(A/N) Thanks to Khanofallorcs, sunnnyyyy, and AlbertatXenoverse2 for betaing!
So this is based on a tumblr post by pipiezexal. post/651014098177376256/ml-fanfic-concept I just found it hilarious and had to write it!
Ladybug frowned, checking her bugphone. "Where is he? He never misses patrol!" she muttered.
Her heart sank. She'd been late to patrol a lot lately, even missing it entirely. She'd just had too much on her plate between her Guardian duties and her normal Marinette duties, it kept slipping her mind.
Chat had seemed okay with it, but… what if he wasn't?
Her gut twisted.
What if he left her?
What if her flakiness was too much for him, like with Luka?
What if…?
*ka-shun*
A presence settled in her mind.
"Hey, bugaboo!" A voice said.
A very familiar voice.
"I have some good news and some bad news."
"Chat," she said slowly. "How are you in my head?"
"I'll get to that. So bad news: Hawkmoth knows who I am."
"WHAT?!"
"Good news, though: I know who he is."
"Bad news, he has my Miraculous."
"Good news, I have his!"
"...Chat Noir. Where are you?"
"In my house."
"Oh. Oh CRAP. Are your parents okay?!"
If Hawkmoth knew who Chat was…
She'd had nightmares of Hawkmoth finding out her identity. Of kidnapping Mom and Dad, threatening to hurt them unless she gave him her Miraculous. Of continuing to send akumas straight to the bakery unless she finally gave in.
"Funny story. My dad's Hawkmoth, his assistant's Mayura, and my mom - who I'd thought was dead - is actually comatose in a secret underground bunker underneath our house."
"..."
"...Ladybug? Did I mute myself on this thing? Sorry, I've never used the Butterfly Miraculous before. Oh wait, if you can't hear me, then you can't hear my apologies, either. Let's see-"
"Chat Noir," she said at last, staring straight off into the distance. "What is your life?!"
"Huh?"
She shook her head. "Never mind. Just… tell me how to get to you."
"Ok, how did I never notice this place?!"
Chat- Adrien- Greyling shrugged. "Figured the mansion looks bigger on the outside?"
"Hmmph."
Ladybug looked around, trying desperately not to think of the implications of Chat Noir being her cru-
NOPE. NOT GOING THERE. THERE'S ENOUGH CRAZINESS RIGHT NOW. THAT CAN SIT DOWN AND WAIT ITS TURN.
"Why're the panels like that on the wall?" she asked, trying to distract herself. "They look like they could move."
"Oh, those," Greyling said. "Those hide the missile launchers."
"YOUR DAD HAS MISSILE LAUNCHERS?! Wait, how do you know that?"
"Well, you see…"
*flashback*
"~No more secrets, no more lies. Soon, their Miraculous. Their Miraculous will be MINE. MWA HA HA HA!"
His father. SINGING?!
Adrien hid behind a pillar. He was supposed to be at fencing lessons, but D'Argencourt had called in sick at the last minute. He'd hoped that'd mean he and Kagami could spend more time together, but unfortunately Tomoe seemed to be catching onto how the schedule had weird changes whenever it involved him and Kagami spending time together. She'd called the school just after Kagami arrived to verify that she'd arrived on time, and the school administration had unfortunately spilled the beans.
With Kagami sent back home, there was no point sticking around. Gorilla turned around and drove them back.
If he'd known that his father secretly practiced karaoke when he thought Adrien was gone, he'd have been more eager to return.
Startlingly good evil laugh, too. Adrien had tried to do one before, while pretending to be Félix. He thought it'd gone pretty well, too, since it'd fooled the akumas.
Plagg had disagreed, though, saying that he sounded "about as threatening as a hissing newborn kitten."
"Hmm… no, no, not good enough. More practice is needed! An Agreste must be PERFECT!"
That sounded more like the father Adrien knew.
"~With a cane in my hand and a mask on my face, I'll turn this tragic city into a far more evil place!"
Did his father lose a bet or something? He couldn't think of any other reason he'd be making up a song about Hawkmoth. That seemed more like something Nino would come up with.
Ooooh, maybe he should suggest that next time they hung out!
Nino'd probably find some way to slip in how his father was as evil as Hawkmoth. He'd protested that his father only yelled at him and pulled him from being with his friends, at the slightest hint of Adrien falling behind in anything or questioning him, he didn't try to hurt people.
For some reason, Nino didn't seem to find that very convincing.
"~I give the forgotten a chance to be reborn! I hear their darkest secrets and allow them to transform."
Wow, his father was really belting it out. Had he always been this melodious? How often did he practice when Adrien wasn't home?!
"~A troubled soul cries, time to akumatize. Fly my faithful servant, Dark Wings Rise!"
A flash of light traveled over his father's body.
Hawkmoth stood where his father had been just a moment ago.
"Drat. I must stop doing that. But I can't remove that lyric from the song, it messes up the flow!" Hawkmoth - his father - fretted.
Adrien stared at him, slack-jawed.
"Adrien? Kid, we need to get out of here," Plagg said warningly.
Adrien just let out a squeak.
Unfortunately, his father heard it.
With an overdramatic jump into the air, Hawkmoth leaped to Adrien's hiding place.
"Son?"
"Nope!" Adrien said, brain wildly spinning, trying to come up with something to get him out of there. "No son here. Who's son?"
BRAIN. COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER.
His father gave a very loud, pained sigh.
Does he practice overdramatic sighs, too?
"Nathalie pushed me to reveal my secret to you before," his father said gravely. "But I never imagined it would be like this."
"Singing your own villain theme song?"
His father looked like he'd just sucked a lemon. That didn't look too different from his normal expression, so Adrien was unfazed. "Come," he said to Adrien, ignoring his previous comment. "I need to show you something."
As his father whipped around, Adrien watched critically. "You know, if you really want to sell the 'dramatic turn around', you could always add a cape."
"No. NO CAPES." His father said, continuing to walk just a little too fast for Adrien to keep up with without running.
"You know that people have moved past Edna Mode's advice, right?" Adrien continued, jogging. "That film came out before I was born. Plus, I mean, Knightowl still wears a cape. It's ok."
His father paused, picturing all the awesome ways he could lord his presence over his enemies if he had a cape to help. "...I will take it under consideration."
Adrien stared at his mother.
His father placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Soon, she will walk with us once again."
"You're making her into a zombie?!"
"No!"
"A vampire?"
"Those don't exist!"
"Says the supervillain who uses an enslaved butterfly god to bend people to his will."
"Touché. But still no."
"Then…?"
"All I need are Ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous. Together, they will allow me a wish to bring my beloved Emilie back to us."
He put an arm around Adrien. "This is why I've been doing all of this. For her. For you. For us."
"Including writing a rap song?" Adrien asked.
"Well, no. I'll need that for after I revive your mother and take over the world. A supervillain can't possibly take over a planet without a theme song, that's ridiculous."
"You can't just have a song!" Adrien protested. "You've gotta have an evil monocle as well."
Gabriel gave him an approving look. "Quite right. These glasses simply don't twirl as well as a monocle on a chain does. Nathalie couldn't understand that. 'Just throw them around anyway' she said. 'I toss my glasses to the floor every time I transform and you don't see me complaining.' But you- you get it."
"Two monocles," Adrien suggested. "Twice the twirling."
Pulling out his phone, Gabriel hastily scribbled a note to himself to double his order.
"Nathalie was right. I should have involved you earlier. Forgive me, son. I'm sure that with your fantastic ideas combined with my flawless battle plans, we would have defeated that rotten cat and that nasty little girl already."
Gabriel's eyebrows shot up. At least, Adrien guessed they had. Difficult to tell with the cowl. "Oh, OH, that's perfect! That's going in the theme song!"
"So this is your main headquarters?"
"Magnificent, isn't it?"
Adrien stepped forwards. He promptly tripped over his father's feet, sending them both sprawling.
"OOPH."
"CAREFUL!" his father's voice barked.
Adrien's hand brushed against something small and hard.
A flash of light briefly illuminated Gabriel as he detransformed.
Unfortunately that was the only light in the domed room, so it didn't help much.
"Give that back!" his father shouted, fumbling around Adrien, both of them still trying to get to their feet.
"Give what back?" Adrien asked innocently. Quickly he slipped the brooch into his jacket pocket.
"My brooch!"
"You have a brooch?"
Growling, Gabriel felt around Adrien, finding his hands and soon, his fingers.
"HA!"
Triumphantly, he ripped off the small, hard object he'd found around Adrien's hands.
"Give me my ring back!" Adrien shouted.
"You first!"
Scrambling to their feet, the two glared at each other.
Or tried to.
Hard to tell when it was still pitch-black.
"Is there a light switch in here?"
"Hmph. That would ruin the ambience. Opening up the hidden spiral window wouldn't pack nearly as much punch if it didn't slowly illuminate the room, sending butterflies scattering."
"...can you open the window?"
"As Hawkmoth, yes. There's a button in my cane."
"And without it?"
"Give me back my brooch."
Adrien scampered away, his arms held out in front of him to prevent himself from running into things.
Which didn't stop him from running into a wall.
*ka-shunk-whirrrr*
The wall MOVED.
"What is this?!"
Gabriel's footsteps froze. "Don't. Move."
Adrien felt around the new contraption. "It feels long and kinda pointy?"
"Yes, missiles tend to be like that."
"YOU HAVE MISSILES?!"
"Of course I have missiles, why wouldn't I have missiles?"
"INSIDE YOUR LAIR POINTED DIRECTLY AT YOU?!"
"An awesome trap, right?"
"..."
Carefully moving away from the wall, Adrien tried to disguise his footsteps. His practice sneaking up on Ladybug would finally pay off!
"Nooroo, Wings Rise!"
Adrien heard his father lunge at him. But it was too late.
Greyling stepped to the side, tinkering with his cane.
"Ah!"
After flipping open the head, he hit the button.
The window finally opened, flooding the room with light.
Huh. That IS very dramatic.
And showing a very pissed off Gabriel Agreste glaring at him. "You will regret this."
Greyling smirked.
Until he saw the ring on Gabriel's finger
Gabriel glanced down, noting how it'd changed color.
He smirked, realizing what it meant.
"Plagg, Claws Out!"
Oh crap.
Black Cat Gabriel lunged.
"How did you get away?!"
Greyling tapped on one of the panels, opening it up.
There was only an indent left where a missile had once been.
"The Butterfly user controls this room. That includes the weaponry."
Ladybug looked around, noting dents and bits of rubble she hadn't noticed before.
"You sent missiles flying in a room you were BOTH in?!"
"Hey it worked, didn't it?! He disintegrated the first few, but eventually there were too many and he jumped out the window."
"Wait, if there were that many missiles, where are they?"
He motioned her over to the window.
She looked down.
"...Oh."
On the ground were dozens of missiles.
"I figured I'd do some housekeeping while I was waiting for you."
"And you didn't just come get me in person because…?"
"A Butterfly Miraculous wielder jumping around Paris? You think that would go well?"
"Good point. Any ideas for how to take your father down?"
"I've got one…"
"Your reign of terror ends here, uh-" Ladybug hesitated.
"Saber Tooth."
"Saber Tooth, Ladybug and Greyling are here to take you down, once and for all!"
Saber Tooth gave off an evil laugh, popping out one of his monocles to twirl on its ridiculously long chain. "Fools! I am stronger than ever before. I'd wondered where I'd find a cat to stroke as I plotted world domination, but now? Now I AM THE CAT!"
Greyling smirked. "Yes. Yes, you are."
With that, he let out the butterfly he'd stored in his cane.
Saber Tooth's eyes went wide, focusing intently on the small, flying creature.
"I must have it."
He pounced.
Unfortunately for him, he had two large monocles with very long chains (better for twirling!) in his eyes.
They got dislodged, the chains wrapping around him.
With a smirk, Ladybug added her own yo-yo wire to the mix, lassoing him.
Saber Tooth glared. "CATACLY-"
"NOPE."
Greyling darted forwards, stealing the ring before he could complete the attack, leaving Gabriel Agreste tied up on the ground.
With a grin, he and Ladybug turned to each other. "POUND IT!"
A few hours later, Marinette heard a knock on her hatch door. Scrambling out of her bed, she opened it, revealing a familiar face.
"Soooo, I can't tell you how I got up here, but uh… would you mind if I stayed with you for a bit, Marinette? My father was arrested and my other relatives are on vacation on the other side of the world, so…?"
She sighed. "Kitty, you know you could've just come through the front door and avoided awkward questions about how you got up there, right?"
"Yeah but- wait, why're you calling me kitty?!"
She just huffed. "Come on, partner, let's get my parents to set you up for the night."