Adjusting his uniform tie, Student Council President Kittenus hurried out in front of the Imperial Academy to stand atop the marble sidewalk. He nervously ran a hand through his short curly hair, looking around to make sure everything was in place. The banner was hung carefully, with neatly printed lettering, the school band was lined up and ready to play, and the student body was assembled in neat rows.
"Relax, Mr. Kittenus," Principal Malcador said, stepping up beside his pupil and smiling amiably at him. "You've met her Imperial Majesty before."
"Yes, I'm very grateful she allowed me to attend this prestigious academy, and I hope I've done her proud," Kittenus said nervously, tugging at the high golden collar of the uniform.
"Of course. Why else did she select you to be the student liaison for our new students?" Malchador chuckled.
"Er, of course," Kittenus agreed nervously. "I just-"
"KITTEN! There you are."
"Oh no," Kittenus moaned, closing his eyes and counting to three as heavy footfalls thundered up to him.
"The rest of us on the wrestling team were thinking, we should just wear our sports uniforms for this!" a deep voice said.
"Yeah! And to show off our immaculate human physiques, we rubbed baby oil all over ourselves!"
Opening his eyes, Kittenus found his three biggest headaches looking at him with vapid grins on their faces, their bare chests glistening in the early morning light, wearing only speedos.
"When did speedos become the wrestling uniform?" Kittenus groaned. "Nevermind. Go get dressed! The Empress is going to be here any moment!"
"Isn't that her car there?" one of the idiot trio asked, pointing to a line of limos and other government vehicles driving up the long road across the school grounds.
"Yes! Yes it is!" Kittenus squeaked. "Go...over there! Don't let them see you!"
The meatheads shuffled off, and Kittenus forced them from his mind, turning to the school band and making frantic motions to them to start playing. Lord Solar Macharius raised his baton in a dignified manner, and the band began to play the Imperial National Anthem just as the Empress's limo pulled up to the curb.
Kittenus hastened forward to open the door, but one of the Empress's security detail beat him to it. He hastily stepped back, awkwardly saluting and trying to smile. "Y-your Majesty! Welcome to the Imperial Academy!"
The leader of the human world unfolded herself from the back of the limo, her dark sunglasses and hair contrasting with her golden suit. She nodded curtly to Kittenus. "Little Kitten."
Kittenus tried not to blush at his old nickname. He hated it when people called him that. Well, most people. "We have the entire campus ready for your inspection, Your Eminence, and-"
"That won't be necessary. I'm just dropping off the girls."
"Er, yes, my Glorious Overlord. We have the dorms ready and-"
A young woman with long blond hair loose about her shoulders stepped from the limo. She smiled at Kittenus, stepping forward to take his hands in a friendly greeting. "Why, you must be the young man mother has told me so much about. President Kittenus, I presume?"
"Y-yes, princess, I have that honor," Kittenus stammered, blushing as he looked into the girl's warm brown eyes.
"Oh, please, no need to be so formal. It would get quite confusing. Simply call me Horus," the girl said with a bright laugh.
"Er, yes, your highness," Kittenus managed. "May I introduce you to Principal Malchador?"
"Oh, I know Uncle Malchador already!" Horus laughed, but turned to give the Principal an affectionate hug.
Kittenus felt a bit relieved as the Empress stood off to the side, her gaze wandering over the student body, but not lingering in disapproval. Kittenus was just about to step forward to guide Horus and her mother when he sensed something behind him. He turned, then swore, bringing up his arms in a warding gesture as a great shaggy grey shape bolted out of the darkness, seeming to leap for Kittenus' throat.
"Doon, laddie!"
The enormous wolf paused, then sat, tail thumping against the pavement as a second girl dragged herself out of the limo. Unlike Horus, who had been immaculately dressed in an Imperial Academy uniform, this girl was wearing a stained hockey jersey and her blonde hair was tied up in a messy ponytail.
"Na eating th' locals yet, we've git tae save some fur efter," the girl said, scratching the wolf's ears as it glared up at Kittenus.
"Er, greetings, your highness, I am-" Kittenus began, but the girl snarled and jumped forward to stick her finger in his face.
"None o' this 'your highness' bullshit fae ye, laddie. Dae ah keek lik' a dainty wee princess that sips cuppa in th' back green lik' that twat ower thare?"
"Um…" Kittenus leaned back, his eyes crossing as he tried to focus on the finger that was invading his personal space. "...welcome to the Imperial Academy?"
"Fàilte? If this wis a proper fàilte you'd gimme a pint 'n' hae yin o' they hunks o' bridie ower thare duin fur me in a kip. Instead ye'v git a richt fankle wi' that collection o' idiots sounding lik' a dying moggie ower thare. Pick a windae, yer leavin'." The girl whistled, and the giant wolf sprang up.
"C'moan Bjorn. Let's fin' us a rammy or a bugger, ah'ament particular whilk at this point. Bunch o' stuck up rich pissants."
With that, the girl stalked away, pushing past her sister who was still exchanging pleasantries and making straight for the bare chested trio, who far from hiding were standing right at the front of the student body and flexing their muscles.
"Oh no," Kittenus moaned, and made to intervene.
"Ah, you may wish to leave my sister to her own devices," Horus advised as Kittenus hurried past. "She's somewhat pent up after the long drive from the capitol and the recent revelation of our heritage."
"What!? But I thought the rediscovery of the Lost Imperial Princesses had taken place last year?!" Kittenus gasped.
"Oh, well, I was found last year. But-"
It was too late. The irate girl and her giant wolf had made her way over to the posing wrestlers.
"A' richt, ah will tak' oan th' three o' ye at wance. If ye kin prove ye'r gid in a rammy, mibbie ah will tak' ye tae kip tae."
"Huh?" the first of the lunkheads said. "Waamudes, do you understand what she's saying?"
"Not really, Custodisi, I don't think it's Standard," the second said, wrinkling his nose.
"Ooo, look at the cute doggy!" Karstodes said, reaching out an oil slicked hand to pet the wolf.
There was a loud slap as the hand was repelled, and the princess interposed herself, grinning madly. "Titch Bjorn 'n' he'll bit yer haun aff ye hackit bas. That or ah wull. Na yin touches mah pet bit me."
"You know, this girl is rather rude," Custodisi sniffed. "If she wasn't a princess, I'd teach her a lesson."
"Ca' me a princess yin mair time," the girl snarled.
"What?" Karstodes said, blinking. "Do you speak Standard? I don't speak xenos."
"Call me a princess one...mair...time…" the girl ground out, slowly and carefully enunciating her words.
"Princess?" Waamudes offered.
With a cry of glee and rage, the princess piled into the three wrestlers. She was not a petite girl, but even so the three boys were both older than she, and much larger and more muscled. They were also experienced fighters, being the champion wrestlers in the entire kingdom and even defeating the orks in last year's international championships.
There were cries of pain, and what sounded like snapping bones as Kittenus raced forward to try to stop it before his three idiot friends managed to kill the princess. Bjorn, however, blocked his path, growling.
"Well, it seems like you have a lot of work to do, Malchador," the Empress said, turning away. "Try to turn Russ into something approaching a proper imperial princess. I don't care if she becomes a lady, but she has to know how to channel that violent energy."
"Yes, your Eminence," Malchador sighed. "You do not wish to stay?"
"I have work to do, and more daughters to retrieve. You know what to do. You helped make them, after all," the Empress grunted, then got back into her limo and closed the door.
"Farewell, mother," Horus said, bowing to the vehicle. "I shall do you proud."
The window rolled down, and the Empress gave her favored daughter a smile. "I know you will, Horus. Do try not to let Russ be too much of a disappointment."
With that, the Imperial Convoy rolled away, leaving the frantic Kittenus trying to persuade the giant wolf. "Look, if you don't let me stop them, they'll kill her! They have no idea of their own strength, and if they kill an Imperial Princess those three will-"
"Tak' a lot mair than they three weaklings tae murdurr Leman Fuckin' Russ."
There was a collected gasp from the assembled students as Princess Leman Russ stood up, licking blood from her lips as it streamed down from her broken nose. By the angle, it wasn't the first time that had happened. On the sidewalk, the three morons lay groaning in a tangled pile of limbs and bruises.
"Ye'r nae hauf ill. If ye three soft rich wee jimmies ever wantae learn howfur tae rammy, ye come 'n' ask 'n' ah will teach ye howfur tae nae embarass youselves. Come, Bjorn. A'm hungert."
The wolf fell in beside his mistress as she turned to Principal Malchador. "Awright, auldjin, where's th' fairn aroond 'ere?"
"Right this way, Miss Russ," Malchador sighed. "Come, Kittenus. Let's show our new students how things are run at the academy. And Miss Russ?"
"Aye?"
The blow from the old man was so swift that Kittenus didn't even see it. The next thing he and everyone else knew, Russ was flat on her back on the pavement, her expression dazed.
"I do not approve of fighting amongst my students. You will find a more acceptable outlet for your energies, or one shall be found for you. Such as mucking out the stables. With a spoon."
"Ah knew thare wis a reason ah liked ye, uncle! Noo, where's th' grub?" Russ laughed as she picked herself up.
Kittenus fell in beside Horus as the assembly broke up. "Um, your sister, she is, er, a most interesting-"
"She was raised by barbarians in the mountains, as you can probably tell from her atrocious accent," Horus sighed, shaking her head. "It is hoped that an education here will...refine her, a bit."
"Oh, well, Principal Malchador always says an education can polish the roughest of gems to a mirror shine," Kittenus laughed nervously.
"Yes, but I fear my sister is not a gem, but a beast," Horus said with a heavy sigh.
"Tae pumpin' richt! Am a wolf, nae a bonny trinket!"
Kittenus prayed silently to the Empress that she would grant him the strength to aid in her two daughters' education. At least this Russ had to be the most intractable of the Empress's lost children.