In which Ramona Burke decides teenagers suck

-September 1st 1995-

Ramona Burke enjoyed silence, it comforted her, like a childhood toy. She was used to it, usually spending her holidays cooped up in a huge empty manor with nothing but the House Elves for company but other than that, she'd learned to love the solitude from an early age. When her sister Regina was gone, she took with her all the noise and considering they hadn't seen each other in more than a year, Ramona had almost forgotten what it was like. Hence why the cacophony of Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters was so jarring to her.

Ramona watched the hordes of families rushing around, bidding farewell to their children for the next four months, mothers crying, older children desperate to escape back to school, owls squawking and flapping in their cages. Her head pounded as she pushed through them, dragging her heavy trunk and owl cage behind her with some difficulty, having been too lost in her own thoughts to remember to grab a trolley and now she was paying for it.

The train was mostly empty so she was left with a wide selection of compartments but eventually selected one towards the end of the train and closed the door behind her. The window was closed too, muffling the noise from outside and she felt her shoulders relax a bit as she swung her legs up onto the seat and fished out a book, the pages wrinkled and dog-eared and the title half-faded from use and age.

Her parents, although purebloods, didn't have much quarrel with their daughter's interest in muggle literature, music or art but considering they spoke maybe twice a year, they probably didn't even know. It had started as an attempt to get their attention, from what limited stuff she'd overheard from eavesdropping on their dinner parties with their friends, they disliked those not of pureblood descent, or at least saw them as beneath them, but eventually she came to truly love and appreciate them. In some ways she thought muggles were actually more advanced than the wizarding community and both groups could benefit greatly from learning from each other.

The compartment door slid to the side roughly and one Pansy Parkinson threw herself inside dramatically, her pin-straight black hair fanning out behind her. "Oh Mona, you would not believe the summer I had!"

Pansy Parkinson was entertaining at her best and an insufferable sap with no sense of standards or self-worth at her worst, who had decided she needed some female friends to fall back on when her long-time crush got sick of her every now and then and thus thought that Ramona was a suitable candidate and she'd been unable to get rid of her since. She, like Ramona, was pure of blood although she made sure everyone was aware of this fact.

"I think I would believe actually, all you could talk about in your letters was how Draco had-"

"-Danced with me at that-"

"-Party his family had. Yes, I know, I was there if you didn't forget!"

"Is she still going on about Malfoy?" Delilah's smiling face poked around the corner, a large container in hand from which, a nasty hissing was emitting. "What's that you're reading?"

Delilah Lee, in all her cheeky grin and smudged mascara glory, was a horrible gossip, a narcissistic bitch, had a tendency to be a bit sadistic at times and was Ramona's best friend since forever. They had been raised practically as sisters and did pretty much everything together for the majority of their lives. Delilah was there when nobody else was whether she was wanted or not, and for that, Ramona could never pay her back.

Ramona hesitated slightly before showing them the cover, bracing herself for judgement. "'The Great Gatsby', it's a Muggle book, I got it second-hand down at the village down the road."

Pansy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. "Of course it is. I'll never understand why you like their books so much, anyways."

"It's really good!" Her curls shook as she adamantly defended her passion, finger holding her page. "It's about this guy, Nick, who-"

"No offence," Delilah held up a hand to stop her. "But we don't care."

Ramona pulled a face, she'd known they wouldn't get it but for some reason she always held a small sliver of hope that they might listen to her for once not immediately condemn anything that came from those "lesser than them". In fairness, their mindsets had been ingrained into them from an early age and unlearning a whole belief system was easier said than done. They all thought she was mad, especially after taking up Muggle Studies in third year but they'd learned to view it as more of an odd quirk so long as she didn't directly oppose them. Still, it was unwise to voice such opinions in the presence of her friends.

"Are the boys going to be sitting with us?" She cleared her throat at the hasty change of topics, hiding her book in her satchel beneath a half-empty packet of Sugar Quills.

"Hopefully." Pansy perked up, fixing her short, black bob. "Draco made pref...oh shit!"

She leapt to her feet and practically sprinted from the compartment, a small bag containing her school uniform in hand. Clearly she'd forgotten that she too, had been made a prefect, and had to patrol the train after meeting with the others. Delilah and Ramona laughed at her expense, she'd been so excited to be prefect (because in her mind that correlated to spending more time with Draco) and she was already failing miserably at performing her duties.

It was no surprise, however, that Pansy had received the badge. Out of all the girls in their dorm, she was the obvious choice; Ramona wasn't afraid to speak her mind in class when she didn't agree with professors (which was often and said with no filter), Delilah was far too fond of terrorising the younger years to be trusted in supervising them, Millicent Bulstrode was too stupid to tell a Doxy from a Pumpkin Pasty and Daphne Greengrass was not in Severus Snape's good books after she'd called him a 'slimy git' right to his face in second year. Pansy won by default.

Ramona and Delilah didn't waste time discussing their summers, knowing well that they were both awful, instead exchanging different rumours they'd heard about their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, a ritual, considering they had a different one every year. Some said it was that the position was cursed, others said it was due to Dumbledore's incompetent hiring, others said it was a funny coincidence. Ramona didn't care what it was, it kept school life interesting even if DADA marks faltered a bit as a result of constantly changing professors.

"Daddy says it's Umbridge for sure." Delilah rolled her eyes. "You know, that horrible old hag up Fudge's ass?"

"The one with that hideous pink cardigan and the cat plates all over her office?" Ramona snorted, recalling the Ministry tour she'd gotten several years ago as part of a 'bring your daughter to work' scheme. "No way would Dumbledore let her teach us, she was the one who initiated that whole Werewolf Legislation thing. If he had to take someone from the Ministry he'd either go for some clueless old fool from Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee or an eccentric Auror like he did last year."

"And how'd last year turn out for him?" Delilah crossed her arms, still annoyed with everything that had gone down at the end of their fourth year, Ramona's mood darkening at the memories.

"How could he have possibly known?"

"How could he not have known that there was an Azkaban escapee taking the place of his apparently 'very good friend'?"

She chuckled, although it was a bit forced. "I suppose he doesn't have the best reputation for hiring capable and not completely insane professors. Lupin was great, and so was Quirrell till we found out what was actually under his turban."

Their compartment door slid open again, rattling a bit from the force, and their smiles died on their lips as Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe pushed their huge frames through the small entrance. They'd be lucky if they went an hour without the pair of brutes causing some sort of physical fight.

"Hey guys." Delilah's lips were pulled into a tight line. "How were your summers?"

"Has the trolley lady come yet?"

The two girls exchanged a look. "No, the train's only just set off, but why don't you two wait here for her while we go to the bathroom."

Making a narrow escape, they left the boys in the compartment and set off down the train in search of familiar faces. They were hoping to find Blaise or Daphne or even an acquaintance from another house, but they weren't having much luck. Eventually, they decided to split up and Ramona carried on towards the end of the train, earning some pitying stares as she went.

Unfortunately, she didn't know anybody in any of the compartments well enough to invite herself to join them and officially escape Crabbe and Goyle, but she did recognise the signature black braid of one Cho Chang heading towards the last compartment, muttering lowly to herself. Speeding up slightly, glad that she now had an excuse for not sitting with tweedledum and tweedledumber, she caught up to Cho.

"Cho, wait up!" She grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Mona? You okay?"

"Yeah, just barely escaped Malfoy's sidekicks, they're like two Confunded trolls without him and I couldn't stand another second," her curls shook as she laughed but her voice dropped to a quiet whisper. "How are you holding up? You didn't reply to any of my letters and I just want to make sure you're okay."

Cho flushed and ducked her head sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry. It's been rough but I'm doing a lot better now, I'm starting to come to terms with everything that happened."

Ramona seriously doubted that Cho was getting any better after the death of her boyfriend, Cedric, at the end of last year but didn't press the subject as they weren't in a very private setting and she wasn't particularly in the mood to pick at such a fresh bad memory. "Anyways, where are you headed off to?"

"Looking for Harry, just wanted to say hi to him before school started."

The Slytherin girl walked beside her and sighed slightly. "Yeah, that sounds like a completely harmless, friendly gesture, searching the entire train just to say hi to one boy, a boy who just so happened to have asked you to the ball last year and still turns red every time you look at him."

Cho pushed her shoulder playfully and unsuccessfully hid a smile. "Shut up, it isn't anything like that."

It was definitely something like that but Cho herself was incredibly confused as to whether she was allowed to like Harry. Cedric's death had only been a few months ago and she had convinced herself she wasn't allowed to be happy or let herself feel that way about anyone else so Ramona didn't push the topic much more than that, Cho had to heal in her own time.

When the older girl slid back the compartment door in which the Chosen One resided, they were greeted with four people staring up at them, covered head-to-toe in a foul-smelling green goop that had splattered both the ceiling and the walls. Not exactly what she'd been expecting but far more entertaining than anything she'd had in mind.

"Oh...hello Harry," Cho spoke, nose crinkling at the stench, eyes watering a bit. "Um...bad time?"

The boy in question wiped away the goop that was covering his glasses so he could see her, surely bright crimson under the stuff. Ramona bit back a laugh at his evident mortification, he never did make his crush on her much of a secret. She knew for a fact that he'd asked her out last year but she was still with Cedric then. And though Ramona wasn't particularly fond of Harry Potter, she had to credit him for his loyalty.

"Oh...hi." He replied blankly.

Ramona could no longer suppress her laughter, snorting very loudly. "Green is a marvellous colour on you, Potter, really brings out your eyes."

Cho elbowed her in the stomach and shot her a warning look for the comment and for embarrassing her. "Um...well...just thought I'd say hello...bye then."

As soon as the pair were a few feet away, Cho buried her burning face in her hands. "God, that was so awkward! Why do I choose the absolute worst moments to talk to him?"

Ramona rolled her eyes. "I'm hardly an expert but he probably feels worse than you do. Honestly, I think you should just kiss his scrawny ass and get it over with. Dunno what you see in him anyways, when you take away all the 'Chosen One' bullshit, he's just an awkward little kid."

"You're horrible, Mona, he's really sweet."

"And I thrive off of it!" She laughed, the noise bouncing around them. "Did you see Longbottom's face when I came in? Priceless!"
~~

"I'm starving!" Delilah grumbled quietly in annoyance. "Why does the Sorting Ceremony always take so bloody long? Who cares about first years anyways?"

Malfoy shushed her loudly from a few seats down, causing both Delilah and Ramona to burst into a poorly-contained fit of giggles. Even if he was a prefect now, they were unlikely listen to a word he said, far too used to ignoring him and his insatiable arrogance and power-complex.

All the usual teachers were there except for Professor Hagrid, the woman who'd subbed in for him before sitting in his place, and with the new addition of Dolores Umbridge, the height of the table almost reaching her chest. Apparently Delilah's father had been right in guessing she'd gotten the new Defence Against the Dark Arts job. Professor McGonagall proceeded with the Sorting, calling out students one by one until finally 'Zeller, Rose' was put into Hufflepuff. As the Transfiguration teacher exited with the Hat and stool, Dumbledore rose to his feet, commanding attention without even having to utter a word.

"To our newcomers," he spoke in a ringing voice. "Welcome! To our old hands-welcome back! There is a time for speech-making but this is not it. Tuck in!"

Ramona greedily stuffed herself with roast potatoes, steamed vegetables, sausages and three goblets of pumpkin juice. She ignored the looks from those around her, judging her mountain of food, and joined Delilah in making fun of Pansy practically drooling over Draco who was promptly pretending she didn't exist while her dinner lay forgotten.

"Save it for the dorms, Parkinson."

Pansy scowled and threw her fork at Ramona. "Shut it Burke, at least he didn't dump me by owl."

The playful smirk dropped off her lips. "That's cold but at least he was actually dating me."

"Okay, chill with the insults," Delilah rolled her eyes, well used to such petty disputes. "We all know not to bring up Asshole Dickface Larson, Pansy, stick to the contract."

"Fine, I'm sorry but you shouldn't have made fun of me."

"Whatever, one day you'll look back and see how right we are and that even you deserve better."

Feeling pleasantly drowsy after a large helping of sticky toffee pudding, Ramona also didn't care to listen to the start-of-term notices. It was always the same, don't go into the Forbidden Forest, don't use magic in the corridors, introductions to new teachers, Quidditch tryout announcements...wait, why was the pink woman standing up?

"Hem, hem." She coughed, interrupting the Headmaster. Clearly, she too intended to make a speech.

Dumbledore appeared taken aback for a second but slowly sunk back down into his seat, as intrigued as the rest of them to hear what this would be about.

"Thank you, Headmaster," her voice was unnaturally sweet and breathy. "For those kind words of welcome. Hem, hem. Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say! And to see such happy little faces looking up at me!"

Ramona's frown deepened and her eyebrows lifted. Nobody looked very happy, most likely due to being addressed as though they were five or recently Confunded.

"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all and I'm sure we'll be very good friends!" She cleared her throat again and her voice took on a more business-like tone as though she were reading from a script. "The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction."

It was at that point Ramona stopped listening. Clearly nothing more than a Ministry puppet, probably sent in by Fudge to keep tabs on Dumbledore and Harry Potter and discredit their claims. She wasn't all that surprised, Fudge wasn't known for his genius plans. The woman droned on about teaching and progress and pruning or something like that. It didn't seem as though she was the only one not paying attention, Delilah was hexing a third year boy's fingernails to grow to an alarming length, Cho was whispering animatedly with her friends, Pansy was trying to sneak her hand into Draco's and everyone else seemed glassy-eyed.

Finally, the awful woman sat down with little to no applause, most of it coming from the staff (even if most barely clapped more than twice before falling silent) and Dumbledore rose to his feet once more.

"Thank you, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating." He bowed to her. "Now, as I was saying, Quidditch tryouts will be held..."

"What the actual fuck just happened?" She leaned in. "Did that woman just interrupt Dumbledore's speech? Who does she think she is?"

"She's from the Ministry," Pansy spoke smugly as if she was actually educating Ramona. "Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, probably here to take that old geezer down a peg or two."

"Like she could," Delilah scoffed. "She's like smaller than the firsties and looks like the human embodiment of that pink toad on the packaging for Fudge Flies. I think I'll take the Azkaban escapee back."

"Don't be so mean, Father reckons she'll fix the school up."

"It'll be grand, sure she's a DADA teacher and they never stay longer than a year, she'll be gone soon."