Nathan was no stranger to pain. It had become a familiar presence in his life from an early age. Watching his mother worrying about his father not coming home, seeing her cry when she thought he didn't notice. He still remembered the ruby brooch that was so special to her. And of course everything that happened with his father's criminal history.
Nathan knew pain. But Nathan also knew happiness, he knew love. The love he felt for his mother. For his sister. Colleen was his best friend. They spent hours together in their own world, laughing, running around, racing to beat the sunset before their mother ushered them inside. Life with her made sense. It was as though God has given him a life-long best friend.
Nathan knew joy. Joy to the point where he felt like his heart was going to burst. Holding little Allie in his hands, he knew he would go to the ends of the Earth to keep her safe. He loved her with everything he had. Colleen had smiled, watching Nathan and Allie. Watching her Mountie in training brother tearing up, holding her little girl. She knew in her bones that Nathan would never let anything happen to her. He loved her more than he was capable of understanding, more than he was capable of saying.
"Uncle Nathan?" Colleen asked with a smile.
"I...I like the sound of that." Nathan replied, barely a whisper. He couldn't take his eyes off this tiny bundle in his arms. All dark eyes and rosy cheeks. He loved her.
"Alison...Allie."
Nathan knew heartbreak. The kind where he couldn't make heads or tails of anything. He was a Mountie. He was prepared for the worst case scenario. He was trained for this.
But this was the kind of pain no one could ever prepare for. Colleen was gone. His best friend. His lifeline. His sister. Gone from this world. His heart was never the same.
Nathan knew healing. He would watch Allie, reading by the fireplace, bouncing up the steps into his office, sitting by her fishing, and helping him make pancakes on those special Sundays and he thought about how raising her was the biggest gift life had given him. He didn't realize he could feel a love so deep. She was his person and he was hers. They were each others in this world. She was kind, brave, spirited, oh so determined when she put her mind to something. She was funny and made him laugh until his stomach hurt. Sometimes Nathan didn't understand how he got so lucky. Those moments he smiled remembering, "She's Colleen's daughter. She gets it from her. "
What Nathan didn't know was the kind of heartbreak he felt now. The kind that made him feel like there was a pile of rocks on his heart that he couldn't move no matter how hard he tried. The kind of heartbreak that made him almost too angry inside- asking God for a break. Then asking God for some relief. More patience. Forgiveness for doubting his plan. But the hurt never went away. He loved Elizabeth. He was in love with her. But she wasn't in love with him.
She never gave him a chance.
Nathan wanted to leave and start somewhere fresh with Allie. He knew he had every right to. Hell he even had half a mind to accept a promotion somewhere far away from Hope Valley. But he knew in his heart that this was Allie's home now. His home. No matter how many constant reminders there were in every corner. The wistful glances, the small smiles, the kind and polite invitations for warm meals as a 'thank you' to their Mountie. He knew the townspeople meant well and he appreciated that. But Nathan was breaking inside. He was crumbling.
Nathan was no stranger to pain. He wished it was a road less traveled but there he was right on the same path. But this was a pain that ripped his heart in half and hurt his soul. And he didn't know how to help it heal.