We Deserve It

by fullyvisible

Bree and Sel have gotten Nick back. So why does he feel like he's lost them both?

"But he's going to be okay?" Bree asked urgently. "You're sure?"

"Yes," said William. "I keep telling you, I'm good at what I do."

Bree frowned, looking at Nick, who was still lying unconscious. "I know," she said softly. "It's just . . ."

"I know," William echoed. He glanced at Selwyn. "We all know."

Sel crossed his arms and looked away. William's words came from a place of goodwill, but they felt flat. He couldn't possibly know. Sure, everyone had worried about Nick. Everyone had been anxious to get him back. Everyone had been involved in the plan, in the mission. Everyone saw the state in which Sel and Bree brought him back.

But only Sel and Bree had made it all the way to the room where Lord Davis and Isaac had held him captive. Only Sel and Bree had actually seen the hellbeasts they'd called forth to torture him. Only Sel and Bree had fought them – the hellbeasts, Lord Davis, Isaac, all of them. Only Sel and Bree had been there to experience the wrath of Arthur, taking charge to rescue his best knight – or, at least, only they had experienced it and lived to tell the tale.

Only Sel had been able to literally feel Nick's imminent peril the entire time. Only Sel had heard Bree's cry of anguish as Lord Davis and Isaac went down and the last of the hellbeasts disappeared and she'd finally seen just how close to death Nick was. Only Sel had seen the way Bree collapsed when Arthur relinquished control, leaving her alone to deal with the fallout and recovery. Only Sel was there to carry both Nick and Bree back to the Lodge, back to William, back to the promise of hope and healing and a future.

A future that probably wouldn't include Sel. Not as much as it had before. Before Nick had Bree. Before Bree got Nick back. He had been a placeholder for each of them. Now, they'd have each other again. Sel could tell when he was no longer needed, and he had no interest in overstaying his welcome.

"You can leave," said William. Sel flinched. Had he spoken aloud, or projected his thoughts? But William was looking at Bree, too. "He's stable, and he won't be awake for a while. I'll keep an eye on him, if the two of you want to go somewhere more comfortable to wait, and to rest."

"I'm fine," Bree insisted.

"You can barely stand," said Sel.

William frowned. "You were hurt, too. Both of you. You'll recover faster if you don't push yourself too hard now, for no reason."

"I'm fine," she said again, but her knees gave out as she tried to take a step forward toward Nick. Sel was at her side in an instant, pushing his own exhaustion aside to hold her up.

William stepped around the bed to stand at Bree's other side. He gently took hold of her shoulder. "Rest. He'll be here."

Bree was watching Nick intently. His chest was rising and falling steadily as his body slowly stitched itself back together under William's expert care. "He's been gone for so long," Bree whispered. "I just don't want to let him out of my sight."

"You can't watch him forever," said Sel. He grimaced. "Believe me. I've tried."

"What if . . ." Bree bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself. She shook her head. "I can't let it happen again."

"You couldn't have stopped Isaac from taking him," said Sel. He didn't know how many times he'd have to say it before she believed him, but he knew he'd keep saying it for as long as it took. He'd keep up the refrain for the rest of his life if he had to. "He's back, now. Lord Davis and Isaac are dead. He's safe, now."

"He was safe before," said Bree. She still wasn't looking at Sel. "He should've been safe before."

The logical part of Sel's mind knew she was blaming herself, but he still felt her words like a punch to the gut. Sel was the one who had sworn an oath to protect Nick. Sel was the Merlin with super-speed and super-senses. Sel was the one who had failed him, in more ways than one.

"Don't make me kick you out," said William firmly. "Everyone else has already been treated and sent back to their rooms. Nick will have my entire focus. If anything changes, I'll send for you right away. You need to get some sleep."

Bree shook her head wordlessly. Sel made eye contact with William over her shoulder. William was looking back at him with a sort of helpless resignation. He didn't think Bree had looked at him at all since they got Nick back. Sel closed his eyes. "Let her stay," he said. "She can rest here, on one of the other beds. There's room."

Bree whipped her head around to face William. "Can I? Please?"

William relaxed a little bit. "Yeah," he said. "Yes. That works."

"I'll do that," said Bree, already moving towards the bed beside Nick's. Her focus was singular, and she looked about five seconds from succumbing to her exhaustion. Sel had a feeling she'd be asleep within minutes, no matter how much she wanted to stay awake.

"Thank you," William mouthed to Sel.

He nodded and looked away. "I'll get out of your hair, then," he said. "Let me know if anything changes. For either of them."

"You could stay, too," William suggested. "You're right. There's space for you to rest here."

Sel's chest constricted. "No," he said, keeping his tone light. "I'll be better off upstairs, in my own room." Bree's eyes were drifting closed, and her breaths were starting to even out. "Besides, I don't want to intrude."

William gave him a small smile. "I don't think you can intrude."

William was wrong – Sel could feel it in his skin – but he didn't have the energy to argue. He just shook his head. "Tell me if anything changes. Anything at all. If Nick so much as twitches a finger, I want to know about it."

"Of course," said William. "You'll be the first to know."

"Thank you," said Sel, and he left the room before William could see the pain that was threatening to engulf him. He made it up to his room faster than he'd thought possible, given his level of exhaustion. It turned out that a strong desire to avoid running into anyone was a powerful stimulant.

But in his room, in his bed, alone for the first time since they'd left to get Nick back, everything caught up with him. The physical and mental strain of the rescue mission, the euphoria of Nick's return, the anticipatory pain of losing Bree to Nick and Nick to Bree – again – all crashed down at once. Eventually, the exhaustion won out and Sel slipped into a deep but turbulent sleep.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he woke up again, but the sticky notes clinging to his face sent a jolt of adrenaline through him. William had been by, with news. He anxiously plucked them off his skin and read.

They're both awake.
Doing well, but still tired.
Sent them up to Nick's room.
They asked about you.
Go see them when you're ready.
KEEP RESTING.

I'm good, and your healing
speed is phenomenal, but you're
not invulnerable.
You're still on bedrest until I
say otherwise.
Stay where you are or go to
Nick's room, but either way,
GO BACK TO SLEEP.

Sel rolled his eyes. Either stay cooped up in his room, alone, or go downstairs to third-wheel Bree and Nick's reunion special. Both of those options were terrible.

Of course, there was a third option. He could always ignore William's advice. William didn't know everything, and it wasn't like he'd had an abundance of Merlins to treat. Sel felt fine. And what William didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Or Sel, for that matter. Probably.

His head only swam a little bit when he got up and crossed the room. With one last glance around – paranoid, really; he would've been able to hear it if anyone else was there – he opened the window and jumped out.

The spring air was cool and refreshing, and it grounded Sel. He looked around the forest for something to focus on besides his own thoughts. If he started ripping through trees, someone in the Lodge would hear him. If he was particularly unlucky – which seemed likely – Nick or Bree would hear. Worse, they might come outside to try to talk to him. Everyone else had the sense to stay away, but those two tended to run towards red flags like bulls. And Sel didn't want that. He wasn't ready to deal with Bree's sympathetic eyes and Nick's knowing smile. The bastard. Sel had no interest drawing their attention.

But he also didn't have anything else to do. And if he didn't do something, he thought he might explode. He wasn't tired enough to sleep anymore, and every time he stood still, he was back in that room fighting Isaac and his hellbeasts, or he was back trying to get Nick and Bree to the Lodge in time for William to heal them.

None of this was the trees' fault, of course, but that didn't bother Sel. He set his eyes on a medium pine and got to work. He'd shredded that one and four more when he heard someone clear their throat from somewhere below him.

"Hey, spider monkey!" Bree called. She was standing at the base of the incline with her arms crossed and Nick at her side. "Come over here."

Sel bounded down the incline in the blink of an eye, stopping just a couple of feet away. If his speed startled either of them, they didn't show it. He crossed his arms, too, then uncrossed them when he realized he was mirroring Bree. "I'm not the spider monkey. If you're going to make a reference, do it right."

Bree raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's what we're going to focus on here?"

Sel shrugged. "I don't have anything better to talk about."

"Come on, Sel," said Nick. "Come inside."

"Is that an order?"

"Not yet."

"Guys. Stop it." Bree sounded as annoyed as Nick looked. "This is the first actual conversation the three of us have had since . . . since everything. Can you do whatever the hell this is later?"

Sel took a step backwards. "Apologies, my king. I didn't realize you had an agenda for this conversation."

"Stop," said Bree. Her tone was sharp, but Sel saw the way she deflated. "I'm not him. I'm me."

"You're both," said Nick reasonably, gently putting a hand on her back. "We're both."

"I know that," Bree snapped. "I just –" She stopped abruptly and glared at Sel. "Can you, like, calm down for five minutes? Your shitty attitude is rubbing off on me."

Sel arched his brow. "I'm fine," he lied. "Sounds like a you problem."

"You don't have to be such an ass," said Nick. "We came out here to check on you. William said he'd tell you to come down to my room when you woke up."

"And?"

"And," Bree said, "you didn't."

Sel made a show of looking around the trees as if he were noticing his surroundings for the first time. "Did I not? Huh."

"Why not?" asked Nick.

Sel looked at the way Nick's arm wrapped around Bree. The way she was leaning into him. "I didn't want to interrupt anything."

Nick sighed and ran his other hand through his hair. "Oh, for the love of – you're impossible. You know that, right?"

"I've been told."

"Look, Sel, just come back with us," said Bree. "You're still supposed to be resting. We're still supposed to be resting."

"Then go rest," he said. "I can take care of myself."

Bree's eyes narrowed. "I'll call William."

"Oh," said Sel, "so he approved of your little excursion?"

Nick flushed, but Bree just looked angry. "We're only out here because we're looking for you."

"Well, you found me," said Sel, holding his arms out. "Now, the two of you can go back to Nick's room before I have to carry you back. Again."

"I don't get it," said Bree. "The whole time Nick was missing, you didn't let me out of your sight. Why now? And why are you so okay with letting him out of your sight? Shouldn't you be annoyingly present at all times?"

Sel looked away. When he turned back to them, he was smiling, but it wasn't an expression of joy. "I've officially been rendered obsolete," he said. "You have Nick, and Nick has you, and I'm just a kingsmage who's sworn an Oath to the wrong Scion." You don't need me.

"Don't be stupid," said Nick wearily. "Just come back to the Lodge with us."

"And we've come full circle," said Sel. "Tell me, Nicholas, is it an order yet?"

Nick stared at Sel for a long moment, and then something in his face snapped shut. "No. Stay out here all night if you want. We're going back inside." He turned to leave, then paused and looked back over his shoulder. "Try to get closer to the Lodge before you collapse of exhaustion. I don't know how long it will take for someone to come all the way out here and find you." Nick started walking towards the Lodge, and he didn't look back again.

Bree frowned after him, biting her lip. Then she looked at Sel. "We just got him back. I can't lose you now." She waited until he gave a tiny nod of acknowledgement. Satisfied, she hurried after Nick. It didn't take her long to catch up. Sel watched them until they were fully out of sight.

Shoving the pain in his chest into a little box, Sel picked out the next tree to destroy. It was going to be a long night, if his body allowed it.

Several hours later, when Sel let himself back into the Lodge, he was surprised to hear someone still awake in the main room. Nick. "Waiting up for me?"

"Yes," said Nick. Sel wished he looked annoyed, but he just looked concerned. His golden hair was shining in the dim light.

"Well, I'm back," said Sel. "You can go up to bed with your girlfriend now."

"We're not – she's not my girlfriend."

Sel laughed humorlessly. "Isn't she?" When Nick opened his mouth to respond, Sel just shrugged and continued. "If she's not, she will be soon enough. I've seen the way the two of you look at each other."

Nick shook his head. "And I've seen the way she looks at you," he said softly. "You were there for her while I was gone, weren't you?"

"Of course," said Sel. "She's our king. She needed me."

"It's more than that," said Nick. "And she still needs you. Bree needs you. Not Arthur."

"She needs you. She wants you."

Nick was quiet for so long Sel thought he may have fallen asleep where he stood. He was about to walk away when Nick spoke. "Do you think she could need both of us?"

"She doesn't need me," Sel said. He wondered briefly if causing Nick deep emotional pain would be enough to violate his Oath. He found that he wasn't interested in finding out.

"She does," Nick insisted. "And, more than that, I need you."

"No you don't."

Nick let out a long breath. "Fine. Whatever. I'm going to bed."

"Good," said Sel. "You need to rest."

"So do you."

Nick was right. It was one of his many annoying talents. "Yeah," Sel admitted, rolling his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm going up to bed, too."

Nick watched him closely for a moment; Sel focused on keeping his expression neutral and honest. It was apparently effective. "Okay," said Nick. "Good. See you in the morning?"

Sel nodded. "See you in the morning."

Sel was not alone in his room when he woke up. "You know," he said, "it's creepy to watch people sleep."

"I've been telling you that for ages," said Bree. She was sitting in a chair near his bed, next to a tray holding his breakfast. "Eat. William's orders."

"Where's Nicholas?" asked Sel. "Did you two already eat? Feed each other some strawberries in bed, maybe?"

"Why are you doing this?" asked Bree. "You've been pushing us away since we got back. How long is this going to last?"

"I'm just keeping a polite distance," said Sel. "Something I thought you'd appreciate, since it's a lesson you've been trying to instill in me every waking second since we met."

Bree gave him an odd look and smiled a little. "Not every second." Sel looked away, and Bree sighed. "You haven't answered my question."

"You should get William to check your hearing. I quite clearly told you I've been trying to keep a polite distance."

"Bullshit," said Bree forcefully. "What's the real answer?"

Sel looked at her coolly. "You tell me. It seems you've got some theories."

"You're acting like – are you jealous?"

"Jealous?" Sel sneered, ignoring the twisting in his gut. "Jealous of what, exactly?"

Bree's confidence faltered. "I don't know. Of Nick? Or – of me? Maybe both of us?" she guessed. "That's what's frustrating. I can't tell."

Sel couldn't tell, either, but he wasn't about to admit that to Bree. Or anyone else, for that matter. "I see. So everything comes back to you and Nicholas?"

"Doesn't it?"

She was right again, of course, so Sel changed the subject. "You didn't answer my question, either. Where is he?"

"Doing his rounds with the others," said Bree. "They've been worried, still."

"Why aren't you with him?"

Bree looked uncomfortable. "Not really my scene," she said. "They mainly wanted to see him, anyway. And Nick's . . . well, you know how Nick is."

"Basking in his golden-boy glow and loving every minute of it, I'm sure," said Sel.

Bree laughed fondly. "Exactly." She glanced down at the tray of food. "You should eat. Before everything gets cold and soggy."

"I'm not hungry," said Sel. His stomach grumbled in protest, and Bree gave him a pointed look. He sighed. "Fine. But you'll have to bring it over to me. I'm still on strict bedrest orders, and I wouldn't want to go against William's instruction."

"Says the man who snuck out last night to tear through half the forest," Bree muttered, but she got up and carried the tray to him. Sel made sure to brush his hand against hers when he took it from her, and he relished in the way she reacted to the skin contact. She wasn't so viscerally affected when Nick touched her. "I've missed you, Sel," she said quietly.

"I haven't gone anywhere," he said. "That was you."

"That's not fair," said Bree. "Nick's back, and –"

"Exactly," Sel cut in. "Nick's back."

"You say that like it explains everything."

"Everything that matters," said Sel. Bree was shaking her head, but Sel kept pushing. "We've spent months looking for him and trying to figure out how to get him back. And now we've done it. The king has rescued her prince charming, and all is right with the world."

Bree frowned. "But we still . . . There's still something, here. With us. We can't just ignore it."

"Sure we can," said Sel, swallowing heavily enough to push his heart back out of his throat. "We were lonely. We were stressed. We kissed a few times. Now your prince is back." He looked up at the ceiling. "Not everything has to mean something."

"This does, though," Bree insisted. "Come on, Sel. Tell me you don't feel it."

"I don't feel it," Sel said flatly, still refusing to look at her.

Bree snorted. "Say it again in a way I might believe."

Sel closed his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

Bree was quiet for a long time. Sel listened to her heartbeat. It started fast and got faster. "Do you remember when you told me you were in love with Nick?"

"Sure," said Sel evenly. "When I was thirteen." He tried to keep his tone light, cavalier. He wasn't baring his soul; he was just confirming a minor, irrelevant detail. "I told you. Everyone falls in love with Nicholas at some point. And I'm well over it."

"I don't think you are," said Bree. Sel opened his mouth to deny it, but Bree wasn't done. "And I think he's in love with you, too."

Sel was stunned into a temporary silence. "I think you're confused," he said at last. "He's quite clearly in love with you. Me, he tolerates, at best."

"Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?" asked Bree.

Sel glanced over at her. She looked thoughtful and uncertain, staring down at the foot of the bed. He took a breath. He was going to say no. He was going to say it would be a miracle to find one person to love, and an impossibility for that love to be reciprocated by two people at once, even for a moment. But instead, he said, "I don't know." A pause. "I hope so."

Bree's eye's traveled up the bed until they met Sel's. "I hope so, too."

She was defiant and strong and vulnerable and it was all far too much. Sel needed it to be less. "I'm not sure what you're getting at, Briana," he said, "but it's not going to happen."

Her eyes narrowed. "Which is it?"

"What?"

"Which is it?" she repeated. "Are you not sure what I'm getting at, or do you think it's not going to happen? It can't be both. If you don't know what I'm getting at, you can't have an opinion on whether or not it's a possibility."

Sel pressed his lips together. Bree had a frustrating ability to cut to the heart of the matter. Part of him wanted to lean into the first half of the statement and deny all of it. If he could play dumb, he could keep her from knowing how much he wanted it. How much he wanted them. But if he did that, she might say it. And then it would be too much all over again. Instead, he deflected. "You shouldn't push. You've got Nick. He's got you. Don't be greedy."

"Greedy?" Bree asked incredulously. "You think I'm – you think this is for me?"

"Isn't it?" He gave her a derisive glance. "You want to have it all. Your perfect, chivalrous knight and your dark, brooding sorcerer."

She snorted. "Is that how you think of yourself?"

He ignored her. "Nick is the good guy in this situation. Almost comically so. He's the prize. Take it and move on, and leave me out of it."

"The two of you are bound to each other."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything."

"I thought you would have noticed by now that nothing in our Oaths means we have to like each other," said Sel. "We barely have to tolerate each other. Besides, he's bound to you, too. You can't ignore centuries of loyalty."

Bree shook her head. "I'm not talking about centuries," she said. "You and Nick – you've been together for most of your lives. That's not nothing."

"And you've been together for hundreds of years," said Sel. "That's far more significant than a misplaced Oath sworn by a child too young to understand it, don't you think?"

"That doesn't make it any less real," Bree insisted. "I don't get it. You've said your life is his –"

"And his life is yours." He took a moment to enjoy the silence he'd drawn out of her. "I'm doing you a favor, here. You seem particularly inclined to make poor choices, so I'm making this one for you. I'm out. I'm off the table. I'm not an option." He put a hand to his brow and wondered whether the headache was a consequence of yesterday's overexertion. "For once in my life, Briana, I'm trying to do the noble thing. Let me."

"Why do guys always say 'noble' when they should be saying 'stupid'?"

"Why can't you ever leave well enough alone?"

"Because it's not well enough," she said. "Not for you. And not for me, either."

"It should be." His tone was as sharp as he could make it. "I'm not a Scion, like Nicholas. Like you. I've got Shadowborn blood. I don't belong."

Bree's eyes flashed. "And you think I do?"

"Yes," said Sel. "You are the King. It is quite literally in your blood."

"Arthur belongs," she corrected him. "There's a difference."

Sel studied her carefully. "There is a difference," he agreed at last. "But you do belong. You. Bree."

She closed her eyes. "Some days, I don't know if I want to," she said quietly.

He snorted. "Only some days? That's an improvement."

Bree laughed, and Sel ignored the way it danced through his core. She stood up. "I'll go," she said. "For now. But this isn't over."

He looked at her. "What isn't over, exactly?"

"All of it." She paused at the door. "William said to tell you you're off bedrest. He wants you to check in with him, but you're free to do whatever you feel up to."

And she was out the door before he could respond.

Sel finished eating as quickly as he could. He wanted to get out of his room, out of his thoughts. Away from the image of Bree sitting there and telling him things he'd long ago written off as impossible might matter, after all.

He thought about leaving the tray in his room and skipping the trip down to see William, but he finally decided it would be as good a distraction as anything else he could do.

He did not, however, want to see anyone else on his way. Sel used his hearing to keep himself out of the path of any of the Lodge's other residents. He nearly ran into Tor and Sarah on the ground floor, but he stayed out of sight and they moved out of his way quickly enough.

William glanced up at Sel when he walked into the infirmary. "Good," he said. "I wasn't sure you'd actually show up."

"Where should I put the tray?"

"Over there," said William, nodding at the counter by the far wall. "Then have a seat. How are you feeling?"

"Dandy." True enough, he thought. Physically, at least. Sel put the tray down and took a quick inventory of his body as he hopped up onto one of the beds. "I do have a bit of a headache," he admitted, "but I think that's caused by . . . other things."

"Would 'other things' be named Nick or Bree?"

"They're quite adept at causing headaches," said Sel wryly.

William laughed a little at that. "You know, you've given me more than your share of headaches, too, over the years."

Sel grimaced. "I suppose that's probably true."

"It's definitely true," William corrected him, but he was still smiling. "I kept thinking you'd outgrow it, but no such luck."

"There's still time," said Sel with a shrug. "I wouldn't count on it, though."

"Don't worry," said William. "I know better."

"So," said Sel as William continued checking him over, "am I the only one getting this special treatment, or have you been following up with the others, too?"

"By 'the others,' I assume you mean Bree and Nick?"

"They weren't the only 'others' who were hurt."

"No," said William somberly, "but they were certainly the most hurt." He paused, and his smile returned to his eyes. "Also, they're the only people in this Lodge I've ever seen you actively care about."

"That's not true," Sel protested.

William raised an eyebrow. "Name one person."

"There are plenty of people," Sel said vaguely.

"You don't even care about yourself." William's expression was soft, and Sel hated it. "Not as much as you should, at least."

"Is that your official medical diagnosis?"

"No," said William. "Just observations from a friend."

Sel shifted uncomfortably. "You still haven't answered my initial question," he said. "Am I your only patient with follow-up orders?"

"Of course not," said William. "You are, however, the only one who interpreted 'bedrest' to mean 'jumping out the window and tearing up half the forest,' so that counts for something."

"Which one of them told on me?"

"They didn't have to," William snorted. "Do you have any idea how loud you are when you do that?" Sel glared at him, but William just laughed and continued. "Also, Bree and Nick both told me. Multiple times, actually. They came down last night, right after they'd gone out to check on you, and then they brought it up again this morning. They wanted to know if you'd been to see me yet."

"Nosy bastards," Sel muttered.

"Sure," William agreed. "But you know it's just because they care."

"It's because they can't leave well enough alone," said Sel.

"You can hardly expect them to leave you alone, though," said William.

Sel narrowed his eyes. "And why, exactly, is that?"

At first, William looked at him as if he thought he must be joking. Sel just stared back at him, and his smile faltered. "Selwyn," he said, his tone somewhere between pity and admonishment, "they love you."

Sel gaped at him for a moment, and then he snapped his mouth shut. "You should stick to medicine, William. You sound a bit delusional."

"Do I?" asked William, sounding amused. Sel wanted to punch him. "Have they really not talked to you yet?"

Sel bristled. He didn't like the idea of William knowing something he didn't – not when it was something about Bree and Nick. "We've talked."

"I'm not just asking if you've spoken to them," said William. "I mean – have they not talked to you about this?"

"What, exactly, is this?"

William looked at him with exasperation. "Just go talk to them, please. If you keep avoiding them and dragging it out, I have a feeling you'll all be giving me an abnormally large number of headaches until you get things sorted out."

"There's nothing to sort out," said Sel. Bree's words danced through his head – Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time? – but he pushed them away. "Nick's back. They're together again. We've eliminated the primary threats. I'm unnecessary."

William studied him for a moment and then shook his head. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"Why shouldn't I?" asked Sel. "Because you think you're picking up on something that isn't there?"

"It's definitely there," said William. "And you'll thank me once you go talk to them."

Sel shook his head. There was nothing to talk about. Unless there was. But it was stupid to let himself hope for that. "Does that mean I can leave?"

William sighed. "Yes. I don't see any reason to keep you, so you're officially off bedrest. You're free to go."

"Great," said Sel, hopping off the bed. "I'll do that, then." He left the room without a second glance, but not fast enough to keep from hearing William let out another long-suffering sigh. It fueled Sel's annoyance, and he walked faster.

He didn't even realize he was heading straight to Nick's room until he pushed through the door, unannounced. They were both there, sitting on Nick's bed, leaning casually against each other. He thought they should look guilty. Like he'd walked in on them. Caught them. Something. But they both just looked happy to see him. He didn't understand it. He wanted to destroy it. He needed it like air.

"So," said Bree, "did you go see William?"

"Yep," Sel nodded. "And he's officially said I'm free to do whatever I want, so the two of you should no longer feel any obligation to babysit me."

"Thank god," said Nick, rolling his eyes. "We weren't getting paid nearly enough."

Bree looked at him. "You were getting paid?" Nick looked surprised for a moment, and then they both laughed. Sel didn't know why he was still standing there.

"All right, well, I'll leave you two to sort things out with payroll," he said, shifting backwards towards the door. "Bye."

"Sel," said Nick. "Stop."

He didn't think Nick had intended it to be an order, but he said it with enough weight to stop him in his tracks. "Yes, my liege?"

"Can you please be serious for just a minute?" asked Nick.

"I am serious," said Sel. "Always."

"Okay, then, can you try being less serious?"

"Nope."

"Okay, nope. No. We're not doing this again," said Bree. "This is stupid. I'm over it."

"Great," said Sel. "Me too. Quite over it. Glad that's all settled now. I'll be on my way."

"Not what I meant," said Bree flatly.

Sel shrugged. "Worth a shot." Nick laughed a little, and Sel hated the spark of electricity that pulsed through him.

"Come on, Sel," said Bree. "Come sit. Please?"

He was never going to be able to tell her no. Not when she asked like that. He started towards the chair beside the bed.

"Sel." Bree was looking at him sternly. He shifted course and perched on the edge of the mattress. Every part of him was on fire.

"So," Nick started, "we were talking. Bree and I."

This was clearly not a complete thought, but Nick seemed to be waiting for some kind of reaction before he continued. Sel indulged him, but not without barbs. "I would assume you do that with some frequency."

"Do you have some kind of compulsion to make everything harder than it has to be?" asked Nick.

"I was thinking of asking you the same thing," Sel shot back.

"This is what it's going to be like," said Bree, more to herself than either of them. "No quiet in my head, no quiet out of my head. Just sitting here with Arthur and Vera, listening to you two bicker for the rest of my life."

"I've offered to remove myself from the situation several times," Sel reminded her.

"And I've told you not to." Her eyes were blazing, but her tone was soft.

Sel looked away. "That's an odd thing to say to me in your boyfriend's bed."

"He's not my boyfriend," Bree insisted. She glanced at Nick. "But I'd like him to be."

Sel closed his eyes. He'd been threatened with torture, before, but it didn't compare to this. "Wonderful. Then what exactly am I doing here?"

She touched his arm, and he drew in a sharp breath at the contact. "I'd like you to be, too."

Sel opened his eyes. Bree was watching him with a mix of nerves and determination he didn't think he deserved. His eyes slid over to Nick. "And how does Nicholas feel about this?"

"The same," said Nick. His face was hopeful and vulnerable in a way that made Sel ache. "I want Bree," he said, "and I want you, too, Sel."

There was a buzzing in his ears, and he felt as though he were vibrating. "You what?"

"He said he wants you," said Bree, her hand still on his arm. "And I do, too."

Sel's mind was trying to catch up with the rest of his body. "And you want each other, as well."

"We do," Nick confirmed.

"So," Bree prompted, her eyes on Sel, tension radiating through her grip, "thoughts?"

Thinking seemed like an impossible task. Everything about this seemed impossible. "Is this real?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," said Nick. Simply. Openly. Unbelievably.

Sel met Nick's eyes. He felt the way he did before he jumped over a ledge, but he didn't know where the ground was. He jumped anyway. "Yes." He turned back to Bree. "To both of you. To all of this."

He waited for them to laugh. To pull the rug out from under him. To call him a fool for ever thinking he could have even one good thing, much less the two very best things. But it didn't come. Nick was reaching out to him, and Bree was leaning into Nick, and they were all tangled together, close and warm and safe. They stayed like that, holding each other, for a long moment, and time stood still.

"You know," said Nick at last, absently caressing Sel's back, "I don't think I've ever felt quite so . . . relaxed."

Bree hummed in agreement. "I know. It's nice."

Sel leaned into Nick, pulled Bree closer. He could stay like this forever. He could stay like this forever. A future he'd never dared imagine drifted tantalizingly close. Now, here, holding Nick and Bree, being held by Nick and Bree, it was starting to feel attainable. "I think I'm happy," he said with wonder.

Nick was firm and steady against him. "Me too." He let out a shaky breath. "I never thought – I never thought I'd get to be this happy." His voice dropped to a whisper, and his smile was tinged with sadness. "We wasted so much time."

"No," said Sel forcefully. He was looking at Bree. "This is happing right when it's meant to."

Bree leaned into his chest. "I completely agree."

Nick laughed, and Sel could feel the vibrations against his body. "All right, then," he said. "I guess I'm outvoted."

Bree sat up straight. "Oh, no. We're not doing that."

"Doing what?" Sel asked.

"Deciding things by vote. Just because we can does not mean we should."

Nick tilted his head to the side. "I don't know. That is one of the advantages of being in a three-person relationship." He glanced at Sel. "Let's vote on it. What do you think, Sel?"

"I think this is a trap," said Sel. "There is absolutely no correct answer. I abstain."

Bree grinned. "And that means I win by default!"

"Probably for the best," said Nick, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "We couldn't even make it through one vote, which is a pretty solid indication you were right, anyway."

"I'm always right."

Nick and Sel made eye contact and laughed. "Sure, love," said Nick. "Whatever you say."

"Maybe not always," Bree admitted. "But I'm right more often than either one of you." She looked at them fondly. "I was right about this."

"We all were," Nick said. "Some more quickly than others," he added, gently tugging Sel closer to him.

"Pardon me if I had a bit of trouble believing this could be possible," said Sel dryly. He swallowed. "I'm still having a bit of trouble believing it, if I'm being perfectly honest."

"We deserve it," said Bree fiercely. "After everything we've done. Everything we've been through. We deserve this."

Sel had never been so confident he deserved anything in his life – anything good, at least – but Bree said it with enough conviction for both of them. For all of them. "You're right," he said, and he meant it. "We do."

And somehow, against all odds, they had it.