Hedgehog's Dilemma
Chapter One
'Roommates''Goddamnit it's hot out'
The fiery-tempered redhead entered the apartment, escaping the hot weather and the sounds of cicadas buzzing, her baby blue eyes shined in the sun as did her radiant skin, her long red hair held up by neural connectors flowed in the slight breeze, coming off her back. The apartment belonged to Misato Katsuragi, and Shinji Ikari as well. Asuka disliked the rather nervous and callous, idiotic and useless pilot, but had it not been for him, she doubted she could've even killed the Angel they encountered in the ocean. Misato had told her to choose a room, but she was unaware if she meant an empty one, but upon that, she searched and searched, but didn't dare to take Misato's room, instead. She took Ikari's, she threw her bag onto his now former bed, and had her Section Two agents carry the majority of her things in, as for Asuka, the young German began putting Shinji's things into boxes.
As Soryu finished putting Ikari's things in boxes that held her things a few moments ago, she looked around the room, now decorated in posters, bags of candy, and etc. Her Section Two agents left, she waved them off, thanking them for their assistance, and then she took a seat at her desk, residing in her room, that was formerly Shinji Ikari's. The lamp illuminated her desk, decorated in stickers, pencils and pens lay in a little holder on the left side of the desk, the bed was now made, and her room was rather dark for the time being. She laid her head down on the desk, her hair lay on the chair behind the girl, she closed her eyes waiting for something entertaining to happen. 'Maybe Shinji will come home soon, although he is at school' The young woman wanted to make fun of the boy, so badly, his existence annoyed her, how did he become an Eva pilot?
Although Soryu did find his features rather nice, he was nervous, and annoying. That was all she would ever think of the boy, and probably was all she would ever need to think. There was simply no way she saw that he could change her opinion on him, it was set in stone, just like most things she thought. 'Why do I even have to go to school tomorrow? I've already graduated college!' She thought to herself, laying in the comfort of her arms concealing her face in darkness.
The dark-haired NERV lieutenant arrived at her apartment, still dressed in her work clothes. A black dress, combat boots and a red jacket, it complimented her fantastically. The woman knocked on her door, not sure whether Asuka had arrived or not, but she'd take her luck, entering the apartment came her the booming yet soft sound of her voice, like she was trying to be a mother. "Asuka! I'm home!" She held a bag over her shoulder, it kept paperwork, and a few other things, seeing Shinji's room was now occupied, obvious by the boxes thrown out. Katsuragi decided against bothering Asuka, leaving the young pilot to herself, and whatever she wanted to do.
Misato thought that if Shinji was bothered, he'd tell Asuka at the very least, considering they were both the same age, she thought he wouldn't be intimidated at all, but she was wrong, so very wrong. Misato took to her room, dropping her bag on the floor and quickly getting undressed, revealing her fit body that belonged to nobody but Kaji, even if she was afraid to admit her love for the man. She then quickly put on some more casual clothing, Jean-shorts and a tank top, what she had worn the first night Shinji stayed and witnessed her drunken antics. With that, she made her way to the fridge, her hair now up in a bun, something she rarely did, and of course, grabbed a beer from the fridge. Nothing else could be seen in there for the most part, aside from a couple soda's meant for guests whenever they came over, very rarely.
Katsuragi made her way back to her room, laying her beer down on the table she had, and got to work with the papers NERV had given her, more specifically Ritsuko. was one of Misato's most trusted friends, she believed Ritsuko no matter what it was, but she still got on Misato's nerves every once in a while. Like now for example, giving her paper after paper to do. The paperwork consisted of mostly random employees asking for a raise, or taxes on NERV's facilities, but sometimes she'd get something interesting that tempted her to go deeper into NERV, but she never did. As Misato trailed on and on, she eventually fell asleep, her back hunched over and her face planted onto the desk, she drooled onto it, in a drunken sleep.
—
The blonde doctor sat in her office, a hot cup of coffee sat to the short haired girls left, and some cat toys on her left. She kept a picture of her, Gendo, and Yui, it made her jealous. The idea of being a toy for Gendo, but she was trapped, with nowhere to go, so she dealt with it like everyone else who was doomed to a cruel fate by the hands of NERV, and pushed her emotions down. Taking a sip of her coffee, she returned her attention back to the monitor in front of her, she was looking at the pilots sync rates, deciding who'd work best with each other in a partnered fight. The blonde decided on Shinji and Asuka, Rei was too calm for Shinji, and she wasn't exactly a people person, also the fact Ritsuko hated her, but outside of that.
As Ritsuko was thinking, her door clicked open, quickly turning around to see whoever was walking into her office uninvited. She was visited by the rather nice site of Maya Ibuki, a NERV employee in Terminal Dogma, the much younger woman was on break, using her time to come see Ritsuko instead of getting food, or just relaxing in general. But Akagi did enjoy her company, sometimes a little too much, but she'd stop that, even if it was a loveless relationship, she believed she belonged to Gendo. "Hello, Maya" Ritsuko's voice was almost emotionless, but held the littlest bit of care.
"Hey Ritsuko!" Maya was energetic, Ritsuko probably saw her as a student, or even as if Ritsuko was a motherly figure for the girl, but Maya felt differently, she was in love with Ritsuko. Maya walked over to a separate chair in Ritsuko's office, her boots made 'click' and 'clack' noises as they hit the floor. Carefully taking a seat beside Ritsuko, she placed her hands on her legs, trying to stay calm in the presence of the blonde doctor who had such a unique look to her, Maya could imagine it at a moment's notice. She crossed her legs, and the two began talking as Ritsuko worked, about many things, but something was missing, Maya wanted more from Ritsu, but she wouldn't provide it, as her break came to a close, she exited the room, giving her superior a wave.
She thought about the pilots, how she never talked to any of them, but she could relate to them right? They weren't too much younger than the young adult. She decided to try and form a friendship with them, or something, something to take her mind off of Ritsuko's love for Gendo.
Shinji Ikari sat at his desk, attempting to stay awake through yet another lecture about the 2nd impact. 'Why does every day have to drag on like this? He thought to himself, as if he had anything better to do at home. All he ever did was the same things everyday, but he took comfort in that. He enjoyed the silent embrace his room gave him when he was at the apartment. Sure Misato was fun to have for company but there was only so much he could take. She was nice but tended to be obnoxious and overbearing all the time.
With the thought of one obnoxious and overbearing woman he knew, came the thought another had just met. 'What was her name again? Asuka right?' Thinking back to the other day the boy really did find the girl pretty but also irritating. She seemed so cocky and sure of herself. Both of which were qualities that made Shinji nervous. He couldn't help but think to the first words critique she gave him as an introduction 'Hmmm, he seems like an oaf.' What was that suppose to mean? Sure he was quiet and timid but what was wrong with that? Maybe he proved himself after they killed the angel that day. Afterall he did help her right? Or did she even need his help to begin with? Thinking about it, she never did ask for his assistance. He just gave it to her. 'Why am I worrying about this so much?' He snapped out of his apprehensive thinking only ro notice he had been biting his nails. When did he start doing that?
Finally breaking free of his thoughts, Shinji looked back to his friends empty desks. Kensuke would be gone for America for a few months and he invited Toji as his plus one for the trip. 'Sorry dude, I've just known Toji way longer' Ikari grimaced at the perfectly logical excuse his friend gave him. It made complete sense but it still bothered him. Maybe it was the fact that he wouldn't have anyone to talk to. With his only two friends gone for so long Shinji would be back to having no one. Between Misato's constant absence and Rei's callous, uncaring attitude towards everything, Shinji was back to being alone most of the time. It didn't bother him though, right? He's been alone since he was five. It shouldn't bother him. Click. He was biting his nails again. 'What's going on with me?'
His thoughts were cut off by something brushing up against his back. He froze up, caught off guard by the touch of whatever or whoever it was before he turned around to see Rei uncaringly walking over to her desk, only to sit and stare out the window. She was late. Again. School seemed to be one of the many things the blue haired pilot lacked interest in. The boy himself wasn't immune of Ayanami's insouciant demeanor.
She turned away from the window to catch the young Ikari staring. He snapped his head back. Even if she was uncaring, her eyes were soul piercing. The uneasy boy began biting his nails again, nervous of Rei's reaction to his staring. Would she even care at all?
"Why do you do that?" Her voice was cold, and emotionless, she didn't understand why Ikari had stared at her. Although she didn't understand emotions all that well either, her head still rested on her palm, she stared at Ikari, her piercing red eyes could cut him in half. Her short blue hair combined well with her pale skin, it made her rather pretty, she had a shorter frame than Asuka, not being as fit, just simply thin, but she was still pretty in that way. She didn't realize that physical appearance was so cared about, or personality for that matter, everything seemed trivial to her for the time being, but something was missing. The sun complimented her skin well, but not as well as the moon or a reflection in water, her and Asuka were so incredibly different. One was like fire and the other was like water, yin and yang. An angel and a devil to Shinji Ikari, at least it looked like it.
Now that she was staring, she couldn't help but notice the boys' rather thin and lanky build. She found it rather attractive as she felt her heartbeat from her chest. She looked down, putting her hand to the center of her chest waiting for it to calm down. Once it did she began to ponder. 'What happened? My heart has never done that before. Perhaps I should go see Dr. Akagi about it?' She pondered to herself as she stared out back out of the window. Staring out to the blue sky that she both could yet couldn't see.
As dull as she was with outwards appearances, she was with these arranged emotions as well. She wanted to understand emotions, somehow, she wanted someone or something to teach her how to be more human, or just more 'alive' in general. Shinji could teach her. Shinji was the one who sacrificed his hands to ensure her safety. The one who wept when he actually saw that she was safe. The one who advised her to smile when she was unsure of how to react to the situation as a whole. Shinji was kind to her. He cared about her. It was for those reasons that she would choose Ikari to explore these feelings with.
Rei, being rather curious, decided to take out her computer, they hadn't used it yet. Even if they were normally constantly using it, even if she saw it as a waste of time normally, she'd open it, setting it on her desk while her head still rested in the palm of her hand. The girl opened the messenger they used for commonly group things, or even whole class projects. Rei sent Shinji a message, simply reading "Hello." Then, it was sent, Rei kept her attention outside of the window, but had a feeling she had never felt before while awaiting Shinji's answer, it felt like something was in her stomach.
The boy looked down at his already opened computer after seeing he had received a message. 'Probably just another classmate wanting to talk to me because I'm an Eva pilot' He cynically assumed, looking back up from his computer, ignoring Ayanami's first message.
Ayanami took notice of his ignorance, he had obviously seen it right? Why had he ignored her? Getting slightly annoyed, something that rarely happened when it didn't involve Gendo. She sent another message, this time being more clear about a rather odd topic for Shinji. "What are emotions, Ikari?" Then, she clicked enter, sending the message to the young brunette.
Seeing yet another notification for a message come up on his computer, he grimaced, rolling his eyes. Normally they'd get the hint that he wasn't interested in talking after his refusal to message back the first time. He decided he'd message back to tell whoever it was to leave him alone. Except when he saw who messaged him, he almost choked on his own spit. 'Ayanami!' He just about jumped out of his seat from shock. Rei never cared about him, let alone go out of her way to talk to him. He looked back just to be sure, to be met with Rei sitting at her computer. So it was real. She'd catch him staring wide eyed again, only for him to snap back to his computer, embarrassed. "Oh! Hello Ayanami. I'm sorry I ignored your first message. I didn't know it was you." He frantically responded before reading on to her question. 'What are emotions? Huh?' The boy was confused but still thought about it for a long moment before typing again. "Um...I think emotions are when you feel something other than boredom. Like when you smile, your emotions are in a happy place." Press enter and sent. Shinji tried to answer her question in terms that were both easy to explain and understand, as he too wasn't too familiar with anything past melancholy and anxiety.
'Happy?' Rei thought about his words, shifting her attention to the computer instead of the sky outside the window. To think about it, she didn't know if she had been happy once in her life, ever, what was the meaning to her life if she couldn't be happy? Were humans supposed to be happy? She then began typing, "Can you teach me happiness?" Rei knew the way she felt about Shinji, it was a nice feeling, but was it happiness or something else? What was the feeling? She turned her attention from the computer and to the boy. A very tiny smile appeared on her face, barely noticeable but it was something Ikari had caused, did she make him feel this way? Rei decided to ask the boy. "How do I make you feel… Shinji?" Then she sent it, two messages awaiting a response.
Shinji turned paint red seeing her questions. Where was this coming from? Rei never seemed interested in the boy like she did now. Wait. Interested? No. She wasn't interested. That wasn't what this was. 'She's just… curious is all…' The boy concluded. He thought about her questions for a moment before typing his answer. "I'm sorry Ayanami, I'm just as inexperienced with happiness as you are. As for how you make me feel. Well, I just don't know. You're really important to me, I just don't understand how." He sent it. That was a good response. Ayanami was just curious. That's all it was, right? He kept his eyes to his screen, his head locked forward. He dare not look in Rei's direction, lest he be caught staring again.
Rei was a little stunned by his response, 'what did it mean to be important? What does he mean? I don't understand...' Her eyes widened a little, but her emotions were still nonexistent on her face, she began typing a response. "What do you mean? I don't understand." She sent the message, expecting a reply rather soon, but as she awaited. The bell rung, signaling the end of the school day had came, Rei sighed, annoyed a little, and neatly placed her things into her bag. Including her computer, closing it before Ikari could respond sadly, she had a little hope he'd talk to her, but, who knows?
The brown haired boy had seen that Rei had sent another message and read it just before the bell rang. Instead of messaging her back on the computer, the boy figured it best to just talk to her. That's what normal people did right? He packed his bags before walking over to Rei. When he finally made it to the girl, his eyes immediately aimed for the floor, unable to even hold eye contact with the girl. Her skin really did glow beautifully in the sun. "Um… hey… Ayanami...h-how..how are you…" He squeezed his eyes from the embarrassment he felt from already butchering his approach.
Ayanami turned to the boy, her eyes met his, even if his weren't looking to her, she didn't mind. "Hello, Ikari." She brought her bag down from her shoulder, finding it more comfortable to hold in her hand, now by her side. "I guess I'm good, how are you?" Rei didn't exactly know how she was, or how she was feeling, she knew she enjoyed the boys company. But that was all she could figure out, was life good? Was it bad? What was it in the first place for Rei?
He smiled shyly. She asked him how he was doing. She's never done that before, "U-Um about before...what I meant…was you mean a lot to me…and I would be really upset if you were to be g-gone…" He struggled to get the words out but he did it. He really didn't know what he would do without Rei. Even if it seemed she never cared for him, he didn't mind. He could never bring himself to not care about her. It just wasn't in him to do a thing like that, but maybe Ayanami did care for him?
Rei stood there, still emotionless, not being caught off guard as it was something she had hoped for and even anticipated. "What do you mean? I don't understand what meaning 'a lot' to someone is Shinji." It was true that she didn't understand, but would she be sad if Shinji was gone? Pondering it for a few moments, brought her to the conclusion she expected. "I think I'd be upset if you were gone… Shinji."
The boy turned a deeper shade of red with a small gasp. He stood there, wide eyed, unsure of what to say. He never would have thought Rei felt the same way. Unless… 'Is she just saying this to appease me?' It was very possible. "Ayan-ami…I-I n-never kn-kn…I always th-thought…" He found himself unable to get any words out this time. Instead of trying harder, he just turned and ran out of the room. He ran until he was on a completely lonely street back home. He'd always thought that Rei only smiled at him because she was annoyed by his crying. He knew he was an annoying boy. He knew Rei thought he was annoying as well, It was only logical reasoning that she just wanted him to leave her alone.
The blue haired girl, or bluenette girl, rather lonely now, stood watching the boy run, but as time passed, she realized he was gone, and probably home. So she began to do the same, walking home alone, the same as usual, she missed the other pilots presence, but what did that truly mean? As she arrived home, she got undressed, she saw no need to sleep in clothing, and pulled out a book, it was about human emotions. The young Ayanami laid on the bed, reading until she eventually fell asleep, the book held open by her hand.
—
Shinji arrived back at Misato's apartment. After such a stressful end to the school day all the boy needed was his bed and his S-DAT, yet he couldn't help but get a chill down his spine before opening the door. When he finally did open the door though everything seemed somewhat normal. "Misato! I'm home!" He called out hoping his guardian would hear him if she wasn't asleep.
Unbeknownst to the young Ikari, Misato was out cold. She was buzzed and exhausted, there was no telling when she'd be up, Asuka on the other hand, was perfectly awake. Now clad in a tank top and shorts, her eyes still looked tired as she jolted awake at Shinji's voice, "that little!" she appeared out of the doorway leading into what was now her room. "Shinji?! I didn't know I'd have to share an apartment with the likes of you!" Asuka looked away, in a disgusted motion to toy with the boy, sticking her tongue out.
He was taken by surprise, falling back on his rear as his eyes widened and his mouth gaped open. "W-What!?" What was this girl doing here? Didn't she have her own place to go to? "What are you doing here? D-Doesn't NERV ha-have some place set up for you?" He questioned frantically, still in disbelief that there was any chance the second children would be living with him and Misato. Well. In disbelief until he noticed the boxes, which only led him to go to what was once his room, redecorated with a more femmine touch. He stared in horror, wide eyed as his jaw couldn't help but hang. Now he was in disbelief that this was real at all.
"No, why would they waste money on that Shinji?! You'll just have to deal with living with the prettiest girl in Tokyo-3, but as if you'd get anything from me anyways! I'm living here now!" Asuka placed her hand on her chest, in a self-applaud sort of way, although she didn't mind living with the boy and Misato, she'd make sure Shinji hated it. "You should probably move your stuff you know, it's my room now."
His face transitioned from that of surprise to irritation. "B-But it's my room! I was here first!" The redhead stared at him in disbelief, was he demanding from her? 'The nerve!' "What are you gonna do? Hm? I took it! You'll just have to deal with it Shinji!" All the boy could do was furrow his eyebrows, looking to the floor. "How am I suppose to deal with it? Where am I supposed to sleep?" He questioned demandingly, although the redhead began to look rather annoyed. "The floor! Or Misato's room! You could even sleep in the closet! But don't make it my problem idiot!" He was getting on her nerves, and it was very apparent in her facial expression and body. Shinji looked back up to Soryu, ticked off she could even suggest such a thing. "Well I can't take Misato's room and I'm not a pet that you can just stick in the closet or on the floor!" 'Why can't she just go live with Mr. Kaji. All she does is swoon over him!' The boy thought to himself angrily, although there was a hint of jealousy in his thought.
"Then where are you gonna sleep huh?! Definitely not that room! Like I'd trust you pervert!" Asuka clenched her hands, getting angrier and angrier with the boy. "Even if I let you sleep on the floor in there you'd probably tell everyone we slept together out of jealousy!" Shinji turned beat red, embarrassed yet flabbergasted at the thought of sharing something as intimate as a room with anyone, let alone Asuka. He quickly shook off his thoughts, squeezing his eyes shut as he shouted. "W-Why would I tell anyone that I slept with you of all people!" He turned around, stomping over to a closet to retrieve a pillow and blanket. "I'll just sleep on the couch if you're gonna steal my room!"
Shinji's words pissed off the young woman, although she was a little shocked at what he said, not thinking he had the guts to raise his voice at her like that. The young woman yelled, standing in the hallway, although Misato hadn't heard a single bit of the whole ordeal, in her drunken slumber. Asuka returned to her room, and listened to her S-DAT after collapsing into the bed, she thought about his words, she knew she didn't have control over her temper, and didn't wanna let anyone in, but was she really that mean? That Shinji would hate the idea of her? She shook the thoughts off, and eventually fell asleep, laying in a ball shape with her back exposed from the tank top now pulled to her front as she held her blanket, cuddling it.
Shinji set his pillow on the couch, aggressively unfolding his blanket to use for the night. Why was he so easily worked up by this girl? She was just another bully who liked hearing the sound of her own voice, right? Why would he let himself get so upset by a girl like that? Yet in the deeper areas of his mind he held anxious feelings similar to when he was around Ayanami. Anxious feelings that he simply couldn't tell whether they were good nor bad. Click. He snapped out of his nervous thought to see he was biting his fingernails. "Why am I being like this?" He whispered to himself before laying on the couch, covering himself with the blanket.
He knew sleep would be rocky without the comfort of his S-DAT to defend his ears from the noises of the night, or his own cynical dreams, but the boy was simply too tired to go through his box of stuff to search for it. Why was he so tired anyway? He checked the time to find it was only 5 in the afternoon? Something was definitely up with him today. He felt so drained from the day yet the day wasn't even over yet. Shinji pondered endlessly for the source of his odd behavior and feelings as of recently before yawning. This was definitely a problem but it would have to be a problem for the Shinji of tomorrow. He uncomfortably and slowly drifted to sleep on the couch and would somehow sleep all up until the next day.
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