Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Harry Potter Franchise or its characters. All characters used are the property of their respective owners.
This story is rated M for violence, language, & sexual themes.
A Special Thanks to my Alpha/Beta on this story.
If you don't like the story, don't read it.
The title of this story is drawn from the Chvrches cover of the Arctic Monkeys song of the same name.
Do I Wanna Know?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Scotland
2 February 1999
Hermione exited her Runes class with a heavy sigh. Runes was always a tough subject for her, she'd never been a particularly artistic person even when she was young so carving delicate figures into stone was never Hermione's strong suit. She was really looking forward to going back to her dorm and relaxing for an hour before dinner. She glared at a particularly horny group of sixth year boys who were staring as she passed. Ever since the war ended and she'd returned to Hogwarts with her one of her best friends, Harry Potter, she'd begun to understand what it had been like for him. Even almost a year later the stares were constant, she was a war hero, the woman who'd helped the Man-Who-Won. Whispers and gossip about her relationship with Harry were a daily occurrence. She'd even gotten a detention from Headmistress McGonagall for the first time since 1991 for punching out Cormac McLaggen for spreading rumours about them having a torrid affair behind Harry's back.
As Hermione walked, she felt a pair of arms hook her right arm and drag her back to the Runes classroom and force her into a seat. She scowled as she met the eyes of two of her dorm mates, Parvati Patil and Ron's on-off girlfriend, Lavender Brown. "Is there a reason you've dragged me in here?"
"We're sick of this Granger," Lavender began.
"We want you to finally admit it," Parvati added.
"Admit what?" A baffled Hermione asked.
"That you're in love with Harry!" The two said simultaneously.
Harry walked from Divination to meet up with Hermione who would be on her way out of Runes by now. He wanted to surprise her and take her to dinner in Hogsmeade. It was finally time to tell her how he felt; he'd been planning this with Andi's help. Initially he'd wanted to do it on Valentine's Day, but he knew Hogsmeade would be a crush of people that day and this way there was still a small chance he could keep this private. At least for a little while.
As he approached the classroom, he could hear voices drifting out. Lavender and Parvati were talking to someone. "Admit what?" He heard Hermione ask.
"That you're in love with Harry!" The two said simultaneously. This made Harry go red in the face.
Hermione opened and closed her mouth a few times and then shook her head. "No, I will not admit it because it's not true. I am not in love with Harry. He's my best friend, that is all."
"Oh, come on, Granger! We know you're in love with him, just admit it! Here it's easy, 'I'm in love with Harry!'" Lavender declared.
Hermione let out an unimpressed huff. "Aren't you dating Ron?"
"Oh, that's over! He's off with another slag he dug up from somewhere."
Hermione and Parvati shared and glanced and rolled their eyes. "Lavender, I'm not in love with him. Besides I'm not his type."
"His type is pretty and smart, you're both," Parvati pointed out.
Hermione's cheeks lit up pink. "He's into slender sporty-type girls, I'm all curves!" She protested indicating to her body with her hands.
"But you're like Lavender, you have curves in all the best places. I have to admit, sometimes I'm a bit jealous," Parvati said.
Hermione scowled but the dusting of pink on her cheeks didn't disappear. "I'm not in love with Harry, I don't know how many times I have to say it!"
"Why not? What makes him so unappealing?"
"I'm not saying he's unappealing..." Hermione protested weakly.
"Then why? Tell us one good reason you don't want to date your hunky, stinking rich, sweet, kind, and handsome best friend and we'll stop bothering you about it," Lavender pleaded.
Hermione huffed again, she just wanted to leave and get out of this situation. She didn't like being put on the spot about her feelings for Harry, especially when she knew those feelings would never be reciprocated. "I don't love him because he's always miserable!"
Out in the corridor Harry's heart stopped cold. Every word Hermione said was a hammer to his emotions.
"Harry is never happy anymore; he's not smiled once since the end of the war. I'm tired of it so why would I want to date someone like that? If you want him, he's all yours."
Harry steadied himself on the doorframe. It hurt to know this was how Hermione felt. He understood that she'd been forced to confess her feelings, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. He'd been planning on talking to Hermione but now he wanted to be alone so as he rounded the corner, he threw on his invisibility cloak and disappeared.
Lavender was shaken out of her shock by the sound of a suit of armour rattling in the corridor. As she looked over at the door, she saw a brief flash of messy black hair and her heart sank. As she bolted out of the classroom, she saw him rounding the corner but by the time she reached the turn he was already gone. Lavender angrily stormed back into the room. "You lied to us so you could get us off your back, you lied because you thought Harry wouldn't hear you! You screwed up, because he heard you!"
"W-what?" Hermione exclaimed throwing a look over at the door trying to get to her feet.
Lavender pushed Hermione back down into the chair. "Don't bother, he's gone!"
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Hermione screamed.
"I didn't know until it was already too late, why did you say that?"
"Because… because I don't want to say the words okay! If I say it, it'll be real and I won't be able to deny it anymore and denying that I love Harry is the only way I can cope with him not reciprocating those feelings," she explained through a flood of tears.
Lavender sat down next to Hermione and rested her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "Hermione... Harry is crazy about you."
"Was…" Parvati mumbled before she was shushed by Lavender.
"You're wrong… he's never thought of me as anything but a sister, he's said so…" Hermione mumbled through the tears.
"That was when he thought you were interested in Ron. Harry was always going to put your feelings ahead of his own." Lavender explained.
"How do you know that? How could you know that?!" Hermione demanded.
Lavender sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Just because I'm not as close to Harry as you are, doesn't mean I don't have eyes. Harry always puts others before himself, he walked into a fucking forest to die to save everyone. He knew he wasn't coming back but he did it anyway – so what do you think he'd do to make sure his best friend, the girl he loves is happy."
"He'd bury his feelings deep down inside and support me like always…" Hermione whispered as she got up out of her seat. She ran past the two girls and pulled the door open, but Lavender called her back.
"Hermione, he's already gone!"
"I can find him as long as he's still at Hogwarts, trust me!" She yelled as she ran out of the room.
Hermione sprinted from the classroom up through the Gryffindor Common Room, after giving the password (Drinking Sherry), and up into the Eighth Year Boys dorm room. She landed on her knees and flung Harry's trunk open only to stop. Hermione shakily reached out and picked up a jewellery box that had been haphazardly thrown into the trunk still open. Inside was a gold necklace with her and Harry's initials either side of a gold heart.
"Harry wouldn't want you seeing that..." Neville observed quietly.
"Huh? Oh, Neville. I'm sorry, I need the Marauder's Map, I made a mess of things with Harry and now I need to fix it."
Neville put his homework down and gently plucked the box out of Hermione's hands, snapping it closed. "He was admiring it this morning but then Dean came out of the shower and Harry had to run to get in before Seamus..." Hermione gave Neville a curious glance. "Seamus always takes an age to get ready in the morning, he wants to look his best for his admirers."
Hermione nodded, staring at the closed box. "It's beautiful..."
"Yeah, I would say more but I think it's better Harry tells you when the time is right."
Hermione frowned as she picked up the map. "After what happened I hope he'll speak to me again."
Neville raised an eyebrow but instead of inquiring he simply patted Hermione on the shoulder and returned to his homework. Hermione recited the password and found Harry sitting alone in a fourth-floor classroom. She immediately tore out of the Gryffindor dorm, almost knocking Colin Creevey over as she exited through the portrait hole.
"Harry, please come out, I want to talk." Hermione said after checking the map as she entered the classroom.
Hearing a sigh from near the window the hood of the cloak was drawn back revealing Harry's head, his raven hair shining in the light of the sunset. Hermione closed the door and moved to cross the room. "Stay there, I don't want you near me right now."
It tore at Hermione's heart hearing how broken Harry sounded. She'd managed in a few words what his relatives, Dumbledore, Snape, and Voldemort hadn't ever accomplished, she'd broken him. "Harry, I'm so sorry that you heard what I said..."
"Are you sorry you said it or that I heard it?" Harry asked bitterly.
"Both!" Hermione exclaimed. "Harry, I don't think of you that way!"
Harry glared at her. "If you didn't you wouldn't have said it!"
"I said it because I was trapped into answering a question, I didn't want to acknowledge the answer to. Because saying the answer out loud would make those feelings real."
"Is the answer that unappealing?"
"No! The answer is wonderful, but only if you felt the same way!"
Harry got up off the table and shed the cloak, stuffing it in a pocket of his robes. "I don't know how I feel right anymore."
"Oh..." Hermione replied staring at the ground, trying not to cry.
"It's not fair that Parvati and Lavender put you on the spot about your feelings. But I'm sort of glad they did. You may not have wanted to admit it but those are your feelings about me. I wish you'd come and talked to me about it instead of burying it."
"That's rich coming from you..." Hermione replied letting the words slip out before she'd even realised, she'd said it.
"You're right, but then you're supposed to be the smart one."
Harry opened the door but paused as Hermione asked a question. "Are we... still friends?"
"I don't know." Harry, said, as he closed his eyes his guts churning and his grip on the door handle tightening. Then he walked out of the room without looking back.
As Harry walked out, he could hear Hermione begin to sob. On one hand he wanted to go back and comfort her, but at the same time he didn't want to be a doormat. So, he kept walking until he staggered into a nearby bathroom to throw up. Once he'd emptied the contents of his stomach, he sat on the floor of the stall and contemplated his next move. He knew going back to the dorm was out of the question, there would be stares and whispers, and he just couldn't handle all that nonsense at the moment.
So instead Harry decided to walk up to the seventh floor, where he found the last person he wanted to see pacing up and down in front of a blank wall. Before Harry could slip away, Hermione spotted him and stopped. "I guess we had the same idea..."
"Yeah..." Harry mumbled looking away.
The two stood in silence for several minutes before Hermione took a step forward and opened the door. "It's a copy of Gryffindor tower. There should be a room for both of us."
Harry nodded reluctantly but stayed rooted to the spot staring over Hermione's shoulder at the door. "Harry, neither of us want to go back to the Gryffindor dorm. I promise I'll leave you alone. Right now all I want is to do my homework and go to bed."
"Ok," Harry replied and the two walked inside. Harry immediately went upstairs into the boy's dorm and Hermione did the same on the girl's side. Both of their hearts breaking with every step they took away from each other.
As Harry sat on the floor with his back against the frame of his bed he summoned Dobby. "What can Dobby be doings for Great Master Harry Potter Sir?"
Harry managed his first chuckle of the day over Dobby's verbose greeting. "Dobs, can you make sure Hermione has a change of clothes and something to wear to bed?"
"Dobby be doings that for Great Master Harry Potter Sir's Miss Grangy."
"She's not my... we were friends, we're not even that anymore," Harry said looking down at his trousers rather than at Dobby.
"But Great Master Harry Potter Sir be loving his Miss Grangy," Dobby stated sounding confused.
Harry shook his head. "Not after today... not after what happened..."
"Great Master Harry Potter Sir is beings silly; Great Master Harry Potter Sir still be loving his Miss Grangy."
"You're wrong..." Harry whispered.
"Dobby is not, House Elves be knowing these things about their Master's. Dobby sees old bad Master not be loving Old Mistress Cissy, he be loving hisself only."
"Figuratively or literally?"
"Yes," Dobby replied.
"Well... I could have lived all my life without knowing that..."
"Dobby be knowing Miss Grangy loves Great Master Harry Potter Sir too."
Harry huffed angrily. "She has a funny way of expressing it..."
"Dobby be thinking Great Master Harry Potter Sir and his Miss Grangy needs be talking it out."
"Yeah... maybe..." Harry muttered as he buried his head in his arms. A few seconds later he heard Dobby pop away.
When Harry rose to use the bathroom later, he found a set of freshly laundered clothes lying on the bed provided.
3 February 1999
The next day Harry found Hermione waiting at the bottom of the stairs. "Hi."
"Hi."
"Harry, I'm so sorry about what I said yesterday. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. I hurt one of the people I care most about in the world, and I can't stand it."
"Ok..." Harry replied quietly.
"Did you tell Dobby to put out fresh clothes for me last night?"
"Yeah...?" Harry replied awkwardly rubbing the back of his head.
"Thank you," Hermione mumbled as a small smile spread on her lips.
"It's ok... this way you won't have to get a grilling on where you were last night."
Hermione nodded. "Harry, can we talk?"
Harry frowned and looked away. "Not yet, I need a bit more time."
"Harry, let me explain, please?" She'd hoped Dobby's appearance last night meant Harry was walking back his position on their friendship a little, but it seemed there was still a gulf between them.
"I'm not ready yet," Harry replied more forcefully.
"Please, Harry, I just want to explain. I want my best friend back; I want the man I love back! Give him back to me!" Hermione pleaded as angry tears rolled down her face.
"No! I don't want to go back! You said I was always miserable, that I never smile. You asked Lavender and Parvati who would want to date someone like that?! Do you know how much that hurt? How it tore at my heart to hear that I was getting rejected by the only girl I've ever loved? The only person who's ever shown me affection that I can remember?"
Harry dragged his fingers through his hair as he took several deep breathes. He heard Hermione move away from him and let out a final breath before collecting his bag and moving to where the portrait hole should be located. "Hermione, I need to get out."
The door appeared but as Harry rested his hand on the knob Hermione spoke. "Harry, don't go, not like this. I want... I need to explain why I said that about you. Please?"
Harry turned around to look at Hermione and froze, tears were running down her face and she was holding onto a chair to keep from crumpling to the floor. "Okay."
Hermione sniffed and let herself drop into a chair behind her, putting a little distance between herself and Harry. "I was so stupid yesterday, Lavender and Parvati cornered me and I felt trapped. But that's no excuse, you don't say things like that about someone you care about. You're not miserable Harry, you're mourning. We lost so many friends, so many people died because of that bastard and like usual you're taking all of that on your shoulders, as if you're the only one in the world who should bear that weight. That makes me angry because I love you and I want to share that burden."
"I don't know how to do anything else. So many people died, I couldn't save them, I tried my best, but it wasn't enough. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I'd never..."
Hermione jumped up and stormed over and grabbed Harry's head in her hands forcing him to look into her eyes. "NO! You don't get to say that, ever! No one is worth you not being here! Not to me. I don't care if it's fucking selfish. I love you; I don't want to think about a life without you in it."
Hermione wiped the tears from Harry's cheeks with the pads of her thumbs as she smiled. "Harry, you can't save everyone, no one can, not even Dumbledore or Merlin could have. I know you may never forgive yourself, but you should try to live for their sake. That's the best way to honour them and your parents."
"I'm not sure I can..." Harry whispered placing his hands over hers.
"It's something you'll have to learn, I can help, we can learn together. If you'll have me?" Hermione asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.
Harry let his hands drop. "I need to process everything Hermione. Please let me have some time?"
Hermione's hands fell away from Harry's face as she schooled her features into a passive mask. "Okay."
"Thank you, Hermione."
Harry stopped when he heard Hermione begin to cry behind him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and wipe the tears away, but he wasn't there yet. The wound was still raw. He hoped he would eventually be able to look at her and not feel a storm of conflicting emotions.
5 February 1999
Harry sat in the Quidditch stands after practice, he felt as confident as he could about their chances this year. Or at least he would if he weren't in conflict with himself about Hermione. He still cared about her as a friend, but he wasn't sure he still loved her. He tried to think about what it would be like to be with someone else or see Hermione with someone else but immediately pushed that idea away. He didn't like how thinking of Hermione with someone else made him feel.
Harry leaned forward running his fingers through his hair and taking deep steadying breathes. "I need advice, I don't know what to do next..."
7 February 1999
Andromeda Tonks Residence
As Harry sat at the dining table with Teddy in his lap, Andi grinned at them as Harry half successfully fed the baby. It was Saturday but Andi was babysitting while Nymphadora was at the Auror Academy grading recruits on their practicals. Amelia Bones's last act as Head of the DMLE before moving up to become Minister was to re-assign one of her best (and favourite) young Aurors to teaching duties. Tonks was furious but Andi was pleased – she'd always been afraid of losing her daughter young while in the line of duty, but there was far less chance of that now she was a teacher.
What she couldn't understand was the sadness in Harry's countenance. So, as she collected Teddy from Harry and put him down for a nap, she asked the question that had been on her mind since he arrived. "Why are you here today Harry, wasn't today supposed to be your big date with Hermione?"
The sadness in Harry's eyes worsened, giving Andi a clue to the reason for Harry's misery. "It didn't work out..."
"Oh?" Andi asked, sounding genuinely surprised because she was. She'd talked about Harry and Hermione's friendship with her daughter a few times. Tonks had come to the same conclusion she had, the two seemed right for each other. Both were interested but neither seemed to have the courage to admit to it. Andi had been delighted when Harry approached her for advice on how to romance Hermione. In Andi's considered opinion Hermione wouldn't need much romancing to become the next Missus Potter.
"Can we not talk about it... I'm still... I don't know..."
Andi slid her hand across to cover Harry's. "Harry, did you come over to see Teddy, or to get some advice?"
"Both?"
Andi smiled at him. "You don't need to have a ruse to ask for advice, I'm always here to help. You could have just owl'd me."
"I didn't want to do this by Owl, it's too important," Harry said with a shake of his head.
"It or she?"
Harry blushed and nodded. "I need advice about Hermione. Things... went wrong."
Harry sighed and gave Andi an overview of what happened, at the end Andi frowned. "Ah."
"Yeah... I want to be friends with her again eventually, but I don't know if we'll ever be anything more."
"Do you still love her?" Andi asked gently.
"I..." Harry began but he hesitated.
"How would you feel if Hermione started dating someone?"
"I would... I-I would be fine," Harry replied forcefully.
Andi allowed herself a small smile. "You need to be patient Harry, your feelings for Hermione could resurface. You don't want to find yourself with someone else when that happens."
Harry stared at Andi for a long time, long enough that they heard Tonks pop back into the house. "Hi Mum, hi Harry!"
"Nymphadora shush, Teddy is down for a nap," Andi scolded her daughter.
"Oh, right, sorry. I'll go up and check on the little tyke," Tonks responded, so wrapped up in her son's welfare she forgot to admonish her mother about using her first name.
Harry smiled at Andi once Tonks was gone. "You're right Andi, I do need to move on with someone else. You're great."
Harry gave Andi a brief hug before walking to the receiving room and apparating away. Andi groaned and slapped her hand against her face. "That was what he got from my advice...? Merlin give me strength..."
Later in his dorm room Harry sat down with The Times and flicked to the movie review section. After spending some time studying the paper and cross referencing the upcoming attractions against when they would be playing the following weekend Harry had made his decision. He stubbornly ignored the gnawing feeling in his stomach that followed him whenever he was about to do something that would upset Hermione and put the paper down.
9 February 1999
Seventh/Eighth Year Combined Defence Against the Dark Arts Class
Harry glanced over at Tonks who was standing beside their professor in a corner of the classroom observing as the students ran through their practicals. As the newest instructor at the Auror Academy she was tasked with attending a Seventh Year Hogwarts class once a week to see if any students had the right qualities to be an Auror. Tonks had already approached him after the first class of the year to see if he was interested in being an Auror, but he'd politely turned her down. After seven years of battling dark wizards at school he had no interest in making a career of it.
Tonks was talking to their teacher Professor Carlstrom who was like Lockhart in the respect that he'd had much of the same affection from female students. The differences, and there were many, was that Carlstrom knew how to teach and how to fight. Harry'd heard Lavender and Parvati gossip about Carlstrom and Tonks knowing each other in school and maybe having a thing for each other. For Harry's purpose he hoped that wasn't the case.
"Wands down. Good work everyone, you're all improving. Keep practicing what we've discussed in class and we'll review it next class. Duelling Club is Thursday night except for those who have Astronomy, there is no Club this Saturday because of the Valentine's Day Hogsmeade weekend. I will see you all Friday."
As the class broke up Harry spotted Hermione glancing at him warily, he gave her a weak smile before running out the door after the Auror Instructor. "Tonks!"
"Wotcher Harry, got big plans for Valentine's?"
"That's uh... what I wanted to talk to you about, can we talk in private?" Harry replied smiling shyly and looked away.
Tonks nodded and followed Harry to a nearby classroom. After closing the door Harry spoke. "So... I was wondering if you'd want to go on a date with me this weekend?"
Tonks raised an eyebrow. She'd been certain, so certain she'd put money on it, that Harry and Hermione would get together. In a rare moment, Tonks was rendered speechless. Minutes passed before she spoke. "Why me?"
"I don't understand?"
"Harry, you're the man-who-won, you're the most celebrated wizard since Dumbledore. You're young, good looking and rich! Why the hell would you ask me out on a date? You could have any or every witch in this castle/ Hell, Fleur would probably dump Bill in a heartbeat if you deigned to look her way." 'And you're in love with Hermione' Tonks added mentally but didn't say out loud. "Why do you want to go out on a date with me?"
Harry rubbed the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. "You're beautiful Tonks, you're fun, smart, and keep me from taking myself too seriously. I need someone like you in my life. I want to see what it's like to go out on a date and have fun like a normal guy, even if it's only once."
Tonks let out a breath and brushed Harry's hair out of his face. "Okay. When?"
"There's a new movie playing on Saturday at a theatre near the Leaky Cauldron. I figured we could go and then grab some food after?" Harry suggested hopefully.
Tonks smiled. "Sounds perfect."
Tonks collapsed into a chair at her mother's as soon as she got there. "I need a drink..."
"Nymphadora..." Andi admonished warningly.
"I know, I know, a butterbeer at least?"
Andi nodded and placed the bottle down in front of her daughter. "Bad day?"
"No, not exactly. I saw a few hopefuls, but Harry still refuses point blank to consider a career as an Auror. Not that I blame him. No, the problem came after class, Harry asked me out on a date."
Andi groaned and pressed her hand on her face. "And you turned him down I hope."
"No...?" Tonks replied meekly.
"Nymphadora... this is a bad idea. He thinks he wants to move on and he's trying to make himself believe that. But if he waits too long, he's going to have his heart broken when Hermione finds someone else. Going out on a date with you is only going to make things more difficult later."
"You say that like they're the only two people in the world for each other," Tonks countered.
"They may not be, but sometimes like with your father and I, you just know. I haven't been out with a man since your father died, not because I don't want to but because I know no other man will measure up. The way people talk about Harry and Hermione I believe they have that kind of relationship."
"So, it's not just because you're too old to date?" Tonks asked with a teasing grin.
"No Nymphadora..." Andi replied with a smile and a dangerous look in her eyes.
12 February 1999
Harry stared up at the ceiling of his bed and let out a breath. He wanted to be excited about tomorrow but all he felt was uneasy. He knew why he just didn't want to say it. He didn't want to admit that he was worried about upsetting Hermione by going out with Tonks. But that resistance only hardened his resolve, he believed if he went on his date, he could banish these feelings for Hermione forever. Harry didn't want to believe he would never get over her.
13 February 1999
Hermione woke up and groaned. She did not enjoy waking up in the morning these days. Every day was one day closer to Valentine's Day. She'd never paid the tradition much mind before becoming a teenager – oh sure her dad would get her some heart shaped lollies when she was little but that was it. No boy had paid any attention to the buck toothed bushy haired bookworm when she was in muggle school. But then she'd come to Hogwarts and after going to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, boys had started to notice her. And then she hit her growth spurt between fourth and fifth year and started developing curves that rivalled Daphne Greengrass and Susan Bones and the boys were suddenly even more interested. All the boys except the one she wanted.
And now because she'd opened her big mouth, she'd never get the boy she wanted. Oh, they were friendly enough, a couple of days after they'd blown up at each other Harry started sitting with her at meals again, the day after he joined her to study in the library. He'd smile that damnable smile that all the girls loved, and they'd talk about school. But Hermione felt shut out of his life. He didn't talk to her about important things like he used too, there was a distance between them, and Hermione had no idea if she'd ever be able to fix it.
Eventually Hermione dragged herself out of bed and applied some light make-up and combed her once untamable hair. Today everyone was going to Hogsmeade, but Hermione wanted time away from the gossip and the romance of Valentine's, so she decided this was the perfect excuse to go visit her parents.
It was too cold to stand outside so Hermione waited in the entrance hall for the last carriage, as it would be the emptiest and least likely to have any couples fawning over each other. As it was it looked like she would have the carriage to herself. That was until Hermione spotted Harry walking down the stairs, he was dressed in a leather jacket that she'd given him, a green dress shirt, jeans and Dragon hide boots that Andi had bought him. He gave her a small smile as Professor Flitwick directed them to the last carriage. Harry did the gentlemanly thing and helped Hermione up the steps before climbing in himself. Harry sat opposite Hermione and the two sat in awkward silence as the vehicle began rolling.
"So... you're going on a date?" Harry asked tentatively, he could feel the fear building inside him. He tried to fight it down, reminding himself that today was about moving on from Hermione with Tonks, but the fear was unmoved.
Hermione frowned, she wanted to lie and rub his face in it for rejecting her. But then she remembered he was the one who'd been wronged, Hermione didn't want to hurt him more than she had already, so she shook her head. "No, I'm going home to see my parents."
"Oh... Um, I'm sure they'll be glad to see you," Harry replied as the fear disappeared and a happy little balloon rose inside him.
Hermione nodded. "And you?"
"Oh... I um, I'm going on a... date, with Tonks," Harry explained trying to sound confident but failing miserably in front of the one person that knew him almost as well as he knew himself.
"You mean Nymphadora right? Not Andromeda?" Hermione asked seeking clarity and making her best attempt not to look upset. She had no claim to his heart, if he wanted to date Tonks that wasn't her business. Even if it felt like he'd just ripped her heart out of her chest.
"Of course, Nymphadora! I mean, Andi's not unattractive, she's very attractive. Not that Tonks isn't a-and you're pretty too... oh bloody hell..."
As Harry buried his head in his arms, Hermione chuckled and blushed. She was happy to be told she was pretty in the same conversation in which Andi's name came up. Like all the women in the Black family she looked much younger than her age would indicate. Not that anyone would dare ask Andi her age, not if they wanted to live to see their next birthday.
"It's okay Harry, I just wanted to be sure," Hermione said but then paused as the carriage stopped. "Oh, here we are."
The two climbed out and walked over to the designated apparition point near the village. Hermione forced a smile on her face. "Have fun on your... date."
Harry nodded but as he apparated away Hermione didn't see happiness reflected on his face, instead he looked conflicted and a little sad. But as she focused on her own apparition, Hermione dismissed it as wishful thinking.
Leaky Cauldron, London
Harry dropped into the alley behind the Leaky and smoothed out his clothes, checking himself over before entering the bar. He smiled when he spotted Tonks at one of the tables and walked over. Tonks was easy to like and even if this didn't go anywhere, Harry knew he'd have a good time.
"Good morning Tonks," Harry said as he walked up to her table.
"Good morning Harry, you're looking very handsome today," Tonks replied as she looked up from her table and returned Harry's smile and joined him in walking out of the bar and down towards the Odeon Covent Garden.
Harry brought Tonks to see Madeline. He thought she would appreciate the comedic and warm-hearted nature of the film. After buying a big bunch of popcorn and some drinks the two found their seats. Tonks's hand brushed Harry's as she reached for her drink and their eyes met, they were both smiling but Harry's smile didn't reach his eyes. As the screening rolled on Harry found himself smiling less. He enjoyed the movie, he enjoyed hanging out with Tonks, but it wasn't a date. Harry was using the smile he saved for Ginny and Romilda Vane. Tonks deserved better than that. It wasn't the smile he would have used if he'd been here with Hermione.
As they exited the theatre Tonks glanced at Harry. "So, do you want to grab something to eat?"
"Uh... actually could we talk first?"
Tonks nodded and Harry led them to a nearby cafe. Once Tonks had a cup of tea and Harry had an iced coffee he spoke. "I'm sorry Tonks, I thought what I needed was to move on from Hermione. But all this date has done is made me realise how much I wish Hermione was here. Not that I didn't have fun with you but... this really isn't a date..."
Tonks looked aghast as tears welled in her eyes slamming her hands on the table. "What do you mean this isn't a date! I need this to work Harry, I'm pinning my future on you! I already had my dress and the date of our wedding picked out! And now you're leaving me for another woman?! You bastard!"
Harry looked mortified as the other patrons of the cafe looked on confused before Tonks burst out laughing. She smiled after she regained control of herself. "I'm just messing with my friend. We're okay."
Harry had his head buried in his hands as his shoulders shook from laughter, eventually he leaned back in his chair and wiped his eyes. "That was mean..."
Tonks grinned at him. "Maybe, but it was way to good an opportunity to pass up. I'm glad you figured out what you want Harry. You're special to me and my family – hell you are family and not just because we're related through blood. I got two good things from my relationship with Remus, Teddy and you as his Godfather."
"Thanks. I'm glad you and Andi are in my life too, given how my relationship with parts of the Weasley family have soured..."
Tonks shrugged. "If they can't respect you for who you are, they're not worth your time. Be the best you, you can be, don't try to be anyone else."
Harry smiled and nodded. "I hope it's okay if I go back to Hogwarts now..."
"It's fine Harry, go tell that silly girl you love her." Tonks replied with a grin.
Harry nodded again and left. As Tonks sat minding her tea, she sighed wondering if she'd ever find her Harry. Given Harry was taken she figured probably not.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
It was mid afternoon by the time Hermione arrived back at Hogwarts. As soon as she walked into the nearly empty common room, she got a surprise. Harry was sitting at their preferred study desk working on an essay. Hermione crossed the room and sat down in front of him, causing Harry to look up. "Hey, how did your home visit go?"
"It was fine. Mum and Dad had plans for tonight, so I got kicked out." Seeing the worried look on Harry's face she added. "I didn't tell them I was coming so I don't blame them for not changing their plans to suit me. Speaking of plans, weren't you out on your date?"
"I was... but it ended early, we weren't clicking. We're friends and that's the way it should stay," Harry replied with a smile.
"Oh..." Hermione responded trying not to sound too pleased while doing a happy dance in her head.
Harry shrugged. "It's okay, it's tough to find the right person you want to spend time with."
"It is..." Hermione replied weakly.
"So, do you want to finish homework with me? I need to check over my Ancient Runes essay next."
Hermione nodded eagerly and rushed up to her dorm room. Once there she permitted herself a moment to do a quiet happy dance. Harry wasn't dating Tonks; she still had a chance with him! She just needed to plan it right. Hermione knew she'd been gifted a second chance and she couldn't mess it up because she wouldn't get a third.
There was a long line of bedraggled looking Gryffindor's who traipsed through the common room to the dorms later that day. A late rainstorm ruined the dates of everyone who chose to go to Hogsmeade. By the time Harry and Hermione finished their homework they were the only ones left in the common room. They were sitting at either end of their usual couch as the Wizarding Wireless played quietly in the background.
"I felt sorry for Colin today, he looked flummoxed." Hermione opined.
"It's not fair of Ginny to drag Colin around pretending she's interested in him. She'll never give up pursuing me. I'll probably be at my wedding and she'll burst in begging me to call it off and her mother will be there encouraging her," Harry said with a bitter smile on his lips. "She probably spent the entire day walking around Hogsmeade looking for me."
"No doubt," Hermione agreed.
Harry let out a breath and tipped his head back. 'I have to be brave... if Hermione rejects me so be it...' "When I said things didn't work out between Tonks and I, I didn't tell you why it didn't work out."
Hermione lowered her head. "It's okay Harry, you don't have to tell me things. It's your life, I'm not entitled to know everything you do or every thought you have."
"But when those thoughts involve you it's important you know," Harry replied sliding over to sit next to her, but with enough room for her to get up if she wanted.
"What? Why were you thinking about me?!" Hermione exclaimed as Harry smiled gently resting his hand on hers.
"Because I love you." he explained quietly pausing for a beat before continuing. "What you said to Lavender and Pavarti hurt, but what would hurt worse would be seeing you with someone else. I don't want there to be anyone else for either of us. I wanted you to know how I feel. I hope you feel the same, but I under..."
Hermione pressed a finger against Harry's lips as she swung herself over to straddle his lap. "Shut up and kiss me."
Harry grinned and complied, letting his hands rest on her hips. After a few minutes they broke apart, both grinning madly. "So, does that mean...?"
Hermione rolled her eyes and leaned to place another kiss against his lips. "Harry, I am madly in love with you. I want to be your girlfriend and so much more and I have for ages. Now..." Hermione stated tugging him off the couch. "Do you have the map and cloak?"
"Of course, why?"
"It's time for bed." Hermione announced as she dragged him towards the portrait hole.
"But... that's not the way to the dorm rooms..." Harry pointed out.
"This is the way to a place where we won't be disturbed and won't get in trouble in the morning," Hermione explained as she dragged Harry through the portrait hole and into the corridor where he promptly draped the invisibility cloak over them. It was a much more snug fit for the two than when they were eleven. Not that either of them minded.
When they entered the Room of Requirement, Hermione explained shyly, "This is my room at home..."
Harry smiled glancing around at the blue walled room lined with bookshelves. Against one wall there was a study desk and in the furthest corner from the bed a reading chair. There was a bench seat under the window and a four-poster bed in the centre of the room. "It's very you."
Hermione grinned pulling him over to the bed and pushing him down, climbing on top. "Hey!"
"Shut up Potter, I've been waiting three years for this, I won't wait any longer."
Hermione cupped his face and dragged her hands down to his chest. "I love you Harry."
Harry rested his hands on her hips. "I love you too, Hermione."
Lavender and Parvati sat in the Great Hall the next morning Parvati nudged her best friend. "Do you think we should tell someone that Hermione didn't go to bed last night?"
"Not yet. If she doesn't appear for breakfast, then yes." Lavender replied with a shake of her head.
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that..." Parvati replied, nodding towards the entrance of the hall. When Lavender looked up, she saw Harry and Hermione enter, both looked ruffled but pleased and holding hands. The morning light was glinting off the necklace Harry gave her. Lavender and Parvati glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. The fight for Harry, if it was one to begin with was over and Hermione had won. They could see Ginny glaring daggers at Hermione. It was going to be a long four and a half months in Gryffindor Tower.
Thirteen Years Later...
Platform 9 3/4
It was always an event when Minister Hermione Potter and her celebrity chef husband stepped out into public. But today was even more special. The first Potter child since Harry was starting his first year at Hogwarts. James Daniel Potter, named for his grandparents, had to shield his eyes as half a dozen flashbulbs went off in his face. The family's Auror escort quickly shooed the press away as the rest of the family, his parents, his younger siblings, Lily Luna and Sirius Orion entered. Alongside them were Lord Neville and Lady Daphne Longbottom along with their daughter Isabella – if anyone but her parents or Aunty Hermione call her that you'll get a kick in the ankle – who looked miserable because her favourite cousin was going to Hogwarts and she wouldn't be going for another year. It wasn't a crush despite her mother's assertions otherwise.
Hermione knelt and brushed her son's unruly hair out his face. Both Potter's had untameable hair, but James seemed to have inherited his father's messy style and green eyes and his mother's hair colour and talent for books. All three Potter children had inherited their parent's talent for magic and ability to get in trouble. Headmistress McGonagall had ordered an extra crate of Fire Whiskey, something she hadn't had to do since the Weasley Twins – who were there with their spouses seeing off their kids – enrolled.
"You'll be on your best behaviour, won't you?" Hermione asked for what felt like the hundredth time.
"Yes Mum, I promise," A slightly exasperated James replied.
"Make sure you write, or your Mum will be up at the castle with the entire Auror corps," Harry said as he gently pried Hermione away from their son.
James looked slightly scared at the suggestion and was only more fearful when he saw the slightly manic look in his mum's eyes, as if his mother was considering the idea. As he pulled his trunk towards an open door on the train, he ran into someone. A girl about his age fell to the ground dropping her trunk and letting the cat carrier on top tumble to the ground, eliciting hisses from the feline inside. James rushed to the girl's side abandoning his own trunk in the process. "I'm sorry, are you ok?"
The girl with plum coloured hair and light blue eyes looked uncertain, as a boy with the prettiest green eyes she'd ever seen offered his hand to help her up. She nodded and stood up brushing off her clothes and collecting the cat carrier. "It's okay Celine, it's okay." After soothing her pet, she turned to James. "I'm so sorry, it's so busy and this is my first time in the magical world aside from when the Professor took me to get my school things and... um... sorry I tend to babble when I'm nervous."
James smiled brightly, rubbing the back of his head. "It's ok, I'm James!"
"Emma, Emma Millstein." Emma replied, smiling shyly.
"W-would you like to share a compartment; this is my first time going to Hogwarts too and it would be nice to spend the train ride with a friend. I-I mean if that's okay with you."
Emma gave a firm nod. "I'd like that."
After Harry, Neville, and James lifted the children's trunks onto the train the group said their goodbyes and waited until the train left. Harry was holding Hermione as it faded into the distance. "Your son is going to get that girl into all sorts of trouble."
"Probably, but he'll have his smart and pretty best friend to save his butt when he gets into trouble."
Hermione tilted her head back to give her husband a peck on the lips. "As it should be."
The End
Disclaimer: Emma Millstein and Celine are characters from the Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel series and all rights belong to Falcom Games.
Where the Wild Roses Grow 18 is still coming, I'm waiting for my editor to finish their changes and send it back to me. Once I've gone over it, made the changes they've suggested, and we've agreed on a final version I'll post it. It's a process which will hopefully make me a better writer.