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Millennium of planning and he always managed to scrape out enough victories to keep me from ending it all. Every time. Plot the death of his entire fanatic cult following. He managed to keep most of them alive. Convince the Mantle and Mistral armies to attempt to take over the world. He managed to put on enough of a show to convince them to stop. IT WAS INFURIATING! He kept coming back… To think I used to find that attractive.
Now though- I had him. I'd use his belief that keeping the Grimm out was the answer to trap him in a no win situation. He will fervently try and prevent a panic allowing events to pile up without taking time to really stop and acknowledge them. Then my new maiden will kill him… or he'll roll over and die. He was really whimsical about that sort of thing. The method mattered little as soon as he's dead his followers will scatter and by the time he re-
*BLEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGH*
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Did I just throw up a puddle of darkness?
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…
Okay. How did I throw up a puddle of darkness?
"Goddess! Are you alright?!" Tyrian looked at me concerned. While Watts was more disturbed than concerned and Hazel, well he was still asleep. They were in the middle of their morning meeting, they always held these in the throne room. I was not a part of them. They just held them in the room I reside in at this time of morning… They should really reconsider the location of these meetings.
"I am-BLEEEEEEERRREGH!" I didn't finish as another puddle formed on the other side of my throne. This was getting out of hand. I don't get sick, much less vomiting.
"And I was under the impression you were indestructible. Looks like the mighty Salem is more human than-"
"Watch your tongue Doctor or I will cut it out! No one is allowed to talk so frivolously about our goddess!" Tyrian is always quick to talk… Now I just needed his chatter to end as I began retching once more. Why was this happening?
"Well your devotion is one thing but whatever's wrong with her is another," And Watts was talking again.
"Impossible she is-"
"It's likely food poisoning," Watts was fed up with it as he wanted to get back to the topic of Tyrian stabbing all of his apparatus, "What was the last thing she ate?"
"Uhhh…."
"Fish." I answered as I was about to evacuate my stomach again, then I would continue.
"There, it was likely bad. Now Tyrian I know they scare you but my-" I didn't let him finish as still had more to add.
"10,000 years ago."
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…
"The last time you ate was 10,000 years ago?!" Watts was disturbed. I didn't need to eat so there was no point to it for me.
"Of course she is a goddess-"
"Shut up! Then there may actually be a problem with her." Watts was uncharacteristically concerned. He usually didn't care about any of us, typically having to be told to do his job as the doctor. I was special but this was my first checkup in millennia, so as he removed his device to investigate me I felt a certain amount of unease, "You may be immortal but you are still part human. It must be a virus of some kind. Stand up."
"Do not pretend you are-BLEEEEEEEERGGGGGHH!" Watts dodge but Tyrian wasn't so intelligent preferring to get covered in a coat of jet black Grimm slime. I stared at him with hate in my eyes as I stood up. He was more focussed on my body instead of my eyes as he began dragging the light up device all over my body. Checking my chest before finding its way to my head.
"Check her stomach." Hazel finally gave his input, though he kept his eyes closed.
"We already ruled out food poisoning! IT-"
"You aren't looking for food." That was preposterous. What could be in my stomach? I hadn't had typical sustenance in ages preferring to feed on the darkness to keep my soul stable… Huh… maybe that was a bad idea. I haven't had any problems since I started. Sure my veins turned black and exposed themselves above my skin but that was hardly cause for concern.
"Well… this is unexpected…"
"Spit it out Watts I have little time for games."
"I would rather tell Tyrian and have him suffer your wrath for it." He leaned over to the man rolling in my vomit. With a whisper in his ear the monster rose up and shouted.
"OUR GODDESS IS PREGNANT!"
"THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" Now I was furious as I removed the mechanism from Arthur as I was about to do the same to Tyrian's neck. The mechanism was awfully fragile though as it shattered in my hand. I wasn't paying attention to Tyrian.
"Well… I didn't know you were up to… any of that. I assume the fool is the father." Watts motioned to the newly wiggling body of Tyrian as he pulled out another mechanism.
"No. I have been pure as the driven snow for millennia. Tyrian is no-BLERGH!" That was much shorter than the last ones. I was going to run out of darkness at this rate. I would need to refill quickly. But the question remained. I had not fornicated since… well… Ozma… Like the night before I killed him… This didn't seem right.
"GODDESS!"
"WHAT! DO YOU NOT SEE I AM TIRED OF YOUR PRATTLE!"
"Your eye… it's, well… changed." What did that mean! I summoned a seer as I needed a mirror but as it reluctantly returned to me I felt far too much resistance in it. When it finally arrived it showed my face… and my blue eye… This didn't seem right.
The wind around Beacon this time of year was far chillier than usual. It felt like the next gust would tear through my coat and turn me into a popsicle. It was hardly the time of year for this kind of chill… Qrow would say it was a sign his ex-wife was coming for him. Which was odd because he's never been married.
Either way I was glad to enter the tower on the way to my office. The AI secretary Ironwood installed already had my morning cocoa ready… though it was nicer back when the secretaries actually talked to me but that was long ago and in another life. Still fresh cocoa every morning was always nice. What wasn't nice was Glynda chasing me down after I made several last minute additions to the roster this year, "OZPIN!"
"He just arrived. Would you like me to buzz him for you?" Polite, but not as smart as a real person… Glynda just scowled at the machine before it produced a fresh cup of coffee for her. That tempered her but I was terrified she'd toss it at me to prove a point.
"Are you serious!"
"Glynda I am always serious. I figured you would have learned that by now." I tried to be humorous as I backed my way to the elevator.
"I'll ignore that for now. But you cannot seriously be considering allowing these cretins into Beacon! For example-" She paused as she shuffled through the files in her arms, "Jaune Arc. His transcript is clearly fake. I mean it's basically written in crayon! What if he isn't who he seems?"
"Our enemies wouldn't be so careless Glynda, and you for one cannot act like a less than real transcript is any less valuable." Her scowl deepened. I may not have been headmaster back then but I knew just about everything that went on. I clicked the up button determined to escape this conversation, but I had to wait as it had to descend from the higher floors first.
"My transcript may not have been real but I still had a significant amount of training before I came here. Can you say the same about him?"
"No. But I can say his willingness to attempt is all the reason I need to let him in." She didn't want to conceded this point but at the same time she had no ground to stand on. Then she pivoted over to the next one.
"And the last minute addition of Ms. Rose? Do you think that was wise? She's only 14."
"15, but I see your point. We should have waited two extra years for someone who is clearly ready now." Her scowl was so deep it nearly fell off her face, but at least I was able to escape before she could react anymore. The doors closed as she mouthed a promise to kill me. But the cheerful ride up was as nice as ever with the elevator music playing a pleasant tune. Today would be good in spite of the weather, and in spite of the promise to kill me, I will have a good day.
The door opened and my office was as immaculate as ever with three visitors fiddling with everything that wasn't nailed down. A scorpion Faunus, a mustachioed man and Hazel Reinhart. Oh no.
"My secretary didn't tell me I had visitors…" I was deflecting as my best option would be to return into the elevator, retrieve Glynda and several others for whatever they were planning.
"Well she's not exactly the top of the line model. Easy to confuse." The mustachioed man said as he typed on his scroll. I was about to attempt my escape when the most surprising thing happened.
"Leave us." That was even worse, a voice I knew far too familiarly. She was sitting in my chair as she looked out the window.
"As you say your highness." The scorpion proclaimed as he entered the elevator with the others. There goes my escape route. Hopefully Glynda was still down there and could deal with them. But right now I had to talk my way out of this situation… Salem in my office. I could stop her… or someone would… a few hundred bodies down the line. Regardless her composure remained as she focussed out the window.
"Ozma. We have been enemies for-BLEEEEEEEERGH!" This was odd. In all my existences I had never seen Salem sick or even remotely out of health… well she did have morning sickness- oh no.
"What happened?!" I rushed around to her side. I was not expecting a bucket covering a large belly well I was but I wasn't expecting mostly blonde hair, "How did this- Wait pregnant-Wha-"
"I don't know… but I do know one thing." She kept her head down in the bucket. I didn't interrupt her as I was on the edge of my seat waiting to hear what she had to say next, "I've only been with two men…"
"Two wait, who's the second?"
"You were."
"Oh… then who was the first?"
"Also you." Ah… right. I was a different person each time… WAIT!
"This is impossible! The last time was-well-forever ago and you are telling me it's mine." She dragged her head out of the bucket that looked like it was full of pure darkness but her face had something it hadn't had for ages… color. Her bright blue eyes had returned along with her full pink lips and beautiful light skin… she had lost all her goth traits. That's fine… totally fine.
"Unless you can explain how this happened then you have to take responsibility." Now I'm lost. She has killed me more than a few hundred times, how did she expect me to- "She's going to need a daddy after all. I just hope we don't kill this one in a fit of rage."
"It has been far too long for us to pick up like nothing happened in the meantime. We have both done terrible things since-well that. And I don't think… we are exactly the same people." I always had hope in my heart that she would turn to the light and return to me and apologize. I just never imagined that she'd come to me and expect me to father her child…
"I know… b-but… I want this... for the first time in-since-well forever I have hope. I want to at least pretend to be a happy family for a century before we go back at each other's throats." My ears burned at the offer she presented me, I wanted to take it but if I did then there would be a lot of explaining- she's hormonal. She isn't in her right mind. She's only doing this because the baby is driving her to. I have little doubt when she has the baby she'll turn on a dime and kill everyone…
"If I agreed to this… I want more than a century of peace." She lowered her eyebrows.
"How bout a millennium?"
"Deal." Fool, I would have taken the hundred years. With a millennium I can definitely bring peace… She'll want a wedding ring… and I'll have to pay for the wedding. Oh well Beacon is so lovely this time of year. Then again she was born before such ostentatious weddings were commonplace. But with the deal the light in her eyes expanded as if it was the first time she had ever felt joy.
"R-really? Y-you will?" She had tears growing in her eyes… I got down on one knee and opened a hidden compartment on the Long Memory.
"Yes," if I was going to do this then I would do it right, "Salem will you marry me?" I presented a ring I had had for far too long. I never intended to use it again but the memories attached to it were still important. It was hers after all.
"I-I-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRGH!"
Ozma always was a fool. I even managed to get him to propose to me. Now to enact the second phase of the plan. He will help me raise our daughter in a loving household where we won't fight all too much… He'll never suspect it when I trick him into remaining married and having more kids after the millennium.
Things were going perfectly, well aside from the morning sickness… and losing control of the Grimm thanks to it… and I had this burning sensation in my abdomen that cried out nearly constantly. Regardless… the elevator ride down to see what Ozma called a-real-actual-doctor and not-the-probably-a-hack that I was seeing. Either way Watts was about to lose his job… Oh shit I still have to call off Cinder… What are the chances she succeeds without me?
"So you're sure you want to do this?" He asked as we rode down. He had no idea that I was using him. Such a fool.
"Yes I am sure."
"Alright."
The doors opened to the ground floor and while I was expecting my men I wasn't expecting their current state. Tyrian was being choked by his tail having been severed from his body. Watts was covered in blood cowering behind the fancy automaton desk he had talked to earlier. And there was a short blonde woman also covered in blood trying to crush Hazel's skull with her fists. At this point they looked like red gloves to match her ruby slippers… those weren't rubies were they.
"Glynda!"
"I'm almost done!" She didn't even acknowledge us as Ozma ran to my men's aid… I wanted to tell him not to bother. They weren't exactly necessary at the moment. Watts rushed over attempting to hide behind me.
"Did you complete your plan? AND CAN WE GO!"
"Yes, he agreed to the ceasefire. Now we only have the wedding and everything will be perfect."
"Good, can't exactly expect a pregnant- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WEDDING!" Watt was shocked not as much as the blonde woman.
"OZPIN!" She shifted her focus from crushing Hazel's skull to Ozma's neck, "DID YOU JUST PROPOSE TO YOUR NEMESIS?!"
"Look, anything I say at this point is going to make you angry so I'm just gonna tell the truth. She's pregnant and it's mine from a former life so I have to take responsibility, also she promised a 1000 year ceasefire in the meantime." Glynda released the collar of Ozma's shirt before she floated over to me.
"So when's the wedding." Her face was still made of rage but it clearly had a softness, or more specifically relief to it.
"I'm not sure," I turned to Watts, "When's the wedding?"
Watts just stood there as he re evaluated his live choices. There were a hundred things he could say… but I only needed him to say one, "Hazel's an officiant so he can marry you today."
"Perfect." Ozma and I said in unison.
"Hardly. What about a wedding dress? Or a reception? Or an actual ceremony? You can't just expect her to take the simplest option. You're going to have to pay." The blonde woman cut in. Why would I need any of those things? Better question, now that she's said it why do I want all those things?
"I think the simple-"
"Pray tell blonde woman- If I refuse right now, does he have to get me those things?"
"Yes." I liked the devious look in her eyes as she glared at Ozma. She wanted him to suffer… I would have to get rid of her later because that was my job now.
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So I had a board up that asked about Chibi Salem and then I thought how would it look if she came back and made Ozpin's life a nightmare. The answer was she would marry him and slowly drain the life out of him. Now lets see if I can manage.