Draco's fiancée is an early riser. Hard to say how long she's been up already this Saturday, but around a quarter to nine she peaks into their bedroom.
"I'm awake," Draco groans.
"Good," says Hermione, and then she climbs into bed, straddles him and kisses his cheeks.
"I haven't brushed my teeth yet," says Draco, smiling and turning his face away.
Hermione chuckles. "I know. You haven't left the bed yet."
She plants a few more kisses then reminds Draco that Theo will arrive shortly. He's serving as the officiant at their wedding next month, and today they're going over the ceremony script together.
"Which do you think he prefers, pancakes or waffles?"
"Who cares," Draco teases. "It's what I prefer that's important. I'm the one you're marrying."
"But you can never make up your mind. You always say -"
"Because it's true! You make the best pancakes. And you make the waffles. You should -"
"I'm not making both."
"You should definitely make both."
"No way. That's never going to happen."
To prove how serious she is, Hermione lifts Draco's shirt and blows a raspberry on his stomach. He squirms and laughs and threatens a wrestling move he heard about once called the fireman's, which he surely cannot do.
Hermione blows another raspberry.
"Alright, alright. I'm up," he says.
A minute later, after Draco's pulled on a pair of shorts and started brushing his teeth, Hermione appears in the bathroom door frame. Their eyes meet in the mirror.
"So which is it?" she asks. "Pancakes or waffles?"
Draco spits out some toothpaste. "How could I ever decide?" he asks.
Instantly, a mischievous smile spreads across Hermione's face.
Oh, no. Not this again.
"Life's full of tough choices, innit?"
"Hermione -"
She spins around, lifts her arms dramatically, and breaks into song.
"I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch…"
She spins back around so that her eyes and Draco's meet in the mirror again. "That part's about you, baby," she says. "You repented, saw the light, and made the switch."
Draco doesn't say anything in reply. He knows nothing can deter his bride-to-be once she starts singing songs from movies she loved as a kid. He finishes brushing his teeth, leans over the sink, and scoops some water into his mouth, all while Hermione continues belting out lines he recognizes from The Little Mermaid.
"Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl -"
She points at Draco and then herself.
"And do I help them?
Yes, indeed…"
There's a knock on the door. Theo. Draco moves past Hermione in the hallway, pattering her on her arse as he goes by, and then he ushers his friend inside.
The three of them in the kitchen now, Theo takes a chair at the table and Hermione snatches up a spatula and holds it like a microphone.
"Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price…"
"What is happening right now?" asks Theo. "What have I walked in on?"
"It's from a Muggle movie she loved as a kid. It's about a mermaid. This is the villain's song, though. Ursula."
"Ursula? You know her name?"
Draco grins sheepishly. "Yeah, I… I don't know what to tell you, mate. This is the silly shit that happens once you've fallen in love."
"Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls…"
"This is a common occurrence?" Theo asks. His eyes don't leave Hermione. He's thoroughly entertained.
"It happens more than it should," says Draco.
"Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!"
Hermione grabs Draco by his shirt and pulls him towards her.
"I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
What I want from you is your voice…"
She wiggles the spatula in front of Draco.
"No," he says.
"C'mon! The next part doesn't make any sense unless you say Ariel's line."
"I'm not doing it."
"Because Theo's here?"
They both look at Theo, who's hiding his laughter behind his hands, then at each other again. Hermione wiggles the spatula some more, and Draco gives in.
Doing his best Ariel impression, he says, "But without my voice, how can I -"
Hermione sings triumphantly:
"You'll have your looks, your pretty face
And don't underestimate the importance of body language!"
She rubs herself against Draco in a spastic way, and Theo completely loses it. Draco shakes his head in embarrassment.
"The men up there don't like a lot of blabber -"
Hermione sings even louder now and uses one hand to pantomime blabber.
"They think a girl who gossips is a bore!
Yet on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
And after all dear, what is idle babble for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can..."
"But you hate that sort of rubbish," Theo says to Hermione. "You're all about girl power, aren't you?"
"But Ursula's the villain," says Draco, "like I said before."
"It's so ridiculous," adds Hermione. "That's what makes it so great."
And then she's right back to singing.
"And go ahead and sign the scroll
FLOTSAM, JETSAM, NOW I'VE GOT HER, BOYS…"
"That's her favorite part," says Draco. "Flotsam and Jetsam are Ursula's sidekicks."
"Yeah, I figured as much."
Hermione leans against the kitchen table and sighs heavily. "I don't really know the next part," she says. "There's a spell in some made up language, and then she tells Ariel to sing, and Ariel goes - Aah aah ahh, Aah aah ahh -"
Theo snickers, and even though he's seen this all before, Draco can't help it. He snickers too.
"And then Ursula yells, 'Keep singing!' and that's pretty much it. That's the end of the song."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Well then, take a bow Hermione Granger," says Theo, and he begins to clap.
"No. No, don't encourage her."
Hermione bows.
"Pancakes or waffles, Mr. Theodore Laurence?"
Draco covers his eyes. "Oh my god," he groans.
"Theodore Laurence?"
"Another favorite movie of hers. One without singing, mercifully."
Theo grins. "You two are giving me so much material for this ceremony script," he says. "I can't wait to get started."