Chapter 1: Pain Of Being Lily

A/N This story may be graphic at times. James is an asshole big time in this story. So warning if you like James don't read. I own nothing. I hope you like it. Please review. If you have ideas simply give them and I'll think about writing them into the story. On to the story now.

Chapter 1

I knew how much James hated the fact that I didn't hate Severus Snape as much as he and his buddies did, or Remus's case pretended to. I knew I didn't hate him at all, But it would be stupid to admit that to him or to his friends who would surely run and tell him. Except maybe Remus but I am still trying to figure out how he got into Gryffindor even though he and I are like best friends ourselves, in some ways. Snape sort of liked me and I knew it. I had known it for a long time.

I also knew that if he knew the truth of me and James he would try and kill James. But I couldn't risk Severus getting hurt though. So I kept it to myself.

Charms class was always my favorite. I was the best in my year and probably the next year as well. Even better than Severus, who was extremely smart with almost everything he did.

The Professor was still going on about some charm that I had perfected well over a year ago already. Just as the bell rang signaling the end of the hour. I tried to bolt. Trying to keep appearances of hurrying to see James. Then I turned around as I heard someone yell my name just as I got to the door.

"Lily!, Lily stop!" It was Severus "You dropped your book."

I walked back toward him. "Oh, thanks, Snape" no one could know I referred to him as Severus in my head or at home during the Holidays. "Didn't even notice I dropped it."

"That's alright, Lils, and please for the love of Merlin stop calling me Snape."

"Snape, you now that I won't." I pretended to be slightly disturbed.

"Yea, I know, but you still can. When you want to." He smirked.

"Thanks, I suppose, But I really need to hurry off and meet James, He's expecting me."

"Alright Lily, See ya in Potions tomorrow." He smiled at me.

I left abruptly before I was tempted to smile back. Due to my conversation with Severus I a minute late arriving to the old classroom I always met up in with The Marauders and a few other Gryffindors.

Unfortunately today It was just me and James. So far anyway.

"Why are you late, lils?" James sounded very annoyed.

I hate how Im only late if he arrived first.

"Snape held me up, because I accidently dropped my book, Sorry."

"That's ok.", he smiled, which was never a good thing when we were alone. "Besides everyone knows he just wants to shag you. After all you're not good for much else. "

I wanted so bad just to argue against it. Severus wasn't that kind of person. Or I was good for other stuff too. But I knew that would just make things worse later. So I didn't dare. Instead I tried a different approach.

"Eew, James, that's disgusting, come on you know you're the only man for me." I smiled sweetly at him my voice dripping with sugar trying to placate him. Pretending, always pretending.

"Best not ever forget it." He smirked, "So can you do my potions essay for me?"

Oh, I thought that's why he's being relatively nice." Yeah Sure" I replied knowing better than to deny him. Better to just do the assignment then deal with the consequences later.

"Thanks, Hun." As he handed me his book.

Thank Godric he was in the regular potions class. Yes that's the class that's code for I'm an average idiot and can't think outside of the recipe presented to me. He wasn't near smart enough to get in the advanced potions class with Severus, Remus, And I. This year we're the only 6th years for a natural affinity for potions.

I did his assignment, just a basic theory on the basic mood changing potion. Really I could have done it in my sleep by the end of first year. Then did some of mine. I would need a few books from the library later to get anywhere near finishing it though.

Later that night back in the dorms. As expected James snuck up to my bed and cast the silence charm as usual. I always hated nights like these. I had gone to bed early tonight, sometimes that helps. But I wasn't meant to be so lucky tonight.

"Hey, Pet, we never did properly discuss you talking to the greasy sniveling git earlier." I hate when he calls me that like I'm a pet that he owns, his property, and nothing more.

"I told you earlier, he was the one talking to –" SMACK right across my face. Midsentence.

"Yes, but you dropped you book so he had a reason to. And we both know how badly you want his attention"

"It wasn't like that I Prom—" SMACK again. This time across my backside, clad in my soft thin pajamas. Hard. That was going to make sitting uncomfortable tomorrow.

"What have I told you about talking back to me." He smirked voice full of mirth.

I just stared not saying a word back. Eyes downcast. Trying to avoid getting hit again. He smirked at me even more. Then punched on my shoulder bone area. I wanted to cry out in pain. But I know better. I knew I would be sore all day tomorrow. I think he punches me there just so I suffer all day long from my school bag having to rest on my bruised shoulders.

"Sorry" I said, just wanting him to stop. Eyes always downcast, that's what was expected of me.

He punched me again this time in the side, just below my ribs. "Just to insure it doesn't happen again." I had a feeling that one would be be bruised for awhile. Unless I snuck on some bruise salve just to speed up the healing process a little bit.

He preceded to kiss my neck and undo my tie on my sleep pants.

"Do we have to?" I asked, "I'm pretty tired from all the school work I did today." My subtle way to try and remind him I did not only my work but his, along with assisting Sirius.

He looked at me as if to say "of course" and took my pants off. While just jerking down his own to release his own stiff and engorged member. I think his treatment of me is needed to arouse himself sometimes. Then, practically ripping off my shirt. I knew I'd have to repair it as soon as he left…. Again. Great I thought it was going to be one of those nights.

He actually tore my bra off. Straight between the cups.

Preceded to grab my boobs rather roughly, almost painfully, really.

I'm just wishing it will hurry up and end. And fast.

Finally, he plunged his hard dick into me, very painfully, over and over. Before I could even think of getting myself properly wet by thinking of someone else. Someone gentle. But I wouldn't dare show my pain. Not to him.

Finally it was over and he left immediately. Not even saying he loved me or bye or anything. Which is just as well. I would just have to lie anyway. On nights like these. They're getting more frequent.

As soon as he was off my bed I cast the anti – pregnancy charm. Then repaired my clothes. Finally grabbed my bear that Severus got me when we were 7 for my birthday. James thought it was from my mom. Then I cried myself to sleep. Hugging the bear, Princey, like my life depended on it. And fell into a fitful sleep.

A/N: I will try and make these longer. How is this for a first chapter? Also this is a reposting/ fixing of a story I posted many years ago, on an old account, that I never finished and have picked back up. There have been some minor changed