Uchiha Isamu.
Her name is Uchiha Isamu.
She is born to Uchiha Kayo and Uchiha Hideki, and she is reminded how much of a disappointment she is everyday because she is not born a boy.
—
She does nothing when her parents look at her with shame and she does not care when they throw insults at her.
At night, she laughs to herself because she knows this is not real, that it is just a figment of her imagination.
At night, she reminds herself of a life left behind, of city lights and of morning coffees. She chokes down a feeling of longing and wonders when death will stop playing this cruel joke on her.
—
She is three when Kayo takes her to a school full of little girls in kimono. There she learns to sew, to cook, and to write.
They teach her to be the perfect housewife and the teachers are pleased with how fast she picks the skills up. She accepts the compliments with a perfect smile because she knows she'd rather be here than outside.
She is not oblivious to the men who leave the compound only to return with fewer people than they've left with.
—
A year goes by and she barely sees Hideki. She briefly wonders if he's dead, before returning her attention to the scroll in her lap.
—
Isamu wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of screaming and metals clashing from far away. She sits up on her mattress and freezes at the scene in front of her.
"P-Please don't kill us." Kayo's back is facing her, a tall shadow of a man looming over the two of them. "Ple-"
Blood splatters onto Isamu's face and the body of the woman who gave birth to her falls lifeless to the ground, a kunai shyly peeking from her chest.
Isamu stares at the man who raises his head and locks gaze with her, and for the first time since she's been here she feels something seize her stomach that she's never felt before.
Fear.
Her eyes follow the sword raised in the air, its sharp edge glinting off the moonlight, and thinks no, this is not a figment of my imagination and no, I don't want to die. Everything that happens next is a blur.
She yanks the kunai from Kayo's chest, ignoring the crunching and squelching sounds, and lunges the weapon into the man's stomach, pushing it in so deep almost all of it disappears into his body.
Blood falls from his lips and his body staggers and lands on top of Kayo, two dead bodies piling up on her mattress. Isamu gingerly wipes the blood off her face with her sleeves.
She stands alone, red eyes blazing in the dark.
—
Her name is Uchiha Isamu, and she does not want to die.
—
They burn the bodies of those fallen in the ambush the very next day when the Uchiha men returned. Hideki looks at her with so much scorn in his eyes and she knows he wishes she is the one in the pile instead of his wife.
She stares at the body of Kayo being devoured by angry flames, yet does not feel a single thing.
She stays behind even when everybody returns home and she stays until nothing is left but ashes and apologetic whispers of the wind.
Only when the Sun meets the horizon does she turn around, leaving behind the past she now knows she will never be able to return to and leaving behind a lone, withered yellow daffodil that laid underneath her footprint.
—
Isamu, a brave child.
She throws her head back and laughs when she learns the meaning of her name because she is far from brave. She is simply too cowardly and too scared of dying that she will do anything to survive.
—
Things turn to normal a few days after the ambush. Isamu returns to class with a significant number of little black-haired girls missing.
She does not wish to turn up missing.
She wishes she isn't here in the first place.
—
Her classmates blush when they peer over the window to look at the boys training. They whisper behind pink-tainted faces and giggle behind polite hands.
In the corner, Isamu stares at the boys too. But behind the curtain of hair, red eyes trail after their every stance and soak in their every movement.
She does not wish to be here but she already is, so she will become strong instead.
—
At night when she is all alone by herself, her hands glow green and her legs follow the images flashing behind closed eyes.
The kunai she used for her first kill is still safely tucked under her pillow.
—
Years go by, it is rinse and repeat. Isamu is six and she still does not talk to Hideki unless spoken to, and he seems content with ignoring her existence.
Wifeless and childless, she thinks in bitter amusement, oh how men would kill to be in your place.
—
She wakes up to the sound of screaming from and metals clashing from far away, a sense of deja vu and the thought of no, not again flitting across her mind at the same time.
This time, she does not see Kayo's back facing her. There is no barrier between her and the monster that is now in front of her, the clan symbol on his armor wickedly dancing off the moonlight that enters her now opened window.
Senju, she recalls the symbol from a life long gone and from the lessons the teacher gives her.
"This is the Senju clan," her teacher points to the innocent symbol resting on top of the scroll. "And when you see this, flee. Run as fast as you can and as far away as possible. They will catch you when they see you and they will not hesitate to kill children and women."
Isamu's hands move by themselves and she finds herself whirling the kunai to the man's head.
He turns his head to one side and the weapon pierced the wall behind with a thud. He looks at her and clicks his tongue in annoyance.
"Demon eyes on one so young?" He grabs the sword from its holster. "I'll end the misery for you."
Isamu should be scared, but she isn't. She dodges every strike and maneuvers easily in the manner than only comes with years of practice and eyes that tell the foreseeable future.
Her hands rapidly go through a number of seals before fire escapes her lips and engulfs the screaming man.
She watches the man writhe on the ground, the shadow of a human slowly melting away behind the bright, searing flames, unaware of the pair of eyes the color of blood watching her.
—
Her name is Uchiha Isamu, and she will do anything to survive.
—
"Uchiha Isamu, Tajima-sama has asked for your presence."
The classroom goes silent and the girls turn to look at Isamu, whose hand holding a paintbrush halts mid-air, the kanji for 'fate' left unfinished on paper. The Uchiha guard's eyes follow the stares and land on her. "Come, girl. We do not wish to keep Tajima-sama waiting."
Isamu trails behind the Uchiha guard in silence until they reach the main house and maneuvers to the room where the clan head awaits.
"Send her in."
She enters and slides the door close before soundlessly lowering herself to sit on the mat in seiza style next to where Hideki has already been seated.
"Uchiha-sama," she greets, her voice smooth and unwavering and she is elegant and proper and the perfect image of what Uchiha women should be.
She raises her head and looks at the clan head in front of her, a man whose reputation precedes his presence, a man whose name strikes fear in clan members and enemies.
A man who will shape Uchiha Madara into a monster he is destined to be.
Tajima looks at her with with unreadable and unblinking eyes, trailing over her small form. "Tell me, child, where did you learn to wield kunai and use chakra?"
"I watch the boys train, Uchiha-sama," she speaks the truth because she does not dare lie to the man who heads a clan with all-seeing eyes.
The room falls silent and a calculative glint almost invisible appears in the clan head's eyes, but Isamu recognizes it without her sharingan all the same.
"You shall join the training starting tomorrow." He says at last, his order resolute and leaving no room for disagreements. "You will be a shinobi for the Uchiha clan and you shall do so with pride."
Hideki stands up and gives Tajima a low bow and the two men turn to her and expect her to do the same. But instead, she remains seated, her face calm and serene in contrast to the livid red flames licking and burning beneath her skin.
"No," she speaks, her voice, quiet but certain, carries through the room. "I do not wish to become a shinobi."
A shinobi during Warring States era is a death sentence in itself. And she does not wish to die.
Hideki flinches in shame and the clan head regards her with a frown as silence descends across the room. "The Uchiha clan does not stand for disobedience." He stands up, tall and powerful. "And you will be taught manners."
The moment he finishes his sentence, Isamu does not fight when the guard grabs her small arms and drags her towards the exit. She turns to look at Hideki, more out of curiosity than a plea for help, and he does not meet her eyes.
—
She learns something important that day. This is the Warring States era, and she is completely, utterly alone.
—
They cane her ninety times. Isamu returns home with her back bleeding raw and her shirt tattered. Still, the man who she will never call father does not meet her eyes.
"You will be a shinobi and you will do us proud."
She nods, because she does not trust her voice with her throat red and raw from the screaming. She nods, because she does not wish to go through worse.
—
Her name is Uchiha Isamu, and she is living a life she does not want.
—