving his hand around in his pockets idly for a full minute just standing there... awkwardly.
While he was doing that the deaf moron failed to pick up on a whisper.
Snakie thug : "Hey do we even want to let him live I mean he has all three of our descriptions and your name cause of yer antics, if he takes this to the guards we're screwed."
Hairy Eggmam : "let's just get it off him first, we can decide that later, i take left, you take right and Mushroom Midget can grab it."
Mushroom midget : "Ugh fine, but you guys are touching the next crazy freak."
Said crazed individual was done pondering his situation and has found his perfect and ideal course of action : Run at them and fight 3 to 1!
Subaru pulls his sweaty sticky hands out of his pocket pretending to hold something then swiftly clench it into a fist, heading straight for chin's chin. (had to do it)
Subaru : "MEETIA PUNCHU!-"
As his stink infused punch draws closer to the prick's face he narrowly dodges.
Subaru is instantly tackled to the ground on both sides as there are 2 people holding down his arms and legs, his head is slammed into the hard stone floor so he groans in pain like a l'il delicate pansy.
Prick : "Midge grab it."
Midge takes notice of how weird his cloths are during his pat-down, he reaches into his pocket grabbing the so-called 'metia' they were looking for without noticing it's broken and might aswell just be a fancy brick as he puts it into a cute mini-pouch.
Midgie : "Got it, what now?"
Prick : "Grab h'is shoes too while your at it."
The mini yoinks off his shoes which gets a reaction from the shoeless idiot who was recently wearing them.
Subaru : "Oh come on! Don't you guys already have some shoes of your own!"
Prick : "Perhaps but they look comfy enough to sell back at the loot house ssoo we'll be having those too, yeah?"
Subaru : "The heck! Are you guys going to steal my lucky boxers too if they got a cooler pattern than yours?!"
Prick : "Hmmmm.. Good idea! Midge take off his pants and check if his underwear is worth stealing too."
Subaru : "HYEH!?"
The smol guy instictivly jumps away from everyone.
Mini shroom : "EW, NO! go do that yourself ya fag, i'm not assisting in the expansion of your vast mens underwear collection anymore!"
Big gae : "Fine, I WILL do it myself! take over for me and hold his arm down."
The two exchange places but the mini man isn't strong enough to hold down the fort so there are quite a lot of kicks and squirms of resistance from our soon-to-be victim of violation. He notices he didnt hear a denial in there and panicks harder-er.
Subaru : "No! I did not get summoned to get my underwear looted! By some low level lumps of EXP in my first chapter of my epic isekai adventuuure!"
? : "That's enough, villians."
Everyone turned to look up in the direction of the powerful silver bell of a voice.
When his eyes landed upon her all he could do was stare as she was drop-dead gorgeous '10/10 waifu material' he thought. He carefully looks at her from head to toe.
No idea when next one will be done lol i'll probably add exactly 756 words a day
Ok so basically a 16 year old got bored and wanted to make his own crappy copy-paste retell fic with almost nothing new!
but ill change his dumbass reward system , mostly if something doesn't seem fair he wont accept
i plan on giving him something additional, some kind of pride-wrath based authority due to how he likes to judge fairness along with return by not alive
but nothing as grand as the counterfiet rip off 5s invinvibility greed authority i keep seeing, my boi still needs to get his ass kicked
also how he has like 0 attachment to his isekai buddy Al so he will probably remember his poster when he sees him
not sure when ill continue or direction like idk if i wanna make him accept roswaals "die and make emilia queen for free (additional suffering) pls" offer or some kind of pride if variant where he takes matters into his own hands all alone
Also feedback/suggestions are very welcome, Infact pls gimme some as none of my friends know re zero so i cant really get an opinion from them