Under the hot blazing sun, all the Dauntless were loading trucks. Hiding behind the brown wooden blocks, my eyes were constantly looking for Beatrice everywhere. It was hard to search for her among all the black identical uniforms but a mother can never be mistaken when searching for her child. Finally, in the Dauntless crowd, I saw Beatrice, sweat was dripping down her forehead. Immediately, I took her and sneaked away. It was a joy to see how she grew up into a strong young woman, my eyes were shining with pride, as I caressed her arms. I embraced her and in assurance, I asked her about her aptitude test results.
"They were inconclusive," she replied hesitantly. I could sense the fear in my daughter as she disclosed it.
"Divergent," I whispered promptly. "Don't trust anyone, not even your instructors, friends, no one, don't tell this to anyone!" I asserted. "Your life is in danger," I explained to her looking straight into her eyes. Warning your child that she is vulnerable is the most difficult conversation, but I had to move my frozen lips and let the truth out to alert her, and I went away before someone caught me talking to her. Even though my daughter grew up satisfactorily, I don't think she is capable of protecting herself from these evil minds and malicious intentions of Erudite.
After returning home, I pulled out the old album, the only album we had as Abnegation doesn't believe in vanity. Turning over the photos in the album reminded me of our past days, and it filled me with nostalgia. It took me back to the time when I was sitting among the crowd in the choosing ceremony, I was perhaps the most confident person about bringing up my children and I knew we will always be together. But destiny had something unexpected planned for us. The test crushed my future hopes and mashed down my pride under their choices. This ceremony evoked bitterness among our love and separated my children from me forever. Our factions and our motives are different for surviving from now onwards. I was disappointed with my son for choosing to leave Abnegation and join Erudite. But I was left heartbroken upon my daughter leaving Abnegation. My heart filled with sorrow that both my children are leaving us and tears rolled down my eyes as they walked away from us.
Suddenly the blowing wind toppled the glass from the top shelf, this noise got me back to the present. The glass shattered into tiny pieces. I quickly went to clean it but when I was picking up the broken pieces of glass it resembled how society was breaking down similarly and once it would shatter into pieces too if nothing is done to stop Erudite from taking over Abnegation.
As days passed, I could sense the growing tension between Erudite and Abnegation, and is Dauntless going to support it? Does it mean my children are going to turn against us? I can't believe this is happening. I knew someday or the other that our paths would divide and my children would be in another faction. But I never knew this is enough to turn them against their parents. Above all, with the growing tension, my concern for Beatrice was increasing each day. I feel powerless as a mother. I can't do anything to protect my daughter. This society is a threat to her.
It was one early morning when everyone would have been following their monotonous routine for the day. I was cooking at home and unexpectedly I could hear a lot of footsteps leading towards the Abnegation sector. I heard children screaming and running as if they saw a monster appear. When I looked out of the window, I saw the Dauntless army grabbing people by their arms and shooting them down mercilessly. They harshly dragged them out of their houses. I stared at them with my eyes wide open and this horrific scene terrified me. My heart was pounding faster with every passing second. I sneaked out from the back door and hid behind my house. The screams, innocent sobs, and the noise of bullets echoed in my ears. I felt weak and cowardly hiding in that little corner. I pressed my hand on my mouth and cried.
I was peeking through the small space and they were pulling everyone out of their houses. I was trembling with fear and looking for Beatrice. I was more concerned about her, if at all someone knows she is Divergent then it would cost her her life. This is a planned attack and they can do anything to hunt Divergent and execute them.
I heard the creak of the door and saw someone step into our house. I saw it was Beatrice and someone from the hidden space. They left the house when they didn't find me. Right after stepping out of our house, Four was stopped by Eric and he ridiculed him. Four stood still while they jeered at him. Eric picked his gun to shoot Four. That's when Beatrice attempted to defend him and aimed her gun to shoot Eric. But unfortunately, the Dauntless caught hold of Beatrice and Four and dragged them to Jeanine Matthews. She is a devious woman with great authority now, she can never let go of Divergent. I hope she lets them out safely. I sat there panic-stricken, my palms were sweating waiting for them to come out. I was peeking through the gaps. Each time I heard the sound of bullets shot, it made my blood run cold. I saw a gun lying on the corner, I belonged to the Dauntless. But I was paralyzed with fear when she didn't come out for a long time. However, I was desperately waiting.
Sometime later the dauntless people dragged Four with them and shoved Beatrice to the ground. They held Beatrice by her arms and they had ordered to shoot her. My heart was pounding fast. She was made to sit on her knees. They were pointing their guns at Beatrice. No mother can witness her child in this condition.
I was just staring at her and I didn't know what to do. My tears were blocked and my feet were burdened. But without wasting another minute, I quickly ran and grabbed up a gun laying on the ground and gathered all my strength to defend my daughter. I will not let them kill my daughter. I aimed the gun at those three saboteurs and shot them. They fell to the ground and I held out my hand for Beatrice to get up and gestured to her to run away with me. As we were running to a safe place, my mind was constantly thinking about how I should save Tris. Everyone would be hunting for her and assassinate her as soon as they encounter her. A very nasty thought came to my mind and my head was full of bizarre possibilities that would be wrong. What if I end her suffering?
Soon after reaching a safe corner, I embraced my daughter and cupped her face in my hands, and kissed her on her forehead with immense love. I reached out to her palms and kissed them.
"Beatrice, this society will not let you survive. I know you are brave my dear. But they'll make your life miserable. I am sorry I have to make this decision but I can no more protect you. Your mother can no longer see you in danger, my child. I have given you birth but I can not see anyone killing you in front of my eyes." Upon hearing this, Beatrice glanced at me quizzically.
I walked a few feet away and I picked up the fallen gun of Dauntless with trembling hands. I turned to her with the gun in my hand, and I saw she was frowning at me. My hands were frozen, they didn't want to move, but I gulped hard, raised the gun to aim at her, and instantaneously pushed the trigger. The bullet went straight penetrating her forehead. Beatrice gazed widely at me in disbelief. Blood splashed on me and ran down her face. The gun fell from my numb hands.
"Mom!" She shrieked, just like what any other child would do when they are hurt. Her screams of pain pierced my heart. The scream was intense. How would Mom do this to me? Is it a mistake? She can't...she just can….not..not kill me..her own..daughter. My head was hurting horribly as if it wanted the brain to be pushed out of my skull. Everything around me was spinning and my senses fading out. There was intense pain in my head and blood was running down my forehead.
I saw her press her hand to her head. She was crying in pain and losing her balance. It was that innocence in her eyes as she tumbled to the ground that stared at me with a shock. How else could my child react?
" Mom...Mom….why? How?" They were the last words she uttered, lying on the ground in a daze and tears rolled down her cheeks along with a pool of blood surrounding her. She continued staring at me in disbelief.
" Your mother can no more save you, Tris! I don't want this vicious world to kill you! I shouted. Please forgive your mother Beatrice if you can. I can not see you suffer and get tortured by these perpetrators of society. I will not let that happen no matter what." I sobbed covering my face with my palms in shame.
I dashed closer to her and clasped my daughter's hand. I lifted her head and rested it on my lap. She was shaking uncontrollably and desperately gasping for breath. She took that last breath and died in the lap of her vile mother. That one last tear rolled from the corner of her eye as her eyes closed. When I saw her eyes shut completely I groaned in anguish. It felt as if the future was collapsing. The pouring blood stained my clothes. The blood appeared as if it wanted to tell the world that I am a brutal mother and a murderer. A child always sleeps without worries in their mother's laps, but here I was having my daughter's corpse in my lap. Watching her dead sent shivers down my spine, I couldn't witness my child dying. All I could do was sit there, this was an irreversible mistake.
This could be the guiltiest thing a mother can do to her child. I can never forgive myself for this heinous crime but I can't even see her suffering and threat to her life. It was my spontaneous response to the circumstance, I didn't think about it! How could I make such a wrong decision? There might have been other ways to protect her. How could I make this decision in panic, that cost my child her life? I stole that smile from her face forever. I am the worst mother. My wrong decision is the cause of her death today. Children are taught to blindly trust their parents however, my actions have changed it all. Children would think of me, a mother who deceived her daughter.
As I sat next to Beatrice with my slumped shoulder, I felt like I should sink to the earth with shame. How could I do this to my daughter? The sky above wanted to crush me under it. How can I be stone-hearted? I regret it, I said, putting my hands to my head. My daughter must be feeling betrayed. It had eliminated her suffering but I can't survive with this blame.
I have lost my beloved daughter, all I am left with is our fond memories. I never wanted my daughter's sacrifices to go in vain but as a mother when you are in a dilemma whether to choose their happiness or suffering, this is what a mother would do. Sometimes this is the only way out, to free your child from all the vulnerabilities. The last option: filicide.