- Frankenstein -
Harry had created a monster.
With his left arm, he clamped three-year-old James against his chest. He balanced two-year-old Albus on his right shoulder. They were making slow progress, but he hadn't had time to find a babysitter. Suddenly, labour had started, a whole four weeks early. Although this was not the first time they had gone through this, they had been surprised. Ginny had then gone without him, but with Hermione to accompany her, while he had looked after the boys. His best friend had protested, but he hadn't wanted to leave them alone, even with her. James and Albus were in a closeness-needing phase, hardly accepting of other people around them. They were completely fixated on Harry.
Now they wobbled along step by step. Harry pressed a kiss to his elder's forehead as they walked. "Hold on, tighter," he urged in a whisper and the boy curled his fingers into Harry's sides. He sucked in his son's scent with relish. He loved it when James clung to him like that.
He was his rock.
His sons were a gift, the most beautiful he had ever received. That day they would meet their new brother.
Ginny looked like she had been chewed through and spat out again, but a mild smile graced her face. "Here she is. Your Lily!" She rocked her back and forth once more and then held out her arms to give him the crumpled baby.
While Albus clawed at Harry's hair, James began to scream deafeningly loud.
oOo
"James! Stop it!" shouted Lily. "Stop it!"
James ran his hand through his fox-red hair, which was sticking out in all directions, and laughed in her face. "What am I doing?"
"You're kicking me under the kitchen table! There you go again! Don't do that!"
"Not at all!"
He kicked her shin again. Harry heard it. Melodramatically, Lily cried out and squinted at her father.
"Lily! James," Harry intervened. "Stop getting into each other's hair. No one can stand it." With an annoyed groan, he closed the Daily Prophet and sighed abundantly. "Eat your peas! Lily sit up straight and elbows off the table!"
He poked her with his fork.
"Ow!" she rubbed the spot. Angrily, Lily stomped around in the vegetables with her cutlery. "But James! – James can get away with anything and you never reach through!"
"Quiet!"
Chair legs scraped across the floor and he looked up. All he could see was James' back.
"Dad," she huffed. "James has run off again! You'll have to repeat it, we haven't finished eating yet." She glanced at the dishes lying around and crossed her little arms.
"I want to play too!" Already Albus was up and away.
"Dad!" she screeched.
Harry sighed theatrically. "Shut up, eat your food."
Cheeks puffed out, she stood up.
"You stay seated!"
Her mouth dropped open. "That's not fair! But James! And Albus..."
"Sit back down! Don't you dare run away."
With a scowl, Harry watched her climb back into her chair and then flipped open the Daily Prophet again. "You'll take me to my grave one day…"
oOo
"Hurry up, kids!" shouted Harry, glancing over his shoulder. There, not a second later, James and Albus were rushing past him, each laden with a trunk cart and their luggage. They laughed and shouted as they ran through the wall to Platform 9¾. Harry had to grin, then his smile died as he turned his gaze on Lily. "Come on, Lily! You don't want to miss the train and be late on your first day of school."
The girl shook her head instinctively and picked up her pace. Panting, she made up the distance to her father with her many luggage. The luggage scooter was difficult to navigate and she almost hit a passer-by.
"Do you want me to help you?"
Vehemently, she shook her head. "Go on."
"Come on, you're all sweaty already." Impatiently, he grabbed the handlebars.
"No, I don't want this!" squealed Lily. The people walking in front of them stopped in their tracks and turned their heads.
"Lily, keep it down," he growled.
Together they arrived at Platform 9¾ and pushed their way through the masses of students and parents. James and Albus, who were by now fourth- and third-graders, were nowhere to be spotted by Harry. They must have already boarded the train, looking for a compartment.
"Are you coming back to Mum?" asked Lily of her father in a hushed tone.
Harry stared straight ahead dumbly, unable to give his daughter a glance.
"Dad?"
"Yes," he struggled to say. "I'm not coming back home. We've split up. Three months ago already."
Lily swallowed and bit the insides of her cheeks. "Is it my fault? Dad?" she asked hesitantly.
Harry was silent, then said, "No." He blinked in confusion. How could he? His answer had been a little too curt and a second too late. "It's not your fault. Where do you get these ideas? We... I... I just want you to have a nice childhood."
"Hmm?"
He grabbed his neck. "So get on the train and don't worry about it. You're only eleven." Then it came over him and he pulled his daughter into a hug. "I love you, Lily. I'm just not very good at showing it."
Barely noticeable, Lily nodded and walked to the Hogwarts Express with her head down.
Harry didn't look after her, his gaze searching for the missing boys. He smiled from ear to ear as James scurried off the train once more just before departure and placed a big smack on his cheek. As a parting gesture, he tousled his boy's wild hair.
As the train departed and Harry waved behind, he saw Lily for a brief moment. She had been able to watch everything from her seat.
oOo
There was a pounding on the door. "Harry? Are you there?" Loud sobs followed. "Harry?... I'm begging you."
Harry startled up from his sleep and craned his head disoriented. Something heavy, with arms and legs, was on top of him, pressing him into the mattress.
Something?
Someone.
James…
There was no fabric between their bodies, he felt the other's penis against his thigh. His son's head was on his chest and his rumpled hair tickled Harry's chin. With all his strength he threw James off him. The latter yawned with pleasure and began to stretch his limbs away from him. "Hey…"
Hastily, Harry forced a top over his head, and slipped into a pair of trousers that were still on the floor from last night. "Get dressed! Hurry up!" he whispered to James. No one was to know about this. Otherwise it would degenerate into a scandal like no other.
James hid his head under the pillow and drooled on the fresh sheets.
Harry clenched his hands tensely. "It's your mother…"
With an "Oh, shit!" James jumped out of bed and started gathering his clothes.
Satisfied, Harry looked after his son, but it didn't last long. Again there was a knock on the door, again a feverish "Harry? Please!" from the hallway. Why was Ginny suddenly so tearful? He decided he couldn't wait any longer, because she sounded awful, and opened the door.
"Harry!" she cried. Ginny looked hideous with her hair sticking out in all directions. Shaking like a leaf, her make-up runny – she resembled a raccoon rummaging through the bins at night.
He opened the door just a crack. That way she couldn't see inside the flat and spy James.
After a few moments, Ginny realised what was going on. In a pointed voice, she croaked, "Do you have a visitor?"
He would have loved to slam the door in her face, or even pinch her fingers in the process. But he called himself to his senses. "Yes, but don't make a fuss. Say what you're here for and then leave."
She swallowed. In a barely audible voice, she said, "They found Albus."
Harry's blood froze in his veins. He had expected everything, but this? Albus was mysterious and awfully undecided. Actually, Harry had assumed that he was up and away and would never show his face again for the rest of his life. "How is he?" he asked grimly.
Ginny looked like a corpse, her face was pale and her lips bloodless. As if a vampire had got hold of her. "He's dead, Harry."
"That can't be! No, no… – no… – not Albus, it can't be..." The ground beneath his feet began to spin and his knees went weak. There was only one thought pulsing in his head. "This…"
"Yes, it is," Ginny merely croaked. "They found him in his flat... – He was… – It wasn't an accident."
"No," Harry whispered. He felt sick to his stomach. What was he going to do? How was he going to tell James? The poor man had lost his brother... – His thoughts were going round in circles. Actually, it was only one thought that dominated his consciousness. Terrible. Horrible. He slammed the door shut, right under Ginny's nose, and before he knew it, he had sealed the lock with a spell. Her faint protests did not reach his ears.
In the small, cosy flat, he looked around for James, but he had absent-mindedly disappeared. Of course, they hadn't wanted to be discovered. He clutched his head, a pain throbbing in his forehead.
There was only one thing he could think of: this loss... What if one day he lost James? Could he cope with that?
Jesus Christ, was he a bad father?
oOo
Before Harry could think about it again, he had stormed out of the flat. Of course, the investigating Aurors had blocked Albus' chimney, they weren't stupid. So he apparated into the front garden of the neighbouring house and was greeted by a flurry of flashbulbs. He clenched his buttocks. That was all he needed! The press was already there.
Behind a barrier, the reporters bustled about and like mad they began to take Harry's picture as he made his way to the front door.
"Mr Potter, what do you know about the circumstances?"
"Mr. Potter, can you tell us how your son died?"
"Mr. Potter, my sincere condolences. What was the last thing you discussed with him?"
Harry ignored them all.
Ron wobbled towards him, head bowed, his wand almost falling out of his hand when he saw his friend and colleague coming towards him. "Harry! What are you doing here?" he cried, his eyes wide and swollen from sobbing. He sniffled the words more than said them.
The latter did not answer and picked up speed once more. With an agile lunge, he made a path around Ron, who wanted to hold and embrace him.
"Harry?" the Weasley called after him in horror, but Harry had already disappeared into the hallway.
"Hey! You can't come in here!"
But no one stopped him and so he stood in the living room. He looked around, but he could see no sign of a struggle. Everything was clean and orderly, just like always. Only the covered corpse on the parquet floor was the broad hint that nothing was 'as usual'. Never again would it be 'as usual'.
Two steps from the lifeless body and the dried pool of blood, he stopped. With a thick lump in his throat and doomed to function, Harry looked around. On the suede couch, he found small splashes of blood that were almost impossible to miss. It constricted his airways.
He hadn't been able to find James. He wasn't responding to his messages. That was when Harry had thought he might be at the scene of the crime. That would have been obvious, even if it presupposed that James had learned of his brother's death from another source. There were plenty of journalists outside the house.
"Mr Potter, what are you doing here?" he was addressed by the head Auror. Actually, this would be Ron's job, but he had certainly been relieved of responsibility, as soon as it had been clear that he had known the victim personally. "Come, I'll see you out."
Harry shook his head, lost in thought, and the Auror paused in wonder. "I'm not going anywhere," he reinforced his decision.
The Auror nodded. "All right. I have a few questions for you... Why don't you come with me to the kitchen?"
Reluctantly, Harry followed, only to meet Ginny there again and just as unexpectedly. She lifted her head and her hair fell in her face. She was sobbing. The Auror pointed to the kitchen chairs, but no one sat down. Then he surrendered and began the questioning. "We found your son wrapped in an Invisibility cloak. It's quite possible he passed away several days ago and has lain undiscovered since."
Ginny yelped like a beaten dog. Restless, Harry braced himself from one leg to the other. "How can that be?" he asked. "How can he, wrapped in the Invisibility cloak, die?"
"Whoever killed him will have hidden him in this one."
Harry had to swallow. "It was murder?"
The Auror nodded.
"Where's James?" asked Harry in a low voice.
"Eh?" The Auror frowned.
"Where's -" he fell silent.
"Whose cloak was it?" the Auror asked. His gaze was fixed on Harry and there was something lurking in his tone.
- "Harry."
- "James."
Ginny and Harry looked at each other, startled.
"I gave it to James," Harry assured him. "Back when he came to Hogwarts."
She shook her head. "When he left the school, he passed it to Albus, who passed it to Lily eventually. And from Lily, you asked for him back because..." Her gaze darkened. "I don't even know why. I just remember the fuss."
Harry bit his lips. "I gave it to James afterwards. He can explain it to you... If only he were here."
She was displeased. "Why did you give it to James? For what reason?"
What reason do you think? For the loneliness of his office... James had loved it. "It's none of your business!"
He spoke up and Ginny flinched.
"I must ask you to answer the question, Mr Potter," the Auror interjected.
"No!" roared Harry back at him. "I don't have to do anything. My son was murdered and they suspect me? What does it matter why I gave James the cloak? I did it and that's the end of it!"
Snorting with rage, he ran away. He stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind him and darted past the even more confused Ron in the front garden. Then he disapparated. As quickly as possible he had to speak to James. There was no way James could have killed his brother. Someone was going to blame James or himself.
oOo
Harry had tried everything. He had written a letter, sent a howler, sent a dozen patroni. But nothing, nothing at all, had elicited a reaction from James. Just this morning he had woken up, felt his skin against his own. The hair had tickled his chin and now...
His heart was beating up to his throat. Flustered, he paced up and down his flat.
Where was James?
James is a hussy, you know him.
Had something happened?
You're scared, that's all.
Did James perhaps think he had killed Albus?
Why would he do that, Harry?
He felt dizzy and dropped onto the fluffy bed. Dazed, he stared at the ceiling.
What if James had told their secret?
He would never do that! They loved each other.
Just then there was a knock at the door.
A leap, and Harry had hoisted himself up and run to the door. He tore it open. Violently, so that he was almost holding the doorknob in his hand.
But it wasn't James standing there.
It was Lily.
He hadn't given her a single thought that day. "What do you want?"
"Daddy!" She took a step inside, and suddenly they were standing so close that his breath was rummaging through her hair. Nonchalantly, she set her heavy travel bag down on the floor, next to the doorway. Then she fell around his neck, so impetuously that he staggered backwards. With her foot, she kicked the door shut behind them. There was something resolute in that. She was a little stubborn, she always had been.
"Lily," he gasped, startled, bracing himself against her.
"I heard about Albus. My poor, dear brother..." She was close to tears, but she wasn't crying.
Harry thought back and could not remember a moment in her childhood when she had cried. But he also had to admit to himself that they hadn't really spent much time together. After her first day at school, she had preferred to stay at Hogwarts or with her mother, when the boys had visited. He was all the more surprised now. "Yeah, I'm sorry too..." he only managed to get out. "Listen..." he started to speak, trying to brush her off, but he didn't get far.
She put her lips on his.
She kissed him.
He drew back. Dumbfounded, he stared at his daughter and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Don't you like it wet?" she asked him. "No problem."
"Lily..." He didn't know what he wanted to say. She had left him speechless. "I'm your father! You can't!" That was all he could manage.
Playfully she looked at him and licked her lips. "But why not? You do it with James, don't you?"
He fell into a flurry and freed himself from her grip. Keeping his distance, he stepped back and stretched out his arms to keep her away from him. "Lily..." he tried to warn her. "You're crossing a line."
"I don't mind doing that." She smiled. "When it finally brings me to you."
Though he had no idea what exactly she meant by that, he knew it was too much. Emphatically unsuspicious, he tried to let his wand slip from his sleeve. A confusion spell had never hurt anyone. But she was quicker and disarmed him, before his fingers had even wrapped around the wood.
Triumphantly, she held his own wand under his nose. "You'll get that back after you fuck me."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "Lily..."
"You can do it with James, can't you?" With her free hand she pulled his eyelids apart.
She was scaring him. He never thought it would come to this. What was wrong with her?
"What does James have that I don't?" she asked. "How come he deserves all your love and I... You never looked at me. I was never interesting to you. You played with the boys and clowned around. You ignored me. They were with you in the holidays, so often. I never did. You promised to pick me up and you still didn't. James and Albus became Aurors like you, you were so proud of them. I studied Charms. What do they have that I don't?"
He glared at her. She was out of her mind!
"Is it because I don't have a penis?"
"W-w-what?"
Seriously, she put her head back. "Don't you love me because I don't have a penis?"
"L-L-Lily... That has nothing to do with it."
"What else?"
He was silent, then eventually said, "I don't know. I was always so busy with the boys and fully in my element. You, on the other hand... we never had any special connection. I had no instinct there, sorry as I am."
"Kiss me!"
"Lil- Lily," he protested, but he realised that the words were too weak. They wouldn't work on someone like her.
Nor did they. "You don't want to taste my lips. Would you rather taste these?"
Angrily, she walked to her holdall. The zip whirred and with dripping hatred she pulled out James' pale head. His skin was sallow and his neck severed – the body missing. Her fingers snaked into his hair, the one that had caressed Harry's chin that morning. His eyes were open and still widened in terror.
Bloodshot, they stared over – accusing him.
"You're a monster!"
oOo
He did not know how long he had stood and stared. Even if he had wanted to, he would not have been able to move. She had seen to that with a spell.
"Was it James' penis?" she asked.
Harry blinked. "I don't understand... How could you? How could you become so corrupt? I get that you're disappointed and angry. I understand, but... They were your brothers!"
She pressed her lips into a thin line and asked louder, "Did you favour James because he came on to you? Even Albus played the second fiddle to James... That's why I killed him first."
"You monster!"
"Call me all the names you want, you'll answer my question. Did you, because you wanted to fuck him, decide to be a father only to James? Is his penis that hot?"
He bit his tongue, but he couldn't refrain. "James hadn't done anything to you! You could have taken your anger out on me after all! Don't blame him for your madness."
"Then it was the penis..." she murmured. Her gaze fell on the holdall. Predator-like, her eyes began to glow. "How fortunate that I packed this one too." She went to her knees.
"What, no! N-no!"
"Oh, yes."
He narrowed his eyes. "Please, please don't," he pleaded. "I'll do anything, but... please."
"It won't work on me," she called to him perkily.
The zip whirred.
"Kill me. Kill me... please!"
She eased off the holdall and stood directly in front of him. Standing like that, she went up to his chin. Slowly she embraced him, pressed him against her and sucked in his scent. "I smell sweat, fear and despair," she whispered to him, "And the scent I used to breathe as a child in our house. How I've missed it... James smelled just like you." She snuggled up to him. "I love you, Dad," she said, drawing her wand again.
"I love you too, Lily," Harry croaked, "But not as much as James!"
The next morning, the newspapers reported Harry Potter's suicide.
Harry had been a monster.