AU! No Voldemort.

WRITTEN FOR QLFC, SEASON 9

Puddlemere United, Chaser 1

Pairing: Rabastan/Regulus

Prompts:

(action) tripping over something

(colour) teal

(object) glowstick

Word Count: 3000

Sprinting through the Slytherin common room, Rabastan's foot caught on the edge of the silver rug. A high-pitched squeal escaped him as he went sprawling onto the ground. Regulus snorted and kicked his ankle. Rabastan turned his head to glare at him.

"Serves you right for running like a madman," Regulus taunted, wiping the sweat off his brow. They'd just finished a gruelling round of Quidditch practice. All Regulus wanted now was a nice, long relaxing bath.

"Oh, shut up," Rabastan said. He rolled onto his back before sitting up to rub his ankle. He scooted closer to the green sofa and reached his hand underneath it as if he had spotted something.

"What is it?" Regulus asked, walking up behind him.

It was a small vial with light-pink liquid inside. Regulus' brow furrowed; he wondered what the potion could be.

"Should I drink it?" Rabastan asked, grinning over his shoulder at Regulus. His short black strands were plastered to his forehead, and his face was flushed, his eyes shining with mischief.

"No! You don't know what it is—you don't know where it's been," Regulus said, scowling at him. Rabastan had always had no impulse control, and it had often landed him—and inadvertently, Regulus—in trouble.

Rabastan's lips jutted out in a pout, and Regulus' scowl darkened. Regulus shook his head and said, "No, Rabastan. You're not going to drink the potion. If anything happens to you, you can't blame me for not stopping you."

"But it's so pretty," Rabastan murmured, his lower lip trembling on purpose. Regulus knew the look; Rabastan always used it to convince him to go along with his convoluted plans and completely stupid ideas—and Regulus often ended up agreeing.

"I don't care if it's pretty," Regulus said, reaching forward to grab the vial, but Rabastan yanked it away. "You can't just drink any random potion lying around the common room. What if it's cursed?"

"Ugh, you're such a killjoy," Rabastan grumbled. He swirled the potion around in the vial before his face lit up with a huge grin.

Regulus knew that grin, too. He groaned and dropped his head in his hands. "Rab, no."

"Rab, yes!" Rabastan let out an evil cackle. He shot to his feet. "Come on, Reggie. Let's get Barty to drink it."

Regulus muttered an expletive under his breath but followed him out the common room. He knew if he didn't follow him, Rabastan was sure to end up in even more trouble.

~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~~o~

Deafening cries echoed throughout the dark hallway, and Regulus glanced around in a panic. No one was around, but the baby's screams were sure to summon everyone in a five-mile radius. Regulus flailed his arms and hissed, "Rab, shut him up! Someone will catch us!"

"I'm trying," Rabastan cried, close to tears himself. He awkwardly thumped the blond baby's back and sobbed. "Shh, Barty, you're alright. You're okay; you're not in any pain. You're just a baby. Relax. Please, I beg of you!"

Barty's wails increased in both pitch and volume, his clenched fists flailing around and almost thwacking Rabastan's nose. Regulus grabbed Rabastan's arm and yanked him into the nearest classroom. He cried, "What are we supposed to do now, genius? This is what happens when you force Barty to drink things he shouldn't!"

"How was I to know it was an Anti-Ageing potion? It didn't look anything like it," Rabastan whined, bouncing on the balls of his feet and trying to calm their Ravenclaw best friend. Barty's wailing was louder and more terrifying than anything the Slytherins had ever heard; Regulus hadn't even heard his mother scream this loud. Neither boy had any experience whatsoever with a baby; therefore, they had no idea what to do to soothe Barty.

"Okay, let me think," Regulus said, covering his ears and clenching his eyes shut. He needed to concentrate and come up with a plan. He took deep breaths in, ignoring Barty's thunderous screams.

"Do something!" Rabastan cried.

"I'm trying! Merlin, let me think!" Finally, an idea popped into Regulus' mind. He gasped as his eyes snapped open. "I've got it! We need to get him to someone who knows how to make an Ageing Potion. That means Snape," Regulus said, straightening his shoulders to look more confident than he felt.

"Yes, great idea! Let's go!" Rabastan turned to walk towards the door, but Regulus cleared his throat pointedly, stopping him in his tracks. Rabastan pivoted on his heels. "What?"

"How are we going to reach the dungeons without alerting the entire castle to this...this incident? Barty's screaming at the top of his lungs, Rab. He could wake the dead!"

"Oh, yeah. Hold on," Rabastan said and shifted Barty onto his hip. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the baby. Before Regulus could stop him, Rabastan said, "Silencio."

The baby's voice immediately disappeared even though his face was still scrunched up. Regulus gasped. "You shouldn't cast spells on a baby, Rab! It's inhumane!"

"Mother used that spell on me a lot of times, Reggie. I'm fine. Barty will be fine," Rabastan said, rolling his eyes.

"You're not fine. You're the furthest thing from fine that it's not even funny," Regulus grumbled. Before Rabastan could argue with him, Regulus shoved him towards the door. "Let's just go. We'll discuss your strange parenting skills later."

They snuck through the hallways, peering around the corners. Surprisingly, despite the ruckus, no one had come to investigate. Barty's little mouth was still open in a silent scream, his gums visible. Rabastan absentmindedly rubbed Barty's back and continued tiptoeing towards the Slytherin dormitories.

When they gave the gargoyle the password and entered the common room, Regulus realised they had a problem. The common room was full of students. Some sat by the fireplace doing their homework, while others were playing Exploding Snap near the desks.

There was no way Regulus and Rabastan could make their way to Snape's room without being seen with Barty.

"I have an idea," Rabastan hissed. Regulus twisted his neck to frown at him, wondering what stupid idea had formed in his head now. To Regulus' mortification, Rabastan yanked Barty against his chest, smothered him with his black robes, and whispered, "Okay, we can go now. He's hidden."

"You look like you're pregnant," Regulus hissed, shaking his head. There was no way their plan would work.

"Well, don't be jealous that I look good pregnant. Now, let's run."

"I never said you looked good pregnant," Regulus protested but gave up when Rabastan marched forward, ignoring him entirely. He closed his eyes and whispered a prayer to Merlin. "Please, let this work."

Rabastan let out a war-like cry and sprinted towards the stairs, the baby bouncing against his chest. No one even batted an eye; they were all used to Rabastan's strange antics.

On the other hand, Regulus kept his cool as he walked through the crowded room, pretending everything was perfectly fine. No one looked at him either, and once Regulus reached the stairs, he sighed in relief.

"See? We did it!" Rabastan said, pulling Barty out of his robes. He held Barty up, and his voice suddenly turned high-pitched and cooing. "Didn't we, Barty? Yes, we did."

"Please, stop talking to him like that." Regulus rolled his eyes and knocked on the door of Snape's dorm. Fortunately, the older Slytherin had his own quarters as he had graduated from Hogwarts the previous year and was now Slughorn's Apprentice.

"Snape? Are you in there?" Regulus called out.

"What do you want?" Snape's harsh voice called out from inside.

"It's an emergency. Could we come in?" Regulus asked, patiently waiting. Rabastan continued babbling to Barty, even giving him a kiss on his nose. Barty smacked Rabastan's chin with his fist, tears still streaming down his face.

"Fine, but make it quick," Snape said, opening the door and letting them in.

It was only when they entered the room that Snape's eyes landed on the baby in Rabastan's arms. He stiffened and pointed a finger at Barty. "What. Is. That?"

"It's called a baby, Snape. I'm sure you've at least heard of them," Regulus said, closing the door and hurrying over to Rabastan's side.

"I know what a baby is, Black," Snape snapped, glaring at him. "What I meant to say is…"

"This is Barty," Rabastan said cheerfully, flipping Barty around to face Snape. "Say hi to Snape, Barty."

"What is he doing here? Why is he a baby? What's going on?" Snape demanded, his scowl darkening when Rabastan used Barty's hand to wave at him. "Stop waving the baby at me, Lestrange."

"Aww, another killjoy," Rabastan said, hugging Barty to his chest.

Regulus ignored him and turned to Snape. "Rabastan forced him to drink a potion he found lying in the common room—"

"So that's where my project went!" Snape snarled, whirling around to glare at Rabastan. If he had been wearing his robes, Regulus was sure they would have billowed around his ankles.

Rabastan gnashed his teeth together apologetically, but Snape's glare didn't lessen.

"Do you know how hard I worked on that project? Do you two dunderheads even understand that I'm an Apprentice? I'm not a student. It took me two months to—"

Regulus quickly interrupted Snape. "We understand you worked very hard, but now we're stuck with a baby. Is there any way you can help us?"

"Why should I help you? You stole my potion and force-fed it to him." Snape pointed his long forefinger at Barty, who was still crying. "And did you Silence him? Do you even know what it can do to a child's vocal cords?"

"Barty keeps crying, and we didn't know what else to do," Rabastan said, swinging Barty around like a sack of potatoes. "We're not experts at this. Please, help us."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose before he said, "You are an imbecile."

"Yes, we know he's an imbecile, but you're to blame, too, you know?" Regulus said.

"What. Do. You. Mean?" Snape hissed, his eyes narrowing in on Regulus.

Regulus was a consummate Slytherin, after all. He smirked and leaned against the wall, glancing at his nails in a practised move. "You're the one who left your highly dangerous potion in the common room. What would have happened if a poor innocent firstie had found it instead of us? I'm sure you would have been in deep trouble..."

Snape stared at Regulus, and Regulus stared right back. A few tense moments later, Snape sneered. "Very well. I'll help you, but only if you keep this little...incident between us."

"Deal," Regulus said. He walked closer to Rabastan and asked Snape, "How long will it take for him to change back?"

"The antidote will be ready in five hours. Stay here. Remove the Silencing Charm from the child and keep him entertained. I'll be back soon." Snape pulled on his robes and stormed towards the door. He looked over his shoulder at them before shaking his head.

Regulus worked on Silencing the room, while Rabastan placed Barty down on the bed with a loud huff.

"Merlin, you're heavy, Barty. What do you eat? Rocks?" Rabastan muttered, removing the Silencing Charm from him. Immediately, Barty's shrieks resonated through the room, but fortunately, no one outside seemed to hear.

"How are we supposed to entertain him when we don't even know how to shut him up?" Regulus demanded, pacing back and forth in the spacious room. He ran his fingers through his hair, almost yanking out the strands in his panic.

"Oh, I know! Here, watch him," Rabastan said before hopping off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Regulus asked, hurrying over to Barty's side before he could roll off the bed. "You can't just leave a child unattended."

"I'm the cool parent, you're the strict one," Rabastan said absentmindedly. He darted to the door and called out over his shoulder, "I'll be right back."

Regulus huffed but waited, keeping his eyes trained on Barty. The baby sat there, rocking back and forth, his mouth open as he continued sniffling.

A few moments later, Rabastan came back into the room. He pulled out a narrow box from under the bed and blew off the dust covering it. "Aha! Behold!"

And then, to Regulus' surprise, Rabastan pulled out three thin sticks from the box and held them up like they were a treasure.

"What are these? I don't know, so don't ask me," Rabastan said, handing one of the sticks to Barty, whose tears slightly subsided as he grabbed hold of it.

"What are you doing with them then?"

"I don't know. Arthur Weasley sold them to me a couple of years ago when I was going through my rebellious 'buy-everything-Muggle' phase. Said that they glow. I've never been able to get them to work, though. Still, I couldn't just throw them away because I paid for them," Rabastan said with a shrug. He crawled onto the bed, holding the other two sticks in his hand.

When Rabastan handed him the other stick, Regulus flicked it in his hand and frowned when nothing happened. "These are useless," he whined. "Weasley ripped you off."

Rabastan scrunched his nose in annoyance and said, "Well, at least Barty's having fun."

Regulus looked at the baby, who was inspecting the stick with his hands. And then, Barty used both his fists to tug on the stick. It cracked, and to Regulus' and Rabastan's surprise, the stick began to glow a bright green.

"Oh, it does work," Rabastan said, his eyes widening with excitement. "Barty, you little genius! We're supposed to break it!"

Barty stared at the stick before waving it around. The stick began to glow even more, and he let out an excited squeal. He waved the stick around, slicing it through the air easily.

"Ooh, stick fight!" Rabastan cried. He snapped his piece into two and whooped at the bright blue colour. "This is amazing! Muggles have their own version of magic."

Regulus' lips twitched as Rabastan gently thwacked Barty's head with his stick. Barty's face scrunched up as if he were about to cry, but then, he pulled his arm back and sent his glowstick flying at Rabastan's head.

Fortunately for Rabastan, he was the Slytherin Keeper for a reason. He whooped and caught the glowstick in his hand. "Barty, you can't just throw things at us. Play with it."

When Rabastan handed the glowstick to Barty, the baby flung it at Rabastan's head again. Regulus chuckled and said, "He doesn't want to play with you."

"Well, he doesn't want to play with you either," Rabastan taunted, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll play with me," Regulus said, smirking at Rabastan.

"Prove it."

Regulus' smirk widened at the challenge, and he snapped his glowstick. A bright teal light began to appear, and Barty's eyes widened. He murmured, "Ooh."

Regulus carefully waved the stick in front of Barty's face, and the latter seemed to be hypnotised by the colour; Regulus knew it was his favourite. Barty reached forward to grab the stick, but Regulus kept it just out of reach. Regulus playfully poked Barty's belly with the glowstick, and Barty giggled and tried to cover his stomach.

"See? Barty likes playing with me," Regulus taunted Rabastan, looking over his shoulder at his best friend. "You're the idiot who got him in this mess, and that's why he doesn't want to play with you."

Rabastan harrumphed and yanked the teal glowstick from Regulus' hand. He pulled out his wand and said, "If he likes this colour so much, he's going to love this."

And then, because Rabastan had no impulse control, he pointed his wand at the glowstick and said, "Engorgio."

The teal-green glowstick slowly began expanding, and Regulus thought, 'Okay, that's not too bad.'

But then, it exploded. Rabastan cried out in surprise and dropped the shattered glowstick, but the liquid squirted straight onto his hands and shirt. Covered in the teal-green chemical, Rabastan stood there, his round eyes shocked against his glowing teal skin.

Regulus picked up a crying Barty and clutched him to his chest, making sure the liquid hadn't spilt on him. He glared at Rabastan before demanding, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just surprised me a bit." Rabastan wiped the liquid off his shirt and winced. "Ow, it stings!"

"Clean it up, you idiot! Merlin knows what was in that thing! What if you die?" Regulus cried, and his tone caused Barty to cry even louder. Regulus bounced Barty on his hip and shushed him. "It's okay, Barty. You know Rab. He was just trying to make you happy. That's all."

Rabastan groaned and said, "Evanesco." Immediately, the liquid disappeared, but a disgusting smell still wafted from his clothes.

"Merlin, you stink, Rab," Regulus said, gagging and covering his nose with his hand. He had never smelt anything so vile before; even Hippogriff dung smelt better than this. "Do something."

"Scourgify," Rabastan said, flicking his wand a few times. The smell disappeared, and the boys both sighed in relief.

"Don't try that again," Regulus said, almost begging Rabastan. He clutched Barty to his chest, worrying for the baby's safety.

"Yeah, I won't." Rabastan's grin was wide as he moved closer to Regulus and plucked Barty from his arms. "Let's do something else, Barty. Ooh, do you want to play hide and seek in here?"

Despite Rabastan's reassurance, Regulus knew it wouldn't be long before Rabastan found something else to entertain himself with. Regulus had had enough adventure for the day—or maybe the year—and it still wasn't over yet. He swore to himself he would never get caught up in Rabastan's little schemes again, but who was he kidding? Rabastan always got his way.

As Regulus watched Rabastan toss Barty into the air and almost drop him, he thought, 'I really hope Barty remembers this when he's back to normal. I can't wait to see him hex Rab. It'll serve the git right.'