I will always love you too
Chuck awoke and couldn't feel her touch. He instantly missed it and reached out for her but instead felt a pillow. He turned himself around to see that she had found comfort in her pregnancy pillow. He had been replaced once again. It had taken him a while to not feel a tinge of jealousy towards it when she had used it towards the end of her pregnancy with Henry. Truth was her touch always comforted him and he struggled to sleep soundly without her. It had been twelve years since his life changed forever, since he finally had the courage to tell her how he felt.
"Why aren't you in Europe?"
"I was in Pairs, but only to get your favourite macarons from Pierre Hermé"
"And Germany?"
"To pick up your favourite Falke stockings, you know how I adore them."
"What are you doing here then?"
"You were right. I was a coward running away again. Everywhere I went, you caught up with me so I had to come back."
"I wanna believe you, but I can't. You hurt me too many times."
"You can believe me this time."
"Oh, that's it?"
"I love you too."
"Like can you say it twice? No, I'm serious, say it twice."
"I love you; I love you, that's three, four, I love you."
He smiled at the memory and adjusted himself so he could lightly rub her stomach that was housing their daughter. It was hard for him to imagine there once was a time that loving someone scared him. That he had believed that loving someone, put someone else first was a weakness. Now he couldn't imagine living a life where he wouldn't do anything to put the needs of his wife and their children above his own. He felt a swift kick from their daughter.
"Morning, baby girl. You really are going to get me in trouble with your mother." He whispered to Blair's belly knowing that the kick was likely to wake Blair up.
As if on que Blair started to stir. "Did you really have to get her excited Bass? I was having a lovely dream about a prince coming to rescue me from the big bad wolf." She smirked at him, she wasn't really, she hadn't dreamt about anyone else for a long time but he had woken her up.
He chuckled. "I think we've already been down that road Blair and it turns out the Prince wasn't all that charming." Chuck lent in to kiss his wife on the cheek but she captured his lips in hers instead.
"Hmm... I think I've got everything I could ever possibly want right here." She moved her hand to meet his on her stomach.
"I think we're missing a few to be really complete." Chuck raised an eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sure it won't be long until they join us."
"Until then." Chuck lifted up the quilt so he could hoover over Blair without putting any of his weight on her. "I think I should show my wife how much I love her and miss her."
"Chuck." She giggled. "How can you miss me when I'm sleeping right next to you?" Blair knew Chuck hated the pillow that had replaced him every night but it was a necessity as they got nearer to her due date.
When she didn't respond to his advances he went back to his side of the bed. He lifted up the bottom of the pregnancy pillow to prove his point. "This thing. Turns out I should have never worried about another man stealing you from me, I should have been worried about this."
She giggled again. "You're being silly Bass."
"Am I?" He pouted, he knew he was but he enjoyed their ability to still be silly with each other after all this time and he enjoyed seeing her happy.
"Yes. It's been a lot longer than twelve years that I've been able to tell you I love you too." Blair turned to look at him. It really didn't bother her anymore that it had taken him longer than her. They had been on a journey and they were stronger than ever. Nobody could believe that the Chuck Bass that had once enjoyed drowning himself in money, booze, drugs and women was now a devoted husband to her and a devoted father to their children. She smiled at him.
"I was worth the wait." He knew it was a risky response.
Blair lightly tapped him on the shoulder. "Watch it!"
He held out his hand to her and she immediately knew what he wanted. Blair manoeuvred herself so she was in between his legs and he was now acting as her pillow. As soon as she stopped moving, he wrapped both hands around her belly and whispered into her ear. "You were worth the wait too."
She could feel his breath on her ear and welcomed the shiver in response to feeling the heat from his body. When she was finally able to registered what he said she was confused. "What do you mean? You knew we were inevitable."
He let out a sigh. "Not always."
She turned her head to try and look at him. She was met with a sadness in his eyes and knew what he was thinking about.
"You really love him, don't you?"
"Yes. But not like I love you. Louis and I, it's different, it's lighter, more simple. He makes me happy."
"And I don't."
"What we have is a great love. It's complicated. Intense. All-consuming. No matter what we do and how much we fight, it'll always pull us in. What's mere happiness in the face of all that, right?"
"Chuck, you know you make me happy, right? What I said then, it may have been right at the time but look how wrong I was about Louis." She stroked his arm that was still resting on her belly.
When he still didn't respond she thought about how that night could have ended differently if he hadn't stopped her.
"About being happy? Chuck, that's not the most important thing. People don't write sonnets about being compatible. Or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones. L'amour fou."
"Blair we're not living in Paris in the 20s."
"Well, we both wish we were."
"There's a difference between a great love and the right love. I left the Empire State Building last year after two minutes when you didn't show. Louis waited all night. This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it 'cause you've never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairy tale."
"You know what I said to Nate after that. I told him that I wasn't right for you. That we brought out the dark side in each other. It pained me to see it but I knew that with Louis you shined. I told him that that was the Blair I loved and that if you needed to be with him to be like that then that's the way it should be." Chuck knew he was probably revealing too much but after years of struggling they had finally learnt that their relationship was only strong when they were honest and communicated with each other. He wanted her to know that he hadn't always believed they would find their way back to each other. That that night he watched her walk off with Louis any hope of her returning to him was lost.
"Chuck." She swallowed trying not to choke on her words. "It wasn't true."
"What wasn't?" he asked.
"You devastated me but you've also made me happier than I've ever been. You've made mistakes, we both have but we've learnt from them. Sure we have our odd bicker now but you have made me happier than anyone else ever can. You've given me everything I've ever wanted. The man you are now is not the same man that did those things. Even that night, in those few hours even after the scary ones with Thorpe, it was the happiest I had been in months. It was why I was not willing to let you go. I felt lighter but I still wasn't ready to totally forget how easily you had hurt me. It was still too raw." She pulled one hand into hers and squeezed it.
He understood. That night he could see how conflicted she was. Chuck had played with fire when he offered to take her for a drink but he knew himself that he wasn't quite ready to let her go either and when she had pulled him into the room and kissed him, he thought all his dreams were coming true. He thought the stars were finally aligned for them but after his mistake with the Empire he knew he had to put her happiness first. Had to give her a chance with a love she deserved and at that moment in time that was with Louis. "I can't believe how far we've come. Thank you for never giving up on me. For giving me more than I could have ever thought I needed. Without you I don't know where I would be." He rested his head on her shoulder.
"What was it you once said? That in the face of true love you don't just give up - you taught me that. You always thought I was the one to teach you but your speech at your father and Lily's wedding confessed more to me than you ever had. You asked me to give you a second chance."
"And I blew that chance too. It took a lot more than just a second chance with me." He let out a sigh in regret from leaving her alone in Tuscany. It was something that he still regretted to this day but he knew know that it was timing and he wasn't ready for a relationship then.
She could hear the regret in his voice. "True but you also gave me the gift of a second chance. We've learnt the importance of forgiveness and we've grown into people that are worthy of each other. We were kids then Chuck, I know at times we liked to believe we were more like adults but we were bound to make mistakes. It's how you learn from them and nobody has done that more than you."
"I still feel like the lucky one." He kissed the nape of her neck.
"Can't argue with that." Blair could feel him relax against her and knew he believed what she was telling him. "Plus, you saved me from ever being a Humphrey." She winced at the memory.
"I thought we agreed to never talk about that again?" He chuckled at the memory. It didn't stir up the same reaction as talking about Louis. He had watched Blair marry Louis and knew it should have been them that day but with Dan it felt temporary.
"How did no one else realise I wasn't myself?" Blair asked the question when she knew everyone that around her at the time had questioned her decision. She had done everything she could to push Chuck away because the trauma of losing her baby, a baby they still considered to be their first child, was too much to face. Blair had told Chuck once that she couldn't bear it if anything happened to him and she had come to close to losing him in the accident. She buried herself in guilt. At the time all she saw was her selfish decision to be with Chuck had led to the loss of their baby and him almost dying. It gave her no room to grieve. It wasn't until she found out she was pregnant with Henry that she realised how much she had pushed down her grief. It was Chuck that helped her through it like he would have done if she had allowed him the first time. She found herself in a relationship with Dan because it meant she could pretend to be the fictional character he had created about her. She could act the part like she had spent years doing. The only person that could ever love her for her was Chuck.
Blair's question pulled him from his own thoughts. "What do you mean?"
"Blair Waldorf living in Brooklyn and ending up with Humphrey. It sounds like a nightmare." Blair wasn't trying to torture Chuck with the memory that she had once chosen Dan but some days she didn't understand what she had done when her marriage to Louis ended either.
"Some of us had no choice but to accept your decision, Blair. You know I've always tried my best to make sure you were happy. Once again if that was even with Hum Dum Humphrey then I would have learnt to accept it and I was going to."
"I can't play this game anymore, Blair. I spent a whole year waiting for you. I need to move forward."
"Timing never was our strong suit. It's also proof that you never gave up on me." She lifted up his hand that she was holding and kissed it.
"Until it was. Look at what we have now. Our wedding was perfect even if our first stop was a police station and every day since then I wouldn't change. I wouldn't even change the before. We've never been boring and we never will be."
"Even when we hold hands and go to the movies?" Blair pressed.
"Even then. I will always love you." He responded sincerely.
"I will always love you too."