"Liv moved on…"
Those words echoed in the back of his mind every damn time he saw her. He always knew that Olivia Benson was special even when she didn't believe it herself. She was bright, empathetic, strong… beautiful. How could she not have found everything she ever wanted in life? He was just sorry that he wasn't there to watch her find her happiness. He wasn't there to congratulate her when she was promoted. He wasn't by her side when she became a mother. He missed so much. But perhaps that was for the best?
They had heard it dozens of times over the years. They were too close. They relied on one another to the point of fault most of the time. The late-night talks about a rough case or the silence as they basked in the pure comfort of each other's presence. He knew what made her tick, what made her smile, what made her cry. He knew everything about her… at least he used to.
"You were the most… the single most important person in my life. And you just… disappeared."
The memory of the pain in her words stung deeply. They broke his heart. He knew that he was one of the few people that Olivia had ever let into her heart. The unspoken feelings between them was the only thing that kept them both afloat. She needed him. He needed her. But that care - that love - was left to sit in the darkest recesses of their hearts. He was married. He had a family. What did she have? Him?
He walked away. He walked away for his family. He walked away for his own sanity. He walked away for her. It killed him leaving without so much as a goodbye. He shudders at the thought of Cragen telling her the news. The numerous voicemails from her sat unlistened to in his phone because he couldn't bear to hear her voice. One simple word and he would have left everything he had worked for behind to be by her side.
Ten fucking years. He didn't talk to her for ten years. Though his mind would often drift and he could see her. That was enough for him… it had to be. She, on the other hand, was becoming the person he always knew she could be. Noah. She was a mother now. He smiled to himself as he recalled the snowy day he met with her in the park. The light in her eyes as she doted on her son was like something he had never seen before. It took his breath away. He always knew that she would be a great mom.
She was always tough but now she was powerful. Captain. She had dedicated her life to the job and she was finally receiving the recognition she deserved. Fin mentioned a serious relationship and he had choked down his undeserved jealousy at the thought of her with someone else. She had loved and been loved. Something he couldn't give her back then.
He held her back. He took a ragged breath at the thought. Maybe he was being too presumptuous to believe that he affected Olivia's life in any kind of significant way but there was no denying that without him she flourished. They had found each other all those years ago when they needed it most. They took the painful… but necessary time apart. Now what?
He had walked back into her life and it had thrown them both for a loop. That old passion was still there when he looked into her eyes. He could feel it in the way his heart thumped in his chest. He could feel in it her words. He could feel it in her touch as she grabbed his hand. Were they finally the people they needed to be to make it work? He needed to know.
He let out the breath he had been holding and knocked on the apartment door in front of him. "Coming," he heard from the other side and he shifted slightly. This was the moment. The door swung open and she appeared like a vision in sweatpants and a messy bun.
"Elliot?" She gave him a small smile as she opened the door wider for him to come inside.
"Hey, Liv."