It was a quiet night at the main Mathers mansion.
Sitting down at the desk that came with his simple-yet-comfy servant room, Natsuki Subaru struggled to read a book on the great heroes of the Empire of Vollachia. As far as literature went it was far from his usual choices, but his surprisingly well-learned little bro had vehemently recommended the stories therein when Subaru mentioned he was finally getting comfortable with Ro-script. He was eager to rise to the challenge but…
"This is a bit much for me…"
It's not that the stories were bad or uninteresting. If anything, the flowery use of adjectives and the thought given to explaining local customs and dialects gave a strong sense of atmosphere to the work. The writer was as skilful as they were enthusiastic, but on the flip side the book used numerous archaic and complex characters he'd never seen before. Already on his desk were three different dictionaries, each containing a subset of uncommon characters he'd had to consult.
"Seriously seeing Garfiel in a new light right now."
Feeling his frustration growing, Subaru gulped down the remnants of cold tea in his cup and slid a slip of paper between the pages he'd been reading before closing the book. The Puck face drawn on the improvised bookmark brought a light smile to his face.
-Six months had passed since the troubles at the Sanctuary.
The newly reformed Emilia camp's members had settled into their lives at the new mansion. Time passed relatively peacefully. The occasional issue or minor threat that arose would usually be tackled by himself or Garfiel, and sometimes events related to the Royal Selection required him to stand in his official position as Emilia's knight, accompanying her to meet some noble or other in a bid to gain their support, but these were uncommon occasions. His daily life consisted of training, helping out with various servant duties, chatting with his friends at the mansion, talking with Emilia about whatever was on their minds, playing around with Beatrice, and his nightly visits to Rem's room.
Subaru liked to keep himself occupied.
It wasn't that he was forcing himself. To Subaru, nothing was happier than the peaceful days they had achieved. But it was also true that when he found himself alone and idle, his thoughts tended to stray away somewhere else.
He looked around his room. It was outfitted with a simple dresser, numerous bookshelves, a comfortable reading chair, and a larger-than-average bed. And lots of pillows. Beatrice loved pillows. But he didn't catch sight of the frilly dress or the springy hairstyle of the girl in question.
He'd returned to his room with Beatrice after helping out with post-dinner dishwashing and brewing some tea, and settled in as they both read (or attempted to read, in his case) a book, until an excited Petra knocked on the door and extended an invitation to the spirit loli to join her in cookie-baking lessons at the kitchen. From the deep blue of the time crystal atop the door it should be around 9 PM. She'd been gone for about half an hour at this point.
As Subaru thought fondly of the little girl and her newfound interests, he noted how Beatrice had gradually opened up in the past few months. Overly cautious and nervous, and sometimes hurting others with sharp words, she slowly mellowed out over time. With the support of himself, Emilia, and most of all, Petra, the girl who'd once isolated herself from the world out of duty and grief had started building relationships with those around her and engaging in activities she'd always been curious about, yet never tried out of fear, awkwardness, or stubbornness.
While he smiled at how much Beako had changed, his mind called up the events that led to her leaving the Forbidden Library.
The trials, both literal and figurative, had affected all of the mansion's inhabitants in major ways. In the end, linking forces and supporting each other through the brunt of the obstacles, the camp managed to reach a new day with zero losses. It was a miracle, he thought. The product of planning, careful role assignment, and more than a bit of luck. Yet, even so, he couldn't help but think if it couldn't have gone better.
Had he been stronger, smarter, could he have saved them earlier? Could he have understood Roswaal's intentions before his plans were put into motion? Had he not been such a fool, desperate to lift everything up onto his own shoulders and ignoring those around him, could he have prevented the many futures of death and despair he so cowardly left behind?
Had he not been so incompetent, perhaps…
He thought of his greatest regret. The girl who had once saved him only to be placed in a state of eternal sleep as her reward, forgotten by the world.
Had he been less rash, able to see the hints, wouldn't he have been able to save her? She, who was one of the most precious people in the world to him.
And even now, as he strived to find a clue to where the one who put her in that condition might be, all he did was come up empty again and again. The few leads that occasionally cropped up quickly ran cold, and the months kept passing by without any progress.
"Man, I'm so pathetic."
His smile changed into one of self-derision. Rationally, he knew that he'd done everything he could. He'd never given it any less than his best, and the people he had saved knew and appreciated him for it, just as he appreciated them.
Yet even knowing this, in these lonely nights, he couldn't keep himself from dwelling in his own regrets and trauma.
As Subaru felt his mind spiral deeper and deeper into the ugliest parts of his psyche, he thought of the three girls closest to his heart. He wanted Emilia to hold him tight, whispering words of comfort in his ear. He wanted Beatrice to hug him, pat his head, and tell him she was there for him. He wanted to feel Rem's embrace, and confess to her everything that was consuming him that very second.
But Subaru was alone, and he wouldn't want to burden them with his own self derision anyway.
So, he instead reached for a familiar object on his desk.
It'd been several weeks since he'd gone so low, he hazily thought. The last month had been particularly good on him.
"Beatrice will be sad again…"
Even now, he was hurting the ones he loved most in his weakness.
Truly, how pathetic…
A lone girl walked down the hallways in the area of the mansion typically reserved for the servants and their quarters. It was late at night, after supper, and the lights in the hallways had already been dimmed. Her silver hair shone under the moonlight seeping in through the many windows lining the left side of the hall.
The girl, Emilia, would normally be preparing to sleep at this moment. She'd always needed more sleep than most, so it'd become a habit to turn in for the night early. Tonight would be no exception… until she received a visit in her quarters just as she was finishing her work for the day.
It was just past dinner. Emilia was tidying up her desk of the day's work. Piling study books into a corner, separating the letters she'd read and her responses into separate neat piles. The numerous documents she'd been delegated by their own Internal Affairs Manager, in a bid to familiarize her with the boring-yet-necessary parts of a ruler's job, stacked into yet another pile. She verified the ink bottle didn't need refiling, and the quills were still in good condition. Emilia nodded in satisfaction at the neatness of her workspace. A tidy environment was key to productivity. She felt like someone had taught her that before, and she was inclined to agree.
Knock knock
Hearing the sudden sound she straightened her posture on reflex, adopting something like the "air of a ruler", according to Otto. Though she didn't really get why kings needed to act so imposing all the time. It must give them stiff shoulders.
"Come in."
The door opened to reveal a young man in his twenties. His youthful appearance, and well-defined facial features created a handsome image, with his indigo hair and differently-coloured eyes adding a sense of mystique. All the more shame that it was all ruined by his eccentric makeup and bizarre clothing choices.
"Lady Emilia, my apoooooologies for bothering you so late."
"It's fine Roswaal. I was just about finishing up my work for today. Did something urgent come up?"
The day's affairs were typically discussed during their morning meeting or at dinner, so a visit like this was rare.
"Indeeeeed. Lady Emilia, do you recall Baron Wagner from your studies?"
Emilia touched a finger to her chin in thought for a few seconds.
"… That's the name of a minor nobleman who owns lands to the north of the Karsten territory and bordering the Lyphas highway, correct?"
Roswaal nodded in satisfaction.
"As you knooooow, Lady Emilia, the Lyphas highway is perhaps the kingdom's most important trade artery. Baron Wagner's territory, which borders a large stretch of it, is in a uuuuuuuunique position to profit from the comings and goings and, most importantly, its proximity to one of your competitor's lands make the Baron a highly promising potential ally."
It was Emilia's turn to nod in understanding.
"Saaaaaadly enough, though Mr. Wagner has publicly denounced Lady Karsten's militarized policies and stands at ooooodds with her, communication from our side has not yielded any results thuuuuuus far."
Roswaal closed his eyes and shrugged for effect, before staring only his yellow eye at Emilia and continuing.
"I have just received an invitation to the Wagner domain. The Baron invites us for lunch at his manor, and seemingly hopes to discuss an alliance with Lady Emilia in person. I do not yet knoooow why he so suddenly changed his tuuuuune, but though it is quite impertinent of him to ask for your presence there in such a short notice, it is not an opportunity we should let slip by."
"I understand. It's not… a trap of some kind, is it?"
"Even should the Baron have… untoward intentions towards Lady Emilia, myself, Garfiel, and your very own knight will be accompanying you. Suuuurely, there is nothing a meeeere Baron can do in such circumstances."
Emilia nodded. Roswaal was one thing, but she trusted Garfiel. And most of all, she trusted her knight. No matter what might come their way, with him by her side, she was invincible.
Feeling a smile light up her expression, Emilia asked.
"Have you told Subaru about this yet?"
"I'm aaaafraid not. I was going to visit him in his quarters now."
"Then leave that to me. I'll just finish tidying up here, then I'll go inform him myself."
"…Very well. I wish you a good night, Lady Emilia."
"Mhmm. You too."
With a light bow, Roswaal turned to leave the room. For a moment, his gaze sharpened as he looked at the seemingly excited half-elf queen candidate, but the later had already purged him from her attention.
Emilia's head was filled with thoughts. Half was anticipation at meeting with her Knight, the other half was a mental note to have Otto explain to her why exactly this Baron Wagner was so important. It was truly fortunate she'd mastered the art of nodding even when she had no idea what the other person was talking about. Being a ruler meant "knowing everything, even when one is ignorant of everything", according to Otto. Though she didn't really understand why kings always had to be so right. Perhaps it was something she still had to learn.
The girl headed for the room delegated to Subaru. She found herself smiling in anticipation of a late-night conversation with her knight. Their various duties kept them busy through most of the day, so they mostly talked during meals or whenever both had some time out. On occasion, Subaru would intrude on her when work was particularly tough. She always reprimanded him for it, but deep down was glad at his concern. Recently, she found herself seeking him out more often when she had a break, usually finding him bonding with Beatrice in their own special way, or watching over his training. The latter seemed to bring Subaru some embarrassment, but it was a proper payback for interrupting her work, she thought.
Nevertheless, the time they spent together was no more than a few hours each day. Hence the spring in Emilia's step, excited at the excuse she'd been given to visit him.
Arriving at the door she was seeking, Emilia noticed the faint yellowish light seeping through the bottom. "At least he's not asleep yet", she thought.
After knocking to announce herself, she said:
"Subaru, do you have some time to talk?"
"Ah.. Ah! Emilia-tan? Just gimme a sec…"
Detecting surprise and anxiety in her knight's response, Emilia furrowed her eyebrows.
A few seconds passed before she heard steps approaching the door. Soon enough, her knight emerged from within with his usual smile on his face.
"To what do I owe this nightly visit Emilia-tan? I thought you'd be in bed by now."
"Roswaal suddenly got an urgent meeting set up for tomorrow and I wanted to talk about it… If you're not busy?"
"Whenever you need me, all other duties and problems melt away into nothing. Emilia-tan is always my first priority!"
Subaru opened the door wide and gave an exaggerated bow, gesturing for her to come inside.
"Right, right."
Giving off a light grin at her knight's typical behaviour, Emilia entered the room and sat down on the bed. Subaru closed the door and turned the desk's chair to face her, before sitting down himself.
"So, you mentioned Roswaal set up something urgent? That's unlike him, he's more the type to plan things out weeks in advance."
"Yeah, it's a big opportunity to gain a supporter he's had his eyes on apparently. His name is… baron…"
Her words trailed off, and she looked around at the room in apparent confusion. Subaru raised his eyebrows at the girl, wondering what had distracted her.
"Everything okay, Emilia-tan?"
"Well… Subaru, do you smell… blood?"
"Ah…"
Emilia's eyes snap back to the boy in front of her, but he'd already put on a smile.
"Actually, I cut myself a little earlier with a quill. It was nothing major though, don't worry."
Subaru put a hand on the back of his head and chuckled at his own carelessness. He was trying to keep her from worrying, she noted. After all, it was far from the first time he acted like this. He smiled and laughed, but his movements were exaggerated and his face tense.
Ever since the Sanctuary, she'd noticed that he would occasionally put on a show around her and the others. Some days he'd seem more tense than usual, as if fearing something might happen. He'd fidget at certain sounds, his eyes would wander around the room as if looking for something only he could see… Those times were also when he'd propose activities for the camp to do. To Emilia, it always felt like he was trying to get his mind out of whatever terrible state it was in by having fun with the people around him.
She'd wanted to ask him what was troubling him so much, to help him like he helped her so many times before, but she knew that was not what he wanted.
He'd told her before how he wanted to look reliable. How he wanted her to forget his weakness, and only see his strength instead. As much as he could, Subaru wanted her to only see the good sides of him. The person he aspired to be, not the one he thought he was.
So, she'd resolved not to ask even when it was apparent her knight was under the weather. She'd sometimes propose activities of her own or cut a bit into her work hours to be with him just a little longer, but that was all she could do. Sometimes, it was enough. Sometimes, she'd notice Beatrice hugging her contractor, or perhaps Emilia would bump into him late at night before going to bed, his habitual visit to Rem's room having taken a bit longer than usual.
Though she wanted nothing more than to help him and be there for him, she knew he had others he could trust with the weaker sides that he so wanted to keep her from seeing. And when the next day her knight would wake up with eyes bright and filled with life, she smiled and merely hoped it was enough.
This was different, however. She wouldn't let him stay hurt just because he didn't want to show her an accidental wound.
"Let me see it."
As Emilia lifted herself from the bed eager to heal his wound, Subaru grew visibly panicked.
"It's really nothing Emilia-tan! It was just a scratch, so really, don't worry about it!" His increasingly forceful tone made Emilia raise her eyebrows in confusion. Why was he so eager to hide his wound?
"Subaru… Scratches don't bleed enough to leave such a strong smell all over the room." She replied matter-of-factly.
"…You're right, it did bleed a bit." He admitted with a forlorn expression. "But it's nothing serious, and it doesn't hurt. I'll ask Beako to take care of it later, so you don't need to worry Emilia-tan."
He flashed her one of his typical grins. She knew he just wanted her to drop the subject and not worry about him. However…
"Beatrice has a limited supply of mana, you shouldn't make her use it on such things." Subaru started a response, but she cut him off. "Besides, I'm here and I can help. Why do you want to wait for Beatrice so much? She might be better at healing magic than me, but I can still take care of a scratch or two."
Subaru struggled to keep his smile as he pondered how to approach the situation, when he noticed Emilia now stood right in front of him, holding out a hand towards his left arm. Only then did he realise he'd been holding onto that arm in a very obvious manner, telegraphing that it was where the "scratch" was.
"Let me help, Subaru."
Emilia stood before him, expressing a mix of worry and determination as she held out her hand. He knew first-hand how hard it was to dissuade her when she'd committed herself to a task, and harder still when it was related to helping someone close to her.
Why did this have to happen? Why now, of all times, was Emilia here? Why did he not just refuse her entry, making up some excuse that would disappoint her but at least keep the currently unfolding nightmare from occurring? He chided himself for his carelessness and weakness, even as he forced himself to smile and pretend that everything was okay.
He'd long sworn to himself that he'd never show her this side of himself. To all others, but especially to Emilia, Subaru wanted to be a person they could love and admire, rather than the weak, cowardly, disgusting human being he knew he was. Even if he knew she wouldn't judge him for it, even if deep down he understood that she wouldn't see him in a worse light for something like that, even if it was for nothing more than his own, simplistic pride, he didn't want to show weakness in front of Emilia.
Suddenly, he felt thin arms wrap around his neck and pull his head into a soft pillow. He vaguely understood that as he pondered over what to do, Emilia had reached out and hugged him close into her chest.
"It's okay. I'm here Subaru."
The flurry of thoughts inside his mind had evidently shown on his face, betraying the calm façade he was attempting to maintain. Seeing his growing distress, Emilia sought to calm him down in the best way she knew how. She pressed her body close to his and whispered soothing words as she threaded her fingers through his hair in calm and relaxing motions. Her warmth brought out a few tears he was desperately trying to hold back, and they freely flowed down her chest and soaked up her clothes.
He hated himself for breaking down in front of her again. Ever since the time he'd once cried his heart out in her lap he'd sworn to himself he'd become someone worthy of standing at her side. Her equal, her protector, her knight. And in a moment of weakness, he'd thrown that away and once again revealed he was still the same pathetic boy from half a year ago. He hated his weakness and lack of will, but most of all he hated how happy he felt for having her attention, for having her worry about him and offer him comfort. He hated how he wrapped his arms around her torso, holding her closer in his need to feel her warmth.
Nevertheless, he managed to compose himself rather quickly. His arms started to relax after a few seconds of crying. Seeing that Subaru was starting to regain himself, Emilia grasped his left arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing deep cuts into the muscle and copious amounts of blood that had soaked into the white undershirt and black jacket. Far more than a mere accident, it was like a knife had been used to repeatedly slice at the skin. There were even parts of flesh missing, likely torn off by the instrument that was used to create the macabre display. Wincing at the sight, she set about healing the wounds on his arms even as she kept stroking his head. The pleasant feeling of the healing magic brought about a lulling side-effect, leading Subaru to quickly calm down. He let himself be treated by the girl holding him, his mind filling with a mixture of self-hatred and relief as he indulged in her kindness.
Emilia's mind was racing, trying to understand what had caused these wounds. The desperation with which her knight had tried to hide them brought to mind a low point in her life back at the Sanctuary. Feeling abandoned by everyone she trusted, Emilia sought to flee from everything and hide where no one could find her. Stricken by memories she didn't want to recall and an overwhelming feeling of isolation, she took a sickening pleasure in scratching her legs with her nails, the physical pain helping to keep her mind away from the much deeper mental scars. It was only when she realized she'd broken through the skin and was drawing blood that she managed to contain herself, and used a bit of magic to heal the self-inflicted wounds.
She was happy that she'd done so before Subaru found her there, considering the pain inside her heart after seeing him do the very same thing to himself.
The idea that her knight, the one person she most admired in the world, would feel so cornered as to harm himself brought her to the verge of tears. The idea that he had felt so alone, so helpless, that he was compelled to act in such a way, reflected heavily in her inability to be there for him. She wondered how many times similar occurrences had come to pass without her knowledge, hidden away by an ashamed Subaru and the spirit he trusted most in the world.
When the wounds finally closed, Emilia broke out of her negative conjectures and breathed a sigh of relief.
"There. You're okay now." She muttered as she held him close, as if afraid that the boy in her arms would leave and go off alone to some place she couldn't see. There would be time for explanations later, but right now she just wanted to enjoy the fact that he was safe.
The silence was broken shortly, however.
"Thank you."
A rasped voice came from the boy in front of her. It was tired, but seemed more resolute than before. A sign that the worst had passed, at least.
Giving off a "Mhm" in acknowledgement, Emilia paused for a few seconds before asking what was in her mind.
"Do you want to talk about what happened, Subaru?"
She left the question hanging for a few seconds. When it became apparent that the one in question was struggling to answer, she continued.
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me about it." She felt his body twitch in surprised through their embrace. It seemed he was not expecting her to drop the subject so easily. "But", she continued, "if you ever need to, talk to one of us. Beatrice, Otto, Garfiel, Ram, and surely Rem as well, everyone cares for you. No one would want you to feel whatever you were feeling that caused you to do this."
She paused, tightening her hug for a moment. "And you you can always talk to me, if you feel you are ready. I'm here for you Subaru. I want to help you just as you helped me. I don't want… to see you like this…"
"…Emilia?"
A sudden fraying of her voice was accompanied by the feeling of something warm dripping onto his neck. Though Emilia had tried to stay calm, knowing from her own experience that being understanding would be the best way to help him, the end of the adrenaline rush she felt while healing him led her emotions to start spilling out.
"…I'm sorry. I'm such… a crybaby."
This time, it was Subaru patting the head of the girl in his arms as she let out her feelings. The role reversal brought him little joy, as it only meant his thoughtless actions had hurt her just as he had feared most.
For a few moments, Emilia let out the fear and anxiety that had accumulated within her at the sight of her failures. She'd been blind and complacent, happy to live a happy dream while making excuses not to see the ugliness that supported those bright days she'd grown accustomed. As her tears finally started to dry up, she vowed to never make that mistake again.
After her sobbing died down, she whispered in his ear. "I don't know what led you to this Subaru. I won't tell you to never do it again either." Her hands ran through his hair with a newfound strength, conveying both affection and the determination in her words. "But promise me that you'll try to talk to someone if you're feeling down. That you'll keep it from getting this bad again, okay?"
The tone of those words, more than the content, sent a ripple through Subaru's mind. They were a plea, more akin to desperation than a mere request. He felt like he didn't want to know what would happen if he broke this particular promise. Slowly, he nodded.
Feeling his acceptance, Emilia let a small smile rise to her face. Letting out a "Good." in approval, she felt her body relax against his, letting out a tension she didn't even realise was there.
"I really care about you Subaru. If you ever need anything, even if you just want to talk, or if you need a hug, I'm always happy to help."
"You don't have to deal with it alone, Subaru."
Emilia fell silent and they remained as such for another minute, just enjoying the warmth of their embrace. Subaru felt himself relax from the tension of the encounter. Now that everything had come to light, he felt as if a weight had been removed from his soul. He'd hurt her deeply with his weakness, and that fact would forever shame him, but her acceptance and comforting words had soothed his heart and filled him with a warmth he'd seldom felt before.
Perhaps he'd been underestimating Emilia, he realised. He harboured the expectation that she'd break down and blame herself, perhaps even distance herself from him once more. Instead, she'd accepted the situation and focused on understanding him. It was a very Emilia-like reaction, but also showed how much she'd grown in the past few months.
"Thank you."
He whispered the words he knew she most wanted to hear, earning a smile alongside a "you're welcome" from the half-elf.
A moment of silence passed before Emilia opened her mouth again. She hesitated, wondering how best to convey what she wanted to convey, before resolving herself.
"You know, you're amazing Subaru."
She grinned at the sound of surprise the boy in her arms let out. He was always soooo bad at taking compliments.
"You do so much for others, yet you ask for so little in return. Even when you get hurt or push yourself too hard, you always turn back and look at us with a smile. Then, you tell us that all you want is for us to smile along with you."
She reminisces on the many perils her knight had faced, and on how he'd stood up against them and given a hand to the ones around him when they were too weak to stand with him. She too, was one of them. So many perils, yet surely among them were ones she didn't know the entirety of, another symptom of his protectiveness. Perhaps there were even some she had no knowledge of, that he had faced on his own with no one he could ask for help or comfort.
One day she hoped he'd let her truly carry his burdens with him, to be there for him as he had been for her ever since their meeting.
"Petra is always working hard, trying to be the perfect maid. I've seen how every time she does something well, you make sure to compliment her. It's cute how she becomes sooo flustered, but you can see how happy it makes her."
To a stunned Subaru, she told of the things she'd seen him do for others. The things that showed how much he cared.
"Garfiel is always tagging along on your training or on adventures. It's plain to see how much he respects his "Captain", and how he loves the tales of heroes and knights you share with him. He used to be so angry, but now he's become a really good boy. You're a good role model for him."
They were small things. So small that only someone looking in from the outside could realize how much value they had. How much they mattered.
"Ever since I met her, Frederica has hidden her smile. She's afraid of showing her happiness for fear of scaring others. I know how you always make sure to compliment her the few times she does show it, and it's cute how she smiles just a bit brighter when you do. I hope one day, she'll be confident enough to show it to everyone."
"She doesn't say it out loud, but Ram appreciates how much you care for Rem. Some nights I walk by and see you sleeping beside Rem's bed, and someone has already come before me and covered you with a blanket. I think you are a big part of why Ram can still move forward and have hope that her sister will return to us one day."
Her words wove feelings of gratitude from all the inhabitants of the mansion. What she spoke of Subaru already knew, yet until now he had never truly comprehended the weight of his actions.
But even if their appreciation and affection had never been explicitly expressed, it was real nonetheless.
"Rem… She was a sweet girl from what you told me. When we get her back, I know she will be happy that you never stopped talking to her. That at least you, never forgot."
"Otto is always busy with so many important things, but when you come up with another game or activity he always rushes to help out and has a ton of fun. I think he likes how you make every day seem new and exciting, how you never let everyone fall into a routine."
He could feel tears welling up in his eyes once more, threatening to burst. Unlike earlier, these were accompanied by a warm feeling in his heart.
"Beatrice is always with you nowadays. It's cute how she holds your hand all the time, and gets sooo flustered when you play around with her. I know you must have done something for her, something that she was waiting for for all her life."
He desperately held back the feelings sprouting within him. He didn't know how to respond to such heartfelt gratitude, for even if it was being stated by a third party, he knew deep inside that it was all true.
"I was afraid of Meili at the start, but I know now that she's a good kid who had a bad life. Every time I visit her she's playing with the dolls you made her with a smile on her face, and she'll tell me the names and stories of all of them, and then ask if I know when you're bringing more. I hope we can bring her out of that place one day, and show her that it's not too late to be happy. That she deserves to be happy."
Emilia paused for a moment and removed her head from his shoulder. Violet eyes gazed into his moist amber ones, and he was graced with with an enchanting smile.
"And I know how you care about me too. Whenever I lose track of time when studying, or when the stress starts building up, you always come to my room and make me take a break. Sometimes you make up these fun games to bring everyone together, and I like seeing everyone talk and play with each other. It reminds me of my dream. The world I want to build."
Emilia spilled out the feelings she'd never had words to describe until then. It was like the heightened emotions of the previous situation, or perhaps the overwhelming heat of their bodies pressed together, had made her more honest. Made her realize something.
"I like when we go on dates. You always take me to see new places or do fun things. When we went to all the sweets shops in Costul just to find out which makes the best cakes, when you had me make an ice ring in the forest and we skated for hours, or when we had a picnic in a flower field and you made me a crown of flowers. I treasure all those memories. They're really important to me."
He was stuck between transfixed and shocked by the girl in front of him. Never had Emilia been so expressive with her inner thoughts and the redness of her blush, going all the way up to her ears, led him to realize just how close they were, their faces barely centimetres away.
"I feel that I can be myself when with you. That I don't need to be the Royal Candidate, nor do I need to worry about being seen as a witch. I can just be Emilia. You made me realize that I can just be who I am, that I don't need to worry about how others see me. I'm really, really thankful about that."
She ran a hand across his cheek, softly caressing it. Subaru felt like he was going to melt.
"With you by my side, I feel that nothing can stop me. Because you believe in me, and I want to be someone worthy of your faith and your feelings. You are important to me Subaru, and I want you to know that. You gave me strength when I was weak, you pushed me to face what I tried to run away from, you protected me from the dangers no one else even bothered telling me about. You make me smile when I'm sad, you make me laugh when I feel like crying. You give me hope that the future is bright. I want to be with you, walk with you, because no matter where our path leads, I feel I'll be happy as long as I'm with you."
She paused for a moment, feeling strangely liberated after finally getting everything off her chest. Just how much of a dunderhead was she, to have taken so long to put her feeling to words, to have hesitated, when in the end it all came out so easily?
Examining they boy she'd just bared her heart to, she found him holding an expression of shock and disbelief. Evidently, he was still processing what she'd said.
"I guess we're both dunderheads", she mused.
There was one thing she wanted to do now. She didn't truly understand why she wanted it, but it felt right, and thinking things over had never been one of Emilia's strong points.
Before she lost herself to the heat of the moment however, she did have one thing she wanted to say.
"If you don't want it, dodge."
She repeated the same words he'd said to her months ago, and slowly brought their faces together. She felt a spike of amusement seeing her knight's face change from shock to confusion, and then to an even more extreme type of shock when he realized what was happening. She ran a hand through his hair, giving him one last chance to refuse her, then pressed their lips pressed together.
Emilia closed her eyes, savouring the sensation she had been craving for. It was the second time they'd kissed, yet his lips seemed rougher than she remembered. As she kept caressing his hair in an attempt to calm him, she slightly opened her lips in an attempt to bring some moisture to his.
A moment passed as Subaru's utter disbelief at the unfolding situation was overwritten by a much more illogical and primal instinct. He takes one of his hands to her nape and gently pushes her towards him, deepening their kiss. Taking her opened lips as an invitation he drives his tongue into her mouth, the two becoming strangely engrossed in a awkward fight for dominance with no winner.
Eventually they were forced to separate, the need for air beating even the need to continue their activity. Even as they struggled to regain their composure, Subaru was transfixed by the newfound glint in Emilia's eyes. Her blush went beyond any he'd ever seen, and the mix of their saliva that coated her lips only served to accentuate the otherworldly beauty the half-elf had always exuded.
"I love you, Subaru."
Hearing the confession whispered such by a voice that pierced deeply into his soul, Subaru absentmindedly though that in that very moment, Emilia was the most beautiful she'd ever been.