Lili walked beside Basch, holding onto a basket of fruit the two collected during their weekly visit out to the closest city of Chamonix; it wasn't a particularly long or taxing trip by any measures, but one quickly grows tired of lugging their groceries around all day.
"Let me take it the rest of the way." He insisted, motioning for Lili to hand it over to him. She tightened her grip.
"We're already almost home, I can handle it, I really can." She responded, and Basch let go.
"I can't believe that we were able to get so much, we were really lucky today, huh?" Lili started a conversation with him. He had a growing look of concern on his face, and she could just barely see his brows furrow.
"How much would you normally get out here? Is it because I'm not sending you enough money?" He asked, nervously.
"No, no. It's not that, it's just that no matter how much or how little money you have, it doesn't mean anything because all the supermarkets are almost empty anyways." She explained.
"I can't believe it's gotten this bad out here. Why doesn't France ration like they do in Britain? I won't leave you like this anymore." He sighed.
"But you're leaving soon again." She said with a melancholy tone.
"It can't be helped this time, and it will ultimately be for the better in the end." He whispered to himself, more than to Lili.
"Shouldn't Gilbert and Roderick be arriving today?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject.
"It seems so; if the train arrives on time and they remember the way here they should make it before nightfall." He chuckled, as did Lili.
"I'm glad that you have such wonderful friends, taking such a long journey to visit you." She told him. He was caught off guard by her comment, as his face flushed.
"It's really only Roderick, I see Gilbert in the navy everyday, and besides I know that Roderick always takes care of some business in Paris whenever he comes over so it's not only about me." He spat out.
"Why can't you just admit that people care about you, Basch?" She asked.
"That doesn't matter. I'm more worried about you. When things were still normal you never asked to go out to town, or to someone's house, or to invite anyone over here." Basch went off.
Lili tried to block out his tangent, and felt defeated yet again. Whenever she'd try to bring up his feelings he always took a defensive stance and shifted the conversation about her. Perhaps someday, after the war he can open up to her.
After some time the two made their way home; Basch insisted that he would begin cooking dinner for the four of them, so long that Lili would tend to their garden and small collection of chickens. She first chose to deal with the chicken coup, as she'd much rather get the harder work over with first. She sweeped up their droppings and quickly carried them into the forest and put them into a compost pile she had begun to compile in the early spring months; now late May, the pile had grown surprisingly large filled mostly with the little rotting bits of fruits she wouldn't eat such as stems and peels. She hurried to feed whatever chickens had lived through the last months, which wasn't much at all. Besides Basch's sudden departure, and therefore immediate cut in half of resources needed in the household, it was growing tougher and tougher for Lili to feed herself, much less the chickens. She took a handful of feed and threw it into a small bowl, which the frail chickens quickly gathered around. She watched as they ate; she sighed as she saw one of the older ones attack one of the runts of the group. She knew that having one attack the others would mean that they'd have to kill it off. Perhaps if she asked Basch nicely enough, he would be willing to do it for her. As they were eating, she stepped away only for a moment to collect what eggs they hatched; she counted four. They quickly finished, as Lili shut the gate to the coop behind her and made her way over to the garden.
Lili once grew flowers, but she had to slowly stop over the past few years, and this season in particular she cut them out completely; there simply wasn't time for beautiful things during wartime, she had begun to learn. She filled the entire plot of land with whatever vegetable and fruit seeds she managed to collect throughout the fall, winter, and early spring. Most of the seeds had begun to germinate, and she had even been working at her second harvest of radishes that season; she was never too fond of them, but picked up on a few ways to prepare them from a South American merchant in town, that made the vegetable somewhat more tolerable. Checking on the radishes, she saw that two had grown enough for consumption. With her limited eggs and radishes in hand, Lili planned out the next few meals for herself and Basch.
Roderick had been cooking up a vegetable soup that she could only assume he had picked up in the Royal Air Force, as she'd never seen him make such a dish before. She was in awe, really, with how much he was able to make with such little supplies; definitely something he had picked up in the military. She, on the other hand, was setting the table for four. She couldn't help but turn her face in the other direction to smile as she wiped down the china. She now barely set the table for anyone outside herself, let alone three other people. She offered a few times to help Basch with the soup, but he kept insisting again and again that he could manage on his own. To pass the time, as she often did now, she counted over and over the things in her house; it was an odd comfort she had discovered throughout all the time she'd have to spend inside in a dark room during Axis air raids. It seemed that no matter how much the world kept on turning there would always be forty-two books on the shelf, twelve porcelain plates in the display, and two chairs at the table.
The sun had already set when Basch sat down at the dinner table as the two awaited a knock on the door.
"When are you leaving again?" Lili started.
Basch looked up from the book he had taken from the shelf and was reading at the opposite end of the table; between his end and her end were two chairs that she had quickly dragged from the basement in preparation for Roderick and Gilbert's arrival.
"In three days." He said, melancholily.
"When is your enlistment over?" She asked, although she already knew the answer.
"You have just as good an idea as I do. Maybe this point a year from now at the earliests. After the Americans joined the allies it really turned the tide of the war for our advantage." He explained.
Lili dug her nails into her palms until they left painful marks and felt as if they could have broken through the skin; they in fact, didn't. She sighed softly, but tried to hide her disappointment from Basch. Perhaps the comfort in the familiar that she had grown so fond of isn't as great as she had been making it out to be; although the house never changing provided her with some sort of security, that at least she'd have control over something even as little as the order of her house. Although, it still served as a constant reminder that she truly was alone throughout the conflict, as the small details of her home never changed the way that they would in a lively family during peacetime. Just like her home never shifted, Basch's answer never did as well. He'd always insist that the war would be over in a year because of whatever new advancement was made that month. However, although Basch's response didn't change at all, the familiar home that she'd spent so much of her time in alone in was in an unbelievable disarray. There were now forty-one books on the shelf, eight porcelain plates in the display, and four chairs at the dinner table. But for some reason Lili couldn't understand why, even a shift as merely insignificant as that made living in the house seem at least a little bit better.
Her train of thought was interrupted when she heard two soft knocks at the door. Basch set down his book, but Lili had already risen from her seat. Basch stood up and walked past her, putting his hand on his shoulder.
"I've got it. You just give them a little to eat." He explained; Lili could hear an eruption of noise when the door opened.
"It's been a while, now hasn't it!" She heard a voice call out, it was familiar but she couldn't tell from the distance she stood if it were Gilbert or Roderick.
"We met last a week ago." Basch replied; definitely Gilbert.
"Yes, but it's different this time. We're not in uniform, we're in your home, you made a phenomenal home cooked dinner, I can smell." He laughed.
"It's a military recipe so it'll seem like we never left." Basch replied, as Lili could hear him let out a soft chuckle followed by a series of footsteps. Lili set down the bowls at the table as the three took a seat. Once they were comfortable, Lili, Basch, and Gilbert lowered their heads to say grace.
Lili sat on the back porch, the mountainscape lightly illuminated by a flashlight that Lili had set on the table beside herself. She wasn't doing anything in particular, she was simply just daydreaming (if you could even call it that as it was not well into the evening hours). As per usual, their typically quiet house was filled with the drunk laughter of young men. She heard the door behind her creek open, and she managed to make out Gilbert's face, illuminated from the light pouring out from inside the house.
"Evening, Gilbert." She greeted, as he shut the door behind him and sat in the other chair beside Lili's.
"You alright out here, Lili? Why don't you come inside, aren't you cold?" He asked clearly; she concluded that he was not drunk, or at least less than the other two.
"I'm fine, really. I just like the quiet, it's so peaceful in the mountains." She insisted.
"I must agree. Rennes is nice but once I'm out of the air force I need a calm, quiet place to get back on my feet." He admitted.
"Really? I think living in the city would be more fun." She asked.
"It is, but it's so draining. Always so much going on, and it's never truly quiet." He explained.
"But there's so much work in the city." Lili responded.
"It's mostly factory work, really. Most jobs like consumerism are obsolete due to the war, and I'm not sure how long after the war it'll be until they come back; or if they even do at all. Marrying a beautiful woman and settling in the countryside on a farm is becoming more and more appealing with each passing day." Gilbert told her.
"Well when you put it that way I suppose it is better here. But I'd still like to experience it, even if it's only for a little bit. There must be so many interesting people in such a populous place." She responded.'
"I was like that when I was younger too. Don't ever change, see the whole world." He chuckled as he ran his fingers through her hair. Lili couldn't help but smile.
"Where have you and Basch been?" She asked.
"Oh, all over Germany. The east, the west, and everywhere in between. It really is a beautiful nation, it's a shame of what's come of it." He sighed.
"You don't...bomb people do you?" Lili spat out.
Although it was hard to see in the dark, she could make out a confused look on his face.
"Basch doesn't tell you about that?" He asked.
"No." She admitted.
"Basch and I are both in the same squadron and we're only transport." He explained.
"That's a relief then. Thank you Gilbert, for everything. You remind me of Basch, but you're the wonderful things that he's not. You're easy to talk to and you're open about how you feel and what you want. Even though we're brother and sister I feel like he always has his guard up around me. I think it's because we're not blood related." She spilled out. Gilbert remained silent for a moment and Lili wondered if she had said too much.
"You and I can talk heart to heart, and I let go when I talk with you, and we're not blood related. Basch just takes some time to warm up to, I promise you two will grow close eventually." He explained.
"Thank you Gilbert, I hope that things work out that way." She whispered.
"I promise they will." He replied.
"Oh, that's another thing about you! You always know what to say!" She exclaimed.
"Well I do have a little brother." He chuckled.
"Really? I've never met him before, what's he like?" She asked.
"His name is Luwdig and he's nineteen and very smart. He's in trade school now to become a mechanic and he wants to go to university to study science in a few years. He's a bit shy but a respectable young man and I'm sure you two would get along." He answered.
"Where does he live?" She asked.
"He lives with a young woman, she's about my age, in rural Italy. I know she took in a couple of other teenagers as well. Have I ever introduced you to her? Her name is Elizaveta." He added on.
"The name sounds familiar." She replied. Gilbert dug through his pocket until he pulled out his pocket, and he opened it up, revealing a small black and white photo of a woman. She was definitely beautiful, with wavy hair that reached beyond the headshot of the photo, as well as a sweet smile.
"Wow." She muttered.
"Right. She's so much better in person too." He whispered.
"Is she the beautiful woman you want to settle down with?" She laughed.
"Aha, it'd be nice but she's out of my league." He chuckled.
"Eh, maybe not that much. I suppose you're charming enough and you've got a good personality too. You go to Church and you also have a job." She thought out loud.
"Oh, thank you." He said, taken a-bit back.
"You have me curious now, I'd like to meet them both." She added on.
"Hm, I suppose we could all go down there one of these days." He replied.
Days had passed; Roderick and Gilbert left for Rennes the following morning and the house had grown silent yet again. Before she realized it, it was the night prior to Basch's return to the Royal Air Force. She kept convincing herself that the next time he'd come to visit that things would change and that maybe Basch could break down the wall he had built around his heart, if only even a little bit for a short while. It always felt that right as things were just starting to seem as if change might come, the opportunity slips through her fingers as Basch leaves her yet again for another unknown number of months. It was a cycle she'd grown accustomed to, she felt a hopelessness everytime after he left, but she had long stopped crying now; she'd be back to normal in three days or so and the world would just continue turning.
"I don't want you to stay here." Basch said over dinner. Lili was caught off guard by his sudden statement, as they spent their meals in dead silence. The oddity of his statement also added to this.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"There's a group home in Switzerland I want you to go to." He replied.
"I don't want to go to Switzerland. I've been fine here all this time." She responded.
"And God knows when the Germans will perform an air raid here. It's not safe in France anymore. You do know that Rennes got bombed a while back." He answered.
"Rennes in a city. Why would they bother to bomb a rural area?" Lili said.
"It's just to be safe. I heard it's nice in Switzerland, and the home is with other kids your age, and there's food on the table and you only need to do some light farm work in the mornings. It's much easier there than here. And you can't refuse. Go pack a few clothes, everything else will be taken care of." He told her.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked.
"Because the arrangements just happened to work themselves out now." He answered.
"I've managed for all this time. And besides who's going to watch over the house and the chickens? And the vegetables I've planted are just now starting to sprout." She spilled out.
"The house will be fine, the chickens will be sold and you don't need to worry about growing your own food. I addressed all your concerns, now get going." He told her in an irritated voice.
Lili's face stared at her feet as she walked up to her room; she felt hopeless, but what else could she have done? That's simply the way things were with Basch, and there was never any getting through to him. She sorted through the few clothes she did have and put them into her briefcase. After sorting through her warmer clothes she faces a dilemma.
"Basch!" She called out. "How long am I going to stay there for? Do I bring cold weather clothes?"
After a moment she heard the door behind her open, and she turned over to face him.
"Oh, I'm glad that you've already finished, or at least it seems. I wouldn't, but if you needed some I'm sure you could get them when I get to visit you. It's also entirely likely that you won't be there for that long." He answered.
Lili's face lit up when she heard the last part, and she was suddenly interested in what he was saying.
"What do you mean by that?" She asked.
"I'm trying to work something out to get you living in France, but don't bet on it." He explained, and he quickly shut the door behind him and disappeared back into his bedroom.
It was a rather solumnful morning; well, that was to be expected, as Lili was always a bit upset when Basch would have to innevidly leave her again. But it was different this time, she concluded it was likely the uneasiness about the near future she now felt. Lili sat on the same porch she did a few nights prior, watching the sun rise and sipping at a cup of tea. It had rained the night before, so the air in the mountains was especially clean. She could hear Basch open the door and take a seat beside her.
"I'm sorry about the sudden warning, it's just not safe for you to be living this far out, especially all on your own." He started.
"No, no. I understand where you're coming from, I was childish last night." She responded.
The silence between the two grew longer and longer.
"You'll write to me, Basch, won't you?" She asked.
"Why wouldn't I?' He asked back.
Lili shrugged. Sitting out on the porch again, she couldn't help but think about the conversation she had with Gilbert.
"Why don't you tell me about your job? Or your life or your feelings to me?" She prompted. He seemed to be taken aback by how upfront she was.
"I didn't think it was that important to you." He replied.
"It is. Where are you going to in the next few days?" She responded immediately.
"The Baltic Sea, for the foreseeable future. And I'm sorry, I'll work on it." He answered.
"That's a start." She chuckled. And he did as well.
Lili sat, waiting for the train with Basch. They left the house at around ten, made it to the city, and sold their chickens to a vendor, all before eleven o'clock. Basch instsited on checking out a few shops while they were there, although unsurprisingly, they were nearly empty or had long queues forming outside. As they neared the station, Basch took her inside a post office and bought an array of stamps. He tore the sheet in half, and put one in his pocket as she held the other one out for her to take. She folded them up and put them into one of the pockets of her briefcase.
"Now I'll be sure to write." He joked, as Lili smiled.
The late spring wind blew against her legs as the two sat waiting on a bench, and she took a deep breath.
"May is such a beautiful month. I'm glad that we got to spend at least a bit of it together." She whispered.
"I am too." He responded. "I'm sure that we'll spend next May together, and all the months that follow."
Lili tightened her grip on the handle of the briefcase as she felt an oncoming stinging in her eyes. It had been so long since she cried, she was taken aback a bit by it, but told herself again and again in her head to hold it in until she was on the train.
As she had been silently dreading, her train eventually pulled up. She stood up, and flattened out her skirt, and brushed her fingers through her hair as she stood up and began taking fast strides towards the cart. She felt the warm tears streaming down her face and bit at the inside of her checks, if only for a moment to distract the emotional pain she was feeling with a physical one. She felt Basch's footsteps trail behind her until she was practically already in the cart. She turned around, and through her stung eyes she saw that Basch's were wet with tears as well. She threw herself into his arms and he quickly patted her back.
"I'm scared, Basch." She choked.
"You'll be fine." He comforted.
"I'm scared for you too." She whimpered.
"Don't be. I'll be fine." He insisted.
"I love you Basch, please be careful." She managed to say as she took a deep breath.
"I love you as well, Lili. Just have hope that everything will eventually work itself out fine."
Lili let go and made her way onto the train, just as the doors shut in front of her, and the city quickly became no more than a dot in the distance. Just as quickly like that, the life she'd had been building up for the last two years was suddenly taken from her.