A/N: Gensokyo Festival 2020 Day 16 prompt: Nightmares.

I was running for my life, chased by unshapely monsters. And then, with a sudden intake of breath, I woke up. My heart pounding in my chest, I clumsily fumbled for my phone on my bedside table.

It's 3:39am.

Again? I wasn't even asleep 20 minutes…

I stumble out of bed and flick on the lights with an urgency more befitting that of a young child scared of a monster under her bed than a 20-something year-old grownup.

Renko finds me in the washroom, frantically splashing cold water on my face.

"Merry?" my roommate asks sleepily, half-suppressing a yawn. "Is something the matter?"

My frazzled, sleep-deprived face stares back at me in the mirror. I haven't been able to get any decent sleep for the last several days, and my mind is just an unfocused, noisy mess. I still don't feel fully awake.

I throw another double-handful of cold water on my face.

"Urghhhh, I just want to sleep," I murmur.

"Still having nightmares?" asks Renko, her brow wrinkling with concern. She gently turns me around, pressing a hand to my wet forehead.

"Uhhhh Renko, if you're checking for a fever, I literally just splashed cold water on that, so…"

Renko blinks. "Oh right. Well, it was worth a shot."

My heart is still pounding from the nightmare. I take a deep breath and let it out, trying to calm myself.

Renko squints at me, taking a closer look at me. "Though, I suppose, considering your eyes, we ought to be extra careful about nightmares."

I chuckle dryly. "I suppose so."

Renko takes me to her bedroom, turns on the lights, and digs out one of those digital thermometers that she had lying around somewhere. She sits me on her bed and sticks the thermometer underneath my shoulder.

After it beeps, she takes it out. "Hm, 37.4," she says, showing me the display. "That's a slight fever."

"Really?" I murmur, rubbing my arm. "That's normal, isn't it? And I feel cold, not hot."

"Well, that's how it usually is with fevers." Renko puts the thermometer away. "But if you do have a fever, that might be reason to be concerned. Do you think you got infected after all?"

I pull up the sleeve on my nightgown, exposing the small cut on my forearm that I got several days ago. "Really?" I murmur doubtfully. "From something as minor as this? It healed almost right away, I didn't even need a bandage."

"But for an ecosystem as exotic as Torifune, there's no knowing what kind of unusual lifeforms might have been there," says Renko, staring at my arm with a serious expression. "If you did accidentally bring back something from there, hmmm, could be dangerous. Especially if it happened to be something that could spread easily, and something humans haven't developed an immune resistance to."

"Oh," I say. "Oh."

Renko glances at me and smiles reassuringly. "No need to look so frightened, Merry. If this actually is something from Torifune and not just a flu you picked up from somewhere, most likely it would only be transmissible blood-to-blood contact, since you got it and I didn't. So it's not like you're gonna be a patient zero of a pandemic or anything, don't worry about it."

"That's not exactly very reassuring," I say shakily. "I mean, I was the only one could be physically hurt while there. You got off scot-free. Maybe if you had actually been physically there, you might have picked up this… bug, too."

Renko nods. "Fair point. Okay, let's take a visit to the hospital tomorrow, then, get you checked up."

"Tomorrow?"

"Well, technically today," says Renko, glancing at the digital clock sitting on her bedside table. "Actually, here, I'll schedule something." She picks up her phone and starts rapidly typing away. "Okay, I booked you an appointment for 3pm later today. Isn't modern technology amazing?" She beams.

"Oh. Okay, thanks, I guess." I pick up her phone and take a glance at the confirmation page. "I don't remember telling you the password to my health insurance account, though?"

"You mentioned it offhandedly 4 months 16 days ago."

"Hm? Ah… Okay, I think I vaguely remember that. I should probably change my password then, I guess."

"You should."

I'll do it, later, of course. I hand the phone back to her.

"So, what do you wanna do now?" asks Renko.

"I would very much like to sleep," I say. "I'm exhausted. But my nightmares are making that impossible, so I guess that's no good, then."

"I think we've discussed before," says Renko, raising a finger, "the idea that your dreams might not really be just dreams, but actual places you're visiting. But if this is the case, what happens to your body while you're sleeping? REM sleep is an important part of memory consolidation and daytime wakefulness, but if you're actually fully awake out visiting other places when you should be having REM sleep, that may be affecting the quality of your sleep." Renko tilts her head. "Do you notice any difference in the quality of your usual dreams and your 'visiting' dreams?"

"Um?" That's an odd question. "I'm not really sure I notice anything different about my dreams. They're just… my dreams. It's not like there are two different categories of dreams. That I've noticed, in any case."

"True, true," says Renko, looking thoughtful. "If your dreams have been like this as long as you remember, you wouldn't know anything that there was anything different about them compared to the rest of us ordinary people. Qualia, etc. Are your dreams usually lucid, though? You're aware that it's a dream when you're dreaming?"

"Lucid?" I repeat, frowning. "Not… usually? It's like, if I realize it's a dream, usually I remember it's a dream. But most of the time, I don't realize that it's a dream until after I wake up."

"Hmm, that seems like the rest of us, at least," says Renko. She frowns, and then glances at me again. "Then, another question: Do you think you're awake right now, Merry?"

"Well of course—" I pause. Wait, am I really sure? Well… Yes, I am awake. Normally, in dreams, I don't remember how I got there. But I can clearly remember waking up, going to the washroom, Renko finding me in the washroom… I flex my hands, staring at it. That seems normal. I glance around at Renko's room. Astronomy posters, various supernatural trinkets and newspaper clipping scattered around the walls and on the bulletin board above her desk. It's like I remember.

But even though I know that I should be awake, there's just a very nagging unreal feeling about everything, as if I'm still not fully awake, that I still can't quite shake off. My first thought was this was just the sleep deprivation speaking, but now I'm not sure…

Renko appears to see the rising feeling of panic on my face, because she puts a hand on my shoulder and says, "Ah, I don't mean to freak you out or anything. It's not a trick question. I think you're awake, in any case."

"Oh," I say, glancing around the room. "Um. But now that you mention it, this doesn't feel completely real. For some reason."

"Hm," says Renko, as if an idea suddenly occurred to her. "Hold that thought. Be right back." She gets up, opens the door, and hurries out into the hallway. I hear her open the door to my bedroom in the hallway, and then shut it again.

She comes back. "Well, I checked your bed, and it's empty," she says, glancing back at the hallway.

"Huh?" I make a face. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, maybe you astral projected yourself to the washroom while you were still asleep!" says Renko, grinning. "It's pretty common to have dreams where you think you woke up but actually it's still a dream. Well, combined with your powers, something like that might have happened. That would have been a real neat Merry scenario."

"Oh," I say, putting a hand to my mouth. "That would be weird."

"That'd be pretty cool, I think," says Renko, shutting the door and plopping back on her bed. "But I guess that's not the case. Anyway. There are some tricks you can try to see if you're dreaming or not, but I'm not sure how effective it would be with your dreams. It's worth a shot. For instance, you can try holding your breath. If you can still breathe even when you're holding your breath, then you're probably still dreaming."

I take a deep breath and then hold it. I swam a lot when I was younger, so my lungs are somewhat decent, I suppose. It takes a while before I reach my limit. But finally, I have to gasp for breath.

"Verdict?" asks Renko.

"Probably… not a dream, then," I say.

Renko takes out a notebook. "There are a lot of other things worth considering. Since your dreams aren't usually lucid, the physical state of your brain is probably the same as the rest of us when in REM sleep. But unlike the rest of us, if you really are visiting real places when you're asleep, then your mind isn't procedurally generating the scenery, so there's bound to be fewer continuity errors. That means, with your type of dreams, the book test or the clock test probably wouldn't be as effective…"

Oops, there she goes, she's rambling again. I let out a yawn. (No offense to Renko, of course; I actually find her tangents very interesting, albeit sometimes a bit hard to understand. I'm just very tired right now.)

"You know, I noticed this too when we visited the moon and when we visited the satellite," says Renko, jotting down a couple of notes. "The environment did seem more stable and consistent than in my usual dreams. Interesting…"

"Is that so? Those times, it didn't really feel any different than my usual dreams, though."

Renko turns to me, examining me more closely. She lets out a small gasp. "Ah," she says. "Okay. That's interesting."

"What?"

A contemplative expression appears on Renko's face. "Merry. Hypothetically speaking. Uhh… If there was something a bit concerning and/or scary that you probably don't need to know about, would you rather know, or would you rather not know?"

I blink. "Renko, what kind of question is that?"

"It's a hypothetical question," she says, an impish grin on her face.

That probably means it's not a hypothetical question, then. "Umm… Well, considering how freaked out I am from these recent dreams, along with worrying about possibly being patient zero of a future pandemic, I'm not sure more scary news would be the best idea." I tap my hands together.

I let out a breath. But this is going to bother me, isn't it. And it's not like I'm going to get any more sleep tonight, not without waking up again 15 minutes later or something. "Okay, Renko, let's hear it."

Renko clasps my hand (a move to reassure me, probably), looks right into my eyes, and says: "2020 March 17, 03:57:07 JST."

"Huh?"

"I can see a sky reflected off of your eyes. But the sky isn't in this room. And the sky isn't of the present day, either."

I grip her hand tighter. "What does that mean?"

"Well, the obvious implication is time travel," says Renko. "Although we can't be entirely sure what kind of system it would be. Novikov-style fixed history? Malleable history? Many worlds?" She trails off, she shakes her head. "Ah, but that's not the pressing issue here. The pressing issue is… if even I can see a sky in your eyes, that means even when you're awake, you're still not entirely here. You're still partway there, wherever there is."

"Oh." Is that why I still feel like I'm not entirely awake yet?

"That might also be why you're having more of those 'visiting' dreams than usual," says Renko.

"Oh," I say. "That's not good."

"Ehh," says Renko, shrugging. "I mean, if you've been drifting off to another world, we just need to pull you back to this world a bit. No big deal."

"That sounds easier said than done," I say, grimacing. "It's not like… It's not like I can really control these powers that well, whatever they are. And I've never had this happen when I was awake before. Urghhhh, I just want to sleep… But not if I just end up back in a place with dangerous creatures everywhere."

"That sounds rough," says Renko, sympathetically.

"I liked my dreams a lot better when they just involved visiting a pleasant mansion and getting some tea and cookies," I say, pouting.

There's a short silence.

I glance at my roommate. Actually, there's one thing I want to ask of her, but it's embarrassing. It's not like I'm a child. And it's a childish thing to do, isn't it? It'd be like asking to sleep with your parents after waking up from a nightmare. That would be silly. "Well, I'll have to just manage somehow," I say, standing up, yawning. "I don't want to keep you up, I'm sure you want to sleep, too. G'night…"

"You wanna sleep together?" asks Renko, giving me a knowing look.

I freeze. "U-um," I say, my face heating up. "Okay, you just said that." Seriously, is she a mind reader or something? She's too perceptive, sometimes.

Renko shrugs. "It's worth a shot. Maybe human warmth can serve as a more effective anchor for your subconscious REM wandering."

"I wouldn't want to trouble you…"

"It's no trouble," she says. "And that cut on your arm was kinda my fault anyway, so it's the least I can do to help." She smiles sheepishly.

"Ahhhm." I glance away. "If… If you're okay with me."

"Of course."

"Sh-should I go get my pillow?"

"Yeah, go for it." Renko stands up, following me to the doorway. "I'll leave my desk light on, so if you wake up again, it's not too scary."

One quick trip to my bedroom later, I have my pillow in hand. Renko's room is now a pleasant dimly-lit orange glow colour from the light on her desk. I set my pillow next to Renko's on her bed.

Renko lifts the covers. "Here, get in."

My face heats up from embarrassment. I hesitantly crawl under the covers next to my roommate. "Sorry about this."

"Like I said, no prob."

I settle myself near the edge of the bed, as far away from Renko as I can get without falling off the bed, so that I don't trouble her too much.

"You can get closer, you know," says Renko.

"Uuuuuuum," I say. "Is that okay?"

"Of course." She wraps her arms around me and pulls me all the way to the middle of the bed. My face ends up right pressing right against her chest.

I stiffen at the unexpected closeness. "Um," I stammer. "S-sleeping together is all we're going to be doing, yeah?" Oh god, my face must be so red right now.

Renko pulls back a bit so that we can see each other. She must have noticed, because her face is positively brimming with amusement. "Yeah. Just try to get some rest." She pauses, staring into my eyes more closely. "You know, I think this is working. It's a lot harder to see the sky in your eyes now."

Now that she mentioned it… I'm not sure if I'm just imagining it, but the surroundings around me feel a bit more real. If Renko is noticing a difference, though, then I believe her. "Right. That's good, I guess?"

Renko lets out a yawn. "Seems like a good sign. If you have a nightmare again, I'll be right here. Feel free to wake me up." She hugs me closer. "Try to get some rest now, okay, Merry? 'Night."

Rest? How does she expect me to get some rest when she's holding me this close? My heart is racing like mad in my chest. I swear, I'm not going to be able to get a wink of sleep tonight like this.

…

Two minutes later, I fell asleep.