Chapter 1: These Moments with You

"Dr. Quinzel. You know, I live for these moments with you."

The Joker, Suicide Squad, Extended Version. (2016).

The crowd cheered and roared with excitement as the Joker tipped Harley Quinn over and kissed her in a way that had people wolf-whistling. The young blond giggled in his arms.

"I love you, Puddin'."

"I love you more, Harley." He kissed her again and then the clown couple straightened up.

She was light-headed from the rapid movement and his show of affection. She was light-headed from happiness.

Everyone in the club was cheering them on. He wrapped her in a golden shimmering coat, because she'd been dancing in a torn-up top, tights and high-heels.
The next dancer came on stage and the clown-couple departed.

"That was fun!" She giggled as he led her to their private lounge. It was right in the middle of the Smile N' Grin and had curtains surrounding it for privacy. They were see-through, so they could still see what was going on.

"That was a splendid performance, Harls."

She sighed happily and flopped down onto the large sofa.

Ever since she'd come back from Belle Rev, things had changed between them. He praised her a lot and was more affectionate. She hadn't been this happy with him in a long time and the dark periods when Dr. Quinzel had showed up in her mind, asking her if she really thought this was true love or whether she imagined any kind of future with him were over.

Her life was perfect.

"Here you go, Miss." Jester showed up beside her, a cocktail in her hand.

"Thanks!"

"Boss." She handed him a Tequila shot.

"Jester." Mr. J sounded bored as he swirled the liquid in the glass. "You're not a waitress, you're a bodyguard."

The petite woman shrugged. "I know how you like your drinks."

Harley giggled and sipped her drink. She was feeling nauseous again. That happened every now and then, but alcohol usually helped.

Jessica, or Jester as the Clown-couple nicknamed her, had short blonde hair, dyed red and blue in Harley's honor, was taller than her with high-cheek bones and a thin body. She was the first and only woman working for Mr. J and she called Harley Miss, which Harley thought was neat.
They didn't know that much about her former life. Only that she had been madly in love with some girl who had left her heart-broken. Harley had offered to kill her, but Jester had declined.

"Did you like the show, Jester?" Mr. J asked with a grin.

"Sure."

Jester was unfazed by the Joker. It was something he found fascinating. She was tough, quick and discreet and whatever job he offered her, she did it well. Meeting Jester had felt like destiny and Harley liked to think back to it. It had been their first real night out since Bell Rev. After spending days with each other and bringing the other up to speed on what they'd missed the clown-couple decided to have some fun in town. Just as they'd been shooting up a night-club downtown, the police showed up. Harley had been distracted by two of the guests, who'd actually tried to defend themselves and had started hitting her and Mr. J had gotten shot in the arm.

Before Johnny or any of the other guys had been able to do anything, Jester had shown up. She'd picked up his weapon from the floor and shot the police-man in the face. The Joker loved telling this story, because as he said unlike all his other guys this girl had balls. And he was right.

"Baby." He muttered into her ear. "I need to go and talk to Johnny, sit tight, ok?"

She pouted because she didn't want him to leave. He laughed, kissing her deeply and then he was out of their private area.

Harley sighed deeply and put the drink on the table.

"Don't you like it, Miss?"

"I love it." Harley Quinn muttered and then crossed her arms across her chest. "Jester..." She mused. "I think somethin' might be wrong with me."

An amused smile spread on the other woman's face. "Really? What makes you think that?"

Harley Quinn actually laughed at that. "I know that I'm crazy!" The humor vanished from her face. "But I just..." She sighed deeply again. "I feel like something is missing."

"Missing?"

"I love Mistah J!" She sat up suddenly, this was important and she didn't want to be misunderstood. "I love him so much it hurts me sometimes and he makes me so happy. He's everything I ever could have dreamed of, but sometimes..." The blonde woman stopped talking and Jester looked at her with such an open expression that the Clown Queen admitted: "Sometimes I want...more."

Jester was looking at her confused and Harley could feel herself growing nervous. She was being ungrateful and she should be happy for all the things she had, for all the amazing things Mistah J did for her and gave her.

"Forget it." She mumbled, falling back into the pillows. "I'm being silly."

It was the thought of babies that wouldn't let Harley go, no matter how many times she told herself

it was useless. She just couldn't let go of the idea of having Mistah J's children. She couldn't forget the things Enchantress had made her seen. She would dream about little chubby hands reaching out to her, of blonde pigtails, of ballet-dancing angels...

Harley wanted to be more than Harley Quinn, Queen of Gotham. She wanted to be his wife.

Marriage wasn't an option for the Joker. She knew that.

She could also guess what her Puddin' thought about children, about how they were a waste of money, always a disappointment and too much work. But she didn't see it like that. When she envisioned their children, she saw how perfect they would be, how they would each have pieces of them and if the two of them raised them right, they'd have the best parts.

"Maybe you should talk to him, Harley." Jester said gently, leaning forward to grip her hand. "He loves you and I know for a fact there is very little he wouldn't do for you."

That was true of course. He'd said himself he'd do anything for her. Jester let go of her hand again and handed her the drink with a smile.

"Thanks Jester."

Harley had never really had friends. The Suicide Squad had been some sort of family of course, but that was over and most of them were still in prison. She'd heard rumors that Deadshot had escaped shortly after she had, but she hadn't been able to check in with him yet.

But Jester was her friend in the way she'd always imagined friends would be. She listened to her and she seemed to understand even when she didn't say anything. Jester didn't judge her like other girls usually did, she wasn't jealous of her. She just let Harley be.

"Sometimes I wish he'd..." Her cheeks were burning red now, because she knew how ridiculous she was being and she also knew if Mr. J heard any of this he would be raging mad.

"He'd do what, Harley?" Jester asked and looked up at her sincerely. Taking her seriously.

"He'd marry me." She muttered, ashamed of these Harleen Quinzel-moments that still lurked in her soul. "You know, stand up on front of everyone and say this is my wife, the woman I love and the one woman I'll be with forever."

Jester smiled encouragingly. It made her brown eyes seem warm. "Everyone knows that Harley, you're his queen."

"Jester, Johnny wants to see you in the back." The Joker came back, sitting down beside his queen and the petite woman left immediately. "Did ya miss me, baby?" He muttered against her skin as he trailed kisses over the side of her face.

"I always miss ya, when you're gone Mistah. J." She whispered.

Mistah J sighed deeply, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"What are Johnny and Jester talking about?"

"Wouldn't you like to know!" He grinned down at her, pressing his forehead against hers. The clown-couple stared into each others eyes and Harley smiled. Yes, she still thought about that fantasy and those babies. But moments like these made her life perfect, moments with him were all she needed. The memories of them had kept her alive in prison, the promise to live for him had bound her to him forever.

"Harley, Mr. J!" A voice called out and Mistah J grinned, obviously loving the attention. Harley found herself wishing they'd actually have a moment to themselves. "Great show! We love you guys!"

She leaned away from her Puddin' to see who was yelling out in the crowd. It was a regular couple, something basic. Anne and Tom or Tina and Andrew...she couldn't remember. She liked dancing, she liked spending time in the crowd with her Puddin'. But lately something inside of her had changed.

"Mistah J." She muttered. "I'm tired."

Something flickered in his eyes, not annoyance specifically. It was more like a stage before annoyance. She knew this phase in his mood she just didn't know the word for it.

"You're always tired, lately."

She dropped her gaze. "Sorry."

He surprised her by cupping her face gently and running his thumb over the tattooed heart on her cheek. Mistah J leaned forward kissing her forehead with a gentleness she knew he possessed, but that surprised her positively nonetheless.

"Jester can drive you home." He whispered. "I'll see ya later, ok?"

Harley nodded, hiding her disappointment. She knew she was asking for too much. The club was his main source of income, this was where he took care of his clients and made contacts, where deals were made. Of course he wouldn't leave early just because she was tired. Again.

"I'll walk." She announced, rising to her feet, taking the coat off. It was warm out. "I'll keep the bed warm for ya Mistah J, don't be late."

He chuckled, kissing her lips swiftly before leaving their private area and heading into the cheering crowd. She watched him with a heavy heart and rubbed her face as she grabbed her purse and made her way out of the club.

Jester and Johnny were talking at the bar and Harley waved at them happily before heading outside. The night in Gotham welcomed her like an old friend. Despite the strong smell all large cities had in common there was a certain freedom during the nighttime air that only this city could offer her.

Maybe it was because of her time spent in prison that she felt this appreciative.

Prison had changed her. She knew and Mistah J knew it as well.

Ever since her return she'd been plagued with nightmares. It wasn't uncommon for her to start screaming at night, stuck in a bad dream and unable to get out by herself. The Joker had a surprising amount of patience for these nightly terrors. He held her, stroked her hair and whispered soothing words into her ear. She felt safe with him and her usually calmed down enough to carry on sleeping undisturbed.

He never asked her what had happened at Belle Rev.

She was too ashamed to tell him about the forced feeding, the way Griggs had exerted power over her and played games with her.

The nightmares had become less frequent and Mistah J's presence made a huge difference. Usually she went to bed earlier than he did and yet, even though he had trouble falling asleep and struggled with insomnia, he held her until she calmed down.

Harley walked through the busy streets of Gotham City with the confidence of the Queen she was. Shadows in the night with scary faces, large strong bodies and deep voices flinched at her sight, which made her giggle.

Come on, man. You're six foot four. She's a tiny little girl.

Even in prison people had known not to mess with her. That was the reach Mistah J had and that's how far his protection of her went.

She sighed in the summer night. She knew she was being silly, but she really did miss him whenever he wasn't around. One of Harley's favorite thing to do was spend an early night with her Puddin'. In an attempt of mocking her beloved romance novels he had started reading them out-loud dramatically and the couple were both surprised by how much they enjoyed this past-time.

When stumbling over the term Handsome Honka Honka he'd laughed so genuinely her heart had been overfilled with joy.

Similar to the joy she'd felt in the fantasy that witch had made her see. She shook her head, willing the images of her 'normal' life, the two beautiful babies to disappear.

Of course now he loved using the term Handsome Honka Honka whenever he could and acted like he had coined it, but Harley didn't care. If her Puddin' was happy she was happy.

The sound of children's laughter and music that made her think of fairies and magic made her stop in her tracks. It was the middle of the night. There weren't supposed to be children out and at this time, even Harley knew that. She stopped and listened, but the night had gone back to it's usual sounds of traffic and whispers in the dark.

She shook her head, clearly her mind was playing tricks on her. It usually did after all.

The guard at the door greeted her with a polite smile.

He was mute and one of Mr. J's favorite.

Harley liked him ok. She couldn't remember his name, but didn't really care because they never had any interaction anyway.

Once inside the house she went to the kitchen to drink some water, feeling queasy once again.

Just as she'd set the glass down strong arms wrapped around her upper torso, pinning her arms in place so she couldn't move. A gasp escaped her mouth and she tried to wiggle free, fear rushing through her suddenly, making her head spin.

But then she heard the familiar low chuckle and relaxed immediately.

"Puddin'!"

"Did I catch ya of guard?" He whispered his lips brushing her ear in a way that caused shivers to run up and down her spine.

"Just a little." Mr. J loosened his grip and she turned around in his arms, leaning against him with a small sigh. "I'm glad you came."

"Well I hate to see ya poutin'." He admitted and then kissed her deeply, running his hands through her long hair.

The Joker kissed her the same way he did anything else, with absolute dedication, focus and passion. Whenever he put his mind to something, it was with everything he had.

Sometimes she hated this and sometimes she loved this about him.

In this particular instance she loved it.

He took her to bed the way a treasure hunter would sort the diamonds and gold he found. As if it was the most important, irreplaceable thing in the world to him.

Afterwards, as she lay in his arms, she no longer felt queasy or dizzy and she wondered if maybe it was his presence alone that made a difference. If maybe being away from him, however short a period of time, made her physically ill.

And if being with him was her cure.

He scoffed suddenly and Harley looked up.

"Hey!" She muttered. He was thumbing through the romance novel they were currently reading.

"I hate this one, I don't care if her mother's got cancer, I wanna know if she ends up with her ex or not."

"Puddin'!" She snapped. "Don't spoil it!" She reached up to grab the soft paperback from him and he kept it out of reach with a chuckle.

"Ok, chill Harley, I won't spoil it."

She rolled her eyes and settled back into his arms. "Will ya read to me?"

He sighed and she looked up at him with the best pouting face she could make.

"Pleeeeaase?"

Mistah J rolled his eyes but she could see the smile he was trying to fight.

"Fine." He said and held the small book above the two of them so he could read.

"I love you Puddin'." She whispered, snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes.

There was a silence, before he responded in a thoughtful tone:

"I love you too, my Harley Quinn."

She smiled with her eyes closed as he began to read. His soft voice lulled her into a peaceful sleep. Harley Quinn slept soundlessly in her love's arms. She didn't realize just how precious these moments with him were. There was no warning that this night would be the last normal one she would experience for a long time to come.
That it would be the last time Mistah J told her he loved her.

Hi guys! This is my first non-origin Harey / Joker Story. I'm very excited to share it with you all, please let me know what you think!