FALL TO GROW
"Someone once told me,you have to fall in order for you to grow." Addison whispered as she's writing on her diary. "But right now, I don't know if I still have the strength to get up.The man I love left me for good." Then a loud thunder shook her hotel room. "Oh, it's like taking me back to the past. When he went home drunk, dragged me out of the bed, talking aboutthe video, thatI cheated. He threw me out of our brownstone apartment in New York while the rain was pouring so hard." She sighed, tucking the pen in between the pages of her diary, decided to stop because she was hurting so much. Her tears started prickling down her porcelain cheeks where the marks of the past resides. Cold night, yet again. The warmth of her husband was slowly fading away, the only thing Addison could feel for the last three days were cold shoulders.
She flew down to Seattle to win Derek back. She tried so hard to fight for him, to prove him she's still the Addison he met in the summer, the Addison he married and promised love for eternity. At first, she thought that Derek was ready to work things out as he had told her, but those were just his façade words to cover his secret—that he's still seeing the one Addison was jealous of. And yesterday's night, he left her standing alone on the floor of couples, dancing slowly with a romantic music. She felt embarrassed standing there alone, so she walked away to lock herself in the on-call room—to cry her eyes out. And this morning, her heart shattered into millions of pieces, her world crumbled as if it was 3022. A black lace panties were tucked inside Derek's tuxedo's pocket. "Clearly he left me standing there alone, to fvckthe intern." The redhead wiped the bitter tears off her face. "Our marriage is over.It's time for me to move on."
~
Amelia and Link's wedding.
~
"Addison, hi!" Amelia Shepherd-Lincoln excitedly hugged her formersister-in-lawtight. It's been two years since they saw each other, but there closeness, still the same. Amelia never treated Addison as stranger, unlike theman Shepherd. "You look beautiful. You're glowing." Amelia looked at Addison up and down with her glimmering eyes. "Thank you Amy, so are you. Look at you, you're married now. But I still look at you as the little Amy who believes in unicorn." Amelia laughed, hugging Addison again. "I'm glad you came Addie."
"Yeah. I'm gonna regret with the rest of my life to miss your wedding day."
"Thank you. Well then, I'll see you around."
They were at the wedding reception—The Shepherd's family house. Addison found herself walking towards the garden where there's a wooden swing set. She sat down, reminiscing the nights she stayed there, waiting for Derek to come home.Those were their happy times. They both sat there, arms around each other, staring at the moon and writing their future in the stars.
"Elfin."Derek whispered. Addison looked up at him. "I will always look at you the way I look at the moon. Elfin."
Those were the exact words Derek told her the first time they spent the night under the moon and stars.
"Do you also tell that to—" Addison didn't want to say the woman Derek had chosen over her. "No." Derek answered his ex wife straight and profound. The redhead just nodded, then looked at the night skies again. "Amelia's married." She silently muttered, dodging the bullet that would hit her again if she kept digging into the past. Derek was just watching her, leaning her head on the swing's rope. "She's not the little Amelia I used to read bed night storied anymore."
Derek walked closer and asked "May I?" if he could sit down beside Addison on the swing. "Of course." Addison smiled, scooting over to give Derek a space. "Thank you." He sat down, then looked at the skies too. "I'm proud of her you know. She went through a lot, I wasn't in the picture when she faced her dark side. But I'm glad you're there for her Addison. I don't think I was able to thank you enough." Derek held Addison's hand. "Thank youAddie."
"She's like my little sister too. It pains me to see her walking on fire." She stiffened when Derek held her hand tighter. She wanted to pull her hand from her ex husband's grip but at the same time, she just wanna stay at that moment, reminisce the what she had felt when they're still together. Her heart was racing so fast, there's a pain and happiness colliding inside of her, she wanted to explode her emotions in terms of crystal liquid that will fall down from her eyes.
Derek on the other hand, was keeping himself cool even tho he wanted to hug Addison so bad. He wanted to hold her the way he held her in his arms when they were still a happy married couple. He wanted to say— "Can I have this dance, Addison?"But that wasn't what he wanted to say. "I promise, I will be man and not to do what I did to you two years ago."Addison was afraid that Derek would tho."I will hold you until the song stops." Whatever and however Addison did to stop her feelings and not to give in, the soft spot for Derek in her heart won the war.
Wonderful Tonight. That was the song playing in the background. As if it was made for Addison. Made for Derek to compliment how beautiful and wonderful Addison looked that night. She was wearing a silver silk gown, with a plunging neckline, enough to show some details. A slit that ended up to the middle of Addison's flawless thigh. Her hair was tied in a bun but there are some strands, curled in front to accentuate her beautiful face. She was wearing the most simplest makeup Derek had ever seen on her and "You're beautiful. Really beautiful Addison." Derek didn't hold himself to voice out what's in his mind. "Actually, you take my breath away." He was looking straight to Addison's green eyes while telling her those words. "Your eyes, I almost forgot how captivating they are."
"Derek." Addison stopped him. "You cannot do this. Don't make me fall for your trap again and leave me hanging on a cliff with a thin thread."
"I'm sorry." Derek voice started to crack. He's starting to tell Addison what he really meant to say earlier. "I'm sorry Addie. I was a coward. I should've believed you, when you told me you weren't the one on the video with my best friend. I was bastard, I hurt you so bad."
"You're right Derek. You hurt me so bad, you treated me like a stranger. I am still healing those wounds you left me." Addison stepped back from the man who was pouring his heart out, apologising. "Do you know how painful it was for me to see you happy withMeredith? You told me we can work things out, but you worked things out with another woman."
"Addison…" Derek tried to touch Addison but she was stepping back. "Please stay where you are Derek and listen to me because apparently, this is the only chance I've got to make you listen to me for once." She was almost yelling her words. "I picked myself up when you threw me out of our apartment. I was soaking wet from the rain…" And by that time, the rain started pouring upon them. "…walking down the streets of Manhattan."
Derek couldn't imagine, couldn't remember how badly he broke the woman heloves.
"You didn't have any idea what I've been through. You didn't know the beauty of staying under the rain because no one could ever see you crying."
"I'm sorry. I am really sorry Addison. Give me a chance to fulfill my promise. I love you, I still do." Derek walked closer to Addison. Both of their faces were wet,not because of the rain. "You didn't deserve what I've done to you. If only I could turn back the time, I would. I'd take that chance to correct my mistake." And then Addison's voice echoed inside Derek's head like "Apparently, we cannot correct the mistakes we've done. Let's just learn from it." When they were still in med school. "It's breaking me inside to see you crying, please let me hold you, let me be your crying shoulder from now on—again."
"I'm tired of hoping and wishing Derek. I made up my mind that you will never ever be mine again. So let's stop pretending we still have a chance becauseyou already ended us when you chose to love that woman."
Derek penetrated the wall Addison built when she stepped back from him. He pulled her back into his arms, held her tighter as if he never held her before. "Give me a chance Addison. I will never ever gonna hurt you again. I will treat you like a man should treat a woman, I will send your favourite flowers, woo you everyday. I will continue writing a song for you. I will do everything you want me to do. Until you say yes and be mine again."
The rain kept pouring and they didn't mind if they're already soaking wet. "The only thing I want you to do Derek, is to please stay away from me. I don't want to feel the pain of our past again."
"Don't give up on us Addison. We are still Derek and Addison."
The quilt of their story was rewriting their past and it was hurting them both.
"You gave up on us Derek. And as you said,we are not Derek and Addison anymore."
"Addison…" She gave Derek a very tight hug…their one last hug."I've already fallen, now I'm grown. You deserve someone who isn't me. Because apparently,you don't deserve me." That made Derek feel millions of things he never felt before.
"Goodbye Derek." Addison finally gave him her purest and brightest smile. The smile she gave him the day of their wedding. "Until we meet again." That became a goodbye smile.