Title: Discovering the Sunrise
Durmstrang - Fear
Mandatory Prompt: [Character] Ginny Weasley
Optional Prompt: [First/last line] In hindsight, he was probably Salazar Slytherin reincarnated.
Year 4
Word Count: 3098
AN Warning for depression, anxiety attacks, and nightmares for main character. This story is slightly AU with details given at the end to avoid spoilers.
The feel of the diary's familiar leather granted Ginny courage. Her fingers curled around its comforting warmth as she slipped away from a tower where she felt invisible. With single-minded focus, her bare feet whisked her through winding passageways and moving staircases. The distant yowl of Mrs. Norris did not garner a second glance nor did Peeves' efforts to decorate the Great Hall. Only one thing mattered—silencing those roosters!
Harsh panting filled the darkness. The phantom feel of itchy feathers as she strangled Hagrid's birds made Ginny feel dirty as petrified bodies danced before her eyes, paralyzing her where she sat.
Ginny didn't know how long she was held captive by memories of last year, but she wouldn't be surprised if hours had passed. Over the summer, the once blank pages of her time with Tom had turned into terrifying memories of just what she'd done, tormenting her night after night. Killing the roosters wasn't a new phantom coming to haunt her, but that didn't make it any easier to move forward.
That was the reason her parents got in contact with the mind-healer Madam MacDougal; these monsters didn't live in the closet, nor could they be defeated with warm milk and honey.
Madam MacDougal helped, a little, but the nights were long, and loosening fear's hold on her would take longer than a single summer.
Eventually, the waking terrors loosened their grip, and the barest hint of predawn could be seen out the window. As Ginny regained control of her limbs, she rushed to the showers. The beauty of a new day wasn't meant for her.
The drone of Professor Binns had offered a soothing lullaby to generations of children before Ginny, yet determination kept her from heeding the desk's siren call, if just barely. It was one thing to have nightmares in the privacy of Gryffindor but quite another to experience it surrounded by others. She could take steps to keep people from hearing in the dorm; the classroom offered no such luxury.
If someone were to touch her unexpectedly while in the midst of a nightmare or panic attack….
As if summoned by that very thought, a swatch of familiar fabric glinted in her peripheral vision. It looked like… but no, the flash of green was simply the tie of one of the Slytherins, after his robe became askew. It wasn't… him.
"Deep breaths, Ginny. Deep breaths. Find five things of blue," the soothing voice of Madam MacDougal, her mind-healer, whispered in her head. Now was not the time for an episode. On discovering that colors were entirely too easy to find (the history classroom being full of colorful battle depictions), Ginny tried a different strategy.
With her hands fisted, she decided to tackle the problem head-on, picturing a conversation with her mind-healer.
"What caused the incident?" Madam MacDougal began.
"I saw what I thought was Tom."
"Is this a reasonable concern?"
"No! Yes? He died almost twelve years ago, but that didn't stop him from…" Distantly, Ginny could tell that her breaths were coming ever-so-slightly faster.
"New track. Deep breaths, deary. What is it about Tom that frightens you? His magical prowess? How he took over your mind?"
Ginny's lungs burned. She didn't want to talk about this! Why couldn't Madam MacDougal just let it go? How could she be expected to put in words that what really scared her wasn't Tom at all?
A bell signaling the end of class prevented the healer from pressing her weakness.
During lunch, Ginny composed a few letters. To her parents, yes, but also to Madam MacDougal.
Eventually, it was hoped that Ginny would be able to write in some form of journal again, but for now, the healer just asked that Ginny try to describe her thoughts and feelings in a letter a few times a week. This was a compromise since Ginny wanted to move on from the past year's events and didn't want it to become known that she had a mind-healer.
To her parents, Ginny talked about the exciting train ride earlier in the week and how she had been putting her training from the healer into practice.
Madam MacDougal got a less idealistic description of events though she still omitted the incident in Professor Binns' class. It wouldn't do to have her healer upset with her, after all. Best to ignore that little incident and keep her appeased.
Somehow, she wasn't surprised when, two days later, she got a response from the healer bidding her to begin taking steps towards acknowledging whatever she felt must be kept secret. Not confronting it just yet… Madam MacDougal just wanted her to begin by acknowledging the existence of whatever she couldn't say.
Ginny skipped History of Magic (and every other class) that day. Instead, she wandered, lost in thought about blind mind-healers who didn't know what she was going through, didn't understand how much worse everything would be if she dared open her version of Pandora's Box. Ginny knew what hid beneath her fears, but keeping it hidden away unacknowledged, was the only way to protect the school. The pain of hiding it away was simply the price she had to pay.
And so, the dreams continued-some formed from memories, others by her imagination. Day and night, they'd find the worst times to strike and do so without mercy.
That night, she dreamed of talking to a giant snake whose eyes bore into the darkness within.
The next night, she laughed cruelly as a boy shed tears over her prone body, trying everything he could to save her life.
The worst dreams, however, displayed no destruction at all.
These were the dreams where she went to the chamber after class just to get some studying done in private, with only Tom for company…The dreams of the Basilisk letting her pet shiny black scales before sneaking into the library's Forbidden Section just to learn more about the deadly beast.
On those nights, she'd awaken feeling like ice, no matter how warm the room, fear mingling with a degree of confidence Ginny hadn't known since she was ten. Everywhere around her, Ginny would see red and gold but know that that superficial difference could not atone for the similarities found deep inside her.
Those were the days when it wouldn't feel like such a crime… to nourish the thousand possibilities hidden inside her. It was then that she'd have to make a conscious effort to avoid the second floor bathroom and the passage hidden within. When the shower spray would remind her of flooded floors and twisted reflections. Those were the days when skipping class and hiding away were necessary to keep her secret.
Every two or three days, she would write to her parents and Madam MacDougal. To the one went a picture perfect depiction of ordinary second-year triumphs and worries. To the other went an equally fictional piece designed to side-step concerns and appease the bloodhound digging into her life.
In her effort to avoid confronting her fears, Ginny found herself bound to them, a slave unable to do anything but wrap them tightly away where no one could see.
Sometimes, Ginny would contemplate the possibility of someone actually noticing that something was off. During those weeks, she would make the effort to do just that little bit extra in her classes and borrow Demelza Robins' makeup compact to hide her haggard appearance. Between that and how the Dementors seemed to negatively impact almost everyone anyway, she managed to stay mostly unnoticed.
Admittedly, Ginny knew that Fred and George made an attempt to keep an eye out for her, but there were pranks to pull, and with Mum and Dad thinking she was fine, well who were they to suggest otherwise?
Alas, an illusion is only as good as the one maintaining the spell, and Ginny's attempts were mere child's play compared to the smoke and mirrors that had hidden a certain Ravenclaw for almost five years.
"Do you ever miss it?"
Ginny startled from where she stood on the edge of the Black Lake as a girl in Ravenclaw colors joined her. Between the Dementors and the chill in the air, the two were very nearly the only ones out there.
"Excuse me?"
"Why would I need to excuse you?" the girl's forehead wrinkled in confusion, and Ginny distantly noted that she appeared to be wearing mismatched shoes.
"N-never mind. I'm Ginny. I thought I heard you say something a moment ago?" For just a moment, Ginny's thoughts weren't on horrible dreams or hiding herself from the world.
"You did. Hear me, I mean." A pair of radish earrings caught the eye as the girl affirmed Ginny's memory.
"I'm Luna. Daddy runs The Quibbler. That's why I came over. I wanted to know if you ever miss who you were before the Watch-Sticking Noodlers put a time-freeze bubble around you."
"Watcha-whatsits? What do you mean, a time bubble?"
"Don't worry, Watch-Sticking Noodlers attack almost everyone at some point. We had an infestation of them after Mummy died. Life continues when you're in the bubble, but nothing really changes. I'm doing a report..."
Ginny turned to look back out at the choppy water; Luna's reason for the interview diving beneath the depths. The faintest outline of a creature could be seen; whether it was the giant squid or a serpent, she couldn't tell. The girl's words echoed. Life continues...nothing changes. Yeah, that sounded like her.
"And then the Gobsniggers require special—"
"—You got out?" Ginny interrupted, not recognizing her voice, filled as it was with the confidence of her dream-self and a healthy dose of fear about something.
"Got out? Of course, I did. It's rather hard to make friends in a time-freeze bubble, you know." Vibrant eyes gazed back at Ginny, and, for the first time in a long time, she felt seen.
"Is that what you're doing, trying to become my friend?" Ginny shivered, for once able to ignore the darkness that had been her constant companion for too long. What this girl seemed to be offering was impossible, wasn't it? No, Ginny couldn't risk it. The darkness would just destroy any attempts at friendship in its tracks. Luna'd get hurt… like Harry was hurt. Cruel laughter from her time in the Chamber echoed off the waves.
Ginny hadn't realized that her hands were fisted against her ears until the pale, delicate fingers of her companion sought to gently pull them away, momentarily silencing the cackling waves.
"I'd like to be your friend, yes, but such is very nearly impossible with the Watch-Sticking Noodlers around." Luna's words, while hidden behind whimsical creatures so neatly aligned with her own that Ginny couldn't help but grimace. Of course, friendship was impossible. A part of her reveled in the inevitability even as she wished for change.
Her brooding was interrupted by light, tinkling laughter, so different from her own. "Of course, there's a big difference between nearly impossible and actually impossible. If you want to try, I'm happy to play Dodge the Noodler and visit your time-freeze bubble from time to time."
Ginny had never been paralyzed by positive emotions before.
"Yeah?"
"Certainly!"
Ginny's friendship with Luna was interesting, to say the least. It quickly became apparent that the Ravenclaw had a unique perspective on the world and thrived on using her wit as a shield against those who would harm her. To help her keep up, Ginny began to read The Quibbler, and when Luna gifted her with her very own Quibbler Truth Seeking Journal, she was eager to begin using the prize. Every edition of the paper and, indeed, many of her discussions with Luna, brought to life hundreds of oddly-named creatures-each a metaphor for some aspect of human behavior. Keeping track of Luna's world was a fantastic adventure that she never wanted to end.
No longer were Ginny's letters to her parents carefully staged parodies of life at Hogwarts, and it was great fun to explain in excruciating detail just how far she'd come simply by deciding to move past her fears-no focus necessary-to Madam MacDougal. The healer seemed to be happy for her growth (especially on learning that Ginny could use a journal again), but never failed to remind her that without taking care of the roots of her issues, Ginny left herself exposed to any number of hidden triggers.
(For some reason, her generally lighthearted friend never laughed along when the topic of Madam MacDougal's insane theories came up.)
Over the course of three months, Ginny found herself improving by leaps and bounds. Her ears only played tricks on her if she was especially close to a Dementor now, or else stayed away from others for more than an hour or two, and sometimes, she was even able to get a full night's sleep! If you asked Ginny, she was completely back to her old self!
Luna, apparently, disagreed. "You never told me, you know," the blonde began as they busied themselves with a Herbology essay in the library, "Whether you'd go back to who you were."
Ginny bumped her shoulder against Luna's in comradery. "You're talking about the Watch-Sticking Noodlers again? I thought I broke out of my bubble months ago. Don't you agree?"
"Did the Ginny of Before fear beauty?"
For the first time since their conversation at the lake, Ginny flinched from her friend. It was just a little flinch, easily passed off as a draft in the hallway perhaps, but Ginny doubted that Luna could let sleeping dragons lie.
"Every time I suggest that we get up early to see the sunrise or go out before dark to see the same, you find ways to postpone your coming. I was the same way after Mummy died. You're many things, Ginny. Funny and smart. In time, you'll be able to acknowledge your own worth again, but I'm afraid the Watch-Sticking Noodlers still fly about your head. Pastry?"
The non sequitur of burgled desserts was enough to put things mostly out of Ginny's mind. For a while, Ginny started to think that she'd make it through the school year with her sanity mostly intact.
Then she learned just why her friend sometimes wore mismatched shoes and clothes that didn't set just right on her body. Ginny learned of the existence of Loony Lovegood, and she saw red.
Ginny doubted that she'd ever come to normalize the weird blackouts. They'd happened last year and apparently, weren't done with her yet. This time, however, as she came back to herself in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, she had better company than a cursed diary. Hands that had obviously been stained by blood were being gently scrubbed clean by Luna.
"Back again?" the blonde asked as though she'd simply gone on a walk through the castle's halls.
"Malinda MacIntire?" Ginny questioned in return, breathless as images flashed in her mind, reminding her of a crime she hadn't meant to commit but didn't regret either.
"The Can-Dingles got to her, I'm afraid," Luna responded airily. "She'll have to spend at least one or two nights in the hospital wing, and even after that, I fear her hair won't be the same for quite some time."
"She'll be okay though?" Ginny was genuinely conflicted. She didn't want to go around beating people up with her fists, but Luna deserved what limited protection she could offer.
"She'll be fine, Ginny, as will I. Did you know, this is the first time I've had a Can-Dingle's help before? It really is quite lovely."
Ginny managed a smile. This time, she managed to stop. What about next time?
"You're afraid of blackouts?" Luna guessed. Oops, Ginny must have said part of that out loud. Unlike Madam MacDougal, Luna never pressed for answers. She offered, and let Ginny fill in the blanks as she wished.
Here, in this bathroom that she must have visited dozens of times the year before, Ginny suddenly desperately wished to be known.
"Ye-no. No, not really. It's a part of it, yes, but my biggest fear is… is…" All of the mirrors in the bathroom suddenly broke at the same time. Little waves formed by magic in the water protected her from unforgiving eyes.
"Yourself?" Ginny wanted to laugh, scream, cry. How could Luna take all of this so calmly? Today, Ginny'd attacked another student and broken perfectly good mirrors because she was too much of a coward to acknowledge herself.
"So much for making Gryffindor proud," she huffed. "Yes! Yes, I scare myself. Last year, T-Tom showed me a side that I desperately wish didn't exist. I should've never accepted your offer of friendship, Luna. It was selfish of me…."
Ginny turned to one of the pipes, sure that, if nothing else, this next demonstration would get her former friend to leave.
"Sssss-open!" she hissed before sliding down the pipe.
Of course, Luna followed.
"Do you want to die? Get away from me!"
"You think you're destined to be the next Dark Lady. Why?" Luna just countered.
"Besides the cursed language, you mean? How about the part where I revelled in being something more than the Weasley girl? Where part of me says it's stupid to fight Avadas with binding spells? I learned dozens of ways to hurt others last year, Luna, and I liked it!"
"Yet, your first attack came in the defense of a friend and didn't kill a single student. Tell me, Ginny, would Tom have helped a friend for no gain?"
Ginny's eyes furrowed. "No, but I…"
"You've warned me of what you could do, but I've a thousand moments showing me what you will do. Don't you see? You're nothing like Tom! If anything, you're maybe a bit like Salazar. Ambitious and cunning in battle, I read about him last year. He'd do whatever he had to in order to protect his school, like you protected me today."
Slowly, Ginny met Luna's eyes..
"Think about it?" Luna pled.
"You're as stubborn as they come, aren't you, Luna? I-I'll keep it in mind. Guess I'd better go face the music for Malinda. Wanna catch the sunrise tomorrow?"
Healing would take time, but maybe with Luna's help, she really could see this to the other side.
Luna's voice broke through her musings.
"Meet you at the Astronomy Tower at dawn?"
"Agreed!" Turning to look at a statue of the infamous founder, Ginny thought it felt a lot better being connected to him than it did Tom.
Luna echoed her thoughts. "You know, in hindsight, you are probably Salazar Slytherin reincarnated."
* Alternate first meeting for Ginny and Luna; Ginny speaks Parseltongue.