Lessons Learned

Rose Stetson

Summary: He took advantage of my trust, and while I understood why he'd done it... Well, let's just say, there was a reckoning coming. Even if he was my commanding officer.

Timeline: Tag to 3x5 Learning Curve

They were escorted by the SFs from the surface. Which made the whole thing a lot more chilling than it should have been. After all, the colonel had good reason to be upset with how the children were treated on Orban. Having read the colonel's file, General Hammond had to know that.

"Colonel O'Neill."

I sneaked a glance at the usually positive general. Gone was the twinkle of amusement that sometimes hinted in his eye when the colonel was insubordinate to the likes of Senator Kinsey.

"Sir." The colonel's expression was stony.

For the first time since she'd come, Merrin looked like a child. Looking from Colonel O'Neill to General Hammond as we all waited for how this scenario would play out. Then, sneaking a glance at Kalan and Daniel.

"You have broken the trust of the Orbanian people. We cannot continue to exchange knowledge if the very way we have come by it offends you."

I didn't have to look at Kalan to read the fury on his face. To be fair, kidnapping was a serious offense. No matter the reason. Kidnapping a child who could be one of the saviors of an alien people? Well, the colonel had a little ire coming to him.

And you couldn't really blame the Orbanians for being angry. Even if I wasn't sure I agreed with their methods.

"Major Carter, I entrust Merrin to your care. Colonel O'Neill is not to have anything more to do with her. Do you understand?"

I swallowed. Stole a glance at the colonel whose gaze was far away. Like he was a cadet being dressed down in front of a platoon for the first time.

Then, I turned back to the general. "Yes, sir."

I gestured for Merrin to join me. "I had a few more questions about the naquadah reactor before you go home if that's okay."

Emotion warred on Merrin's face. She took a step toward me before she turned back to General Hammond and Kalan. "Colonel O'Neill did not mean me any harm. He wished to give me knowledge."

Again, my vision stole up to the colonel. Unless I was mistaken, his jaw clenched. I'd known enough guys in the Air Force to know that was often a sign of emotion when they were trying to stay strong. Given all the buttons that had been pushed about the care of children—a topic he was understandably passionate about right now—that seemed to have been the case here as well.

Especially since, apparently, his gift had been appreciated. At least in some small way.

"An exchange of knowledge must be coordinated in advance." Kalan's tone was more civil, but I suspected that was only because he was speaking to Merrin instead of the colonel. "Colonel O'Neill's actions came after we had specifically asked for your immediate return."

General Hammond turned a grandfatherly demeanor to the little girl who had taught me about how to harness naquadah for power generation. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Merrin, but what Colonel O'Neill did was—"

The general's voice trailed off as he looked toward the colonel.

For the first time since the SFs had apprehended him at the surface, Colonel O'Neill seemed to really respond to the general. With his hands in his pockets, he opened his mouth. "I think what General Hammond's trying not to say is that he thinks I screwed up when I broke you out of the Mountain. Thinks it wasn't professional of me to teach you how to play hooky."

She quirked her head to the side. "Hooky?"

"It's when you take time off work to have fun instead of fulfilling your responsibilities."

The colonel's eyes rested on me for a second after I gave the definition.

I squirmed, more uncomfortable in this moment than I'd expected. The sense of betrayal at how he'd so casually taken advantage of our working relationship earlier in my lab catching me by surprise. After all, I didn't see the slightest hint of an apology, and I guess I had expected it. Even if it was just for violating my trust.

I cleared my throat. "Come on, Merrin. Like I said, just a couple questions before you can go home."

Merrin looked up at the colonel. Then, she walked toward me. "I am ready, Major Carter."

"He said that?" I stared at Daniel as the archaeologist filled me in on what had happened before the colonel's little field trip.

"I thought he'd realized he crossed a line because he sort of excused himself without waiting to be excused, but then I heard that Merrin was missing, and—" Daniel sighed. "I'd be lying if I didn't admit I agreed with him, but Kalan had a point. How can we claim to be real explorers if we pass judgment on something we don't like or understand and force them to change their ways?"

I tried not to roll my eyes, a passing thought of the Mongolian planet where I'd been subjugated to human trafficking and slave labor because I was female. Of how Daniel had tried to argue that we should just live their lifestyle at first. I didn't hold that against him, but that didn't mean I was all about living the archaeologist life these days. "More than a few explorers have passed judgment on things they didn't like or understand, Daniel. I shouldn't have to tell you that."

He gave me a look like that seemed to say thanks for bringing it up anyway. "I didn't think we were aiming to be like Cortez or the rest of those exploring conquerors."

It didn't seem like the right moment to bring up that we worked for the Air Force. That we had literally started this whole experiment because there was a previously unknown threat to our way of life.

I shuddered and wrapped my arms across my chest. "He took her from my lab while I was distracted."

General Hammond had tried to make it seem like that hadn't been the moment of vulnerability, but it hadn't been hard to connect the dots after the base went on alert. The only reason Colonel O'Neill had gotten Merrin off the base was because I hadn't had full command of my faculties. Faculties which might have noticed that something was wrong with the colonel.

"You don't think this was your fault, do you?"

I hardly had a chance to answer Daniel before another voice from the doorway responded. "It's not your fault, Carter."

I stiffened. Partly because of my drilled instinct to stand at attention in the presence of a superior officer. Partly because my mind and heart went on alert at the sound of the colonel's voice. "Sir."

He looked over at Daniel. "Can we have a minute?"

Daniel studied me as if he was looking for some sign that this wasn't okay.

I just nodded. One broken moment of trust wasn't the worst thing I'd endured at the hands of a commanding officer. "It's fine, Daniel."

Then, as he walked toward the exit, Daniel stopped. "Jack, it's what she wanted."

The colonel gave him a hard look. "That little girl had the world on her shoulders from birth. Maybe I'm being myopic, but no kid should have to choose between their own life and the lives of their people."

The way he phrased that sent a chill down my spine. Like she was a child soldier.

I loved my job, and I had taken the risks freely, but that didn't mean I would want Cassandra to do so. At least not until she was old enough to realize what she was putting on the line. Certainly not at thirteen.

The colonel cleared his throat. "Carter, I—"

As my attention focused back on my lab, it seemed Daniel had slipped out after the colonel's thought-provoking comment.

I didn't dwell on that thought. Just looked up at the colonel. "Yes, sir?"

It seemed for a moment like he didn't know what to do with his hands. Which was strange. Most of the time, he'd have started playing with one of my tools by now.

Instead, it was his own hands twisting and squirming. "Taking Merrin out of your lab the way I did—I never wanted you to take any responsibility for what I did. Not with Hammond."

"But the fact remains, sir, that I was the one responsbilt for Merrin at that time. If anything had happened—"

My throat thickened, and I couldn't tell if it was because I suddenly realized that was the absolute wrong thing to say to him or if it was because I could sense how devastated I would have been if Merrin had been hurt while she was supposed to be in my care.

That expressionless look haunted his face again. It didn't come out too often, but whenever it did, I knew he was hurting. Because I'd seen that expression on my own face a few times in the mirror. Mostly just after my mom died. Felt that same emotion a few times when I was ordered to do something I didn't really believe in.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just meant—"

"I know what you meant, Carter." His tone was abrupt. Cut me off.

It shouldn't have hurt since he was my superior officer. That was literally one of the privileges of such a position. Still...

Then, he exhaled long and slow. "I appreciate what you're trying to do. What you're all trying to do. Daniel. You. Even Teal'c and Hammond."

"We're worried about you, sir."

He hesitated a long moment before he sat on one of the stools in my lab. "Look, what happened with Merrin... I guess I just took it a little more personally than I should have."

I played with my fingers in my lap, wondering if I should really say what was on the tip of my tongue. "I would have helped you, sir. If you'd told me what you were trying to do. You didn't have to go behind my back."

Especially now that I knew he'd taken her to the elementary school where Cassandra had been a student. Where he still visited at the teachers' request every now and again.

"That's precisely why I didn't let you in on it, Carter. Because I wasn't about to ruin your career, too."

My head snapped up. "Ruin my—You really think it's going to be that bad?"

"You don't?"

I shrugged. "She was fine when she came back. Not that you would have hurt her, but—"

"I just threw a wrench in diplomatic relations with the most promising ally we've found since the Asgard and the Tok'ra, Carter. If Hammond doesn't court-martial me for this, I'm the luckiest son of a gun on the face of the planet."

"You know, that's something I don't understand. How they were able to develop to the level of technology to start making nanites in the first place. It seems fairly obvious that the reason they were able to make the technological advances they were able to make in the last few decades came because of the—for lack of a better term—nanotech shortcut they took to acquiring knowledge. How they got the nanites in the first place, though—"

The colonel threw me a look that seemed almost to ask are you kidding me?

I immediately stopped that line of thought. "Sorry, sir. It's not important. Just something I would have loved to learn if we still had the chance to ask."

He gave the kind of sarcastic smile he tried to keep to himself when he was reminded again how nerdy Daniel or I were.

"Sir..."

He grew defensive. "Look, you want me to say I'm sorry?"

I stiffened. I'd have been lying if it hadn't crossed my mind, but this felt different from any other argument we'd had. But then, this was a different kind of argument than we'd ever had.

His shoulders slumped slightly as he ran a hand over his face. "Fine, Carter. I'm sorry."

It felt like he thought I expected it... Which kind of made it lose its value. "For kidnapping Merrin?"

He shook his head, albeit slowly. "For taking advantage of your trust when I took her."

I returned to the prototype of our naquadah generator. Fiddled with a few things that wouldn't actually do anything to help or hurt the device. Loosened and retightened bolts. Things like that. "It's fine, sir."

When he didn't say anything, I looked up. "It's like you said. Hammond wasn't going to punish me anyway."

Something passed between us, though what it was I couldn't begin to guess.

He just stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet. "I assume you know the Orbanians wanted to see us."

I swallowed, a thick lump in my throat at the idea of seeing an infant-like Merrin. Daniel had filled me in on how it had been for him and Teal'c to try to talk to the uron child assigned to them. Kalan's son, Tomin. It sounded awful.

Maybe we'd get another chance to help them understand our position about playing and teaching the children who had once been uron. To show them that while it was a little less efficient, there was another way to gain knowledge.

I shook the thoughts from my mind and refocused on the trip the colonel had just mentioned. "Yeah. I was just going to tweak a few things here. Then, I was going to get ready to go. General Hammond's letting you lead the team through?"

He nodded. "Apparently, the Orbanians insisted that I go."

Memories of Teal'c's trial flashed through my mind. If the colonel was put on trial...

He seemed to read the worry in my eyes. "It'll be fine, Major."

I bobbed my head, rapidly. The way I did whenever I was given an order I didn't quite agree with. "Yes, sir."

There was a long, stretched out silence before he cleared his throat. "Then, I guess that's all there is to say."

He gestured over his shoulder. "Uh... see you in the gate room."

"See you in the gate room."

He turned to go before stopping just inside the doorframe. "Carter?"

I looked up. "Yes, sir."

He motioned between the two of us. "We're good, right? I mean, if Hammond doesn't court-martial me, and we're still on SG-1 together... Everything's okay?"

It was the first sign that the apology hadn't just been a mechanical response to some perceived injustice. That he really respected me enough to care how I felt about the whole incident.

A smile graced my lips as I nodded. "Yes, sir. We're good."

For the first time since the whole Merrin thing had started, I caught a hint of a smile in his eyes. He tapped the concrete wall. Like he was thanking some good luck charm. "Good."

Then, with a brighter expression than I'd seen in a couple days, he pointed at my lab table. "Don't work too hard. We're going off-world. Wouldn't want to have to wake you up again."

My cheeks pinked, though I afforded him a small laugh. "Yes, sir. I'll make sure I'm fully rested before we go."

I won another satisfied nod before he strolled out of my lab. Now, to hope that the Orbanians weren't going to share something that would further antagonize the colonel...

As we stared at the playground built by the past uron children, a thrill ran up my spine. Merrin had done this.

I glanced at the colonel. No wonder he'd liked her. She'd used his tactics and his lessons to spread his knowledge and understanding to all her people after her ovarium.

He walked over to her. Colored on the wall beside her. Laughed as she scratched out his drawing.

Though I was a mere observer to the entire scene, I couldn't help but see the relief in his expression. This wasn't the end of Merrin's story. In fact, there was a likelihood that we would continue to have diplomatic relations. And that the little girl would have a life spent doing more than just exisiting.

I turned my attention to Teal'c who stood beside me. He likely didn't know how to play the Earth games like Colonel O'Neill, Daniel, and I did. "Where's Tomin?"

Teal'c's gaze drifted toward a boy in the corner of the room, running after a few other children. From the looks of it, he was playing tag.

"You know, I can explain the rules if you want to play."

He raised an eyebrow, and I couldn't tell if it wasn't in interest or if it was because the idea hadn't occurred to him. Maybe it was both.

"The person who's it has to chase everyone else. If they touch another person," I illustrated by touching the Jaffa's arm, "then, that person is it, and everyone in the game pivots to avoid them."

Teal'c frowned. "These maneuvers would be most ineffective in battle."

"Only if you take the game literally."

This time, he quirked his head in confusion.

I sighed. "In most cases, the enemies we've fought won't be able to change hosts by a simple touch. But the ability to observe our surroundings, change tactics quickly and decisively... Those are valuable strategic skills in any warrior."

He gave a tiny nod as if to admit my well-thought argument.

I gestured back to the kids in the corner. "You might even have some fun while you play. Just make sure you're able to move quickly. They're a lot smaller than you which will likely make them a fair bit faster."

"Major Carter."

"Yes, Teal'c?"

His face was stoic. "I believe you are it."

My brow furrowed. "No, Teal'c, that's not how—"

Then, his hand shot out and tapped my wrist a split second before he bolted in the opposite direction.

It took me a second to register. "Teal'c!"

I won the colonel and Daniel's attention. As well as the attention from at least a dozen of the Orbanian children. Giggles echoed all around as the children each shot out of my reach.

Recapturing the mischievous spirit with which I'd played this game as a child, I laughed to myself. "Okay, T... You're on."

From the corner of my eye, I caught the colonel's amused smile. Like he finally had evidence that I hadn't just appeared as a fully grown adult. That I might not be entirely ignorant to his concept of fun.

One of the children whizzed a little too close to me, and without turning from where I looked, I tagged him. "You're it!"

Another peal of giggles. This time, drawing Merrin and the colonel and a half-dozen other uron children into the fray.

It was good for us to play today. After the last couple of days, the colonel needed it. We all did.